It’s that time again… Drop your drawers and do two laps around your office! Not your underwear, I meant drop the two desk drawers you were holding and celebrate. Oh, well, you’ll find another job in this economic climate; no problem! Now before we get into the top 10 for 2013 fantasy baseball (though I imagine every single one of you has skipped this intro paragraph), I’m gonna lay some ground rules. No talking. Damn, I’m copying this from my University of Phoenix syllabus and it’s not translating as I had hoped. Okay, here’s our fantasy baseball podcast. Here’s where you follow us on Twitter. Here’s where you follow us on Facebook. Here’s our fantasy baseball player rater. Here’s our fantasy baseball team name generator. Here is all of our 2013 fantasy baseball rankings. Here’s the position eligibility chart for 2013 fantasy baseball. And here is a picture of my son. What a punim! You may not get all of those links in such a handy, easy-to-use format ever again this year, so make proper note. Now my expositional half insists I breakdown some generalizations about these 2013 fantasy baseball rankings. The 2013 fantasy baseball rankings will be an ever-evolving mass like the blob. This fantasy baseball top 10 for 2013 list is as of right now and could potentially change with a big injury or Miguel Cabrera breaking a tooth on his maple bat as he tries to extract hops. So while it is the 2013 fantasy baseball gospel, take it with a tablet of salt. Tomorrow we will cover the rest of the top twenty for 2013 fantasy baseball, then we will go around the horn with a top 20 list for every position. Then for pitchers and outfielders, I’ll turn the dial to 100. Listed next to each player are my 2013 projections. Did I consult with whoever else does projections? It would be ignorant not to, but in the end they are my projections. Players need 10 games at a position to get included in the positional rankings. Finally, as with each list in the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings, I will be mentioning where I see tiers start and stop. I look at tiers like this, if Miguel Cabrera and Ryan Braun are in the same tier, it doesn’t matter if one guy is ranked 1st and one guy is ranked 2nd, they’re both very close. It comes down to personal preference. I would prefer the guy at number one better than the guy at two, but you do you, I’ll do me and let’s hope we don’t go blind. Anyway, here’s the top 10 for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you read this fantasy baseball web-blog when it still looked like a Geocities site, you know all about Mike Fiers. Bee tee dubya, I like the new site design and I think we’ve addressed all issues with mobile devices. If there’s still problems — besides, can you change the font to Wingdings? — tell us and we’ll look at it. Things are evolving. We have something coming in March that necessitated the site changes. We had simply outgrown the old site. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for those wild orange flames that caused every fifteenth viewer to suddenly have a seizure. Maybe we can still get seizures…Together…With this new design. Last year, Fiers burst on the scene. Or rather, Fiers spontaneously combusted on the scene like he was a nine-year-old Drew Barrymore. (I’m referring to her role in Firestarter, not to her lighting up a crackpipe.) In Triple-A, he had a K and walk-rate of 8.02 and 2.95, respectively, then bested both marks in the majors with 9.52 and 2.54 rates. His pre-All-Break numbers were a thing of beauty (2.31 ERA, 1.07 WHIP and a 5.56 K/BB rate in 46 2/3 IP). To speak to only the K/BB, a 5.56 K/BB is incredible and would’ve been the 2nd best rate in all of the major leagues behind only Cliff Lee. None of those numbers are sustainable for Fiers and his 2nd half failed to live up to the 1st. Tiring in his first nearly full year probably played a role, but I don’t think a guy should be considered a lock to beat his Triple-A numbers in the majors. So what can we expect of Mike Fiers for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
A little insider info, I wrote all of the pitcher profiles for one fantasy baseball preview magazine. (And here I didn’t even know they made magazines anymore!) Felix Doubront didn’t make the top 100 for that magazine. Did I shortchange them and their readers so I would give more to you Razzball readers? Um, well, I wouldn’t say I shortchanged anyone. I just, you know, had selective fantasy ‘pertness for those outside of Razzball’s universe. Last year, the Po’ Sawx looked like they were a dozen eggs short of an ostrich egg. Ellsbury, Ortiz, Pedroia were hit with injuries and that wasn’t even the big problem. Their pitching looked like one of those fake vomit plastic discs where the factory in China accidentally put real vomit into one. “That’ll teach those stupid Americans to scare people with uncontrollable indigestion problems.” That’s a fake vomit factory worker in China. His name is Wei-Spray. He hates his job. He used to work at a fake doody factory, but felt like it was below him. He didn’t catch the irony of that. For starters with at least 160 innings, Doubront had the 4th best K-rate. Right behind, Scherzer, Darvish and Gio. That’s elite company. There’s not a drafter out there that doesn’t know to look at those three. Doubront’s BB-rate wasn’t great, in fact, it wasn’t good. But of those four he didn’t have the worst walk rate, that honor goes to Darvish. If you asked a hundred fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term), who will have a better season, Darvish or Doubront? I guarantee you that a majority, if not all of them will say Darvish. I’m not sure it’s that obvious. So, what can we expect of Felix Doubront for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
