I’ve recapped all my 2020 fantasy baseball teams because I’m a baller, fantasy and otherwise. Come for me and you will get Mutombo’d, finger-wag and all. Just like The Corona Mutombo’d its finger-wag to Opening Day. You don’t have to go home, Opening Day, but you can’t come here right now because there’s a guy who hasn’t washed his hands. Scrub your dirty sausage fingers, you sicko! Is what I scream out my mail slot every time someone walks past my house. Shame about Opening Day, but it will happen. Jokes aside, MLB is showing all the signs of wanting to get this thing off the ground. They’re talking about paying players a full year of service time. Does that sound like a league that doesn’t want to play? I’m still going on the assumption they’ll get 100 games in, but knowing how much rich people want to stay rich and knowing they’re currently paying people to not play makes me think they will be playing. A lot of games. They might just ram 140 games in something insane, like, a 135-day schedule. Think of the Royals, you really think they’re paying players to not play? They don’t even pay players to play! On a side but related note, it’s funny to hear people now say they’re not playing baseball this year. That is prolly a below 5% chance, but it’s like when people see a player like Jason Kubel have a huge 1st game of the season and think he’s now Mike Trout. You’re overestimating the present situation vs. gauging actual reality. Any hoo! One small note for perspective, I drafted ten leagues (so far, still holding on our RCL league) with three NL-Only leagues and one AL-Only league, and, no, I didn’t also draft Pete Alonso in the AL-Only. Anyway, here’s my top 2020 fantasy baseball player shares:

Chance Sisco – 4 shares
Manny Pina – 3
Austin Hedges – 3
Travis d’Arnaud – 2
Dom Nunez – 2
Danny Jansen – 2
Christian Vazquez – 1
Tom Murphy – 1
Austin Romine – 1
Sandy Leon – 1
Mike Zunino – 1
Francisco Mejia – 1
Matt Wieters – 1

If you like Pina Coladas and have drafted many Manny Pinas, then we can be lovers. Next week I’m going to go over shifts in rankings if the season is shortened, and Pina is featured prominently there, so I’ll save the thrust of that argument and leave you with a gist. If the season is truncated and jammed up into an unrealistic number of days with a bunch of doubleheaders, all catchers are gonna look like crizzap, and Pina’s gonna get three starts a week. If you’re jonesing hard, all 2020 fantasy baseball rankings have been updated to a 100-game season. Other takeaway from my catcher shares is I believe Chance Sisco is the starter. Not entirely sure why I keep buying into the Orioles playing their youngsters. Also, I’m more in the “Austin Hedges is the starter at least 50% of the time” camp, and, while I did draft Mejia and don’t mind the flyer, I’m fading him a bit. Finally, I had some two-catcher leagues, so it’s not like I’d draft Wieters or try to find treasure in the Sandy Leon in a shallower league.

Pete Alonso – 8 (HAHAHAHAHA)
Ryan Mountcastle – 2
Jeimer Candelario – 2
Jose Osuna – 2
Michael Chavis – 2
Cody Bellinger – 1
Freddie Freeman – 1
Evan White – 1
Matt Adams – 1
Christian Walker – 1
Trey Mancini – 1
Ryon Healy – 1
Albert Pujols – 1
Rio Ruiz – 1
Brandon Dixon – 1
Josh VanMeter – 1
Garrett Cooper – 1

Hey, guys and five girl readers, can you tell I’m a fan of Albombso? Here’s what I hear from most people about Albombso, he was only the 15th best hitter last year on the Player Rater in a dream season. What no one ever talks about is how he’s 25 years old, and, ya know, might actually get better. Everyone wants to just assume he won’t be as good. Sure, maybe he won’t hit 53 homers (or whatever that prorates to in 100 games), but his BABIP was a tad low last year, and maybe his strikeout rate improves, which tends to happen with most great players. People just want to write Alonso off as a “guy whose stats you can acquire later like C.J. Cron.” C.J. Cron’s last two years combined and he only hit two more homers than Alonso’s previous season and Cron has never sniffed a .260 average in a full season or 80 RBIs. Please stop with the nonsense that Alonso isn’t special. When Judge was healthy, he was regularly going before Alonso in drafts. When combining his last two seasons, Judge has one more home run than Alonso. Just because the Mets are an absolute disaster of an organization it doesn’t mean Alonso isn’t good. One other 1st basemen takeaway is I’m expecting Mountcastle to be up early.

