Brandon Phillips isn’t the shiniest tool in the toolbox, but he hit two homers off Beachy yesterday. He’s gone from a 30/30 2nd baseman to a 20/20 2nd baseman to now an 18/15 2nd baseman, but that doesn’t mean you’re completely screwed if you overpaid for him on draft day. As long as Dusty hits him between Votto and Bruce, good ol’ Brandon should deliver above average R/RBI at a solid average. He might not be as sexy as an Altuve or a Jemile, but he’ll probably be a better value the rest of the way. BTW, even if you didn’t own him last night, the best thing about BP wrecking another Beachy was we didn’t have to sit through a celebrity telethon and Sean Penn’s sourpuss. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the roundup, here’s the latest podcast. We talk about the Nats bullpen, Brandon Beachy and I read a poem I wrote for Gio Gonzalez. If that’s not enough for you, Rudy references Lil Jon and drops an F-bomb, which isn’t as deadly as an A-Bomb, but nearly as effective. Anyway II, here’s the roundup and podcast:
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Zack Cozart – He homered again yesterday for his second in two days because he wants to make it up to me for his early season struggles. At least that’s what my ventriloquist dummy wearing a Cozart jersey told me.
Mat Latos – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. I want everyone to promise me one thing. If you don’t want to own Latos right now because of his ERA roller coaster ride, write it down somewhere that you won’t read until next March. So when you see his 3.50 ERA from 2012, you don’t draft him and then want to drop him for the first 6 weeks of next season too.
R.A. Dickey – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks. When asked in the clubhouse where’d these strikeouts come from, Dickey said he pictured all the batters were his childhood bullies who used to pick on him. Must’ve been hard for a guy named Dickey who was a knuckleballer.
Frank Francisco – Pitched a perfect inning for his 11th save. Only during the Closepocalypse could a guy with 11 saves and a 7.13 ERA appear good.
James McDonald – Had another great start (7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks). E I E I Own!
Kevin Youkilis – The Greek God of Limps has returned, and homered. Opa!
Adrian Gonzalez – Comatose Red Sox Fan, “A-Gon is in the outfield? So Ortiz is playing first and it’s interleague play?” Nope. “Our pitching is doing well, but we’re trying to squeeze in more offense?” Nuh-uh. “Please, tell me we’re at least in first for the Wild Card.” You might want to sit down for this. The A-Gonz outfield experiment is lasting beyond interleague as the Sawx are stuck with Middlebrooks and Youuuuuuuk at the corners. Maybe while in the outfield, A-Gonz can reacquaint himself with the area behind the fences. Not sure if he’ll play there enough to gain OF-eligibility outside 5 game leagues, but it can’t hurt his value. Hopefully he can avoid the injury curse that is befalling all the Sawx OFs (Crawford, Ellsbury, McDonald, Ross, Kalish….)
Scott Podsednik – I’m gonna go out on a limb and say if you played any post-collegiate outfield, you could receive a call from the Red Sox. This includes Matt Stairs’ Steak and Keggers Softball League.
Gavin Floyd – 3 2/3 IP, 9 ER pitching at home against the Twins. Yowza! Floyd is generally a safe 5th/6th SP in shallow leagues, but you just ask that he does this against a good opponent so you have a proper heads-up. Party foul, Gavin.
Travis Wood – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, as he was recalled by the Cubs to take Volstad’s spot in the rotation. Wood had a 4.57 ERA in Triple-A this year. That’s depressing, until you think about how fortunate you are that you’re not the Red Sox outfield.
Bryan LaHair – Sat out yesterday because he’s in a 1-for-20 skid. And here I thought he’d hit .400 this year. I’m glad I didn’t request MLB to defrost Ted Williams’ head. On May 11th, when I told you to sell him, he had a .384 average with 8 homers. He now has 10 homers with a .315 average. He could be a platoon player by June 15th.
Alfonso Soriano – 1-for-4 with his 4th homer. At least he’s having the decency to hit so it’s not completely laughable that the Cubs will find someone to take him off their hands. Kinda laughable, just not completely.
