From this post, life emerges. *toadstool morphs into frog, frog morphs into person, person types up this post* See! Darwinism at its most basic, and ‘basic’ like your girl who just wants a pumpkin spice latte and to play Candy Crush. It’s how basic is defined, yo. For these pitcher pairings, I’m going to be using our (my) 2020 fantasy baseball rankings. Notably, the top 20 starters for 2020 fantasy baseball, top 40 starters for 2020, top 60 starters for 2020, the top 80 starters for 2020 and top 100 starters. You can also just get Rudy’s downloadable War Room by signing up for the Razzball Subscriptions. Okay, formalities out of the way. *rolls up sleeves, makes farting noise with hand under armpit, rolls down sleeve* Let’s get busy! Now, what is a pitcher pairing? It’s your plan for putting together a fantasy staff. A course of action, of course — of acoursion, naturally. If you have A pitcher, which B, C, D, E and F pitcher goes with him? Which is different than ‘F this pitcher,’ that’s what you say by end of April about at least one of your starters. You should have six starters. The sixth starter is Pablo Lopez or take whoever you want. I suggest an upside pick. Mitch Keller comes to mind. Or Dustin May. Kevin Gausman also comes to mind. Chris Bassitt anyone? I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5 and some variation of 9 pitcher leagues like the Razzball Commenter Leagues, which begin signups on Monday. Put on your pants and look presentable! (NOTE: What you are about to read is massively confusing. If it were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me. If Ed Kemper stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye.) Anyway, here’s pitcher pairings for pitching staffs for 2020 fantasy baseball drafts:
If your first pitcher is from the tiers: “Let’s be very, very, VERY, very, vewy, berry, berry clear.”
These tiers are from Cole to Bieber. If you draft someone from these tiers, you’ll probably lose your league or get lucky with your hitters. If you do draft one, I wouldn’t take another pitcher until the tiers, “Upgraded out of the bathroom into economy” and “Hugh Jackman’s marriage.” Take one pitcher from one of those two tiers, then grab another starter from one of those two tiers or, “Sideways bosom.” Then grab another starter from, “Sideways Bosom,” “Nirvinyl,” or “Fourcast starring Rainn Wilson and Dew Barrymore'” or “Dollar Store condoms.” Then one starter from Condoms or “Getting a microwave tan.” Finally, draft one more starter from a microwave tan. So, you’d have a rotation something like Jack Flaherty, Lance Lynn, Brandon Woodruff, Frankie Montas, Ryan Yarbrough and Pablo Lopez. Or you could have Gerrit Cole, Lance Lynn, Hyun-Jin Ryu, Andrew Heaney, Yonny Chirinos, Chris Bassitt. Either of those staffs will probably net you 13’s in every pitching category in a 12 team league.
If your first pitcher is from the tiers: “Fill my holes with dry rice to reduce moistness?”
This tier goes from Lucas Giolito to Chris Paddack. I’d pair any of them with anyone in their same tier or the tier, “Eat your ideal lover’s weight in cookie dough,” “Upgraded out of the bathroom into economy” and “Hugh Jackman’s marriage,” but it’s not mandatory you grab two in the first two tiers. In other words, if I drafted Lucas Giolito, I could see taking Luis Castillo or Patrick Corbin or anyone from any of those tiers, but I wouldn’t reach either. If you do take two guys from those first two tiers, then move to”Upgraded out of the bathroom into economy” and “Hugh Jackman’s marriage,” and take one guy. You will also be fine taking Giolito and moving right to Economy or the Jackmans’ marriage. If you skip a 2nd starter in Cookie Dough and Moistness, then draft two guys in the Economy and/or the Jackmans’ marriage. So, you could have either something like Giolito, Castillo and Woodruff or Giolito, Lance Lynn and Wheeler. Either way, you then move along to Sideways bosom, Nirvinyl and a Fourcast and grab a guy, then onto another Fourcast, condom or a microwave tan. Finally, one guy from the microwave tan. So, you’ll have something like Giolito, Luis Castillo, Jake Odorizzi, Max Fried, Yarbrough, and Pablo Lopez. Don’t mind if I do! Or you could have something like Giolito, Odorizzi, Lynn, Fried, Yarbrough, and Keller. That’s straight gorge. As in engorged.
If your first pitcher is from the tiers: “Eat your ideal lover’s weight in cookie dough.”
This tier goes from Yu Darvish to Aaron Nola. This is likely the way I’m going in 12-team leagues and shallower. This would be ideal (and just as convoluted. Anyone that actually reads AND understands this post deserves a gold star and a head exam. “You, sir, are fit for the looney bin.”) My first pitcher will be from Cookie Dough, then two starters upgrading out of the bathroom or Hugh Jackman’s marriage, then one starter from Sideways bosom, Nirvinyl, a Fourcast and one starter from a Fourcast, condoms and microwave tan. Finally, a microwave tan. So, you could have something like Darvish, Jose Berrios, Wheeler, Montas, Yarbrough and Zach Eflin. You just won your league and games haven’t even started. You’re welcome. Could this post become more confusing? Short answer: no. Long answer: nooooooooooo. But let’s try…
Overall Thoughts
You can’t go wrong with a lot of different sets of pitchers. Shoot (not you, deranged white man), you probably could do fine with drafting only 3 starters and 3 great relievers and streaming. (Razzball Subscriptions are now open with the Streamonator.) If you stick to the pitchers I like, then you’ll do well matching them up any way you see fit. For unstints, I could see a lot of people saying Woodruff is being drafted close to Darvish, so do I reach for him? Sure. If you draft only pitchers that I like, then I have no quarrel with you. Wanna reach for Woodruff in the area when the cookie doughs are coming off the board? That’s cool with me. Just know you’re adding risk to your rotation.
TROUBLE AREAS
WHIP Issues – For every pitcher who is projected over a 1.23 WHIP, take one below. The quicker you do this, the better off you’ll be. For unstints, if you take Eduardo Rodriguez, who I have projected for 1.24, you need to pair him with someone I have projected below a 1.23. Don’t pair Ed-Rod with Odorizzi. Pair him with someone like Ryu. Remember, the further you get into the rankings, the harder it becomes to find lower WHIPs. Side note: WHIP can be helped by closers and MRs… Or hurt by them.
What about the tier “160 IP and one, two, three bazingas!,” or any starter listed in the top 100 starters who are in tiers not listed above. They are 7th starters or IL, minors or bullpen-bound. I wouldn’t count on any of them for anything. I like me some Matt Manning or a bunch of those guys, but are you really starting any of them every time out in April and risking a huge blow up or them just not being in the rotation, which would lead to a crushing April that leaves you in your fantasy baseball basement and a chance to start trading for keepers in May? You take a flyer on someone like Alex Wood, hope he works out and if he doesn’t, you decide whether to drop him in redraft leagues. He’s not your 6th starter.
K ISSUES – For drafters who follow my lead, this shouldn’t be much of an issue. You’re shooting for around 150/starter.
Overall Pitching Issues – Just about everyone, including yours truly, drops at least one of their starters by May 1st. Obviously, you want the best team coming out the draft, but it’s a marathon not a sprint. Starters always come out of nowhere on waivers to become productive. Always. Even in deep leagues.
BONUS FEATURE
Because we both know everything above this point was the gibberish of a mad mind, here’s an easy to use shortcut. Just click the pitcher you draft, then you’ll get a short list of the next pitcher you’re supposed to draft. Frank Voila, snitches! Now, have at it:
