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There’s rumblings that Aroldis Chapman will be in the rotation.  This isn’t the first time we’ve heard this.  In fact, I think every year since Aroldis costumed himself as a giant cigar and smuggled himself in a humidor out of Cuba, there’s been rumblings that he will be in the rotation.  Just yesterday, I ran into a man who had been in a coma since 2010 and he asked how Aroldis has been doing in the rotation. From my mouth to Giancarlo’s ears, it happened.   Only thing different now is the Reds have to realize they’re a bunch of Mr. Bungles if they leave Chapman as the closer, and they have Broxton to take over the role.  Broxton is not the closer Aroldis is/was/would be, but he is/was/will be good enough.  Throw Nicholas from The Voice in the closer role and he’ll do the job, with his dulcet tones.  As our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater will tell you, Chapman was the ninth best pitcher in all of baseball last year.  That’s not just out of relievers.  He’s dominant.  I don’t need to tell you that.  In theory, closers lose a tad when they enter the rotation.  Hitters see them more, they need to throw more than one or two types of pitches, more innings — how will they adjust? and–  Let’s see Dempster, Chris Sale, Neftali Feliz, C.J. Wilson… Did these pitchers get better or worse in the rotation?  I don’t know, young prematurely balding man.  I think it’s right in theory, but in theory I know some guys that should be virgins and they’re bouncing a little kid on their lap telling the kid to not spill their beer.  Just because a closer becomes a starter it doesn’t mean a step back.  My mind will blow if I try to think what Chapman would be in the rotation without a regression.  Even with a slight regression, he’s a top 15 starter, easily.  Yeah, I’m drooling.  The only thing stopping him is injury to him or Broxton.  Or to Toni Braxton, as my Autocorrect tried to write.  For 2013, I’m gonna give Aroldis the line of 12-4/2.90/1.10/170 in 155 innings.  That’s a thing of beauty.  Anyway, here’s some more offseason news for 2013 fantasy baseball:

B.J. Upton – To the Braves.  Now when B.J. is coming up to the plate, fans can do The Tomahawk Chop by turning their hand towards their lap rather than towards the field.  Don’t act that out at work, you will get fired.  B.J.!  The Sideways Tomahawk Chop… B.J.!  The Sideways Tomahawk Chop… I don’t see anything different from Upton in Atlanta.  He is the kind of player that would be the same in just about every lineup/ballpark.  His Home/Away splits over the last three years are .239 vs. .245 average, 33 homers vs. 36 homers and .750 vs. .755 OPS.  You’d be hard pressed to find a player that similar depending on his environs, you’d also have to be pretty bored to try and find said player.  BTW, if you write environs, you’re smart.  If you say environs out loud, you’re a giant tool.  Don’t shoot the messenger.  For 2013, I’ll give Upton the line of 90/25/72/.255/39.  I like him a lot.

Ryan Madson – Headed to the Angels to be the closer.  Ernesto Frieri will move into the set-up role, i.e., Frieri will say, “I was flying all night,” and Madson will say, “Boy, your arms must be tired.”  After 22 blown saves by the Angels bullpen last year, there’s a chance the Angels just have another year with a bullpen chock full of Cuddle Boys.  Madson says he will be 100% for the start of the season, but, with Tommy John surgery last March, I wouldn’t be surprised if he misses the first month.  He will come cheap in drafts and could have a chance for a nice Donkeycorn season.  In 2011, Madson had 60 2/3 IP with 32 saves and a 2.37 ERA.  Shabby it was not, said Yoda.

Wilton Lopez – Traded to the Phils.  This gives a wide open opportunity to the Astros reliever, Sam Demel, to show his stuff.  You know Sam Demel; he used to slide Alice free meat under the counter.  *checking notes*  Yup, that’s Sam Demel.  The Astros could also use Lowrie or Altuve to close games because, as the Astros said, “Rules state a closer must protect a lead, let’s work on getting a lead first.  Now come join us for Biggio bobblehead night!”  The Astros will probably go outside their system to find a one-year replacement.  Maybe bring back Brandon Lyons.  He seemed to understand the Astros’ culture of losing games.

