Fantasy Baseball Advice

Usually on Friday we do our Buy and Sell feature, but with September 1st knocking on August’s door — August 31st is that you? Uh… No. August 30th? Nope. August 32nd? No, you nitwit! It’s September 1st! – it’s time we looked at September call ups. These are potential September call ups that will, should, could and potentially make or not make a difference in fantasy baseball. So take a drag on that Newport cause Razzball’s Alive With Pleasure with September call ups. Anyway, here’s some potential September call ups to keep your eye on for fantasy baseball:

Max Scherzer and Mat Gamel - Both mentioned in the other day’s fantasy baseball keeper post. Jobacum will get the call; Gamel will more than likely not.

Joe Koshansky - Corner guy for the Rockies. Some pop + Coors = Hall of Fame career? Perhaps. This offseason, Helton (who?) or Atkins or both will be on their way out, which could open some room for Koshansky. NL-Only’ers and keepers should toss a few bucks Koshansky’s way. (BTW, Koshanky, Iannetta and Tulowitzki sounds like an immigration law firm. Or the last surviving immigrants who orginally arrived on Ellis Island.)

Colby Rasmus - LaRussa says Rasmus is not getting the call up. Was he sober when he said this? You make the call!

David Price - A) I don’t think he’s ready to start in the big leagues. B) The Rays staff is filled. C) The Rays are a super-conservative team with prospects. Look for Price in ‘09.

Travis Hafner - Well, there’s a rookie name! If you have room on your DL, you can continue to hold him, but he’s missed three games this week in the minors due to shoulder soreness. Let’s not forget the comatose Indians fan who woke to see the Indians backup catcher with 17HRs and think the team was doing well. You may get Pronk’d!

Shaun Marcum - You’re familiar with his issues. You should avoid until TBD.

Brandon Wood -Here’s someone I really like when he gets called up (it will be a bit late because of playoffs for his minor league team). Scioscia will probably bench his regulars here and there when they clinch so he should be able to wedge Wood into the lineup.

Chris Ray - Soon Tommy John surgery will be an outpatient procedure. Bonkers, I tell ya. Absolutely bonkers.

Jerry Owens - Only seeing playing time late in the year if there’s an injury or the Sox clinch with room to spare. Still SAGNOF.

Adam Jones - Another “not really a call up,” but should be back burning jays by next week.

Jason Pridie - Twins prospect/outfielder who might get called up. Has some speed and power. Decided to drop trou and take a dump on his Triple-A production this year. That’s not an endorsement.

Jay Gibbons - His possible reappearance couldn’t even get Dame Jane Goodall’s nipples hard.

Jordan Schafer - As I mentioned the other day, Wren says the Braves will not call up Schafer. Stay tuned… Or not. Or yacht. Or…huh?

Brad Nelson - Needs to get out of the ginormous shadow of Prince Fielder if he’s going to have any chance for success.

Jeff Larish - Already been called up to replace Carlos Guillen. He has pop, but a liability on average. Should be on AL-Only keeper teams already, and worth the flier if he isn’t. Yo, that shizz is Larish!

Cameron Maybin - If he’s not owned in NL-Only leagues already and keepers, he should be. His floor is Mike Cameron. His ceiling is Derrek, who’s this kid I went to high school with that hit something like .790 with 20 HRs and 40 steals in just under 30 games. It was unreal.

J.R. Towles - Casual Reader of this site, “Hey, I drafted him!” Well, don’t go picking him back up.

Blake DeWitt - Mentioned him the other day, in the Ryan Zimmerman fantasy prediction
post-a-roo-ski.

Jon Niese - Supposedly getting the start for Maine on Sept. 2nd or August 33rd for those that don’t want August to end. If the start goes well, you might see more of Niese (BTW, no relation to Eric Nies).

Phil Hughes - For of youse out there with Bobby Meacham pillow cases and “Kiss Me I Got Jeter’s Autograph” t-shirts don’t do it. Put down that Hughes for this year.

Matt Murton - If he doesn’t get the call then The Federation For Equal Treatment of Gingies may have to step in. (That’s definition #2, btw.)

Steve Pearce - I pimped out my merkin with words of praise for Pearce earlier in the year, but he showed everything that Pittsburgh touches turns to Jack Wilson.

Andrew McCutchen - Can’t someone hire Bobby Bonilla to give an inspiration speech about how the Pirates were once good?

Brandon Morrow - I’ve covered him already. I’ll save you a sidebar search. I’m not buying into him for September.

Nadir Bupkus - The future of the San Diego Padres franchise.