Jeff Francoeur – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer in… Let’s see how many times have I told you to own him in the last week?
Matt Carpenter – Left yesterday’s game with an injury to his side. Just when you thought the oblique couldn’t get any vaguer, teams are now just calling it an injured side.
Michael Bourn – 2 homers yesterday. That’s typically a season for him. Did his 3rd round drafter Matthew Berry erase his memory and Bourn suddenly assumed a power-hitting identity?
Vance Worley – Hopes to pitch again even after visiting Dr. Freeze. Here’s what frequent commenter, Cahhhhh-stanza, said, “Jo Anne’s son, Vance, went to see Dr. Freeze Monday for a 2nd opinion. His first opinion? Your mom’s best acting was on Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In. His second opinion? I think a 12-18 month vacation may be in your future.”
Roy Halladay – 6 IP, 5 ER. I’m officially concerned. Is this the beginning of the end for him being a number one? Citizens Flank is obviously not the friendliest of ballparks for pitchers, but that hasn’t changed from the last two years. Luckily, you didn’t draft him and just went with Anibal and Gio to anchor your staff like I told you.
P.J. Walters – The ex-Cardinal had a complete game victory vs. the White Sox – giving up 2 ER and 8 Ks. That’s 3-for-3 in quality starts so far. His minor league stats don’t hint at this being his breakout season, but maybe PJ’s turning into a sleeper.
Josh Bell – 1-for-4 with a homer. He was hitting the feathers out of the chicken (that’s a saying) in Triple-A. He was also striking out more than a beagle in heat (also, a saying). I wouldn’t want him for the long term, but he has everyday playing time and might stay hotter than a camel riding a furnace (not a saying).
J.J. Putz – 3rd blown save last night with 1 IP, 2 ER. Dickey and Putz’s fortunes seem to be going in opposite directions like Siamese twins connected at the back. After Putz lived up to his name last night, it might be wise for his owners to handcuff themselves to David Hernandez.
Tyler Clippard – Davey Johnson reached into his bag of relievers and pulled out Clippard to save the game against the Phillies. Nice 1-2-3 inning. Now get back in the bag, Tyler, before Davey Boy goes all bulldog on ya. BB-Rod is safe to drop for Craig “The Pistol” Stammen, Sean Burnett or Tyler Clippard. If I were picking them up, I’d do it in reverse order. Unless you’re reading this in a mirror. .tops dlab eht eciton neve t’nac ,doog skool riah ruoY
Alex Avila – Hit his 5th homer yesterday. If someone grew bored of the .220-ish hitting Avila, he’s a decent guy to grab off waivers. No reason to think he can’t get back to respectable. That sounds like a title of an R&B album, Get Back To Respectable. A soulful journey as one woman gets back on her feet after a terrible breakup, as sung by Grey Albright.
C.J. Wilson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 7 Ks. Of course, if you read any other site, the lead story is Pujols hit a home run. Then twenty minutes of Bruce Harper, then what does Pujols think of Bryce Harper.
Elliot Johnson – 3-for-4 with his 8th steal. Kinda annoyed I missed out on him in the RCL, but I got Cozart homering now. Small booya.
Carlos Pena – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer as he hit leadoff. …HA! Sorry, tried to keep a straight face there. The Rays are so good, Maddon can’t even Mr. Bungle them. Luke Scott also homered. As we know from past experiences, Scott and Pena only homer 5 times in a ten day span, never once.
Brian Matusz – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks against the Sawx. Tip of the hat for the huge nutsacked owners who started him in this matchup. That includes those whose nutsacks are enlarged due to a medical condition and who happened to have Matusz in their starting rotation before going to the hospital.
Adam Wainwright – 4 hit shutout against the Padres with 9 Ks. We told everyone who listened to last week’s podcast to buy him as it only seemed like a matter of time before he Wainwrighted the ship. We have one word for how that must’ve tasted…
Yan Gomes – The Brazilian whacks another one! Just an FYI to those of you who are getting sick of LaHair in that slot.