Ketel Marte – 5
Hanser Alberto – 3
Danny Santana – 2
Jurickson Profar – 2
Jonathan Schoop – 2
Keston Hiura – 1
Mike Moustakas – 1
Jose Peraza – 1
Brandon Lowe – 1
Gio Urshela – 1
David Fletcher – 1
Rougned Odor – 1
Nick Madrigal – 1
Isan Diaz – 1
Adam Frazier – 1

Maybe because my between-the-ear custard is more finely attuned than most, but I can see exactly how I drafted in most leagues from just the 1st two positions (catchers don’t count). I went Albombso, and his projected .260 average had me looking in one of the three mirrors surrounding my desk and saying to myself, “Yo, handsome, draft some average.” Then I answered myself with Ketel or Keston in six leagues. Another takeaway from the 2nd basemen shares is, woof, I did not like 2nd basemen from around pick 50 to about pick 200. Moistasskiss snuck in, but he has other eligibility. Final takeaway, Hanser and Profar were under-drafted and underrated by most.

Trea Turner – 2
Francisco Lindor – 2
Trevor Story – 2
Dansby Swanson – 2
Javier Baez – 1
Xander Bogaerts – 1
Bo Bichette – 1
Garrett Hampson – 1
Amed Rosario – 1
Jorge Polanco – 1
Jean Segura – 1
Nico Hoerner – 1
Jazz Chisholm – 1
Ronny Rodriguez – 1
Nick Ahmed – 1
Jose Iglesias – 1

Main takeaway from shortstops is I loved and wanted a bunch of different top shortstops, but who I drafted was completely contingent on what draft spot I had. Didn’t really draft Trea or Trevor or Lindor as much as they drafted me based on my draft spot. Whoa. That’s deep. Also, larger middle infield takeaway, I was in some deep eh-eff leagues and didn’t draft a ton of late MIs for, like, UTIL or bench spots. Since some of those deep leagues were no waiver leagues, it prolly wasn’t the smartest move to not have about five more shortstops.

Ke’Bryan Hayes – 2
Nolan Arenado – 1
Rafael Devers – 1
Matt Chapman – 1
Josh Donaldson – 1
Yoan Moncada – 1
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 1
Miguel Sano – 1
Hunter Dozier – 1
J.D. Davis – 1
Colin Moran – 1
Asdrubal Cabrera – 1
Nick Solak – 1
Evan Longoria – 1
David Bote – 1
Josh Fuentes – 1

Almost as comical as my absolute obscene love for Albombso  — Obscenso? Hmm, prolly not. — is my lack of third basemen this year. Lord Ke’Bryan Hayes as my most owned 3rd baseman is not exactly how I drew it up in January. Pretty clear how this happened, though. I drafted Alonso in every league, then grabbed Ketel, because I wanted to get drunk, then drafted Ketel Marte, then followed that with a starter, and, in most leagues, that left me researching tear-drop tattoo artists because I wanted to kill someone if I didn’t draft an outfielder quickly. All that meant, 3rd basemen were something I was usually looking at after pick 60, or under $15 in auction leagues, and good luck there. Now I’m rooting for the Pirates to do a deal for a prospect when they’ve never done that ever in the history of their franchise. Smart stuff by yours truly!

Austin Riley – 4
Trent Grisham – 4
Giancarlo Stanton – 3
Ramon Laureano – 3
Avisail Garcia – 3
Monte Harrison – 3
Marcell Ozuna – 2
Oscar Mercado – 2
Andrew Benintendi – 2
Willie Calhoun – 2
David Peralta – 2
Ian Happ – 2
Sam Hilliard – 2
Raimel Tapia – 2
Adam Haseley – 2
Anthony Santander – 2
Greg Allen – 2
Kyle Lewis – 2
Seth Brown – 2
Mookie Betts – 1
Juan Soto – 1
George Springer – 1
Eloy Jimenez – 1
Luis Robert – 1
Yasiel Puig – 1
Bryan Reynolds – 1
David Dahl – 1
Kyle Schwarber – 1
Kyle Tucker – 1
Brian Anderson – 1
Shogo Akiyama – 1
Dylan Carlson – 1
Tyler O’Neill – 1
Mallex Smith – 1
Domingo Santana – 1
Eric Sogard – 1
Austin Slater – 1
Tony Kemp – 1
Derek Fisher – 1
Mike Yastrzemski – 1
Lorenzo Cain – 1
Aristides Aquino – 1
Dexter Fowler – 1
Aaron Hicks – 1
Phillip Ervin – 1
Kevin Pillar – 1
Billy Hamilton – 1

This is a fun exercise. It makes me want to throw my computer out a window, except if I open a window I will catch The Rona, and then it’s lights out for your fearless leader. Austin Riley? Really? Hmm, okay. Well, I do like him to get the Braves’ 3rd base job over Camargo, so we’ll see about that. Big takeaway from my outfielder shares is I often turned here for my speed — Laureano, Mercado, Grisham…Does Grisham get steals? Meh, let’s say he does. Another takeaway from outfielder shares is I was shopping for bargains on the reg. Giancarlo, Grisham, OZUNA, Benintendi and Avisail weren’t targets as much as guys that just kept falling to me. Turn about is fair play since I’ve been falling for Giancarlo for the last ten years, about time he fell to me. Final takeaway, outfield is a place you can draft one rando that fills your team needs. For unstints, need power? Grab Schwarber. Know anyone for average and runs? Fo’ Shogo!