For a few years, I talked about how Mike Minor or Kris Medlen were gonna be my last round starter flyer in all leagues. Never really worked out. Sure, I snatched Medlen off waivers last year when he needed to be, but for a few years they were drafted and dropped numerous times before they rewarded fantasy owners. I don’t tell you this to remain modest. Does my mustache make me look like a man of modesty? I tell you this so you know where I’m coming from when I say I’m going to draft Matt Harvey in every league. At some point, he’s going to be a top starter. It may not be this year, it may not be next year, but at some point he’ll be there. You can look at this as a Matt Harvey sleeper post, a rookie outlook post or simply a heads up that I need to get me some of this young brother, in the non-biblical way, unless there’s a clergyman reading and he gives me his Razzblessing. Speaking of which, do we have any priest or rabbi readers? I could see a Sunday sermon including SAGNOF (Satan Ain’t Got No Face) and how Jesus Montero was a fanny pick. In Harvey’s short-stint in the majors, he did some bedazzling work on fantasy owners’ jean jackets. A 10+ K-rate and a 2.73 ERA in 59 1/3 innings. Awesome called and said he wishes he was more descriptive because that doesn’t do Harvey justice. So what can we expect of Matt Harvey for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Will Middlebrooks is the reason the Red Sox felt it was okay to trade away Youkilis. Well, that and the fact that Youk and Bobby Valentine were bickering like they were in the final rose ceremony and Red Sox fans were the Bachelor. “He told me he doesn’t love you, and he’s only using you so he can be on the cover of People magazine for the next two years talking about how his heart was broken.” That’s Youk pleading his case. Then Bobby V. started singing Rihanna’s Diamonds, and the fans chose Valentine and that romance lasted about as long as the usual Bachelor romance. Now Youk is a Yank for symmetry sake, Valentine returned to inventing new sandwich types, “I call this the Naanwich. A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Naanwich is a gentrified sandwich,” and Middlebrooks was left behind with the Red Sox 3rd base job and the six hole of the lineup (depending on Napoli’s signing). Last year, Middlebrooks’s stats were stacked like a d’brickhouse (the D is silent). In 286 plate appearances, he hit 15 homers and .288 with 4 steals when his season was cut short with a fractured wrist. He should be healed for Spring Training. So, what can we expect of Will Middlebrooks for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
You say Alcides Escobar, I say Jean Segura…Let’s call the whole thing off! That’s you and the co-owner of your fantasy team right before your eyes lock after twelve years of friendship and things suddenly get weird. “Doode, you have nacho cheese on your lip and it’s in a tear drop shape.” “What?” “Nothing. Wanna play touch football? Our team needs a tight end.” On a side-sidenote, doesn’t Jean Segura sound like an actor from the 1950′s? I imagine him lurking in the shadows of Vienna’s back alleys. Jean Segura is…The Third Man!… with Joseph Cotten and Ryan Raburn. “Between Switzerland and Milwaukee, they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock and Miller beer.” That’s Dead Orson Welles schooling you as he waits in line for Zsa Zsa Gabor. “Is she coming or what?!” That’s still Dead Orson Welles. Okay, enough hullabaloney, Segura just missed the cutoff of 150 major league ABs for a 2013 fantasy baseball rookie post, so here he is as a sleeper. Indeed, because I’m yawning. Thanks, Random Italicized Voice. What if I told you Segura once stole 50 bases in the minors? Does that hold your interest? Are you still talking to me? No, I’m talking to everyone. Sure, that was in A-Ball, but guys don’t just steal 50 bases for s’s and g’s if they’re slow as dog balls. Also, he stole 37 bases last year in the minors in about two-thirds of a season. Add an extra third and you have 50+ steals, and don’t even get me started with what he can do with that extra leftover 1%. Have your interest piqued now? I’m still drowsy, but go ahead. Ugh. So what can we expect of Jean Segura in 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m sure in a lot of leagues where people know a thing or two about a thing or two Starling Marte will be one of the things they know a thing or two about. Since it’s still relevant, let’s see what I said last year about him, “The Pirates equipment manager, Buffalo Bill, has to start making a uniform made from Jose Tabata’s skin. Put the lotion in the basket, Tabata! Tabata, “I wanna go home!” You won’t go home, ever. Because you never