Fantasy Baseball Advice

Twins aren’t winning.  Twins haven’t won all year, actually.  You can look it up.  They’re 0-for-2011.  But Ben Revere wants to steal bases for no reason.  I love that.  I’d prefer my fantasy players act selfishly and just try to inflate their own value.  Maybe that’s lame, but we’re talking about fantasy baseball.  We’re not talking about getting chicks with your IROC.  When a player tries to inflate his own value, it helps us fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!).  With so many players shut down or resting for the playoffs, the best thing we can hope for right now is someone who just wants some stats.  Revere is the player.  In the last week, Revere is hitting .464 with 5 runs, 4 RBIs and 3 steals.  In the last ten games, he has 7 steals.  (BTW, the Twins lost each of those ten games.  Ha!)  He’s not glamorous, you’re not going to want to keep him for next year (outside of very deep leagues that have a “Must Have A Ben” clause), but if you need steals, grab him quick.  Now if only Revere played for the Red Sox, it would be like a player on the Yanks named Sam Yonkers.  Or a Jimmy Burbank on the Dodgers.  Or Sadaharu Tacoma on the Mariners.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Mike Carp - He’s hitting .400 over the last week with two homers.  This from our frequent commenter, Rabbit, “So how much of a team can you fill up with fish-themed players?  You’ve got Carp, Trout, and Anthony Bass.  I’d say you can include Jason Bay and Dan, Tim and Kyle Hudson (but not Vernon Wells – the first two bodies of water contain fish, the other better not) and maybe one of the Thames (whichever one pronounces his name like the river).  Jerry Sands and Brandon Beachy seem a close enough fit.  If you push it a bit, your catcher could be Pierzynski (Where do you fish from?  The pier, Zynski.), and maybe you could have Wilson “Exxon” Valdez (he sure killed a lot of fish).”

Nolan Reimold – Has three homers and three steals in the last ten games.  Sure, he’s flopped a bunch in the past, but who are you to judge Reimold?  Fred Savage?

Jerry Sands – Him and Bugsy helped build Vegas and now Sands is hitting .458 over the last week with 2 homers.

Salvador Perez – In his short time in the majors, he’s hitting .344 with 2 homers.  In the even shorter time of the last week, he’s hitting .579 with one homer.  In the even shortest time of his last at-bat, he’s 1-for-1.  That’s batting one thousand!  Use Ted Williams’s frozen medulla oblongata and carve out Perez’s Hall of Fame plaque!

John Mayberry Jr. – With the Phils clinched, Mayberry’s seeing more time and hitting (.409 with 2 homers in the last week).  It’s Mayberry BFD.

Joel Peralta – Farnsworth should return today, but you never know what can happen, except there will be a plague of locust as we know from The Book of Joel Peralta.

Greg Holland – Besides the saves (which he is getting now), he’s had a much better year than Soria.  How’s dem apples?  Delicious!

Mike Aviles – Starting at 3rd base for the Sawx over the last week and he’s hitting .385 with 2 homers.  Last September, he had 6 homers and hit .357.  I accept this H2H trophy on behalf of all the men and women in the Armed Forces, and Mike Aviles.

Eric Young Jr. – Do I dare recommend him again?  I dare, I dare.  Do you care to pick him up again?  You care, you care.  Do you have someone to change your baby’s diaper?  Au pair, au pair.

Mike Moustakas – Over the last seven days, he has 2 homers and is hitting .500.  Finally, someone sprayed some Windex on his bat.

Lonnie Chisenhall – It seems inevitable that all of these guys that are hitting in September are going to be overrated next March.  Cust kayin’.

Brent Morel – Not only is he hitting (4 homers in the last ten games) but he seems like a funghi.

Cory Luebke - If you want a list of starters for the last week of the season, head over to the borderline fantasy starter post.  I wrote it while covering my eyes during the elevator scene in Drive.

SELL

Joakim Soria – I don’t think he’s going to pitch again this year.  Seriously, no Joakim.

Mitch Moreland – Before he just wasn’t hitting, now he’s not playing.  You see how that could hurt his value?  I.e., stop your Mitchin’.

Brett Lawrie – You guys will always have those moments you shared.  No one can take those from you.  Not even the IRS.

Troy Tulowitzki – Unlike previous years, the Rockies threw up the white flag in late August.  Hey, on the bright side, you don’t need a huge September from Tulo to make his season worthwhile.