Freddy Peralta – 6
Pablo Lopez – 5
Marcus Stroman – 4
Kevin Gausman – 4
Johnny Cueto – 4
Steven Matz – 4
Kyle Gibson – 4
Joe Ross – 4
Eduardo Rodriguez – 3
Dinelson Lamet – 3
Julio Urias – 3
Zach Eflin – 3
Mackenzie Gore – 3
Lucas Giolito – 2
Chris Paddack – 2
Brandon Woodruff – 2
Hyun-Jin Ryu – 2
Jake Odorizzi – 2
Adrian Houser – 2
Ryan Yarbrough – 2
Sandy Alcantara – 2
Taijuan Walker – 2
Justus Sheffield – 2
Patrick Sandoval – 2
Devin Smeltzer – 2
Drew Smyly – 2
Daniel Ponce de Leon – 2
Luis Castillo – 1
Patrick Corbin – 1
Yu Darvish – 1
Trevor Bauer – 1
Lance Lynn – 1
Zac Gallen – 1
James Paxton – 1
Max Fried – 1
Andrew Heaney – 1
Luke Weaver – 1
Jose Quintana – 1
Joey Lucchesi – 1
Mitch Keller – 1
Dustin May – 1
Dylan Bundy – 1
Garrett Richards – 1
Nate Pearson – 1
Zach Davies – 1
Danny Duffy – 1
Marco Gonzales – 1
Brendan McKay – 1
Tyler Mahle – 1
Jakob Junis – 1
Logan Allen – 1
Daniel Norris – 1
Sean Newcomb – 1
Jose Urena – 1
Brent Honeywell – 1
Rick Porcello – 1
Jacob Waguespack – 1
Jaime Barria – 1
Shun Yamaguchi – 1
Touki Toussaint – 1
Edward Cabrera – 1
Eric Lauer – 1
Bryse Wilson – 1
Kyle Wright – 1

Guess who’s installed ceiling carpeting to hold up balloons with static cling so when the Brewers move Freddy Peralta into the rotation the balloons will fall from my screaming? This guy with two thumbs and eczema! Hopefully, I don’t regret drafting Freddy Peralta in so many leagues. *waiting patiently for you to say something, then as soon as you open your mouth* I WON’T REGRET IT! Nah, seriously, he was free in all leagues. There’s no regret. Maybe I could’ve taken a flyer on someone else in six of ten leagues, but it’s not like I’m gonna regret a pick with an ADP of 431. Another takeaway from my starters, I love cheap Giants starters. Give me all those Gausman, Cueto and even Smyly shares. Goes to the rather obvious point:  When deep in leagues, go with guys in a good situation, and you don’t have to be an Oracle to know the Giants play in a good park. Finally, I never understood why no one loved Stroman, Lamet, Ed-Rod or Lopez, and when they were staring at me on draft boards, I didn’t blink. Matz? Well, old habits.

Ryne Stanek – 4
Roberto Osuna – 2
Kenley Jansen – 2
Craig Kimbrel – 2
Brandon Workman – 2
Archie Bradley – 2
Mark Melancon – 2
Jose Alvarado – 2
Tyler Rogers – 2
Jordan Hicks – 2
Trevor Gott – 2
Kirby Yates – 1
Sean Doolittle – 1
Alex Colome – 1
Mychal Givens – 1
Giovanny Gallegos – 1
Jairo Diaz – 1
Art Warren – 1
Arodys Vizcaino – 1
Marcus Walden – 1
Diego Castillo – 1
Ty Buttrey – 1
Drew Pomeranz – 1
Ryan Pressly – 1

*guy jumps out of a DeLorean in January* “You’re gonna draft more shares of Ryne Stanek than any other reliever.” Me, “Ryne who?” DeLorean Guy, “Sorry, gotta fly. Need to tell someone in March to buy extra double-ply toilet paper.” The RPs are clearly guys I love–I’m effin’ around; I don’t love RPs. SAGNOF! Just draft saves, which is what I did. From my shares, you can gleam what I think of some bullpen shituations. The Braves said Melancon is their closer, so go ahead and get jiggy wit’ yourself, but I’m drafting Melancon. The Giants still have yet to show they have a closer, so I Gott you and Mr. Rogers is like a warm cardigan around my team. Also, by drafting Alvarado and Castillo, you can see how much faith I have in Cash using Nick Anderson as his closer. Cash ruins all SAGNOF around me!