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Evan Longoria went 0-for-4 yesterday.  He’s been kinda terrible for about three months now.  Man, third base is a minefield.  Now I’m not putting Longoria in the Wright Sucks Then Gets Conked On The Head box.  No, he hasn’t been nearly that bad.  But two separate months of an under .240 average and two months of zero steals and tw0 months of 1 steal and this sentence has nearly as many ands as, “In the saying, “Fish-and-Chips,” it’s necessary to have a hyphen between “fish” and “and,” and “and” and “chips.”  I’m not ready to proclaim where Longoria should be drafted next year.  I’m Grey and I make proclamations! But Longoria isn’t exactly setting the world afire with flames shooting out of his areolas.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Scott Kazmir – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Sonavabench!  I can’t stand Rays pitchers this year.  They’re sucking the life out of me.  One day it’s Shields pitching terribly in my lineup, then it’s him pitching well on my bench. Then Kazmir follows suit.  I might need to take a sabbatical next year from the Rays pitchers.

J.P. Howell – 1 IP, 1 ER. This is the 2nd game in a row Thurston and Lovey’s son has blown.

Oliver Perez – Out for the season with surgery to his knee.  In September, I’m fully expecting the Mets to play their home games in candy stripper outfits.

Brad Penny – Wanted out of Boston and he got it.  He cited irreconcilable differences.  Sox just said he sucked.

Chad Qualls – Placed on waivers, but it’ll take a John Holmes-sized package to get him from the Diamondbacks.  If he’s shown the door, I’d expect Rauch to get the saves.  Oh, and he blew a save last night.  Yay.

Justin Upton – Back from his oblique strain.  Oh, and he went 1-for-3.  Non-sarcastic yay.

Jonathan Sanchez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 Ks.  Has been solid since his no-hitter.  Somewhere, Buehrle realizes he should’ve renegotiated his deal with the devil.

Brian Wilson – Medders got the save yesterday (quite easily actually), but I think it was just because Medders was warming up to enter a losing game, then one of The Flying Molina Brothers put the Giants into a save situation with 2 outs in the 8th.

David Ortiz – 2 HRs yesterday.  Has 22 homers on the year while batting .227.  Who are you, Dave Kingman?

Josh Johnson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks vs. the Mets.  Is it only me or do you, loyal Razzball reader, also expect a shutout from your pitcher when they face the Mets and are upset when all you get is a s0lid start?

Roy Oswalt – 6 IP, 3 ER.  Was outpitched by Pineiro.  What’s worse, I’m not surprised.  I wanna say to Oswalt, “You gonna let this punk get away with that?  What’s the matter with you?  What’s the world comin’ to?”

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-4, but caught stealing again.  On the bright side, he’s at least attempting steals.  I’m farting in your general direction, Alcides Escobar.

Andre Ethier – 3-for-4, 2 HRs.  Mentioned so I don’t get hate mail from Andre Ethier’s Mom.

Jack Cust – HR yesterday.  Member two days ago how I said when he gets hot, he gets scorching?  He’s now batting near .600 for the last week.

Jose Lopez – HR yesterday.  Has 4 homers in the last week.  Cool, but I dropped him back in May and don’t regret it.

Trevor Hoffman – Placed on waivers.  These things usually don’t go through.  Keep that in mind.  But I’d expect Coffey to grab Brewers saves in September if The Hoff’s off.

Nick Johnson – Heads to the DL.  If you set your watch by Johnson’s DL trips, you were probably pretty tardy this year as it took him much longer than usual to hit the infirmary.

Brad Lidge – Before yesterday’s game, Manuel said Lidge will remain the Phillies closer.  So, of course, Madson came on for the save.  And blew it.  Give Scott Eyre the ball!  I keed.  Lidge had worked a few days in a row, so I think Lidge is still the guy… To blow saves.

Cole Hamels – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks.  I watched a good chunk of this game.  The Pirates had a lot of opportunities to score.  Love to sit here (and I am sitting) and tell you Hamels is gonna be just fine going forward, but I’d be lying.  He might be, but this game shouldn’t be used as an indication either way.

Matt LaPorta – 2-for-4 and a HR yesterday.  He now has at least one hit in every game since his recall.  Now Eric Wedge must think harder about ways to bench him.