Carlos Gonzalez – Probably done for the year.  His season ending stats are 92/26/92/.295/20.  My preseason projections were 90/24/95/.285/20.  Is that a boo-ya?  Or just boo-ya adjacent?

Anyone that is not going to help you win right now – There’s no time left, drop anyone that is not playing and add players that are.  Now excuse me while I go see Moneyball.  BTW, I’d love to hear a review of Moneyball by Joe Morgan.  “Is that John Kruk playing opposite Brad Pitt?  He was excellent!  I didn’t know he could play so Jewish.”

Hunter Pence has a patella tendon strain and won’t play until this weekend.  Though, more likely, he’s not playing much more in the regular season.  Don’t you love H2H leagues?  What I don’t understand is how you can fantasy baseball, which is a shizzload more intensive than fantasy football, then leave the end of the season up to luck like it’s fantasy football.  I enjoy my one or two H2H leagues, but only because I have ten roto leagues to offset the silly luck factor of H2H.  You draft a great team, then your first 5 round picks are sitting out in the finals of H2H?  Don’t tell me injuries happen in real baseball playoffs, so this simulates that.  Real baseball is played over 162 games, not week to week on who has, say, the most Holds.  So I like H2H, but don’t make as if its playoff system makes sense.  As for Pence, find someone else to fill in p to the ronto.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Todd Helton – Unlikely to return this season with back issues.  It’s probably because when he sits on his bottom, his back can go to the top of its slide.  Helton Skelton!

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-4 with his 24th steal and 3rd steal in his last 4 games.  Sure, Rockies, now play Young like he’s a rookie scrub who you’re just feeling out, unsure if he can play in the majors.  I hate the Rockies.  Today I’m officially starting the trade Eric Young Jr. to the Twins Campaign.  Gardy will let Young play and run and the M in MI in MN stands for mess.  All money donated to the site will not go to the Eric Young Jr. to the Twins Campaign, but we can pretend it will.

Phil Hughes – Scratched from Wednesday’s start with back issues.  I hope he returned the favor to Brian Cashman.  That’s how the world works, Phil!

Robinson Cano – Hit his 12th HR in the 2nd half to go along with an AVG near .320.  Imagine how much better those stats would be if it weren’t for the HR Derby Win jinx!

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  In case The Wandwagon isn’t mentioned next week, I just want to say with his 3.51 ERA and decent Ks (164 in 184 2/3 IP) he’s proven once again to be a serviceable fantasy starter without the flash.  You’re blue collar, Wandy, and for that I respect you.

Josh Beckett – 7 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Done in by two HRs by Mark Reynolds.  Maybe Godot had the scouting report on how to get him out.

Matt Garza – 9 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks.  It’s an extravaGarza!

Chase Headley – 0-for-2, 1 RBI and a sacrifice.  Oh yeah, baby, he’s back!

Anthony Bass – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 1 K in Coors.  I’m seriously considering doing a weekly podcast next year and, if I do, the first order of business will be finding someone to compose a Hodgepadre song.  In related news, the Rockies are really phoning it in this September.

Tommy Hunter – Left his start with a strained groin.  Wouldn’t wanna be near his colander.

John Mayberry Jr. – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam & legs.  Yes, the Phillies are phoning it in even worse than the Rockies, but the good thing about a team phoning it in is they’ll play guys like Mayberry every day.

Wilson Ramos – 3-for-3 with his 2nd homer in his last three games.  Okay, pop quiz, hotshot!  Who’s gonna be more valuable next year, Wilson Ramos or Jesus Montero?  Laughably obvious?  Or is it?

Brett Lawrie – Out for the year with a fractured finger.  First, House doesn’t win at the Emmys, now this.

Dan Haren – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Might miss his last start after being hit by a liner on the wrist.  His owners get pist.

Peter Bourjos – 3-for-4 with the slam & legs.  Now has 12 homers and 22 steals.  Next year he might be my number one “Get this guy in every league” guy.  Wouldn’t be surprised to see him get to 15 homers and 40 steals.  He’s gonna be Stubbs without the .240 average.

Vernon Wells – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  Hey, all you need is a short term hot schmotato and at least I’m not recommending Derrek Lee.  Oh, wait, a second…

Derrek Lee – 3-for-4 with a homer.  Now has three homers in the last 8 days.  Grey’s recommending Derrek Lee again, there goes the neighborhood.

