Fantasy Baseball Advice

What’s the ultimate slumpbuster? Some players and the Urban Dictionary would argue a fat chick. The Braves know the true answer. A weekend in Mississippi. Jeff Franceour went 7-for-13 with 2 RBIs in three minor league games before the Braves decided his mind was messed with enough and they returned him to the majors. Maybe tomorrow they’ll call Francoeur into the front office to tell him his Mom died only to then say, “Psyche!” Francouer hasn’t changed overnight. He’s a hacker who can hit, but with less power than you’d think. Assuming he gets back to form, he should hit a pro-rated 90-100 RBIs before end of the year. But there hasn’t been much in his peripherals that promise that. Worth holding onto or gambling on, but he’s definitely marked down vs. his preseason value. Anyway, here’s what we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ryan Church – May not return this year because of persistent migraines. Perhaps his head would toughen up if Moises Alou peed on it.

Torii Hunter – His 2 HR day puts him on pace for his yawnstipating 20/20 season (22/17 to be exact). But he’s only on pace for 77 RBIs – this has more to do with the anemic Angels offense than double-i, but it’s still pretty pathetic for the AL. Didn’t Sizemore get this many last year from the leadoff spot?

Chris Davis – HR yesterday. Until further notice, I’m only starting him when he’s at home, unless it’s a short schedule day.

Manny Parra – Pitched an inning of relief in the Rockies game yesterday. I mentioned in the forums that I think it was just his throw day. Later, Suppan was put on the DL to make room in the rotation. We’re all good, gang.

Damaso Marte – Notched a save, his second. I see no reason why he can’t get to 15 saves.

Ubaldo Jimenez – Ubaldo was solid last year, if you remove a mediocre September. He looked good in his last start and he was good last night (7 IP, 3 H, 0 ER, 7 Ks). He might go on a two month stretch where he can be very usuable. He gets the Mets this Saturday.

Jack Wilson – The Dodgers “have zeroed in on Jack Wilson to replace Rafael Furcal.” Zeroed has never been more apt a description for a trade target.

Josh Johnson – Scheduled to start against the Dodgers on Thursday. Josh Johnson hasn’t pitched in so long that we’re not sure if he played Casey in Dawson’s Creek. Would Katie Holmes start him? I don’t think so.

David Ortiz – He took batting practice today. Supposedly he’ll be ready just after the All-Star break. I’d say August.

Adam LaRoche – It’s the 2nd half so it’s time for LaRoche to hit. 11 for 21 w/ 2 HR and 9 RBI in the last 7 games. Why don’t the Pirates insist he play winter ball?

Nomar Garciaparra – HR yesterday. Nomar gave Mia the game ball, but that didn’t stop her from making a scene in the parking lot when Nomar told her that he drank half a beer after the game. Not on a school night!

Adrian Beltre – As the Mariners languish in last, Beltre gets predictably hot.

Hiroki Kuroda – Ah-so this is why the Dodgers got him! Actually, he’s been solid all season aside from a few hiccups. Yesterday he pitched a one-hit, shutout.

Vladimir Guerrero – HR against the Rangers. That brings his career numbers against the Rangers to 22 HRs/.408 in 77 games. In related news, the Rangers pitching used to suck/still sucks/will suck.

Jason Varitek – Your backup AL all-star catcher! Between him and Jeter, the AL is packed with baseball IQ, a never say die attitude and you-just-can’t-put-your-finger-on-it-ness.

Mike Gonzalez is now the closer of the Braves. Right? Right…. Kinda. He’s going to be closing games when he’s available. Cox may take it easy on him since he’s coming back from Tommy John surgery. Gonzalez was not rushed through rehab, so that’s a good thing. Barring an injury, there’s no reason why Gonzalez can’t save 20 games this year. (<—– That’s my projections for Gonzalez.) Soriano might grab another couple and Acosta might snatch a few more. Mike Gonzalez is not some schmohawk that just turned up on the Braves roster. He was an effective closer on the Pirates. He can be again. If Ryan Franklin and Salomon Torres can earn saves, then goddamnit, so can Mike Gonzalez. Okay, now go pick him up. As if he’s still on waivers in any league.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball yesterday:

Carlos Zambrano – Left the game with an apparent injury to his shoulder. Maybe it was the 3.7 million pitches he’s thrown in the last year or two.

Jeremy Guthrie – Guess his line. Seriously. I’ll wait. *taps foot* Okay, I’ll tell you. 8 IP, 1 ER, 3 H, 1 BB, 8 Ks, no decision.

Russell Branyan – Do I have to mention him? People know what’s here, right? Three Outcome Dude — HR/K/BB.

Oliver Perez – **Writing this before the game** 6 IP, 7 Ks, 2.00 WHIP, 6.00 ERA **okay, back** I was high on Ks, but right on for IP, WHIP and ERA. I have to say, I didn’t feel confident about this one because he’s so erratic. I started him in one league where I’m hurting for pitching and now I’ve dropped him for Campillo (whose next start is against the M’s).

James Loney – Hit HR yesterday, now hitting over .390 for June. He still yawnstipates me.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Sore back that could land him on the DL. Headley started at 3rd and hit a HR. Yo, Kouz, you’ve been Pipp’d. (Now Headley just needs to start another 2129 straight games. Just in case, we should call him Biscuit Pants.)

Barry Zito – 5 R in 2 IP.  SI.com informs us he’s not provided adequate value for his large free agent contract.  Thanks, SI.com.  I guess it could be worse – they could’ve put him on the cover and jinxed him.  That prevented a maple bat from shattering and slicing his guitar strumming hand. Hey, Zito — stubble is for winners!

