Curtis Granderson hasn’t had a lead all season and you know what? He deserves one, consarn it! Yesterday, he went 2-for-4 with 2 steals. If I was producing a 30 for 30 about my fantasy season, I’d just follow Granderson around with a camera. “Sorry, Grey, no homers today, but how about two steals?” “Oh, okay, Grandy,” as I look down in the mouth. “Hey, tomorrow I’ll hit 2 homers!” “Thanks, Grandy, you’re dandy!” This year he has 25 homers, 17 steals, 83 runs, 68 RBIs, a .274 average and a killer smile. Back in March, you would’ve took that from him for his overall season line and you would’ve liked it. I do think this season is gonna be the peak for him, but hell with next year! Let’s wrap his 2011 around us like a Snuggie (or the lesser known Slanket) and enjoy the ride. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
A.J. Burnett – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 14 baserunners, 4 Ks. I didn’t see the game, but 14 baserunners in five and a third doesn’t even seem possible. Were they playing Wiffle ball rules with ghost runners needing to be forced?
Josh Collmenter – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks. Has a 2.65 ERA on the year and pulls girls from every ethnic background. I.e., he’s a rock star. Now has 14 scoreless innings in the last two games vs. the Brewers. Shlemiel, schcan’ttouchmyshizz, I’m Josh Collmenter. I’d be worried about putting too much faith in J.C. — no offense — but you should own him at this point.
Ryan Roberts – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer in two games. Totally one of those guys that people are gonna ask about next March as a sleeper pick and it’s gonna turn into a wasted pick. But, for now, you could do worse.
Ryan Vogelsong – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, season ERA is at 2.02 and I can’t get a G-D clean game from Gallardo. Throw me a frickin’ bone.
Stephen Strasburg – Threw 95 MPH in a simulated game. Hey, this weekend I threw a simulated 150 in Wii bowling.
Koji Uehara – Will see saves for the next three days while Kevin Gregg serves a suspension. If this were elementary school, Gregg and Ortiz would serve their suspensions in the same room while cleaning the erasers.
Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-4 with his 5th homer. Here he comes (God, I hope so)! I just know it (no, I don’t)!
Mike Morse – 3-for-4 with his 16th homer. About time he started dashing and dotting again.
Huston Street – Might get traded. For who, Avenue of the Americas? Lindstrom would be the handcuff.
Jordan Lyles – 8 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks and 113 pitches. Not much to report here, but Ed Wade’s Toupee may want to chillax on throwing the youngster so deep into games. I mean, isn’t Dr. James Andrews making enough money?
Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. Solid, if yawnstipating 5th fantasy starter. That is all.
Billy Butler – 2-for-4 with two WTFs (Warning Track Flies). If you have a WTF category in your league, Butler is the WTF master. If he moved forward in the batter’s box ten feet, he’d hit 30 homers.
Joe Mauer – 6-for-8 in the doubleheader. He hit .373 in last year’s 2nd half and has raised his average nearly 50 points in the last 10 games.
Trevor Plouffe – 1-for-3 with his 5th home run, and he left the bowl streak-free.
Josh Reddick – As a starter since June 18th, batting .340 with 4 homers. But that’s only 13 starts in a month. Guy at the Cask’n Flagon with a Jeter jersey is getting more play.
Clay Buchholz – On Monday, he threw from 120 feet. Not sure why he’s pitching from 2nd base, but there ya go.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Was 0-for-his last week before this game, but for those who like to play Russian roulette with their catcher, Saltymochachino hit a bomb yesterday.
Roy Halladay – 4 IP, 3 ER. Left the game with heat exhaustion. Hey, Ruiz, stop calling for the heater!
Carlos Pena – 3-for-3 with his 20th homer, after just getting done with a 1-for-15 stretch. His hitting streaks are like riding a bicycle in San Francisco. Holy crap, we’re really flying as we go downhill! And now we’re going uphill and nowhere… Watch out, now we’re downhill again!
Aramis Ramirez – 1-for-3 with his 17th homer. Who said he’d slow up? Oh, I did. Well, I still think he will. Unless he backed into a leftover Sosa needle.
Jason Heyward – Sat out yesterday after being hit on the foot Sunday. As frequent commenter, zombie, said yesterday, “Should have know something was up when Glass Chipper demands that you grab a bat. Definitely no relation to Ironhead Heyward. Dude played with a brain tumor. Foot contusion. Seriously?!”
Clay Hensley – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 3 Ks. Did you ever want to call him Hay Clensley? Me too! Last time he was a regular starter, he was a solid deep league option, but marginal in most mixed leagues. And that was in Petco. For a few starts, he’ll also be on a pitch count.
Leo Nunez – Got the save yesterday, but, whatever, this isn’t about that. Everyone is saying Dunn would be the closer if Nunez is dealt, the only problem I have with that is Mujica is having a better year and consistently coming in games after Dunn. Plus, Dunn’s a lefty. Well, that’s the short of it, Peter Dinklage.
Alex Cobb – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Yankees. Like the quarter of Harrison Ford that is Jewish, that’s not too shabby. He gets the peasant Royals next time out. That’s a decent gamble, no relation to Rudy or Oscar.
Ezequiel Carrera – He said nine innings is for Quakers, and played 18 innings yesterday and stole 2 bases. After all the success with Asdrubal, the Indians might just be promoting anyone with a funky first name. Get ready, Azerbajan Ramirez! Carrera had 35 steals in 81 games in Triple-A this year and now he’s the starting center fielder for the Cleveland Indians. You know who has two thumbs and picked up this Amish SAGNOF’er? This guy!
Grady Sizemore – To the DL with knee problems. He said there’s a lot of concern about his knee. You don’t say, Grady. It’s only been bothering you for two years. The FDA looked at his knees and said Grade-E. Uh-uh, Grade F. Suitable only for ‘meat’ filling at Taco Bell and 7-11 chili dogs. Hmm, what is that taste? Oh, that’s right. The unfulfilled promise of multiple 30/30 seasons.