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I see you back there.  Yes I’m talking to you.  You love risk and I know you do.  How can I tell?  Well for starters you’re reading my column here at the ‘ole Razzball rag.  You don’t know what a ‘rag’ is do you?  It’s ok, you’re the internet generation, we’ll let it slide.  I can’t wait for the days when my walk up to the check out at the grocery store has touch computer screens of ‘The Sun’ and ‘People’ rather than actual magazines.  I’ll swipe my iPhone past Vibe E-zine to get the latest copy and read about 2Pac’s hologram tour across Europe with the Notorious B.I.G. after their rights have been bought out by Apple.  It’s gonna be crazy in 2015 y’all!  But of course, you didn’t come here for a glimpse of the future…well you did, just not that far so let’s talk Tom Koehler or better yet, let’s talk Chicago Cubs.  We know the drill: Cubs offense = teh suck. Team SLG%?  Bottom ten.  Team wOBA?  Bottom five.  Team K%?  Bottom three.  Admittedly, Koehler has been middling at best on the year but given the spacious confines of his home ballpark and the team he gets to take the mound against, I’d say he’s a solid SP2 for your GPP games over on DraftKings today.  Don’t like my take?  Well how about the DFSBot saying he’s worth about $8K on the day which is what Weaver goes for.  As long as he isn’t needled with singles and walks all game, this should be a 20 point start in my book and it’ll free up some dough to buy a high end pitcher and not kill your batting budget.  BTW, if you’re used to our resident stock symbol BTXJ on your Mondays, I have a special surprise for you…he’s dead and buried under my gardenias in the back yard.  Woah, wrong surprise and dead body!  No, my Thursday nights have become too hectic to handle the rigors of DFS writing so we’ve done a perma-swap.  Just keep that in mind if you’re looking for me later in the week before you have a  Freaky Friday.  And with that, it’s time to move on.  Here are some other Razzball picks for June 16th contests on DraftKings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

Tyson Ross, SP: $8,800 – It’s really a cheap pitching day.  Given that the Mariners have scored a 2.5 runs per game on their current homestand, I don’t think Ross has much to worry about.  And if you’re worried about a HodgePadre away from home, just realize Safeco is Petco’s AL sister ballpark.  Which brings up a philosophical question: if the Mariners traded places with the Padres, would anyone notice?

Julio Teheran, SP: $10,000 – Not really sure how Cole Hamels is the top choice according to DK today seeing as the Braves as a team have a .347 wOBA on the year vs lefties.  That’s good for second in the MLB, y’all.  Meanwhile, the Phillies still have half their starting lineup from the 2008 World Series.  Which would be a really cool thing if it weren’t 2014.  Bring back Pedro Feliz!  Not saying Cole doesn’t have major upside – we all know the Braves K a poop-ton – but Teheran is the safer bet between the two to not get roughed up.

Wei-Yin Chen, SP: $7,000 – Much like Tehol’s game with the ladies, even though the Rays offense has performed like a used diaper filled with Indian food, it doesn’t strike out much.  All this to say, Chen is an intriguing option that I’m open to but with the salaries so close, I’d rather have Koehler.

Carlos Martinez, SP: $5,700 – No, I’m not suggesting him, this is a PSA.  The Cards have said this is a bullpen start.  If you’re lucky, Martinez is on and keeps his pitch count low and gives you 5 innings, 8 to 10 K and zero ER.  But how often have you gotten lucky recently?  Yeah, yeah, stud muffin, let me ask your wife…

Drew Pomeranz, SP: $7,400 – I wanna say yes here but the Rangers have the third best team wOBA on the year vs left-handed pitching.  You don’t have to be rung up for 10 ER to have a bad start in the DK world.  If you think about the scoring system, a solo HR is actually better than a bases loaded sac fly.  I could see this being a start where Drew only gives up 2 or 3 ER but allows plenty of base runners to negate the goodness.  I’m sorry in advance if he’s Pom Wonderful and you heed my advice.