Ross Ohlendorf – 2 IP, 7 ER.  Now has given up 31 earned runs in 33 and a 1/3 innings with a 1.99 WHIP.  Swollendwarf!

Lucas Duda – Left yesterday’s game due to dizziness after crashing into the right field wall.  Forget about moving the fences in, the Mets should move the fences back.

Brent Morel – Hit his 4th homer in the last ten games.  Brent Morel is looking Septacular!

Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  This doesn’t have much to do with fantasy baseball (like Swollendwarf does), but does anyone else get the feeling that the Ubaldo deadline trade is gonna be one that the Indians look back on in ten years and regret?

Travis Hafner – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  Pick him up and think about the fun you can have at the end of the season when someone looks at your roster and you have Derrek Lee, Vernon Wells and Hafner.  When they ask you how’d you win, you can freak them out by telling them it’s really 2006 and you hope Bob Barker hosts The Price Is Right forever.

Javier Vazquez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks.  I’m sure you’ll hear more about this when we go over our teams in the offseason, but after we inexplicably dropped Vazquez from our LABR team he’s put up 137 innings, 2.89 ERA, 1.02 WHIP, 9 Wins and 126 Ks.  Pretty much would’ve been leading our team from that point on.  He’s also been the topic of more discussion on IM between Rudy and I than maybe any other player.  Usually goes like this, “F**king Vazquez!”  “I know.”  “Seriously, f**k him!”  “I hate his face.”

Logan Morrison – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last three games.  He’s just lucky the minor league season is over so he can’t be demoted.

Bronson Arroyo – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Oh, no, he’s endangering his Sigh Young chances!

Brandon Phillips – 3-for-4 with his 12th steal.  Yesterday, he said the Reds would not receive a “homeboy hookup” with his final contract.  Walt Jocketty volleyed back that he just wants to “pay a man his worth and keep it on the heezy.”  Phillips then replied through his translator, Barbara Billingsley, that, “The heezy is for sure, but Beezy needs to get the deezy or else he’s gonna Cherokee fade this piece.”

This will be the last time I mention Logan Morrison for some time.  Hashtag that.   Not that I don’t like him, it’s just I’ve given him enough press, assuming the word ‘press’ still makes sense even though I’m dictating this post to a Montessori-taught monkey that I’ll occasionally catch looking at me like he wants to kill me and take over Razzball, which makes dictating that even more awkward.  Imagine in 300 years when they find this post in a time capsule with Snooki’s poof.  They’ll read that monkey sentence and think they’ve figured out the major problem with our society was we had monkeys taking dictation only to be disappointed when they read this sentence.  Sorry, future reader!  We’re more complicated than that!  Whoa, that was a major sidetrack.  So Morrison was sent down because he needed to “work on all aspects of being a Major Leaguer,” which basically meant he used to grab his farts and throw them at Hanley.  If someone dropped Morrison when he was demoted, I’d go ahead and re-add him.  Or have your monkey re-add him for you.  I’m kidding, future reader, our monkeys don’t manage our fantasy teams.  They only give advice which we decide whether or not to follow.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Kyle Seager – The other day I compared him to Omar Infante.  I’ll see that comparison and raise him Martin Prado.  Personally, I don’t like guys like Infante or Prado outside of NL-Only leagues, but I also don’t like people who write personally either, so there’s that.  I’m a contradiction wrapped inside of lazy writing pitfalls.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Picking up Kouzmanoff leaves a fantasy baseballer (<–my Mom’s term) in a spirited debate with themselves over God, free will, morality and why there aren’t any other 3rd basemen to pick up.

Jose Lopez – Hitting .333 over the last week with 2 homers.  This week’s third basemen pickups remind me of the Bottle Rockets song, “1000 Dollar Car.”  To quote, “If a $1000 car was truly worth a damn, then why would anybody ever spend ten grand?”

Danny Valencia – Hitting .333 over the last week with 2 homers.  Hmm… Just had deja vu.  Weird.

Jimmy Paredes – Leave it to the Astros to promote a guy straight from Double-A who wasn’t even playing that well.  But — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — he’s hitting right now, has speed and good position eligibility.

Eric Young Jr. – I’m unabashedly a fan, if I’m using the word unabashedly right.