Andy Pettitte – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 Ks.  I don’t think I’ve owned a Yankee pitcher in five years.  Too many headaches with the division and now the ballpark.  Pettitte’s one of those I wouldn’t have owned (though used to when he was on the Astros).  But through it all, Pettitte has pitched well this year.  Nothing incredible (4.18 ERA, 1.40 WHIP, around 7 K/9), but solid.

Alfonso Soriano – May need knee surgery.  No word if he’ll have it sooner than later.  My guess is later, but if he does it sooner, then suddenly we have a some playing time for Jake Fox.  Yes, Soriano’s fallen far when I’m hoping for knee surgery and I own him in a league.

Milton Bradley – HR yesterday.  Before the game, he talked about how much he hates Chicago, “I’m talking about hatred, period. I’m talking about when I go to eat at a restaurant. I’ve got to listen to the waiters badmouthing me at another table, sitting in a restaurant.”  Milton needs to stop eating at Dick’s Last Resort.

  1. Thank you for your kind attention Grey. My boy is twice the Man(ny) of anyone else on the Dodgers. And he doesn’t have to milk his pecs twice a week.

  2. bob walk says:
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    I hate Kazmir too. He was autodrafted onto my team(As were Ervin Santana, Nolasco, BJ Ryan) I put up with his crap til he was DLed for sucking so bad. Once he was recalled, Kaz started to look better sitting there as a free agent. He had three good starts in a row and was pitching at Seattle his next turn. I figured “Why not” and picked him up. 7ER in 4IP. I will never use him EVER again.

  3. San Jose says:
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    speaking of fallen angel Rays… Is BJ still worth hanging onto over Rajai Davis?

  4. PJtres says:
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    @ GREY:

    In a keeper league, should I make this trade?

    My longoria for his zimmerman AND a closer (and 6th round pick in next years draft)

    after reading your post…i wonder if zimm is really that far away from longo (even in a keeper)

  5. G says:
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    Im looking for active, competitive skilled fantasy players to join my league. Its a 12 team IDP, PPR league so if your interested in having some fun(trash talk preferred), hit me up wit a email at ewolf_raiders@yahoo.com. I will then send you the password and league url. Come join the best league! If your looking for a competitive league..this is it!!

  6. TJ says:
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    @PJtres: I would definitely do that deal.
    Zimm is only about a year older than Longoria. Has more ML experience, and has been absolutely killing it this year.

    So you get a 3B with about the same upside as Longoria, plus a closer and a draft pick? Yes please.

  7. TJ says:
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    Alright, my question of the day.

    In a tight H2H battle this week. Winning all of the pitching categories so far, but not by much.

    Do I run out JDLR at home against the Dodgers? Leaning towards no.

  8. mr baseball says:
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    it still looks 3 weeks away but just in case – fantasy fans of america are picking up – Brett Micheal Myers for a few saves – I myself am thinking maybe you will get three 3 inning relief pitching performance out of him when he relieves Pedro and I am sure he will give up a few long balls in those nine innings of relief

  9. mr baseball says:
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    Jack Cust is Jack Crust for most of the year

  10. mr baseball says:
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    David Arthur Kong Kingman – coming off three straight 30 homerun years and around 100 rbi’s in each year – all of a sudden there was no interest in him because they were afraid he would reach the magic 500 mark in homeruns and would have to be elected into the Hall Of Fame – he finish with 442 homeruns – The next year was the year that they played with the Super Ball and i would have to think that he might have put 58 homeruns in the stands that year – by the way the reason they didn’t want him in the hall was because of his .225 ave

  11. Denys says:
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    is saunders going to be useful for the rest of the year?

  12. madballs says:
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    Dice K or Brett Anderson the rest of the way?

  13. mr baseball says:
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    .P. Howell – 1 IP, 1 ER. This is the 2nd game in a row Thurston and Lovey’s son has blown. – his mind was on other things Grey wondering when Thurston and Lovey would be getting off that island

    The Minnow would be lost.

    The ship’s aground on the shore of this
    Uncharted desert isle
    With Gilligan, the Skipper too,
    The Millionaire and his wife,
    A movie star, ( and the rest ) the Professor and Mary Ann,
    ( All ) Here on Gilligan’s Isle!

