Here at Razzball we don’t believe in protesting a fantasy baseball trade, but we do fully support passive-aggressive, sarcastic belittling. So if someone in your league completed a trade that makes you wish they’d walk into oncoming traffic, you’re in luck! Here’s a Mad Libs-type tirade to post in your league’s messageboard because when met with pettiness, you should retaliate with more pettiness. Simply copy the below and fill in the appropriate words. You may use this post to antagonize your closest friends, enemies or frenemies with the express written consent of Razzball.com. Also, feel free to post your version in the comments.
To Those That Passed That (adjective) Trade,
When I saw the trade of (Player(s) Traded Away) for (Player(s) Received), I contemplated vetoing the trade, but even one trade veto can have a domino effect and before you know it every trade is being vetoed. Instead, I decided to take the high road and just voice my disagreement on this message board. Though I do sometimes question my leaguemates’ ability to read something that isn’t scribbled in crayons. On the bright side, you two (plural derogatory name) who were involved in the trade can use this post to practice your reading comprehension. It’s not too late for that GED!
Since no one has the courtesy to respond to my trade offers, I figured you two were busy hanging out with your significant others. You know, your mothers. “No, Mom, I have friends. The phone just rang the other day. Now please pass the Miracle Whip. Your chicken salad is dry.” Or maybe you were busy making up excuses for walking in on your sister while she’s showering. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear the water running.” Or maybe you two were busy (verb) each other in your (adjective) (body part).
It’s obviously your strategic prerogative to make any trades you want, as it’s my prerogative to wish you both harm. So, douchetards, I have an idea. Rather than digging through dumpsters for discarded porno mags, how about you two (plural derogatory name) get together and punch each other in the face?
The Guy Who Is Still Going To Beat Both Of You,
P.S. Anyone need a closer?