Alberto Callaspo was traded to the Angels. Exactly what the Angels needed, a light hitting infielder. Oh, wait, no they don’t. Why’d they get Callaspo? To get Mel Gibson to be interested in the team? Oh, wait, that was Apocalypto. Anyone see that movie? I like the part where Mel’s like, “I will slap the taste out of your mouth, Pocohontas! So help me, I will rip your neck off! Even if I have to go through a number of metal rings.” Callaspo will help the Angels more than he’ll help fantasy teams. He is what he is. Light power, decent average, next-to-no speed. The Royals will go with Wilson Betemit at third base. Why are they not going with Mike Moustakas or Alex Gordon? Because for whatever reason the Royals are punishing them. If you can figure out the peasant Royals, you get a cookie. I actually like Betemit if he’s the everyday 3rd baseman. He has 4 homers and a .377 average in 61 ABs this year. As for “Of Maicer Men,” I think Callaspo is more Lennie than George. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
David DeJesus – Slammed into the outfield wall when DeJesus was turning a Jeter out into a homer. He’s listed as day-to-day, which is trade deadline code for “Please still trade us someone for DeJesus, he’s really, really healthy.” In reality, he’ll probably be out for a while. So, while Betemit might replace Callaspo, here’s a chance for Gordon to see some daylight. We’ll see now how much sense the Royals make.
Bobby Jenks – Ozzie announced that he wants Jenks in the closer role, but he might turn to Thornton, Putz or Santos. Ozzie tweeted, “Fat puta eff up Top Chef Night. #GoAngelo!” (Speaking of Top Chef, shouldn’t they just call Kenny “Chef?”) If you have some inner knowledge on how Ozzie makes his decisions, feel free to share. I don’t think even Ozzie knows which way he’s going to turn next. My best guess is giving Jenks a few days rest then going back to him. In the meantime, I’d grab Putz, Thornton and Santos, in that order. (FWIW, Rudy thinks Thornton’s next in line.) Who I feel bad for is Bobby Jenks. Ozzie’s making his beard go prematurely gray.
Jimmy Rollins – 1-for-4 and now batting .227. When he first returned, I warned you that his name value is more valuable than his actual value.
Cole Hamels – 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 7 Ks and has only given up one earned run in his last 22 2/3 innings. Has a 3.40 ERA on the year with nearly a K per inning, i.e. 120 Ks in 127 innings. Good to see Hole Camels dig himself out after leaving April with a plus-5 ERA.
Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. I’m going to try a new tactic. Hudson will never regress. He will continue to not strikeout anyone while rocking a sub-2.50 ERA. In fact, he will win the Cy Young– Nay, they will rename it the Tim Hudson Award and he will win it every year. Even after he retires.
Alex Gonzalez – 4-for-5 with a .370 average on the Braves but no homers. Wait, did Yunel and Gonzalez just switch unis? Aw, man, that’s the oldest trick in the book.
Edinson Volquez – 2 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. Well, that 2nd start back could’ve went better. After dominating the Rockies in his return from TJ surgery, seemed like a no-brainer to start him vs. the Nats. I’m sure a lot of people are smarting from Volquez’s shellacking. He’s too good of a pitcher to just drop again. If you can’t afford the warts, I’d let him sit on your bench for the next start. Another bad start from your bench, then you’ll need to make other plans.
Nyjer Morgan – 2-for-4 with 3 steals. Keep in mind that he had a great 2nd half last year.
Scott Sizemore – 0-for-4 as he picked up right where he left off. He gets a blurb in this afternoon’s lukewarm section of the Buy/Sell. Stay tuned for tepidness!
Yovani Gallardo – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. As he’s been all year, Gallardo was solid again in his return from the DL. His 127 Ks in 117 2/3 innings is a thing of beauty. As I said in the preseason, “I bet I’ll be annoyed I don’t own him anywhere.” Now I’m annoyed I didn’t put any money down on that bet.
Mike Napoli – 2-for-4 with his 18th homer. Yup.
Jorge de la Rosa – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. This start is a good example why you shouldn’t drop Volquez. What, you already did? Oh, well.
Ian Stewart – 4th homer in his last ten games. May not have been the crazy breakout I was hoping for in the preseason, but, at 2nd base, 13 homers and 5 steals with good Runs and RBIs isn’t really that bad. Not to mention, he could still get very hot. In like a lamb, out like a Mini-Mini Donkey.
Carl Pavano – 9 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. This is but a theory. Last offseason, Pavano studied a controversial branch of biomechanical engineering and built a brainwashing machine out of a regular old washing machine. The brainwashing machine shot out gamma rays, while it cleaned Pavano’s shorts, and brainwashed the entire world into thinking Pavano is actually pitching when in fact it’s Slowey. Then when Pavano actually pitches, everyone thinks it’s Slowey. Merely a theory. I could be wrong.
Andres Torres – Hit his 9th homer yesterday to go along with his 17 steals. There might be some 8 team leagues where he’s not necessary, but he really should be owned everywhere.
Ryan Doumit – The oft-injured catcher finally lived up to the ‘oft’ and heads to the DL with a concussion. Doumit has a history of concussions (in some circles that’s considered clumsy) so Doumit may be shelved for a while.
Hong-Chih Kuo – Got the save yesterday since Broxton has been overused, even if that never stopped Torre before. Actually, nothing’s ever stopped Torre except a good opportunity to pick his nose on national TV. Though there’s no official changing of the guard in LA, I would grab Kuo if you have room just in case Broxton continues to be shaky.
Hiroki Kuroda – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. He goes through stretches where he’s tough to own, but his career ERA is under 4 and he’s at 3.48 now. Doesn’t hurt you on WHIP or Ks either. Always one of the more underrated starters.
Josh Johnson – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, now has a 1.61 ERA on the year. Ubaldo who?
Chris Coghlan – 1-for-3 with a steal. First Coghlan is ice cold, then hot, then ice cold again. If Coghlan’s Law holds up, he’ll be cruising for another hot streak in no time. Then banging Gina Gershon and Kelly Lynch at the same time.