  14. Fresh says:
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    Fonzo probably hurt his knee doing that panzy hop while catching fly balls

  15. mr baseball says:
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    Dice K or Brett Anderson the rest of the way? isn’t the league hitting 400 against Dice K this year – to me he looks like another starter with a pitch count so even though the league is hitting 400 against him they will only have 4 or 5 innings to do the damage

    if you are a Dice K fan – I would wait until his third start if you think his 4 or 5 innings are for you – us fantasy fans just love to get beaten up

  16. mr baseball says:
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    My longoria for his zimmerman AND a closer (and 6th round pick in next years draft

    you committed to Longoria – he has alot more talent than zimm and a closer that might become a long relief pitcher next year
    P. T. Barnum Never Did Say “There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute”

  17. mr baseball says:
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    Justin Upton – its going to be nice to get his 5 tools back into the lineup ????????

  18. mr baseball says:
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    in my 20 team dynasty keeper draft – I think I got some nice late values when it comes to my pitching staff including Sanchez

    Wandy Rodríguez – round 12
    Chad Billingsley – traded for
    Ubaldo Jiménez round 10
    James Shields – round 5
    Jonathan Sánchez round 13
    Clay Buchholz – round 16
    Jordan Zimmermann – traded for
    Brett Cecil – liked his stuff – maybe next year – free agent pick up
    Pedro Martínez – temp free agent
    Heath Bell – round 11 good late closer
    David Aardsma – free agent closer pick up
    Brandon Morrow – free agent pick

  19. bobbo says:
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    @TJ: JDLR career against LAD: 0-4, 7.89 ERA, 2.06 WHIP, 29:18 K:BB

    I’m benching him…

  20. stumanji says:
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    I cut ties with Kazmir for good a month or two ago after drafting him in a mid-round (and having two subsequent flings). I’m at peace with my decision. He was giving me an ulcer.

  21. Razzin says:
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    Tight race for saves. Which two get the most saves from this point forward? MacDougal, Frasor or Howell?

  22. Diamondoug says:
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    Medders ??

    because of stupid Boche-ball manager, Wilson had thrown 71 pitches ( 42 and 29 ) the last 2 nights. He needed a day off to go and get his elbow/shoulder reattached..

    Wilson is a stud !! a stupid stud for allowing Boche to do this but a stud gamer for his team…

  23. mr baseball says:
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    @TJ: JDLR career against LAD: 0-4, 7.89 ERA, 2.06 WHIP, 29:18 K:BB

    I’m benching him…

    as this year goes he pitch against the Dodgers early in the season when he was not pitching well so it didn’t really matter who he faced at that time – he wasn’t going to win anyway – Vicente Padilla is no lock to come away here with a victory -

  24. Simply Fred

    Simply Fred says:
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    @San Jose: BJ is at home next week where he has 25 of his 36 steals. Plus, he gets Boston who has given up a league leading (and outrageous) 121 SBs. So, don’t be surprised if he piles a few up againt them. On the other side of the coin, he faces Detroit at home (Detroit the 3rd stingiest in SB%). Didn’t bother with checking the strength of pitching he will be facing since he will be riding my bench, regardless (am sick of him).

  25. @Grey:

    Hah you told me to cut Kazmir in May and I never looked back.

  26. mr baseball says:
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    mr baseball: Great job of drafting pitching. I have to give you 50% of the credit here Grey

  27. Simply Fred

    Simply Fred says:
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    “Thurston and Lovey’s son” blew me away.

  28. Simply Fred

    Simply Fred says:
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    @Simply Fred: edit: Detroit ranks 3rd in % caught stealing, not mis-named SB%.

  29. mr baseball says:
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    @mr baseball: Great job of drafting pitching. – too bad my hitting doesn’t fit into this category in the 20 team keeper league

    1B- Joey Votto
    2B – Eugenio Velez
    3B – Casey McGehee
    SS- Jhonny Peralta
    Cat- Jarrod Saltalamacchia
    OF – Carlos Quentin
    OF – Matt Kemp
    OF -Shane Victorino
    utilt – Scott Podsednik

    bench – Cameron Maybin
    DL – Adrián Béltre

    just added Travis Hafner – with the right atbats he can hit 25 – 30o homeruns and knock in 90 to 100 rbi’s next year – he only had 252 at bats this year

  30. GTS says:
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    Start Zito at home vs COL?

  31. mr baseball says:
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    I will have to either keep Beltre next year or Casey McGehee at third fro next year or keep both and dump my new pick up Hafer

    my pitching – I will have to drop either – Jordan Zimmermann or Brett Cecil fro next year

    its your move Grey

  32. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Elijah: Yeah, but Rudy co-manages that team with me, so I can’t just cut people.

