In Luis Robert Jr.‘s favor, when I was typing the title up, I wrote Luis Robert Hr. It must be a good sign that I slipped up and changed Jr. to Hr. That’s where the positives are gonna have to end. Looked up Luis Robert Jr. on last year’s Player Rater to see what kind of value he gave to the people who rostered him last year and are you holding onto your hat? That’s not a hat, that’s a helmet with two beer cans on both sides. So, last year, I’ll give you one guess on Luis Robert Jr., was he on the Player Rater higher or lower than 348th overall? Bzzt, wrongo! He was at exactly 348 overall. Hey, one love, but also: What the eff? He was slightly less valuable than Jonah Heim. Slightly worse than Gavin Lux. Slightly worse than Alec Marsh. That’s not even the subpar but rosterable outfielder, Marsh with the beard! He was less valuable than Jakob Junis. I’m sorry, I need to sit down on that one. I also need to sit down because I’m inside a Waymo and there’s people shaking the car screaming, “We will kill you if you don’t come out right now.” This is serious. Uh, this is serious about Luis Robert Jr., I mean. These guys with baseball bats will stop smashing this Waymo soon enough. I wonder if they could teach bat speed to Luis Robert Jr. Hmm, it’s prolly better to not open the window and ask. So, what can we expect from Luis Robert Jr. for 2025 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?
Luis Robert Jr.’s being drafted around 70th overall. I can see trying for the bounce back, but he’s being drafted around Shota Imanaga. An ace or a guy who gave Jakob Junis a run for his money last year? (A runis for his monis?) Y’all are seriously tripping, and I’m not talking about your untied Hokas. Last year, Luis Robert Jr. went 47/14/35/.224/23 in 393 ABs. Hilarious. You notice I haven’t called him LouBob or Pantera or whatever. Dude doesn’t deserve a nickname. You have to earn that shizz. Last year, 45 players had 82 runs. He had 82 runs and RBIs combined. 82 RuBIs! With 400 plate appearances as the cutoff, he had the 181st worst runs in the league. Only way he was getting runs last year was after eating at Taco Bell. He hit 1st, 2nd and 3rd in the lineup for all but one game! I am howling. Do you know how bad that is? He hit 3rd for 205 ABs and hit .210. Perfection. Is it too early for the call to the Hall of Fame? Dude is making history. Not history, not herstory, he’s making Worstory. Again, if he were going in a place for a bounce back? Maybe! In the top 70? Literal marbles in peoples’ heads.
I know what you’re thinking, the White Sox were historically bad last year, but they will be better. First off, hello, Chris Getz! Thanks for reading! Because he’s the only one thinking that. They went out and signed Michael Ann Taylor for his pantsuits and that made them better? Seriously, I’m asking because if I look at their depth chart I will get sick. Could Lenyn Sosa protect Luis Robert Jr. in the order? Not because he’s good, but so I can make Russian Revolution jokes because I’m reading a Russian history book that’s 4,000 pages long and I need to justify it. Sorry, I hear the White Sox signed Austin Slater. Whew, Saved by the Bell! Luis Robert Jr. had a 33.2% K%, .310 BABIP and hit .224. Those numbers suck. What’s he gonna hit if he gets unlucky on BABIP? .175? Ya know what, in fairness to him, he likely doesn’t want to play for the White Sox, so he’s unmotivated. I don’t blame him! But I also don’t want him playing for my fantasy team.