With visions of a goat, Bartman and a fat man, the Cubs traded for Rich Harden. The Cubs are so my neighbor that bought a Prius after I bought my Saab. Seriously, Cubbies, why don’t you build a bigger extension onto the side of your house too? Then when I have a Fourth of July party, I can urinate in your tomatoes. Wait, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, Rich Harden! Harden’s never pitched 200 IP in a season. He came close four years ago with 189.2. Since then Harden’s innings pitched look like this: 128, 46.2, 25.2 and 77 thus far this year. I guess it’s a good sign that he got over that 46.2 hump. If the Cubs plan to play late into October, then he’ll be way over 200. From a fantasy baseball prospective, this all means little. Harden goes to a less-friendly park, but a new league that isn’t familiar with him. That’s a push. His stuff is certifiably nasty, but he still can hurt himself sneezing. You know what Harden is? He’s untradeable. I just wrote this last Friday when I said Harden was a Sell, “Not sure who you’re selling (Harden) to…” The Cubs, I suppose. How do the Cubs make this move? They traded for a guy my 12 year old cousin, Little Stevie, wouldn’t touch and Aunt Caroline used to drink while pregnant with him! I like Gaudin and Gallagher better and I will be bidding a few dollars on them in deep leagues. I even like Murton better. If the Cubs waited two weeks to make this trade, it probably wouldn’t have happened because Harden will probably be on the DL. I’m going to make a prediction, Harden hits the DL and the Cubs end up slotting in Gaudin who turns into a quality pitcher and ends up starting in the playoffs. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ben Sheets/CC Sabathia - Now that the Cubs can match their frail righty (Harden) and tubby flamethrower (Zambrano), will the Cardinals ask the Yanks for Ponson back to team up with Carpenter later this year?

Bobby Jenks - Hater Bell was mystified last week when Karabell told everyone (who pays for ESPN’s Hindsighter™) to bank on Jenks. Jenks has been reporting back pain for over a week. Linebrink (or Thornton or Dotel) will step in and get some saves. This didn’t seem like rocket science to me, but maybe it was for Karabell. Now Jenks heads to the DL. Well, dur.

Miguel Cabrera - 2 HRs yesterday. In three years, you’ll be telling someone about how Cabrera wasn’t good for you back in ‘08 and they’ll look at his stats and say, “Nuh-uh.” And then you’ll say, “Didn’t the Martians say we couldn’t use the phrase, ‘Nuh-uh? Busted!’”

Mike Pelfrey - Another quality start (7 IP, 3H, no ER).  Granted, it was against the Giants, but still…. Actually, I’m still not buying into Pelfrey.

Mike Aviles - 4-for-7 or as I like to say, “Khalil Greene has only had two 3 hit nights all year.” What I also could’ve said, “Greene is 3-for-22 in July.” Which means, “I hate Tulo for making me play Greene in a deep league.”

Aubrey Huff/Joe Crede - How do these guys have 34 HRs between them (18 for Huff, 16 for Crede)?  Those would’ve been our over/unders for their full season totals.  Maybe ex-Devil Ray Huff is getting some of the good fortune befitting his old team.  Wait…Jorge Cantu is having a hell of a season.  How come Delmon hasn’t gotten the memo?  As for Crede, we give up.  He’s like the younger Mike Lowell.  He can hit .250 or .300.  15 HR or 35 HR.  Play 150 games.  Play 60 games.  Nothing surprises anymore.  Hear that.  You can’t surprise us any more.

Randy Wolf - Another quality Petco start with 7 IP of 1 ER ball.  He’s like a wolf when he pitches at home and like Randy Wolf when he pitches away.

Alexis Rios - I missed the Jays last night because I was watching “I Love Money.” (Bee tee dubya, it’s a new reality show high. They’ve brought back 15 of the “best” reality show contestants who were looking for money while they were supposedly looking for love. Only now they are being open about it being all for money, but it looks like some inadverently fall in love. However, the first time it was obvious they were only interested in money and some fell in love anyway. It’s like a Möbius strip of nonsense. But I digress.) So all I saw of the Jays was this scroll, “Rios scored the game-winning run in the bottom of the ninth…” I was like, “Aw, sookie. Triple, Double? Single?” It was a walk.

Jair Jurrjens - 6 IP, 6 Ks, 1 ER, the win and the saving grace for the proud people of Curaçao.

Brian McCann/Geovany Soto - They are having nearly identical seasons. Brianvany SotoCann should totally switch Varsity jackets and see if their dates notice.

Dustin McGowan - I warned people about McGowan’s overuse last season. Yesterday, he exited early for an MRI. Quick math problem: An MRI + Overuse = 15-day DL that gets extended to 30 days.