Andy Pettitte – Will return to the Yankees because Pettitte’s kids refuse to let him play the Wii and he needs something to do.  This couldn’t excite me less.  He came back for 75 1/3 IP glorious innings last year with a 8+ K-rate and a 2.87 ERA, but he’s more of a 6-ish K-rate guy with a near-4 ERA.  Last year, he left more men on base than a Catholic schoolgirl.  They start much too late, from what I hear.

Chone Figgins – The Mariners decided to pay Figgy $8 million to not be on their team.   #figgyworldproblems

Carlos Ruiz – Suspended for the first twenty-five games of 2013 due to testing positive for ADD medicine, Adderall.  Ruiz said, “I’m truly sorry for what I’ve done–Hey, what’s that?  A number two pencil?  I used to use those for standardized tests in Panama.  Like I was saying, this suspension is a disgrace to me, my family and– Are those shoes comfortable?  I get bunions.  One time, I got this bunion and I drew a face on it and called it, “Billy.”  Billy stayed with me for three years.  He’d keep me up at night, talking my ear off.  So annoying.  Like Gleek, the Wonder Twins monkey sidekick.  What were we talking about again?”  Hmm, maybe Ruiz needed that Adderall, after all.

38 Responses

  1. beardcrabs says:
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    for some reason I’m going to let others draft him… not really feeling it, not sure why…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I don’t know, he was pretty insane just as a reliever last year… As a starter he has a chance to do things that are fantasy-changing…

      • Jp says:
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        @Grey:

        I just think theres zero chance he makes a full season without arm injury. He threw barely 70 plus innings and had to be shut down in sept. So thats roughly 12 starts before injury.. BUY and SELL fast?

  2. JT says:
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    As a Rays fan, I’m actually happy to see BJ go away. Now maybe I can stomach owning him in fantasy instead of throwing the remote when he strikes out and blows a huge ass, middle-finger of a bubble. I’m really hoping Shields for Wil Myers works out. Then I can do my Snoopy dance all winter long.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’d be floored if the Royals do that…

  3. MattTruss223 says:
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    As a Braves fan, I like the BJ deal. Helps ease the pain of losing Bourn. From a fantasy POV I’m fully prepared to get burned by Melvin as I’m looking to draft him on every team this coming season. Meaning, he’ll prolly hit .220. But, the numbers you put him on are drool worthy. You think it’ll be him or Andrelton batting leadoff?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Nah, right now I have Prado leading off… Yeah, there’s a chance he hits .220, but a guy locked for 20 homers and 30 steals is hard to pass up…

      • MattTruss223 says:
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        @Grey, Ooo, didn’t think about Prado. Seems like more of a natural 2 hitter though, no? Just has limited SB upside in my mind. But, he’s got decentish speed and good OBP. I suppose BJs power is better suited for later in the lineup. I’m hoping Simmons leads off.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          If Prado goes to #2, then Upton goes to #1… Andrelton is bound for the end of the order…

  4. Jon says:
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    I forget if I’ve asked you this before, but are there plans to highlight guys to avoid/target in H2H leagues vs roto leagues? I would think B.J. would be a guy who has a lot more value in roto leagues. Would that be right?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      BJ was pretty consistent last year… Only one month of terrible… I will try to highlight guys that you should avoid/target in H2H league…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @royce!, Oh, royce! that article’s old… I kinda love the Rushmore kid has found work writing for The Atlantic…

      • royce! says:
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        @Grey, Ha! I didn’t notice the writer’s name. Why hadn’t you all told me about this article? I have a new found respect for Psy; I always thought that he had a great grasp of satire, but didn’t know that he was actively criticizing anything, rather than just having fun.