get on base, that’s the first step to going home. Tabata, “But I was a spring sleeper!” They’re slaughtering the spring lambs. Can’t you hear their screaming? I call that piece, The Mash-Up of the Lambs. In Triple-A, Marte’s hitting .286 with 12 homers and 21 steals *quieter voice* and 12 times caught stealing. So he’s a bit raw like your fava beans. In Double-A the year before, he had 12 homers and 24 steals *barely above a whisper* and 12 times caught stealing. But he did hit .332 in Double-A. I don’t think he’s going to be rosterable off the bat in most mixed leagues, but in keepers and NL-Only leagues, I’d stash him now. He could get 7-10 homers with 10 steals. Plus, with his speed and power combo, he could surprise with nice upside. Now, excuse me, I’m having an old friend for dinner.” And that’s me quoting me! He ended up getting five homers and 12 steals in 167 major league at-bats, and cemented himself in the leadoff spot for the Pirates like he was Jimmy Hoffa. So what can we expect from Starling Marte for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m all about finding me a late-round flyer for the corner infidel slot. Last year, it should’ve been Edwin Encarnacion. This year watch it be Alberto Callaspo (no effin’ way). What do Luis Cruz, Josh Donaldson, Jeff Keppinger, an Eric Chavez/Chris Johnson platoon, Chris Nelson, a Luis Valbuena/Ian Stewart/Josh Vitters blahtoon, Matt Dominguez and the aforementioned Callaspo have in common? Well, besides being unrecognizable to anyone outside their respective families, they’re currently penciled in as their team’s 3rd baseman. True, pencils have erasers, but this crapoika needs a giant bucket of White Out. You have a 3rd base class that will have you looking for the cream of the crap in 2013 drafts. Oh, and don’t even think about how Longoria, Wright and Zimmerman are being looked at as pillars of health and reliability. This year you don’t even have to be of Greek origin to think Moustakas looks downright delicious. The state of 3rd base brings me to Todd Frazier. So what can we expect of Todd Frazier for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m most surprised and most excited about this sleeper post because no one is going to want any part of an Astro, let alone this one. Brett Wallace has done nothing to elicit excitement thus far in his career. I could wrangle a group of fantasy baseballers together and get more excitement about the second coming of Grady Sizemore, and I’m talking about his naked pictures, not his on-field second coming, because he’s up to around a fifth or sixth coming in that arena. Wait a second, I just stumbled on brilliance. Arena Baseball! Baseballs made of rubber! A field half the size! Juiced up players! Hmm, that just sounds like regular baseball in the late 90′s. So, Wallace has meandered around the major leagues. No teams really wanted him. He was a 1st baseman in the Blue Jays, Cardinals and A’s systems prior to his current home. Where do prospects go to die? Houston. Yes. I know. In the major leagues, he has a grand total of 16 homers in 232 games. That’s obnoxiously bad. Worse, he’s a 1st baseman (though, he will be 3rd base eligible in some leagues; 5 games started there). With all of those negatives up front, what can we expect of Brett Wallace for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Was definitely a struggle to own Ike Davis in 2012. Was uncomfortable like the air in the room when you find out on Christmas Eve that your crazy aunt is going to jail for seven years. Take it from me, for Christmas, don’t buy her a nail file or black and white striped pajamas. Or when she says she was railroaded, don’t comment that’s ironic because now you’re going to be working on the railroad. Looks like I’m gonna need to update Who Is Grey Albright? for my jailbird aunt. Thankfully, criminality skips a generation! If you didn’t outright drop Davis in the first two months, you never appreciated when he turned his season around. And, if you did drop him in the first two months, you really didn’t appreciate it. For hitters with more than 175 plate appearances in the 1st half, he had the 12th worst average at .201 and the 2nd worst case of Valley Fever since Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. Other than Rickie Weeks and Carlos Pena, Davis had the most ABs (268) from the bottom of the batting average charts pre-All-Star break, so he was causing a considerable amount of pain. At the end of May, he was hitting .154…Shoot, he ended July hitting .208. He only ended the season hitting .227, so it wasn’t like he Ichiro-slap-chopped balls for cheap hits at any point last year. His career BABIP (after this horrendous year) is .292. That would put his average in the .260 range with neutral luck. For April through September, he had two months that were in that BABIP range. In June, his BABIP was .288 and in August it was .294. In those two months, he hit .264 and .287, respectively. It wasn’t like he was super lucky to hit .287 one month. He just wasn’t unlucky. The reason why we’re not talking about anything except average is because everything else was absolutely fine last year. So, what can we expect from Ike Davis in 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?