Wilin Rosario, C: $4,200 – The Baby Bull has been dreadful this year and given that, he may not even start.  Heck, he’s not even well priced…hrm, guess I’m not selling him well.  Well, how about for his career, he has a .327 average and an 11.5 HR per at-bat against left-handed pitching and gets such an arm on the mound tonight.  As Ron Jeremy lovers out there can attest, it’s all about the dong and Wilin could provide one tonight.  For the BvP crowd out there, you can have Evan Gattis and his 2/3 with 2 HRs off Cole for $4,700.  No really, you can have him.  That’s way too expensive, yo!

Stephen Vogt, C/OF: $2,800 – Want a cheaper C option?  Well the recent trend has seen Stephen out in right field when a righty is on the mound and he’s hit well in a minor sampling with a .345 average over 29 at-bats.  Money ball, y’all.  It works!  BTW, I know it would be a terrible trade but I’d love to see Pedro Alvarez go to the A’s for Stephen so I can make a ‘Vogt For Pedro’ t-shirt.  You know you’d buy it!  I’ve already patented it, don’t even try.

Brandon Moss, 1B/OF: $4,900 – When is an OAK stack NOT in play?  Rhetorical!  Moss has gone a bit cold of late but has a 14.4 at-bats per HR average on the season, has gone over 20 ABs without one and gets Colby Lewis at home.  You can’t predict when someone will break out of a mini-slump but you can see indicators as to why it might happen without being much of a soothsayer.

Brock Holt, 2B/3B: $4,000 – Cuz Correia.  This game I like for plenty of runs on both sides of the ball.  If you wanna spend up for your MI, I still like Brian Dozier at 5K since Rubby loves to walk plenty of guys and Dozy loves to takes those BBs, turns them into SBs and score runs.  From 2 points to 9 points in a flash!  Since we’re on the subject, pretty much all bats are in play on both sides in this game for me.  Yes, that includes David Ortiz.

Kolten Wong, 2B: $3,300 – He’s cooled off dramatically since winning Rookie of the Month honors in May but did hit a triple yesterday and could be back on the uptick.  You could be waving a magic Wong if you start him.

Mike Moustakas, 3B: $3,400 – I fear even mentioning him will ruining the streak he’s on.  He’s 7/17 with 2 HRs over his last 7 games with a .500 OBP.  So he’s taking walks and hitting for power…he’s so anti-Royal!  He could surprise in a good or bad way today.  I’m guessing it’ll be the good.

Nelson Cruz, OF: $4,800 – If Nelson were a store-bought frozen turkey with one of those built-in thermometer thingies in his side – and who’s to say he’s not – then me thinks he’d be ready to serve up some value.  He hasn’t hit a HR in almost 2 weeks and is getting locked back in after a 3/4 Sunday.  He’s wasn’t going to keep a 57 HR pace all year but he’s not gonna drop off the face of the Earth with his power either.

Kole Calhoun, OF: $3,600 – The DFSBot likes Calhoun as a major value today and thinks he’s undervalued by about $900 by the DK bots.  Which bot will win?  Tune in next week to find out!  Or later this afternoon I guess would be better…

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

Very little concerns on the horizon for tonight’s slate of games for weather.  There may be a bit of tinklage in Atlanta today with a 40% chance of drops but I’m sure the game plays.

Doing Lines In Vegas

The fun game of the day is BOSvsMIN with an o/u of 9.5.  As much as I love me a good Rubby, I can’t see this staying under 10 and think both offenses are in play.  The Diamondbacks vs the Brew crew at 9 is also intriguing.  My beloved B-Mac has been wildly inconsistent all year.  I fear I’m falling into the Ricky Nolasco trap with him but I haven’t given up yet so give me the under here.  Also, give me the over on the 8.5 line for DETvsKC as I’m sure Eric Hosmer will hit another HR.  Just to spite me.