Jeremonio Affirezo – That’s a portmanteau of Jeremy Affeldt, Sergio Romo, Santiago Casilla and Ramon Ramirez, i.e. the closerousel in San Fran.  Ram-Ram seemed like the first choice, but he didn’t look good on Wednesday and Casilla got the save.  But II, The Return of But, Romo returns this weekend.  But III, This But Is Gonna Be Huge, Affeldt could see saves if the ninth is mostly lefties.

Bobby Parnell – He’s getting saves for the Mets and he can win you a SpongeBob at a carnival with his 102 MPH fastball.

Steve Cishek – I just went over my Cishek fantasy.  I wrote it while eating the marshmallows out of my Lucky Charms.

Mike Minor – Has 52 Ks in 55 2/3 IP! *whispering fast*  With a 1.49 WHIP and 4.37 ERA.  *loud again*  Next he gets the Mets and the Dodgers.  Not in the same start.  Who is he, Joel Youngblood?

Stephen Strasburg – Set to return on September 6th.  Don’t Washington-area seismologists have enough to do?

Brandon Allen – After his two homer game, Bob Melvin said Allen would be the starter for the foreseeable future.  As long as his foreseeable replacement is Conor Jackson, Allen should play.  Sorry, CoJack, I don’t love you, baby.

John Mayberry Jr. – Charlie Manuel hinted that Mayberry could see everyday playing time even after Ibanez returns, saying, “Time comes when tadpoles gotta frog up.  Now where’s Utley’s pomade?  I gotta slide outta my uniform.”

Lucas Duda – Since August 14th, he has 4 homers.  Terry Collins knows when he’s got a good thing.  Like at 3rd base and shortstop when Reyes returns.  Duda’s a 20 homer guy if he plays all year.  Kinda like a poor man’s Willingham.  Or a Willingspam.

SELL

Gaby Sanchez – No Gaby Gaby!

Trevor Cahill – Has a 7.00 ERA post-All-Star break.  I’m thinking you can probably find that off waivers from someone else.  It’s a hunch, ya’ll!

Bobby Abreu – He’s over 60% owned in ESPN leagues, so he made my imaginary self-imposed cut off that I occasionally ignore.  What good is an imaginary self-imposed cut off that isn’t self-imposed?  Nada, nada, nada damn thing.

Justin Morneau – Right now, it’s kinda sad the way you keep going back to him.  The relationship is hurting both of you.  It reminds me of a line from my upcoming, breakout Middle East rap song, “Why can’t we get together and take it easy… I’ll be your Qaddafi, if you’ll be my Condoleezza.”

Philadelphia Phillies 2009 Minor League Review
Overall Farm Rankings via Baseball America (2009)
2009 (12) | 2008 (22) | 2007 (21) | 2006 (22) | 2005 (20) | 2004 (21)

Record of Major and Minor League Teams
MLB: [93 – 69] NL East
AAA: [71 – 73] International League
AA: [75 – 67] Eastern League
A+: [67 – 69] Florida League
A: [78 – 58] South Atlantic
A(ss): [42 – 34] New York – Pennsylvania League
R: [31 – 28] Gulf League

The Run Down
What an offseason for the Phillies. Trading Cliff Lee for a handful of prospects, which is what they gave up for him, and then trading to get Halladay. Here is Grey’s review of the Halladay trade and the other moves made during those days. The signing of Placido Polanco to play third base, albeit, a blahtastic move, it’s just as good as resigning Pedro Feliz. I am not going to defend the trade, but having just Domonic Brown, Michael Taylor, Drabek, and Travis d’Arnaud as your only top prospects doesn’t look bad, but it still doesn’t look great. The players they gave up for Halladay (Taylor, Drabek, and d’Arnaud) aren’t necessarily replaced by the Lee trade, but they provide some high-ceiling chips (Aumont and Gillies). Plus, the Phillies know they are going to have Halladay for a few more years. Lee only has one year left on his contract and is a fly ball pitcher.

With just Domonic Brown and J.C. Ramirez as your top prospects, the Phillies are now lacking depth that they built the last two years. With the roster they have as of right now, they are playing for today and sacrificing a bit for tomorrow. Salary issues are going to start rising for them sooner rather than later, not to mention a top heavy rotation (Blanton or Happ is you number three starter).

