Whaddup, boyz! Okay, we went over top 20 catchers for 2008 already. But you weren’t happy with just that. You wanted more. So we went over the top 20 1st basemen. But did that satiate you? Please, you don’t even know what satiate means. So here we are with the top 20 2nd basemen for 2008. Happy now? I know, maybe for a day. Unlike our previous top 20 lists, the top 20 2nd basemen might excite you a bit. This is all dependent on how coal-black your heart is, of course. Will this list draw animated wings on your sneakers and help you fly around room? I sure hope so. Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2008 in fantasy baseball and how they compared to where we originally ranked them:

1. Dustin Pedroia – Booyakasha, Buju Banton!  A funny thing happened on the way to the end of the season, offense was severely down. Not just in the top twenty 1st basemen, but in this list as well. I wasn’t terribly off with my preseason predictions for Pedroia, but his rank was 14th in the preseason and he came in 1st. Insane. I want a new ‘roidOne that won’t be detected. One that will let a 2nd basemen hit like Kent and help Brian Roberts be respected. Preseason Rank #14, Preseason Predictions:  105/12/60/.300/12, Final Numbers: 118/17/83/.326/20

2. Chase Utley – You know Utley, so I’m going to relay a story. A friend of mine is a career minor leaguer. He’s had a few cups of coffee in the majors, but to follow that analogy to its conclusion, he’s still drowsy. A couple of years back, he got the September call-up for the Phillies. Being a starter in the minors, he was thrust into the coveted mop-up role. So it’s a 9-1 game, or some equally lopsided score, and my friend gets the call. To everyone in the stadium, it meant a pee break. To him, he got to jog out to a major league mound, something he dreamt about since he was a boy. The appearance was nothing more than a blip on some discarded box score. For him, it was two innings struggling to get hitters out. It was his day, yet it just wasn’t. Back in the locker room afterwards, players still went up and congratulated him on getting to the show. But not Utley. Nope. Utley bought him two prostitutes. They were delivered on one condition, Utley wanted to bang them first. Preseason Rank #1, Preseason Predictions:  120/32/115/.325/12, Final Numbers: 113/33/104/.292/14

3. Ian Kinsler – Would’ve been number one if it wasn’t for a testy testes.  Going down in mid-August, he lost a month and half and still got the job done like Big Daddy Kane. Preseason Rank #6, Preseason Predictions:  110/25/70/.270/25, Final Numbers: 102/18/71/.319/26

4. Brian Roberts – Okay, I’m not a fan. It’s been well-documented on this site. Use the search, candy ass! But… and this is a Queen Latifah-sized but, there’s not a whole lot of guys below Roberts that I really want either. Ugh, 2nd base. The Mapquest said your road was open. Preseason Rank #5, Preseason Predictions:  105/10/55/.290/30, Final Numbers: 107/9/57/.296/40

5. B.J. Upton – Upton had a bizarre season (and similar to Rios). He gave you value, but not quite the type of value you were hoping for, which is a double-edged sword or whatever cliché applies. You needed more power from Upton so, speed or not, he left you wanting more. Preseason Rank #3, Preseason Predictions:  100/30/85/.280/27, Final Numbers: 85/9/67/.273/40

6. Mark DeRosa – One of those guys that ranks so high because he gave you a little bit of everything.  While at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston, I realized I usually prefer a player that has a lot of one thing rather than the player that gives you a little bit of everything. Why, Grey? Please, fill our heads with fantasy smarts. Ok, random italicized voice, most guys that give you one of something, actually do give you that one thing. For instance, take Ryan Howard (to a Sizzler. My man’s hungry. Wocka-wocka-wocka…). Howard will give you power. Now take Conor Jackson. He’s giving you… Um… Average! Then… Um… Maybe some power. Maybe some speed. In other words, guys that give you a little bit of everything, could give you a lot of nothing. Let me emphasize, this does not include guys that give you a lot of everything (Hanley) or a lot of one thing (Reyes). Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 103/21/87/.285/6