    @mr baseball: How many at bats? 700? Drop Zimmermann.

    @GTS: It’s risky, but he has pitched well for over a month.

  33. Paulie Allnuts

    Paulie Allnuts says:
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    @mr baseball: Kong Kingman was the ultimate HAGNOF – he was absolutely awful outside of hitting home runs. I don’t see him as even close to belonging in the Hall, but then again, the HOF has such illuminaries as Bill Mazeroski and Rabbit Maranville, and of all people, Bowie Kuhn. I’m still pushing Stuffy McGinness of the $100,000 infield, and of course, Mr. Baseball, Don Mattingly, for a deserved seat in the Hall.

    @mr baseball: I would take Dice K over Wang. Barely.

    @Grey: Ditto on Thurston and Lovey’s Son. I am surprised that you didn’t mention the factoid brought up by a Commenter yesterday that Trevor Bell is the grandson of Bozo the Clown, Bob Bell.

  34. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Paulie Allnuts: Trevor Bell will have his day. He didn’t pitch.

  35. Paulie Allnuts

    Paulie Allnuts says:
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    correction – Donny Baseball

  36. GTS says:
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    Saunders worth starting next week? I could drop Zito or J. Sanchez since they will never get me wins. Sanchez gives me K’s but nobody will pick him up off the waiver wire so I can let him go.

  37. mr baseball says:
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    @mr baseball: How many at bats? 700? — 500 atbats

    he went deep 13 times this year and has 38 rbi’s and his batting ave works 278 – in a 20 man keeper league I would roll the dice and I cant see him putting up anything less than 25 – 90 next year – every little bit helps – open up your mind a lttle here Grey – I think he can help somewhat unless someone else becomes avalialbe – its like the lotto we all want to win the big money but we settle for the $5 ticket instead

  38. airlifting says:
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    davis v. burnett or rolen v. dave b00sh.

    start danks tonight @ bos?

  39. mr baseball says:
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    Paulie Allnuts Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 9:20 am
    I’m still pushing Stuffy McGinness of the $100,000 infield, and of course, Mr. Baseball, Don Mattingly, The only way Don Mattingly is geting in – if he is voted in as a bench coach

    rules are rules – 500 homeruns at that time means you get into the Hall

  40. bwass says:
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    TB is a winning team with a soft schedule.I think its safe to start all TB pitchers now. Don’t let yourself get sonavabenched by Kazmir anymore, he’s back.

    I think I am about ready to drop Dye. I need starting pitching and the best out there are Mock, Haegar, A Sanchez, Fister, RZE, French.

  41. Simply Fred

    Simply Fred says:
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    @mr baseball: And, he had a whopping 198 ABs last year. Shaping a winning team is much about assessing risk. Let the dream die. There must be younger guys with upside that have much less risk.

  42. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @GTS: Saunders has an over 5 ERA on the year, you want that?

    @airlifting: Rolen, I wouldn’t start Danks there.

    @bwass: Go with The RZE.

    @mr baseball: Nice picture.

  43. Rick Dempsey says:
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    @Grey: Do you know if the waiver priority list is available to the public?

  44. Xar says:
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    Nice Madonna reference. Now I’ll be waiting for the post titled “Like a Jurrjen” or “Papi Don’t Preach.”

  45. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Xar: Hehe

    ****THERE’S A NEW POST FOR FOLLOWUPS.******

  46. Charlie says:
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    Start Hanson at Philly tomorrow? H2H league and its very close in ERA and WHIP, losing both 2.8 to 2.4 and and 1.09 to 1.04 respectively. I’m also down 3 to 1 in Wins. I’m half a game out of a playoff spot so every point counts.

  47. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Charlie: I wouldn’t start him there.

  48. Grey

    Grey says:
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    ****THERE’S A NEW POST FOR FOLLOWUPS.******

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