Graduating Prospects
#9 – (LHP) J.A. Happ

Arizona Fall League Players – Scottsdale Scorpions
Pitchers – #29 Michael Cisco; #19 Edgar Garcia; Scott Mathieson; Michael Schwimer
Hitters – (C) Tuffy Gosewisch; (SS) Troy Hanzawa; #1 (RF) Domonic Brown; (LF) Steve Susdorf

Players of Interest for 2010
All player rankings are from Baseball America 2009.

Hitters
Tyson Gillies
Went over him when I did the Mariners’ Minor League Review a month or so ago. This review has both Tyson Gillies and Aumont.

#1 Domonic Brown | RF | A+/AA | 21 | .299/.377/.504 | 395 AB | 44 XBH | 14 HR | .205 ISO | 23/10 SB/CS | 86:49 K:BB | .356 BABIP | 43.8 GB% | 18.6 LD% | 37.5 FB%
A broken finger cost Brown about of month of playing time last year, but, in the time he had, his numbers were impressive. Playing in the hitter-friendly environment of the Florida league, Brown laced the ball all around the field. When he was promoted to Double-A, he held his own slashing .279/.346/.456 in 147 AB. At just 21, he is still probably at least another year out from making major contributions to the Phillies at the major league level. His swing produces above-average power and he has above-average speed. Think the possibility of a 20/20 guy in his prime with the upside of 30/30. If all goes well in 2010, he’ll see a September call-up. His upside in 2011 would be Nolan Reimold in 2009, just to put something out there.

John Mayberry Jr. | RF | AAA | 25 | .256/.332/.456 | 316 AB | 35 XBH | 13 HR | .200 ISO | 94:34 K:BB | .325 BABIP | 39.4 GB% | 17.7 LD% | 42.9 FB%
He’s a little old to be on most prospects lists and I know he received some extended major league time this past year. However, with a career line of .255/.331/.469 and an ISO of .214 in 2306 AB in the minors, Mayberry may be regulated to, at best, a fourth outfield spot. With the aging Raul Ibanez and the potential for Victorino to be riding the DL with another hamstring issue, Mayberry could provide short stints where he is ownable in deeper leagues. Just remember, he would be on your team for power, not for anything else.

Pitchers
Phillipe Aumont
See Phillipe Aumont’s Scouting the Unknown article from September.

#11 Antonio Bastardo | LHP | R/A+/AA/AAA | 23 | 9.3 K/9 | 2.0 BB/9 | 54 1/3 IP | 2.15 ERA | 2.49 FIP | .94 WHIP | .3 HR/9 | .270 BABIP | 40.1 GB% | 13.6 GB% | 42.9 FB%
John Sickels calls him Antonio “Inglourious” Bastardo, clever, but let’s be thankful that Chris Berman doesn’t cover much baseball. Bastardo has the fastball to be in the majors right now, but his breaking ball(s) aren’t consistent enough to be a starter. He also has the injury history to wary of getting sucked into any hype surround him. He may end up in the ‘pen as a long reliever in 2010. However, he could suffice as a fifth starter too. Just don’t expect much from him as his ground ball rates are too low to succeed in Philadelphia. Look for him to start in Triple-A in 2010.

#22 Drew Carpenter | RHP | AAA | 24 | 6.9 K/9 | 2.7 BB/9 | 156 IP | 3.35 ERA | 4.14 FIP | 1.34 WHIP | 1 HR/9 | .313 BABIP | 39.4 GB% | 20.7 LD% | 35.8 FB%
Every time I look at his numbers I want to discard him and forget that I ever contemplated his name. Carpenter doesn’t get enough ground balls to succeed in Philadelphia, especially with average stuff. If he was playing for San Diego, Grey would be all over him. He may be a Quad-A player that gets some spot starts throughout the year. Don’t be surprise to see this name floated around in a minor trade later this season. He could provide marginal value with a few spot starts or quality injury insurance.

Honorable Mentions
Hitters
#15 Anthony Gose | CF | A | 18 | .259/.323/.353 | 510 AB | 35 XHB | 2 HR | .094 ISO | 76/20 SB/CS | 110:35 K:BB | .338 BABIP | 63.9 GB% | 14.1 LD% | 21.3 FB%
60 yards in 6.5 seconds. Plus-plus arm in center. 76 steals. 19 years old today. Short sentences are terrible and I humbly apologize, but look at those numbers. Alright, avoid that pesky little slash line. Playing with kids two years older than him probably has more impact on those numbers than his talent would indicate. His speed is comparable to Dee Gordon, a shortstop over in the Dodgers farm system. Some scouts think his swing could produce 20 homers in a season, but no time soon. Steals, man, that is what Mr. Gose can provide, and awesome defense.

