It feels like just the other day the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in July, you screamed out “I got a Trumboner!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend. C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2016. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2017. To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?” (Also, if you missed it, I interviewed B-Real this year on our podcast, though that might not have been as good as our Jose Canseco interview.) It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players, then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. It’s cold hard math, y’all! Please, for the love that all is holy, don’t ask me if this is for next year. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2016 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:
1. Jonathan Lucroy – *shakes fist at JB* You got me this time, you big galoot! The only thing I will say defending myself and punting catcher, in general, Lucroy ended the year ranked 77th overall, about that of Carlos Beltran and Anthony Rendon. Even if you drafted Lucroy where he was going in the preseason, you didn’t get any value. The top catcher overall was about as valuable as David Price. A pitcher with a 3.99 ERA. The top catcher overall only had 67 runs. 106 players had more runs than him. Guys like Yunel Escobar and Joe Mauer had more runs. So, yes, Lucroy was the best catcher, but he’s still only the world’s tallest midget, who is not apparently Altuve. Preseason Rank #17, 2016 Projections: 60/9/51/.258/4, Final Numbers: 67/24/81/.292/5
2. Buster Posey – Have absolutely nothing against Posey. Actually he seems like a good cat, assuming I liked cats and if saying ‘Posey cat’ didn’t make me sound like I was a villain from a Saturday morning cartoon. Drafting a top catcher is a good way to lose your league. You drafted a top catcher instead of, say, Freeman. Then someone else punted catcher and drafted Freeman. You ended up with Matt Carpenter and Posey and lost to the person who drafted Freeman and just picked up from waivers Wilson Ramos, Yasmani, Realmuto… And don’t even get me started about the people who drafted Schwarber. Preseason Rank #1, 2016 Projections: 75/20/91/.310/2, Final Numbers: 82/14/80/.288/6
3. Wilson Ramos – This was the year Ramos hung an eye chart on opposing pitchers and spelled aloud, “I-S-E-E-Y-O-U-F-A-N-T-S-Y-V-A-L-U-E. D-I-D-I-S-P-E-L-L-F-A-N-T-S-Y-W-R-O-N-G?” Too bad his Lasik couldn’t help him avoid more knee problems. At least we know Ramos will never kneel for the National Anthem. It’s impossible for him. Preseason Rank #13, 2016 Projections: 53/16/60/.238, Final Numbers: 58/22/80/.307
4. Evan Gattis – Ramos started the area of the recap where catchers could’ve been had off of waivers. As for Gattis, he was on waivers too at various times during the season. That’s right, two catchers that were on teams all year, and possibly three with Salvador Perez, depending on the patience of his owner. CAGNOF, anyone? Preseason Unranked for catchers, 2016 Projections: 61/25/78/.243, Final Numbers: 58/32/72/.251/2
5. J.T. Realmuto – Wanna know how terrible catchers are? Of course, you do, you’re reading this! Catchers are so bad that I came pretty close to pegging Realmuto’s projections and I thought he was worth around the 14th best catcher. Sure, if I gave him forty extra points in average, that would’ve boosted him to maybe 11th or 10th in the preseason, but 5th? J.T., as in Just Terrible. Preseason Rank #14, 2016 Projections: 51/11/54/.264/10, Final Numbers: 60/11/48/.303/12
6. Russell Martin – Russell John Coltrane Iggy Azalea Martin finished with essentially the same value as I thought he would, which was a garbage pile where you occasionally found a roll of nickels. Preseason Rank #8, 2016 Projections: 63/15/69/.244/5, Final Numbers: 62/20/74/.231/2
7. Yasmani Grandal – Since I had Yasmani for the better part of the year in my RCL, it’s time to look at what I got from my Frankencatcher (this is not going to be pretty). In 468 at-bats, I got 49/15/55/.216/1. That is so awful. If I just held Grandal, Ramos, Realmuto or McCann, all guys I had at one point, I would’ve been better off. Makes me think Ron Popeil has a point with his set it and forget it. Though, with those awful catcher numbers, I still came in 2nd place and lost due to pitching. Preseason Rank #22, 2016 Projections: 47/14/52/.244/1, Final Numbers: 49/27/72/.228/1
