Watch out, Ain’t It Cool News (or AICN, for y’all in the *pinkie to mouth* knowles)! Is Ain’t It Cool around anymore? I remember they reviewed one of my short films from a film festival and I thought it was the meow’s cat. Member everyone thought Harry Knowles mattered and now you can’t go to […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Desperate housewives and team owners rejoice – Evan Longoria is back and he has the mysterious, bedroom-eyed Giancarlo Stanton with him. Woo-hoo! Tommy Hutton be my Marlins docent and read me Giancarlo’s stat line. No, a little to the right. Ah, yeah, that’s the stuff. Bad wheels sidelined both these 2nd round picks and I […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Will Segura Be Forever in Brew Jeans?
August 7, 2012 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 421 Commentsby: Grey
The Brewers called up shortstop, Jean Segura. Woohoo! Now, on various teams, I have Domonic Brown, Mike Olt, Straily, Starling Marte, Brett Jackson, Josh Vitters and some serious Short Eyes. I’m basically the creepy guy hanging around the playground in my Astrovan, blasting “Hey Nineteen” wearing candy jewelry like I’m Mr. T. “Psst! Jean Segura, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?With the trade deadline in the bag and closers moving, we have a lot to talk about. Some of it refreshing like a glass of ice cold lemonade on a summer’s day. Some of it less so like being asked to write something for Lainie Kazan, wondering who Lainie Kazan is and Googling her to […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Cubs Improve Sucky JV Squad With BJ And JV
August 6, 2012 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 173 Commentsby: Grey
Josh Vitters and Brett Jackson were called up on Sunday. Here’s what I just said on Friday when I told you to pick Vitters up, “(He) comes with high expectations simply because Cubs fans are like a 104-year-old virgin who would just love to touch the playoffs’ boobies. He has solid power and this year […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Kris Is The Miggity, Miggity, Miggity, Miggity Mac Daddy
August 3, 2012 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 488 Commentsby: Grey
Sorry, but I have to now… Some of them try to pitch but they can’t pitch like this… Some of them try to pitch but they can’t pitch like this… Some of them try to pitch but they can’t pitch like this… Some of them try to pitch but they can’t! Slap yourself in the mouth if that just reminded you of the […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Spend The Benjamins For This Straily
August 3, 2012 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 175 Commentsby: Grey
The Oakland A’s called up their prized prospect, Daniel Straily, to start tonight. Their prized prospect that no one even heard of before this year. Is that egg on your face, Keith Law? “Actually, it’s a sous vide’d ostrich egg with fleur de sel. I harvested the fleur de sel from the sweat on the back […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Don’t you love when New Yorkers say the expression, “I got your _____ right here!” Coming out of the right taxi driver’s mouth, it’s like a cello being played by Yo-Yo Ma. Sometimes it can get confusing when you are actually trying to tell someone you’ve located something. Like, “I got your cellphone right here!” […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Rudy’s on vacation, so Nick and I go it alone for today’s podcast. No fear, I have a shizzton of coffee and talk amongst myself like I’m freakin’ Daniel Johnston. This, sir, is not a podcast. Yes, it is. No, it’s not. And I go on like that for a good thirty minutes. When I’m […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Dodgers And Giants Glasses Are Half Phil’d
August 1, 2012 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 174 Commentsby: Grey
Shane Victorino has long been a benchmark for many other players’ production here at Razzball. Dexter Fowler is Feign Victorino; Alejandro De Aza is Should-Hit-The-Gym-And-Train Victorino; Ryan Zimmerman is Bane of my Existence-rino. I look at Victorino like a proud papa. Back in 2008, when people wanted to drop him after he started losing time […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Theo Is Real Star Of The Cubsy Show
July 31, 2012 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 415 Commentsby: Grey
Here’s what I said last November about Theo Epstein, “A new GM can toss out the used-up-and-spit-out pieces he inherits, right? It’s like when a new boss comes into a flailing company and all the employees start quaking in their boots that they’re gonna get fired because they’re unproductive. Alfonso Soriano, Marlon Byrd and Tyler […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Astros Make Nacho Concession Guy Highest Salaried Employee
July 30, 2012 | Uncategorized | 389 Commentsby: Grey
You ever go to a flea market and you have no interest in buying anything? You see some little old lady wearing a sweater, even though it’s 95 degrees, selling a collection of hummels and they’re priced like they’re gold bullion. You pass. You walk further and see a man with mutton chops selling corn […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?