Chase Headley - 24 Ks/0 walks. He’s really not much better than Bruce, it just seems it because it’s a little less feast or famine (which is, like, soooooo American of you to like Headley more. It’s the middle class.)

Ryan Dempster/Justin Duchscherer - 16 IP, 4 hits allowed and 1 ER. Combined. If you made us GM for a year, we’d turn all the relievers into starters.  Except Gagne.  We’d turn him into a team mascot like the Quazy Quebecois.

Aaron Harang - Fuck you.

The Giants report John Bowker will steal time away Randy Winn. Might take a bulk of the at-bats at first away from Aurilla. This is terrific news for Bowker and the Giants. But for you the fantasy baseball player, I say, “Eh.” Bowker’s minor league stats show a guy who struck out a lot, didn’t walk too much and is being slightly rushed. Could he be a surprise feel-good story for the Giants and fantasy owners? Maybe, but very doubtful. In his last full season of minor league ball (at AA), he went 79/.307/22/90 with 103 strikeouts and 44 walks in 522 at-bats. Decent enough numbers, but this season he should be in Triple A showing that his Double A numbers aren’t a fluke. If I have an empty bench slot, I’d grab a middle reliever before I went anywhere near John Bowker. If you’re in dire need of an outfielder, go Bowkers! But Bowker might be back in the minors in a month.

Andruw Jones - He was batting eighth. If you have him, unfurl your contingency plans — stat.

Corey Patterson - He went into a slide, now he’s not even playing against righties. Not good, friend. Not good at all.

Xavier Nady - Now batting .347 with 17 RBIs. I told you three weeks ago, you never know where hot streaks are going to come from or for how long they’re going to last. Cust kayin’.

Matt Murton - He was called up and benched. Hope he enjoyed sex with Piniella’s wife or whatever it was that put him in the perennial doghouse.

Matt Diaz - He’s sitting against righties again. This could continue indefinitely. It’s much worse than Kelly Johnson sitting against lefties because of the sheer number of righty pitchers.

John Maine - Looked good. Think he can get much better.

Tim Hudson - Don’t take this wrong way, I like him, but he didn’t look that good yesterday. Lots of balls hit hard.

Calos Villanueva - Other than some early inning wildness, he looked decent. Would’ve liked to have seen more Ks, but still a good start.

Mark Reynolds - Why anyone is throwing him fastballs is behind me, but he went deep again. Fingercuffing sucks.

Armando Galarraga - All he does is win! I wouldn’t pick him up. If you can not look good pitching 5 1/3 innings of scoreless baseball, he did it.

Eugenio Velez - On every other team, he’d be in the minors or a pinch runner.

Joba Chamberlain - Hank Steinbrenner said only “an idiot” would keep Joba as a setup man. Cashman and Girardi said they’re idiots then. Good to see no matter what Stein is behind the wheel, same nonsense.

Adam Wainwright - If I were the type to boost my preseason predictions after three weeks, I would boost his.

Michael Bourn - He already has 13 steals. Could he get 70 steals? Yup. In December of ‘07, I said to draft Bourn not only because of the steals, but “…Baseball America pointed out (Bourn) as having the “Best Strike Zone Discipline.” Okay, not exactly Best Newcomer at the AVN Awards, but strike zone discipline is not a bad thing to have for a leadoff man. I’m talking to you, Granderson.” And that’s me quoting me.

The Hot Stove heats up as the Cubs make room in their overcrowded outfield. Jacques Jones, reluctant underachiever of Fantasyland, was traded yesterday and, frankly, it’s two years too late. What this means for the teams involved:

Cubs:
Barring a trade for an outfielder, there might finally be room in the outfield for Matt Murton. Then again, Murton must have slept with Piniella’s wife because he was benched last season for Craig Monroe (who has since been traded, as well). Craig Monroe of a career .749 OPS. Can Murton succeed as a full-time player? He knows how to take a walk, has moderate speed and moderate power. I could see him going 20/12 with a .280 average over 500 at-bats. 20 homers being on the low end and 12 steals being on the high end. People in a NL-only league should take a late round flier on him. Of course, keep a close eye on the goings-on in Spring Training.

In other Cubs news, Omar Infante was the player taken in return for Jacques Jones. This says more about the quality of Jacques Jones’s play than about anything that could be written, but here goes…

Tigers:
Jacques Jones hit five home runs in 453 at-bats. He would be a fourth outfielder for the lowly Pirates. On the Tigers, let’s hope Jones is merely a stopgap to Cameron Maybin and not a stop sign.

In other Tiger news, Todd Jones was reupped. Luckily, it was simply a one year contract. After Joel Zumaya hurt himself carrying helado home from Pathmark, it was expected that the Tigers would try and get one more year from Jones.