8. Yadier Molina – This guy moving so far up the end of the season rankings reminds me of the benefits of global warming. Ice caps melt and oceans rise which will make it easy to climb Mt Everest. Preseason Rank #24, 2016 Projections: 40/6/50/.261/2, Final Numbers: 56/8/58/.307/3
9. Salvador Perez – Is it me (it’s not just me) or did catchers have terrible lineup positions this year and, henceforth, vis-a-vis, ergo, not the movie, all catchers have awful counting stats. When your runs and RBIs are in the 50s, you’re either Granderson, Gyorko or a catcher. Preseason Rank #3, 2016 Projections: 57/22/72/.266/1, Final Numbers: 57/22/64/.247
10. Brian McCann – Under his jersey, he should wear a shirt that says, “Yes We McCann.” Side note, true story, I entered a pie-making contest recently for s’s and g’s, making a pecan pie, and Cougs and I wore shirts that said, “Yes We Pecan.” I lost because two weeks prior to the contest I had never baked a pie before, but we had the best shirts, easily. Preseason Rank #4, 2016 Projections: 64/22/79/.236, Final Numbers: 56/20/58/.242/1
11. Welington Castillo – Where’s the beouf?! Here, apparently. Preseason Rank #5, 2016 Projections: 56/21/68/.240, Final Numbers: 41/14/68/.264/2
12. Matt Wieters – As far as getting projections closest to actual results, Wieters looks pretty spot on, which is to say empty power and not much else. Preseason Rank #10, 2016 Projections: 51/17/57/.252/1, Final Numbers: 48/17/66/.243/1
13. Gary Sanchez – He went from Teddy Roosevelt’s favorite NBA player’s minor league club, the Jamaal Wilkes-Barre Railriders, where he hit a home run in his first at-bat, to the Yankees where he hit a home run in his first at-bat of every at-bat. The only thing stopping Sanchez from being a top two catcher this year is his lack of counting stats due to how few games he played. If he would’ve played fifty more games, he would’ve easily bested Lucroy for top catcher honors. Holy schnikeballs. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 34/20/42/.299/1
14. Stephen Vogt – Here’s another case where a catcher came close to my projections but ended much higher because of the sheer lack of decent catchers. MIs might’ve gotten deep, but if MIs are jumping in the catcher pool they’re hitting their head on the bottom (I think that analogy makes sense). Preseason Rank #19, 2016 Projections: 46/11/49/.258, Final Numbers: 54/14/56/.251
15. Cameron Rupp – There was a bit of a fall off from Vogt to Rupp. In other words, those in 15-team leagues were like, “Damn, I should’ve drafted my catcher before one other guy.” Preseason Rank #26, 2016 Projections: 38/11/41/.228, Final Numbers: 36/16/54/.252/1
16. Derek Norris – This guy didn’t have a terrible season, he had a very unlucky one. Somewhere, Norris is like, “Yeah, no shizz, Sherlock, I was unlucky because I play for the Padres. No shizz Sherlucky? Why am I trying to make a portmanteau?” Preseason Rank #11, 2016 Projections: 60/15/64/.261/5, Final Numbers: 50/14/42/.186/9
17. Willson Contreras – Before Gary Sanchez, or merely BGS, which isn’t Big Gay Steve, a friend of Cougs’ who is only five-nine, but that’s big compared to us, Contreras was the belle of the rookie catcher ball. But the clock struck midnight on that and, as a Jewish fairy tale says, pumpkins make bupkis. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 33/12/35/.282/2
18. Sandy Leon – Member when Leon’s BABIP was so absurd that we were laughing and goofing and having the best time at his expense? Yeah, his BABIP is still .392. Let’s giggle, y’all! Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 36/7/35/.310
19. Nick Hundley – I actually drafted this schmohawk in a few leagues, and that wasn’t even the worst of my catcher picks. Thank you, Travis d’Terminator-of-value and Devin “Ugly Face” Mesoraco! Preseason Rank #9, 2016 Projections: 48/12/55/.283/3, Final Numbers: 30/10/48/.260
20. Tucker Barnhart – If you owned Barnhart all year, you’re an unlucky Tucker. Preseason unranked, Final Numbers: 34/7/51/.257/1