Pitchers
I really like Fratus and Flande, but they are too young to be in the above section. Their ground ball rates are excellent, they gave up only a few homers and they don’t walk many (with Fratus the better of the two).

Justin de Fratus | RHP | A | 21| 8.3 K/9 | 1.3 BB/9 | 110 IP | 3.19 ERA | 2.66 FIP | 1.13 WHIP | .2 HR/9 | .335 BABIP | 54.7 GB% | 13.2 LD% | 25.5 FB%
Like I said above, I really like Fratus. His command is impeccable, his strikeout rates are good, the ball stays on the ground for the most part and his FIP shows that he pitched even better than the numbers suggest. One thing to note, he was used as both a starter and a reliever, pitching much better as a reliever, 1.58 ERA (46 IP) vs. 4.34 (64 IP) ERA as a starter. His pitches tail off, in terms of effectiveness, as the game progresses. If his stamina is increased, he could be a great fourth or fifth pitcher for the Phillies by eating innings. However, as a reliever, his value is greatly reduced and would be more effective as a two inning stopgap to finish a game. If he pitches well again at High-A and Double-A, I am sure I’ll be pimping him.

Yohan Flande | LHP | A+/AA | 23 | 6.9 K/9 | 2.7 BB/9 | 152 2/3 IP | 3.48 ERA | 3.50 FIP | 1.30 WHIP | .4 HR/9 | .323 BABIP | 52.1 GB% | 14.4 LD% | 29.8 FB%
Flande has a great changeup and an average fastball and curve. His upside is a fifth starter, but a long relief role or a lefty out of the pen used for match-ups look more likely. Just a name to log and not expect great things from.

#16 Vance Worley | RHP | AA | 21 | 5.9 K/9 | 2.9 BB/9 | 153 1/3 IP | 5.34 ERA | 4.53 FIP | 1.38 WHIP| 1 HR/9 | .306 BABIP | 41.2 GB%| 14.4 LD% | 40.4 FB%
I don’t really like Worley. But I am sure there are few fans out there that will want to know about him. To quote Baseball America, “Worley doesn’t figure to rack up big strikeout counts.” Well, with a ground ball rate of 41% and a fly-ball rate of 40%, his future doesn’t look too promising, especially in Philadelphia. At just 21, Worley has plenty of time to improve his game, especially since most 21 year old players are, at best, High-A if not Single-A ball. He should return to Double-A and see if he can improve his home run rates and this ratios. Otherwise, Triple-A may be where he flames out.

It’s fitting that both the Nats and Pirates traded for a player with ‘Last’ in his name.  Lastings Milledge was sent to the Pirates along with Joel Hanrahananan for Nyjer Morgan and Sean Burnett.  Milledge and McCutchen can now share The Dread Pirate nickname.  How much of a slap in the face is it when you’re banished for being a problem child when Elijah Dukes is your teammate?  Is this a sign that the Nationals are no longer going to be the Home to Wayward 5-Tools Outfielders?   I can see Jim Bowden shedding a tear like he’s a 70′s era Native American watching his blessed land being desecrated.  Garrett Jones was called up, but he’s nothing more than a bench player.  Jones is an old prospect, which is different than an old prospector who says, “Aw, peaches!”  Joel Hanrahananan’s crizzap.  Been there, dropped him.  Nyjer Morgan showed up on a few Buy/Sells always as a Sell.  He ices my cockles, so to speak.  He’ll steal time from Dukes, who’s supposedly on the market too.  But last I looked, Dukes was stealing time from himself for hittin’ like he’s quittin’.  Burnett’s not going to really play into the picture for saves and, if he does, I wouldn’t own him, in the non-biblical sense.  Basically, what I’m saying is Avoid, Ignore, Ignore, Avoid.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Adrian Gonzalez – Left the game after sliding into third on a triple.  He didn’t immediately come out so that’s a good sign.  If he has to miss even a few games, any Padres opposing pitchers get an even bigger boost.

