Since everyone loves a good schadenfreude session, I figured I’d let you look at our teams, point and laugh. Hey, at least you have your ‘stache! Thanks, Random Italicized Voice. Anyway, here’s our fantasy baseball teams and how they’re currently doing:
Yahoo Friends & Family (host: Brandon Funston of Yahoo!) — 14 team, mixed, 5×5, 1250 IP cap, roto — Currently tied for 10th.
- They Hate Me: This was one of the leagues where we doubled up on Morneau and Alvarez. A recurring theme in our teams across all leagues is our trust in Alvarez and Morneau. They took our trust, brought it into a public restroom, placed it on top of the toilet paper dispenser, left it there, someone else came in and knocked it onto the floor and the janitor never swept it into the garbage so now it’s getting kicked back and forth through puddles of unknown liquids.
- Key Pickups: Honestly, this team was in last place for the first two months, so to say there were key pickups would be an insult to pickups in all leagues. Bernadina’s helped, Trumbo hasn’t hurt and Hardy’s been beefy. They’re not getting us to first any time soon, but if we can get to 5th place in this league, I’d be happy.
- Key Trade: We made one trade. Sent Seth Smith to Pianowski for Brett Gardner. Pianowski had Smith for one game then traded him. Guess I was involved in a three-way and didn’t know it. Gardner’s stats on our team: 30/3/11/.331/12.
Hero Sandwich (host: Scott Pianowski of Yahoo!) 12 team, mixed, 5×5, 1425 IP cap, roto — Currently, 2nd place
- They Love Me: This team was saddled with Morneau too, but because it’s much shallower than Friends & Family, we were able to maneuver around that anchor. In this league, Stanton, Fielder, Espinosa, Stubbs, Pence and Holliday have carried the offense. Pitching’s been Cueto, Wandy, Kuroda, Danks, C.J. Wilson and Ian Kennedy. Not a number one in the bunch, but more than enough, except for Wins — Danks, John! — but we’re gaining there.
- Key Pickups: Matt Joyce. Oh, and Matt Joyce. And, um, yeah, same guy.
- Key Trade: Only one trade here too. We sent Brandon League and Aardsma for Ian Kennedy. Kennedy’s numbers on our team: 5 Wins, 2.26/1.07/52 in 63 2/3 IP. League has 8 saves and a 5-something ERA for the other team. Thank you, come again!
The Roto Arcade Pro-Am (host: Andy Behrens of Yahoo!) 14 team, mixed, H2H — Currently 6th place but only five games back, i.e. everyone’s still in the running for the playoffs.
- Morneau Really Screwed Us: Again.
- Key Pickups: A Fister here, a Maholm there. We currently have Xavier Paul. So, yeah, pickups have been all over the map depending on our weekly matchups.
- Key Trade: There hasn’t been one trade since the start of the season in this league and we weren’t involved in any preseason dealings. But if anyone wants Morneau, hit me up!
CBSSports.com Analysts League (host: Scott White) 12 team, NL-Only, 5×5, roto — Currently in 1st place.
- There Was No Way To Draft Morneau In NL-Only League: Without that Minnesota albatross around our necks, we’ve managed to coast all season in 1st place. Matt Kemp hasn’t hurt either. There are teams that are doomed with bad luck, this team has been the opposite. Our current average is .282, that would be beating our mixed league teams. We also have more home runs, runs, RBIs, Wins, saves and a better ERA and WHIP in this league than some of our mixed league teams. We could put Jamey Carroll in our lineup and he’d knock in 12 runs with a three homer game.
- Key Pickups: We picked up Dee Gordon, Alex Presley, Rubby de la Rosa, Dustin Moseley, Charlie Morton and Juan Nicasio. Aside from Gordon, we haven’t even had to play them because our drafted team is doing so well. (I am totally jinxing us right now.) Drafted Kemp, Pence, McCann, Beachy, Chacin, Madson, Venters, Storen and Tim Hudson. Doesn’t sound incredible, but in a 12 team NL-Only league, it’s pretty good.
NL LABR (host: USA Today) — 13 team, NL-Only, 5×5, roto — Currently in 9th place
- No Morneau, So Why Not In First?: Our pitching has been our downfall. The team in first has Dillon Gee, Karstens, Kennedy, Lyles, Niese and Norris as starters. We have Capuano, Gallardo, Clayton Richard, Gorzelanny and Randy Wolf. Their ERA is 3.33; ours is 4.27. Their WHIP is 1.22; ours is 1.42. They have a 10 and 12, respectively. We have a 2 and 1, disrespectively. Leaving the draft, I asked the team owner in first how he think he did, he hated his pitching. I didn’t mind ours. If we had a number #2, like Kuroda, we’d be in contention. Oh, and did I mention we had Javier Vazquez give us 39 1/3 IP and a 7.55 ERA and 1.91 WHIP? As for hitting, we don’t have less than 9 points in any category, but we just lost Pujols so that could change soon too.
- Reservations Over Our Reserves: In a league this deep, you need to strike gold with a couple of reserves. Any prospect of note has already been drafted by this point (e.g., Beachy, Lyles, Mesoraco, etc.) as well as any speculative closer (Melancon went for $2) so it’s a matter of rummaging through projected bench players, subpar SPs, and second-tier prospects and hoping they 1) get playing time and 2) do well. Examples include Dillon Gee, Kyle Lohse, Ryan Roberts, and Jason Bourgeois. Our two SP fliers (Aneury Rodriguez and Yuniesky Maya) got playing time and sucked. Mat Gamel is just getting called up now for a cup of coffee while Eric Patterson stole a couple bases and then had sex with Bud Black’s wife (unsubstantiated theory).
FantasyPros911 Expert League (host: FantasyPros911.com) — 12 team, AL-Only, 5×5, roto — Currently in 4th place
- Big Bets = Big Busts: These are the highest salaries on the team: Shin-Soo Choo ($36), Alex Rios ($26), Aaron Hill ($18), Matt Thornton ($16), Mitch Moreland ($15), Philip Hughes ($15). Hughes and Thornton had the dignity to suck so bad in the first couple weeks so their damage was contained (other than losing about 6 points in Saves). The awful seasons by Choo and Rios lingered up until Choo’s thumb fractured like his homeland 50 years ago. Their combined .234 – an inexplicable 50 points below a reasonable projection – is the #1 reason that we’re at a 2 for AVG.
- Depth Trumps Everything in AL-Only: The reason we’re in 4th is because of great depth. Moreland and Smoak have been a solid 1B/CI combo for a combined price ($28) that’s $2 more expensive than Billy ‘Moobs’ Butler, $4 cheaper than Dunn, and the same price as Morneau. The $9 catcher tandem of Russ Martin and Miguel Olivo have contributed 21 HRs (!!!!) so far. Reserve picks Corey Patterson has arguably out-performed Choo and Rios. The ragtag pitching unit of Hellickson, Baker, Garcia, Coke, Fister, and Britton – combined with reserve pick Tyson Ross + FA pickups Alex Cobb, Guillermo Moscoso, and Vinnie Pestano – have managed to reach a 10 in ERA and climb up to average (and rising) in K’s/WHIP/Wins. The biggest mistake – while reserve pick Jesse Crain has been very good, we could’ve had Sergio Santos. Ay Dios Mio!
- Are You F***in’ Kidding Me: We finally reached first place a couple days ago only to have Willingham and Choo go down within a week of each other. And the team we tied for 1st place – KFFL’s Nick Mannis – has Choo’s backup (Travis Buck).
