Jake Westbrook had everything going against him.  No schools in his area had an athletic program.  His mother was strung out on drugs.  His father was absent from his life.  Then he met Sandra Bullock.  Wait, those aren’t my notes, that’s the back cover of The Blind Side DVD.  Yesterday, Westbrook threw 8 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Okay, in the broader sense, Westbrook is the dog’s breakfast, but you mix that with one certain pitching coach and, well… For his next trick, Dave Duncan will turn a cucumber into a pickle…mobile!  I don’t think it lasts for Westbrook, but he gets the Pirates next.  It’s September, you shouldn’t need more.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Tim Stauffer – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks.  You don’t get them wet, you don’t expose them to light, you don’t feed them after midnight and you never start a hodgepadre away from Petco.

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Last week’s ERA was 2.44.  That’s 22 earned runs in 81 innings.  The WHIP was 1.28.  That’s 104 baserunners.   Had 5 Wins and 58 Ks.  (That’s minus Thursday’s Westbrook start because, well, it’s Thursday.)  Not too shabby on the ERA considering the schmohawks I recommended last week.  Obviously, I’m just as unlucky with Wins with these borderline starters as I am in my real leagues.  This offseason September Grey is going to Hawaii to see if he can find the Tiki idol that is cursing his win karma and seeing if he can’t fix this problem.  To recap, these aren’t guys I’d drop anyone worthwhile to get, these starters are meant for streaming purposes and all of their ownership in ESPN is under 50%.  These streamers are in no particular order.  Also, in the final month of the season, managers juggle their lineups more, so there’s no guarantee all of these guys are listed on the right day.  Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:

Friday, September 17th

Nick Blackburn – As I keep recommending him, I’m probably pushing my luck — or my Bluckburn — but he gets the A’s and has an under 2.00 ERA in his last 31+ IP.

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So far in this month of September, Troy Tulowitzki has 11 homers and 27 RBIs.  This is Hungrybear9562 owning Tulo in a H2H league this month — It’s a DOUBLE HOME RUN!  All the way across the sky!  OH.  MY.  GOD.  A double home run.  Wait, is this a triple home run?  No, it’s a double home run.  It’s beautiful.  *cries*  The only thing ever holding Tulo back is health.  If Tulo can stay healthy for an entire year… Well, look at his 2009 stats — 32 homers, 20 steals and a .297 average.  Next year, he’ll only be 26-years-old and hitters tend not to peak until the age of 27.  Yum with a double shot of gimme.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Eric Young Jr.

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Yesterday, Ozzie Guillen said, “Bobby’s not my closer right now, he’s not, I’m very happy with Chris Sale.  I’m not saying (Jenks has) lost his job, I have to wait to see to put him in the game to see how he’s doing… It might take a little while, maybe one day, two days, three days… a week.  Unless I find out Chris Sale is Asian, then I’m gonna make him work for it.”  The last line was inferred.  Sale’s been lights out since his call up — 0.57 ERA in 15 2/3 IP with 21 Ks.  The manager says he’s the closer, so I’m gonna say Sale’s the closer.  It’s obviously not as easy as that when Ozzie’s involved.  The wind could change directions, Ozzie’s weather vane that’s labeled with Putz, Jenks, Thornton and Sale could spin and someone else could be the closer by tomorrow.  As of right now, I’d grab Sale.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jimmy Rollins – Sounds like he’s done for the regular season, or at least until very close to the end of the year.  Rollins said, “Studies show, even if it’s a mild hamstring, even though the doctors like to say 7-to-10 days, it’s usually three weeks.”  Studies, yeah.  Studies of Jimmy Rollins.