Johnny Damon – He’s hitting .433 in 67 AB since June 1st. Cust kayin’.

Homer Bailey – Back to the minors. I have a vision of what I’m going to write in March of ‘09, “Don’t draft Homer Bailey. Way too risky. BTW, I love these new flying cars.”

Chase Utley – He is 0 for his last 20.  Just as disturbing, a cat in Philadelphia was left stranded in a tree as a little girl cried for help.   We still believe in ya, Chase.  It’s just a bad week, Champ, right?

Nomar Garciaparra – Hit a home run and is due to be back next week as the Dodgers SS. Sounds like everything’s going right for Nomar, but he looked glum after the game. When asked why, he said, “I forgot to make Mia lunch. She’s gonna kill me.” Aw, Nomar. That’s a sad emoticon for you.

Geovany Soto – Hitting .213 since June 1.  Next thing you know he’ll be picking a fight with Carlos Zambrano.

Hard Rock Cafe – It was announced that a Hard Rock Cafe will run a restaurant in the Yankee outfield.  Can’t wait to hear this guy jam there.

Sidney Ponson – The Yanks just signed him.  Hey Bawston, I got your Colon right here!

Well, you gotta deal with Y!’s crappy waiver wire again, rather than just being able to pick Max Scherzer up. For the uninitiated, he’s a flamethrower with a Nazi sounding name who was called up by the Diamondbacks.  In Triple-A, he sported a 1.17 ERA and a 38/3 K/BB ratio. That’s good, ya’ll. I’d drop just about any fifth starter or second tier middle reliever to pick him up, even in mixed leagues. Keeper leagues and NL-Only leagues should go after him strong.  If he’s inserted into the rotation (and with Micah Ownings ailing, it seems like he will be), he could be as good Johnny Cueto. Which is to say, ups and downs, but very dominant stuff. He can be a bit wild at times, but if this season’s K/BB ratio is any indication, he might have tamed that problem. His spot in the rotation, as of right now, is tentative at best. Anyway, here’s what else I saw today:

Jorge Posada – Going into the season, Posada looked like one of the bigger possible busts (not including Billy Butler’s moobs) because of his unsustainable average from last year, and now he hits the DL for the first time in his career at the ripe age of 36. I think he might be out for the season because he’s going to see Dr. Julie Andrews, the doctor that puts careers on hold for years at a time. Even if Posada doesn’t need season-ending surgery, you don’t need him. Some catchers I’d look at:  Doumit, Navarro, Saltalamacchia, Snyder, Suzuki — really depends on needs, but that’s the order I’d grab those catchers if value was all you were concerned in.

Mike Cameron – Krispie Young Sr. aka Mr. 20/20/.250 is due back on Tuesday. He shouldn’t be on waivers in any competitive league.

Dave Bush – To paraphrase Lupe Fiasco — Kick, Bush. Kick, Bush. He was sent to the minors to make room for Krispie Young Sr. The Brewers make smart personnel decisions.

Manny Parra – After yesterday’s start (and the last three starts), I could’ve understood him getting the demotion, but I’m glad he didn’t. Meanwhile, he doesn’t look right with very little command of his pitches.

Paul Konerko – As I mentioned the other day, he was dropped in one of my ‘pert leagues last week. Yesterday he hit two home runs. See, we all make mistakes. I still see 35 home runs from Paulie.

Carlos Delgado – Also hit two home runs on Sunday. I’d still leave him for dead. Or trade him.

Gary Sheffield – He just doesn’t look right and the longer you hold onto him the less you’ll ever get for him. At this point, he may be nothing but a throw-in player in a deal.

Brandon Phillips – Hit two runs, as well. I’m still selling.

Justin Verlander – Last year was supposed to be the year after he logged too many innings and got roughed up. Maybe it’s coming a year later? Just like you had to wait out CC, you can’t trade Verlander where is value is at right now.

Edinson Volquez – aka Edison aka Julio Reyes was unhittable against the Ain’ts because either his stuff was filthy or he was extremely wild. Know what, still got the job done. For those savvy owners out there, I’d field offers for Edinson to see what kind of offensive player you could get.

Alexis Rios – Still not regretting having him on four teams.

Troy Glaus – Hit his first home run of the season. As I said a few days ago, everything is telling me no, but Glaus looks fine. Not saying he’s going to hit 40 home runs with a .290 average, but if you can handle .250 for 30 home runs, I think he could get there.

John Lannan – As the French say, he’s a poseur. (The French might not say that, but whatever. Ain’t like you’re quoting me when you’re out on the town with your lady friend.) I don’t buy his starts at all. Play him if you want, but unless he sold his soul to the devil in the offseason, he can’t keep up this numbers.

James Shields – Loved him coming into the year, even going as far as ranking him in my top twenty pitchers overall. Through six starts he has a 2.34 and I’m still buying.

C.C. Sabathia – Of course he’s okay. And so is Big Papi and so is Robinson Cano and so Ryan Howard and so is Prince Fielder and so is any major league starter who is slumping that has proven he’s better than how he is performing right now. As exciting it would be for a proven vet to completely tank (and CC is more or less a tank), it’s not going to happen.

Moises Alou – He might consider peeing on his ankle. He’s going for an MRI, possibly a slight fracture of the ankle.

Jimmy Rollins – Seems his broken ankle was more hyperbole from the world wide web than actual truth. He took batting practice on Saturday.

Jayson Nix – Was sent down. Cut him in all leagues. He won’t be back for a while, if ever.

Blake DeWitt – Nomar’s on the DL. In other news, water is wet.