Eric Hinske – He was disappointed by lack of playing time with the Pirates.  A move to the Yanks should fix that real good.

Carlos Beltran – Good news from the Lilliputian doctor that performs micro-surgery.  Beltran should be back after the ASB.

Jake Peavy – Bad news as he’s expected to be out at least 6 more weeks.  I’d be shocked if we see him by September 1st.  Act accordingly.

Colby Rasmus – Sidelined with a hiatal hernia which he blames on late-night eating.  What on earth does someone eat to get a hernia? Rocky Mountain oysters?

Leo Nunez – Fredi said that the closer shituation is on a need basis, which means Meyer could still see some saves.

Edwin Encarnacion – Will return in about a week barring any setbacks. He’s worth stashing if you’re hurting at corner.  Could hit 5-7 homers a month the rest of the way.  Conservatively, I’d project him for 12/35/.250 if he stays healthy.

Dan Haren – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks, 5 baserunners and he hit a homer.  Micah Owings gave him a standing ovation.

Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-5 as he filled in for Eric Bruntlett.

John Mayberry Jr. – 9-for-38 since his callup with 4 homers. After the game, Raul Ibanez accused him of steroids.

Shawn Estes – He said he is not retired from baseball.  He’s only retired from Triple-A.  Oh, okay.

Martin Prado – 4-for-5 as he filled in for Kelly Johnson who’s trying to recover from being awful.

John Smoltz – 4 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners.  He pitched fine, but was lifted during a rain delay.  No word yet who lifted him.  It’s probably safe to rule out Baldelli.

Jacoby Ellsbury – Hit a homer from the eight hole.  Lugo led off.  Maybe Francona’s been reading Torre’s tell-all.

Gordon Beckham – 3-for-4, and a homer.  He’s starring opposite Casey McGehee in, The Rise of the MI.

Cliff Lee – 3 IP, 7 ER.  I wonder if he was wearing a 2007 throwback jersey.

Chris Woodward – Got the start at third in Beltre’s absence.  Good to see the Mariners looking towards the future starting their 33-year-old journeyman.

Brandon Morrow – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners.  No!  You were supposed to throw 6 innings this time out.  Oh, well.  Two steps forward, one step back.

Willy Aybar – 3-for-5 with his 7th homer and batted third.  He’s the Aybar that can help you in AL-Only leagues.

Sean West – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  You want all the excitement owning rookie pitchers, here’s the other side of that coin.  He now has a 26:21 K to Walk ratio.  I ran my ultraviolet light over my bed sheets and it read, “Blech.”

Jorge Cantu – 3-for-4 yesterday and .323 in the last week.  Is that light at the end of the tunnel?

Prince Fielder – Hit his twentieth homer yesterday and now has 74 RBIs.  Where’s the love for the big man?  Does he need to go to rehab to be appreciated?  He kicked meat.  For a 400 pound man that should be enough.

Marlon Byrd – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and two homers as he batted third.  What’s this, Ron Washington taking cues from Leyland?  Whoever’s nearest to the water cooler gets to bat third?  Bee tee dubya, Hamilton will be back this weekend so Washington can take the names out of the hat when filling out the lineup card.

Elvis Andrus – 4 steals yesterday.  With only 11 steals coming into the game, Andrus was a bit of a disappointment in the steals department so far, but if he can get to 35 on the year, he’ll definitely be worth owning.

Scott Baker – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 K, only 7 baserunners and somehow threw 111 pitches.  I’m guessing lots of souvenirs into the stands.  He hasn’t had a terrible start since the end of May.  Definitely should be starting him every time out.

Albert Pujols – Has 30 homers with a .233 hitter behind him, followed by the skinnier of The Flying Molina Bros.

Mark DeRosa – Hurt his wrist and had to leave the game.  Hopefully this will drive down the FAAB price on him in Rudy’s NL-Only league.  Rudy’s bidding $751 if anyone from other blogs reads this.

Fernando Rodney – 1 IP, 2 ER.  One day Donkey-corn, next day Kazaam!  (This reminds me of something.  I was in the middle of writing a roundup one night and I wrote something similar to, “One day Donkey-corn, next day Kazaam,” and I started thinking about the people who stumble across Razzball and think they are reading absolute gibberish.  That’s all, just thought I’d share that thought.)

Jason Marquis – Threw a two-hitter vs. the Dodgers.  In other news, water is dry.