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‘The willies’ as defined by Oxford English Dictionary is a fearful uneasiness of the guy on your street corner that wears a recyclable shopping bag for a shirt and tells you you’re going to hell.  2nd definition, fearful uneasiness of owning Pirate hitters in fantasy.  We’ll be dealing with the 2nd definition; you’re on your own with the first one.  Should all Pirate hitters give us the willies?  No willies on The Dread Pirate.  Robot Jones — occasional willies.  Neil Walker — no willies for his position.  Jose Tabata — no willies, but worried about willies for next year.  Pedro Alvarez — some willies now, no future willies.  There’s going to be a Pedro Alvarez sleeper post for 2011.  I’m telling you now because, if you go into hibernation for five months and rub the crusties out of your eyes to see a Pedro Alvarez sleeper post in 2011, I want you to know I have not been talking about Alvarez for the last five months, it’ll only feel like that to you.  Phew, was the longest run-on sentence ever or what?  I blame Strunk & White.  So what makes Pedro Alvarez a fantasy baseball keeper for 2011?

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Yesterday, Joey Votto went 2-for-4 with his 34th homer and 14th steal.  Tomorrow, the MVP.  He didn’t have the biggest offensive day for all hitters yesterday, but he’s getting the lead today.  Wanna know why?  Cause I’ve been shot by Cupid and I love Joey Votto.  True story, I walked into an ice cream parlor and asked for a Joey Votto.  The guy behind the counter said, “I don’t know what you mean.”  I punched him in his mouth.  Here’s what I said last December, “If Votto continues to progress, you’re looking at a guy that could easily give you 32 homers, 10 steals and a .300 average.  Want more?  If you buy into Joey Votto for 2010, I’ll also throw in a climbing walk rate and OPS for absolutely free!  Don’t want it?  Who cares, it’s free!”  And that’s me quoting me!  Finally, know who I’m probably not going to be able to afford in 2011 drafts?  Votto, my love!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jay Bruce – 3-for-4, 2 Runs, 4 RBIs and 2 homers as he lives up to his Septacular reputation.  Last September, he hit 4 homers and .353 in only 34 ABs after not hitting above .258 in any other month.  Had 7 homers in September of 2008.  Play Bruce in the Venezuelan Winter League and he’ll win an MVP.

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Have you ever read Razzball and thought to yourself,  “I enjoy their musings and perspectives on fantasy baseball and only wish they would stop hoarding their opinions on other subjects.  I mean, really, they must think about something besides fantasy baseball.  Am I unknowingly contributing to their unhealthy fantasy baseball addiction by frequenting this blog?  Should I schedule an intervention?  Did I mention hoarding and intervention in the same paragraph?  Man, I have to stop watching so much A&E.  Is it ironic or self-fulfilling that shows about compulsive behavior lead to compulsive viewing habits?”

We hope you think like that because we’ve launched a new blog that will solve the above conundrum (except the A&E part)!

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Kyle Drabek, the Blue Jays top pitching prospect, was called up to start on Wednesday vs. the O’s.  Kyle Drabek is 24th on the top 50 prospects for fantasy baseball.  He has top of the rotation stuff and a good pedigree with his dad being the former Cy Young winner, Doug.  Or Guod if you’re dyslexic.  Or “Hey, look a bird,” if you have ADHD.  Well… Kyle Drabek had top of the rotation stuff.  Now he looks closer to a number 2 or 3.  His strikeout rate went from 10+ K/9 in A to 7+ in Double-A.  Word on the street is his velocity is down.  He’s obviously too young to write off.  Velocity could return with the gaudy Ks.  In keepers, I’d grab him in AL-Only, obviously.  In mixed league keepers, it needs to be deep for him to have any real value.  For this year, I’d be very cautious about starting him anywhere.  In his first two starts, he gets the M’s and O’s, or the Mo’s.  Not bad matchups, but starting rookie pitchers in the final weeks of the season is asking for trouble.  You just have no idea what he’s going to do in his cup of coffee, he may or may not get creamed.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Adam Lind – 1-for-2 with 22nd homer.  I’m sorry, I will like him again next year.  I’ll love him if he can train with the guy who trained Zobrist in the winter of 2009 and Bautista last winter.

Please, blog, may I have some more?