7. Jose Lopez – Went over yesterday in the top 1st basemen for 2008.

8. Brandon Phillips – Here’s what I said in September regarding what I said in January, “…He wasn’t benched until August for the slump that was “all in his head,” (instead of my original January prediction of July)…” And that’s me referencing me, quoting me and paraphrasing me! Preseason Rank #4, Preseason Predictions:  80/19/75/.240/25, Final Numbers:  79/21/77/.262/23

9. Dan Uggla – After going into the All-Star break with a .286 average, he tried his damnedest to get to my predicted .245 average. Preseason Rank #9, Preseason Predictions:  95/30/80/.245, Final Numbers:  97/32/92/.260/5

10. Alexei Ramirez – He’s getting comparisons to Alfonso Sorinao for his smile, swing and doctoring birth certificate skills.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 65/21/77/.290/13

11. Ryan Theriot – In January, I thought Theriot looked like a nice end of draft bargain. In October, I look like I was right. (Note: Theriot was ranked with the SS in the preseason. In all fairness, I would’ve ranked him about here.) Preseason Predictions:  105/3/50/.290/45, Final Numbers:  85/1/38/.307/22

12. Placido Polanco – And here’s the epitome of a little bit of everything. Preseason Rank #12, Preseason Predictions:  90/7/65/.310/7, Final Numbers:  90/8/58/.307/7

13. Kelly Johnson – In reality, he’s a little bit better than Polanco, but his average lands him just below him. Preseason Rank #11, Preseason Predictions:  85/17/65/.275/12, Final Numbers:  86/12/69/.287/11

14. Mike Aviles – Considering he didn’t start playing full-time until June, you got a ton of value from Aviles and he probably saved a lot of you the agony of rotating Piss Boys, i.e. Willie Harris and Joe Inglett.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  68/10/51/.325/8

15. Ty Wigginton – During the month of August, Razzball declared it National Wigginton’s On My Team Month So Be Gone Yunel Escobar as Wigginton slugged a new Astros record 12 home runs. That’s right, one insane month and he made it to 15th on the top 20 2nd basemen list. One more good month and he would’ve finished top two. (Note: He was ranked for 3rd basemen, not 2nd basemen.) Preseason Predictions:  70/20/70/.270, Final Numbers:  50/23/58/.285

16. Kaz Matsui – Godzilla Jr. is better than Dinosaur Jr. I have nothing else nice to say about Kaz.  Preseason Rank #16, Preseason Predictions:  75/3/30/.275/25, Final Numbers:  58/6/33/.293/20

17. Clint Barmes – I told you to pick up this schmohawk in April. You could possibly hold that against me. Preseason Unranked, Preseason Predictions:  Bizarre Injury from meat, Final Numbers:  47/11/44/.290/13

18. Yunel Escobar – Went from underrated to underperforming in under two months. (Note: Preseason Rank #18 for SS.) Preseason Predictions:  80/10/55/.285/15, Final Numbers:  71/10/60/.288/2

19. Robinson Cano – At some point in May, I convinced myself that Robinson Cano was a buy and due for a turnaround. At some point, someone should have beat me over the head with a blunt object. Oh, Cano, you let me down. Preseason Rank #2 (coincidentally Cano took a number two all season), Preseason Predictions:  100/25/100/.295/3, Final Numbers:  70/14/72/.271/2

20. Akinori Iwamura – More incredible than this schmohawk appearing on the list is Cano showing up right before him and Weeks would be right after him. If you saw that coming, there’s bukkake in your eye. Preseason Rank, None, but rank’s second most common definition is “offensively gross,” Preseason Predictions:  Offensively gross is not a euphemism for a productive hitter, Final Numbers: Bleh!

  1. Frank Rizzo says:

    Hey Grey, are you buying Jon Lester next year? Will you rank him in your top 20?

    Also, Longoria’s already hit 2 HR’s today. Where do you currently have him ranked for 2009? I’d probably consider him 2nd after A-Rod. Yes I probably would take him ahead of Wright. Is that crazy?

  2. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Frank Rizzo: I don’t think Lester will be in the top 20. I see him closer to 20 to 30. Think Wainwright coming into this year. Chance to be a number one, but not quite there yet.

    Longoria’s not the #2 third basemen. I could see him as high as three though. Not saying I would put him there, but I could see it.

  3. Frank Rizzo says:

    @Grey: Damn, Longoria now 3 for 3 with 2 R’s and 3 RBI. The guy’s a stud.