        Just returned from Petco, where they were trying to sell me on season tix again. I have to say that I am intrigued, and might throw down for a half season, but use a bunch of the tickets to get a suite for one game (one of the benefits of SD season tix is that you can basically trade them for any other seats available, so long as you swap weekday tix for other weekday tix, etc.). If I do get a suite, you should come down. Shizz, you should come down for a normal game, though I can understand if that would be a bit less attractive than a suite.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I think Gangnam Style being about something is like Banned in the USA being about something… Yeah, but does anyone take it that way? I’ll definitely come down this year… Shizz, maybe I’ll come down for a weekend series… Interleague Padres vs. Astros!

          • royce! says:
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            @Grey, Ha, yeah no Astros series this year…really unfortunate. When I was at Petco they couldn’t stop talking about how if I bought a half-season plan, I would be able to get tickets to the Yankees series. I was like, “what part of ‘I do not give a crap’ don’t you understand?” But apparently it’s the hot ticket for the upcoming season, as I’m sure it is everywhere the Yankees play. Other than NYY, I think TOR, BAL, and SEA will be playing here. SD/SEA is probably closest to the intrigue promised by a potential HOU/SD series.

            Banned in the USA was about something and it was obvious what that thing was: always standing and never sitting. Because sitting is terrible for one’s health. Really risky for them to take such a stand…

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              No Astros? Oh, boo, my good man, boo… I wanted to see me some… Uh, who plays for them again? That little guy at 2nd and… Hmm… True on Banned in the USA, it’s much more overt… But maybe that’s because they’re singing in English… I’m not sure how overt the Gangnam message is if you speak Korean…

    • Steve says:
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      @royce!, It’s not over. My 7yo is constantly looking at the video on YouTube and singing it spontaneously – along with just about every other kid in her class.

      • Prezii says:
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        @Steve, @royce, its never over… Its never over..

        Nice kicks steve..

        • Steve says:
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          @Prezii, I’ve jumped the gun a little as they’re still on their way to me.

          I’m not a sneakerhead by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have a soft spot for the ol’ Air Trainer 1 Mids.

          • royce! says:
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            @Steve, Not a sneakerhead? You’ve used sneakers as your avatar for like three sets!

            • royce! says:
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              @royce!, why the hell did I write “sets”? I meant “pairs.” That’s terrible…I’m so tired….

            • Steve says:
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              @royce!, Well that’s true, I suppose. I guess I mean it’s not that I have 40 pairs, each still in their box and HAVE to have every new release that comes out.

              I do like ‘em though…

              • royce! says:
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                @Steve, yeah I’m just pullin yer chain- I love em too

  5. Steve says:
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    Assuming Aroldis is starting and looking gooooood in the spring, where are you drafting him?

    Would you risk him as a No.1 starter?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I would draft him right around 20th overall… He could be a #1, yeah…

  6. David_KOA says:
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    @Grey,
    Looks like the Wilton Lopez to Phillies has been put on hold for the moment. Nothing offical yet but speculation is it has to do with his elbow.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ah… Thanks for the heads up! He’s still crap, either way…

  7. Steve says:
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    Span traded to the Nationals for Alex Meyer, which according to some baseball pointy-heads on Twitter is a pretty big deal.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, sounds like a snooze, just further kills Bernadina and Lomardozzi for NL-Only leagues…

  8. Prezii says:
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    This made me happy! And ive always had a man crush on chap, man… So im happy in the pants.. a ball tickle would be an understatement.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, it’s gonna be a glorious season for A Role Dis… I’m a little goose pimply thinking about it…

  9. Steve says:
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    Russell Marrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtin gets 2 years, $17mill from the Pirates…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      That’s disgusting in so many ways…

      • Steve says:
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        @Grey, Avast there ye landlubbers!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Argh, everyone involved should be made to walk the plank…

  10. costaricanchata says:
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    hola .

    made it safe and sound .
    rainforest life … a half mile from the pacific ocean is “very very good to me”.

    everyday internet connection not available until the 2nd week of december .
    limited time does not allow me the opportunity to read all the comments at this time .
    until then , don’t anyone say anything too stoopid … well , at least save somethings for me to chime in with .
    will try and catch up on some of the articles tomorow , if possible .

    thinking of you .

    God Bless .

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Costa Rica Chata! Glad to hear you made it safe to Central America… All the best!

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