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Look, I’m not proud of that headline. [Jay’s Note: I am!] But you try to write a catchy, fun headline for such a depressing weekly article. 

We’re inching closer to crunch time. As each day passes, these updates will become more and more crucial as you prepare for your draft. If you have any questions on anyone I’ve missed or anyone you’re worried about — please don’t hesitate to drop me a line in the comments and I’ll get back to you ASA-quick.

Here are some major(ish) players who missed some time this past week…

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Cody Anderson, CLE, Tommy John Surgery.

Tommy John claims another soul for his collection. 10 of Anderson’s 15 starts in 2015 were actually quality starts and he had a 3.05 overall ERA. I don’t know if there is a word to describe when someone regresses as bad as Cody Anderson — but I’ll just call it Codyandersoning for now. In 2016, he more than doubled his ERA to 6.68 and lost his starting job in June by letting up 36 runs in 43 and a third innings. Silver lining: he’ll still get a ring when Cleveland wins it all this year.

Miguel Cabrera, DET, Stiff Back.

When your 6 foot, 4 inch frame is asked to carry around 240 pounds for 2096 games over 14 years — eventually your body waves a white flag. On March 17th, Miggy left his game against the Dominican Republic and hasn’t played since. He was starting to look like a safe bargain in the second round after you decided to take a risk on Trea Turner in the first (personally, I think Trea pulls a Carlos Correa this year.) But as of right now, without having an update in four days you will start to see Cabrera slip. I think his back will loosen up and he’ll still play over 140 games like he has in 12 of his 13 full major league seasons, but never forget: Father Time is undefeated. This cranky back might be the start of his slow decline.  

Jarrod Dyson, SEA, Leg Fatigue.

That’s what you want in your late round stolen base sleeper. Leg Fatigue. Dyson is expected to be back in the lineup for Tuesdays game so check the box score when this article gets posted. Dyson is set to lead off for the Mariners in his first full-time starting gig. Hitting in front of Jean Segura, Robinson Cano, Nelson Cruz and Kyle Seager could mean huge run totals for Dyson while still doing what he does best — running like he’s trying to steal something.

Didi Gregorius, NYY, Right Shoulder Strain.

GLEYBER TORRES! GLEYBER TORRES! THEY’RE GOING TO START GLEYBER TORRES! 28TH RING HERE WE COME” The cheers ring up from all 5 boroughs. No they’re not. Stop it. You’re the reason people hate us Yankee fans. Ronald Torreyes and Starlin Castro will fill the middle infield in some configuration. Back to Greg-Greg-Gregorius. He’s going to miss a minimum of two weeks — probably more. He hit 20 HR last season after hitting 21 total in his 3 previous seasons. Maybe it was the Yankee Stadium boost or, more likely, it was a Yankee Stadium fluke. He could’ve been a nice middle infield option for you, but don’t touch him now. Take Brandon Crawford instead.

Eloy Jimenez, CHC, Right Shoulder Bone Bruise.

I keep telling myself, “you know what the Cubs need? Another super young, super star, super hitter with super upside who they can have on their super roster for a decade.” My boy Eloy, as a 19-year-old, hit 14 HR with 81 RBI in 112 games at the Cubs single-A affiliate last season. Jimenez wasn’t likely to see a major league roster this season, but he’s definitely someone who you want to target in dynasty leagues regardless of the month he’s about to miss.

JD Martinez, DET, Mid-Foot Sprain.

Right now, JD stands for “Just…damn.” After 3 forgettable seasons in Houston JD took his career in his own hands to revamp his stance and swing at the plate. In 2015 he flirted with 40 HR and, like an over zealous frat boy, seemed ready to keep flirting this season despite missing over 40 games last season. The Tigers are withholding his MRI results, hoping that whatever they saw on the screen was just a smudge because they’re getting a second opinion. My second opinion is the same as my first opinion–he’s going to miss at least the first 3 weeks of the season — probably more, depending on the severity. He’ll slip in your draft and since you need your feet for everything in baseball this could be a lingering issue.

Lance McCullers, HOU, Bloody Toe.

Bloody hell, we can’t get this guy some better cleats? Apparently a hole opened up in his cleat and he kept dragging his raw toe across the ground. McCullers is insisting that he’ll be fine and the equipment manager is insisting to the employment agency that it wasn’t his fault.   

Tyler Naquin, CLE, Bilateral Knee Soreness.

He’s 26 years old. What right does he have to have two sore knees? He’s gotta earn that like Kirk Gibson. Naquin reminds me a bit of what Cleveland dreamed Grady Sizemore would be: a young, unbelievably athletic, power/speed guy with a solid average. Luckily for the Indians, Sizemore’s career went exactly as projected and he never had any issues with his knees.

Martin Prado, FLA, Right Hamstring Strain.

At this stage of his career, Martin Prado is the Yadier Molina of third basemen. He won’t hit for power, he won’t steal bases but he’ll put up a great average (.305 in 2016), decent runs and RBI (70 and 75 respectively in 2016) and will lead the team in the chewing gum bubbles on the rookie’s hat prank to help entertain the 23 Marlins fans in attendance at their home games. He’s definitely going to be starting the year on the DL so you, and the 23 fans who thought they were going to a Florida Georgia Line concert at Marlins Park, can go back to ignoring him again.

David Price, BOS, Something with the elbow, who knows.

Comcast Sportsnet New England is predicting Price will be out until May the earliest. In the Razzball Writers League Price dropped until the 169th overall pick and that was a reach in my opinion. If you can get him after the 15th round — fine. That’s about where he belongs at this point.

Yasiel Puig, LAD, Left Calf Tightness.

Boy, Puig has really Codyandersoned since his hot 2013-2014 seasons, huh? He’s not who we thought he was and will probably continue to be an injury-plagued disappointment. His ESPN ADP is 204 at this point. As of writing time he isn’t scheduled for an MRI, but with a lengthy history of leg issues how much can you trust him?