    Alexei Ramirez….is he a top 5 2b next year? Probably won’t be able to steal Ramirez and Longoria in 2009.

  4. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Frank Rizzo: Alexei will be just outside the top five next year and you might be able to steal him. Though the more postseason exposure he gets won’t help.

  5. BigFatHippo says:

    @Grey: Victorino the new Mr. October?

  6. Lolhamburger says:

    Oh wow did Longoria have a great game today. I was totally wrong when I predicted that his wrist injury during the summer would make him powerless for the remainder of the year.

  7. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: Ha! That was the 2nd time in like three days a baseball game gave me chills. Those Phillies (ph)ans were going crazy. Good for Victorino, I was really happy to see that.

    @Lolhamburger: According to someone in the medical field that I trust, because of where on Longoria’s wrist the injury occurred it shouldn’t have cost him any power and it seems to be true.

    EDIT: Clarification.

  8. BigFatHippo says:

    @Grey: Loved the standing O for Myers taking a walk. CC shouldn’t have ate those extra 12 biscuits at the buffet.

    Unfortunately I didn’t get to listen to the Rays game. The start of it came on when I left Lake of the Ozarks but then faded out. Pretty much all you can pick up in Southern Mo is religious channels and Twangfests. Almost 300 miles of that shizz.

  9. BigFatHippo says:

    @Grey: Also, Scrappy Doo #1, wow.

    Is that shit true about Utley?

  10. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: Completely true. There was more to the story too. Like Rollins throwing dollar bills at the girls while Utley was… Well, yeah, there’s more.

  11. BigFatHippo says:

    @Grey: Ha

    In that case I’m keeping him his whole career. He’ll cost 100 bucks by the time he’s 36, much more than Bootheel hookers.

  12. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: My friend ended up in the Dodgers system and I have some Lasorda stories as well.

  13. BigFatHippo says:

    @Grey: Do tell, I imagine they involve some combination of meatballs, linguini and g-strings.

  14. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: One story I remember was Lasorda (who’s always in the locker room even though he hasn’t been the manager in ten years) had a thing for giving pep talks completely naked.

  15. BigFatHippo says:

    @Grey: Ouch, bad visual. Stop it now please.

    Pretty amped up to be watching baseball again after being gone 2 days. Spent the day winning the golf outing and the night getting shitfaced on white russians with The Dude. Missed Loney’s slam and Longoria’s big day, not to mention Hamels’ gem.

    Love to see Billingsley do the same tonight to the Cubbies. Bills and Hamels will go toe to toe for the Cy next year, book it.

  16. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: Congrats on the golf.

    If Myers pitches well in the playoffs, the Phils could be tough. They have the bullpen for the playoffs. Myers and Moyer are question marks though. The Brewers are being exposed tonight. Badly. (Kinda like Lasorda.)

  17. BigFatHippo says:

    @Grey: Thanks

    Myers looks good, pitching and defense win championships and the Brewers are thin at both.

    How did Shields look today? He and Kazmir have to be on if the Rays are gonna do it. Kaz could be the key with a little rest, if he’d just throw strikes dammitt.

  18. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: Shields actually didn’t look so good, but their bullpen pulled them through.

    @royce!: I was waiting for, “What did you say about Slim Fast? You mother–!”

  19. royce! says:

    @Grey: You got to the end, right? “I farted. Smells like Slim-Fast!”

  20. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: Ha, he actually did say Slim Fast at the end. Nice.

  21. cubbies299 says:

    anyone watch the 2nd inning of the cubs game? cue the benny hill music

  22. cubbies299 says:

    @Grey: and now aramis has one! Errors for all. I think we’re hitting brain aneurysm country. it’s a big country.

  23. Grey

    Grey says:

    @cubbies299: Frankly, they’re choking and it’s not looking good.

  24. Why is it that everyone thinks Wigginton and Theriot are Second Basemen? I understand that coming into 2008 they had eligibility from 2007, but I guess if they’re on any 2009 lists, those previews lose all credibility. Wigginton and Theriot had a combined 0 games at 2B.

  25. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Andrew: These are lists for the season that was. ’09 lists will be on there way shortly.

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