Javier Vazquez touched you in your no-no area for two months to the point where just looking at his name made you crawl up into a ball and cry, but yesterday he flirted with a no-no for seven innings. He held the 1927 Blue Jays to only one hit, a home run by HGH Wells. (In a strange twist, Bautista didn’t homer, but he did have sex with your wife. Don’t shoot the messenger!) So can Javier Vazquez now be trusted? The better question is did anyone really think he was the 8 ERA pitcher he was showing in April and May? Come on, this is baseball. It’s a sport of aberrations from day-to-day and week-to-week and month-to-month, but, in the end, people find their level. Vazquez is more or less a 4.50 ERA pitcher in the AL. So you need some months of dreckitude surrounded by some months of usability. Vazquez is still walking too many guys and, other than him striking out 9 Blue Kays yesterday and the Suckie-O’s the game before, his Ks have been down. So usable, but don’t expect a full return of 2009 Vazquez. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Stanton – He’s coming up on Tuesday. Can you hear that? It’s my heart going pitter patter. Put your ear up to the computer monitor, you’ll hear it.
Ricky Nolasco – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks in Metco. God forbid Nolasco were to put together an entire freakin’ year pitching how he’s capable. Maybe if I’m ever in a freakin’ league with a xFIP category, I’ll draft Nolasco.
Brad Penny – Out for another month or two. Can’t Dave Duncan rub his hands together and touch the injury or some shizz?
David Freese – Is on ice. Out until Friday with an ankle sprain. This would never happen to my neighbor. She has cankles.
Colby Rasmus – Left the game with tightness in his calf. If he had four teats, he could be a cow.
Orlando Hudson – Likely headed to the DL. It’s the hoosegow for the Hudson.
Doug Fister – On the DL with a sore shoulder. Maybe he hurt it when he was pitching so far over his head.
Dontrelle Willis – Six scoreless on Saturday. Seemed like every time he got himself in any trouble a lefty came up and he dominates lefties. I’d wait to see at least two more starts from Willis before considering him.
Josh Hamilton – Should return on Monday after having a cortisone injection in his knee. I wonder if he helped the doctor find his vein.
Matt Capps – 2/3 IP, 3 ER and another Cappsizing. Riggleman said Capps will remain the closer, but if you’re trolling for saves — troll on, troller! — Clippard is the first pickup, though he’s probably owned already. If you’re real desperate for saves, I won’t stand in your way of grabbing Drew Storen.
Scott Rolen – Hit his 14th homer. Sonavabench! Why must guys who aren’t starting come into the game and hit a home run? Rhetorical!
Jeff Francoeur – 2-for-4, hitting over .500 in the last week and one freedom fly.
Hisanori Takahashi – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER and has been about as tasty as Kashi. Member about two weeks ago when I said he’s getting by with a funky delivery that people aren’t familiar with? Yeah, that’s over.
Nick Hundley – Home run yesterday as he bats .306 on the year. He has a .380 BABIP, which is obscene for him. He has very little pop and he’s around a .260 hitter. I’d prefer about 20 other catchers over him.
Chase Headley – 4-for-5, 2 runs. How do you hit cleanup, go 4-for-5 and not get any RBIs? Headley might need to be added to the definition of yawnstipating.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 9 baserunners, 2 ER, 8 Ks. Damn, he was rocked!
Jack Cust – 3-for-4 and 7 for his last 13. Cust is streaky like Bret Boone’s hair in the 90’s. Unlike Boone’s hair, he’s on a good type of streak right now.
Carlos Quentin – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs. I swear, when I saw he had 2 hits, I looked to see if this was his first multiple hit game of the year. Not a good sign.
Randy Wells – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks. All the stats point to Wells being better than he has been, but you can’t afford to start him right now outside of NL-Only leagues. All’s not Wells.
John Jaso – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs, a steal and a home run as the DH, hitting leadoff. This was the first time a DH hit leadoff since 1983 when Billy Martin turned in a lineup card on a cocktail napkin. John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt has little power and hits for a decent average. For those reading from the beginning of this post and not skipping around willy-nilly, I’d take Jaso over Hundley.
Carlos Pena – The star of Friday’s Buy/Sell hit his 9th homer yesterday. Where we putting the over/under for his homers this month? 8? Not sure if I’d take the over or under. Damn, those oddmakers are good!
Brad Lincoln – Pirates are calling up their top pitching prospect for Wednesday’s start. First, let’s see what Stephen said in his Pirates Minor League Review, “Lincoln works a low-to-mid 90’s fastball, a power curve, and a changeup. He keeps most of his pitches near the strike zone, which is both a plus and a negative – he gives up too many homers, especially when the ball is in the upper half of the zone. If there’s one bone to pick, he’s never thrown a fastball at Grey’s big, stupid head.” Hmm… That last sentence must’ve slipped by me. Lincoln’s a fantasy number two to three starter in his prime, which he is not right now. I’d grab him in keepers and NL-Only leagues, but he’s not worth bothering with in mixed leagues right now. Best case scenario for this year in mixed leagues, he could have matchups appeal if he catches big league hitters by surprise.
Mike Napoli – 4-for-5, 3 Runs, 2 RBIs, his 9th homer and one almost head nod from Scioscia.
Hideki Matsui – 2-for-5 with his 9th homer as he hits near .500 over the last week. For the first time in a while, Matsui is hitting some flies that have nothing to do with the porn stashed under his bed.
Adam Everett – Designated for assignment. Leyland said, “”We just didn’t see anything happening (offensively) with Adam.” Um, did they ever see, read or hear anything about Adam Everett that would’ve led them to believe otherwise? This opens a spot for Danny Worth, who looks like a young Adam Everett, so there’s that.
Jeremy Bonderman – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER. Hey, there’s the Blunderman we all recognize.
Manny Parra – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks. Anyone who’s read Razzball for a while knows the love I have for Parra. He’s so tantalizing with his Ks! Unfortunately, everything else is a mess. I mean, c’mon, he has a 1.71 WHIP.
Alcides Escobar – 1-for-5, has two steals on the year. In other news, Josh Willingham has 5 steals. In other other news, Jason Kendall has 5 steals. Matt Stairs has 2 steals! Matt Stairs doesn’t have legs, he has feet glued onto two beer coolers.