Okay, so I’m basically going to have to do a post for every Cubs prospect.  They have me prospiqued.  I’ve been knocked on the head and no one can find any smelling salts, so they’re holding Cubs prospects under my nose.  A Nubian genie is offering me three wishes and I’m taking three Cubs prospects.  I already gave you my Jorge Soler fantasy.  Today, it’s Kris Bryant and his mollywhopping stick.  Maybe next will be Addison Russell. (Can I get a Starlin Castro to Yankees trade already?  You know you want to, Yanks.)  Bryant has a mollywhopping stick like we haven’t seen since Big Sexy Richie Sexson.  Last year at spring training, when I saw Bryant, I was impressed.  Looked ready to hit a ball 5,000 feet like he was five hundred Cespedes standing in the batter’s box.  When I say mollywhop, you say Bryant.  Last year, he had 43 homers in the minors.  Um, for those slow on the uptake, they don’t play as many games in the minor leagues.  43 homers in the minors is like 756 homers in 162 major league games for a new major league record (Barry Bonds who?).  It wasn’t like Bryant hit for a sucky average either — .355 in Double-A and .295 in Triple-A.  He does strikeout a decent amount and that might hurt his average a bit in the majors.  Oh, and he has sneaky speed — 15 steals last year.  Can I draft him 2nd overall for 2015 right now?  I ask, politely.  Anyway, what can we expect of Kris Bryant for 2015 fantasy baseball?

Power, power and…Shoot, where did I leave that third power?  It’s not in my jorts pocket where I thought it was.  Crap, it’s in the car.  Okay, there was supposed to be a third power there, but I misplaced it.  Let’s assume it’s there.  My biggest concern with Bryant is his call-up date.  If he was called up last year to get even the fewest at-bats, I wouldn’t be concerned.  Epstein made the right choice for long-term consequences.  Agree?  Of course you do, you can resist me about as well as a Drake’s Yodel.  So, why start him out of the gate in 2015?  Seriously, I’m not sure there’s a reason.  I know Cubs fans are a large legion with a long reach into the hypedom.  They will be gossiping like a bunch of bitties in a BK lounge so much about how Bryant will be on the Opening Day roster that by April you will have sworn someone important actually said Bryant will start the year with the club.  It will be a lot of noise.  No one knows, but my guess is we won’t see Bryant until June 1st, thereabouts.  I know, bummer.  It’s like I’m selling deflated balloon animals.  If Bryant isn’t up until June 1st, I’ll find it very hard to draft him in redraft mixed leagues.  I just don’t believe in wasting a bench spot for two months on a lottery ticket.  If anyone could hit 25 homers in only 4 months, it’s Giancarlo.  If anyone else can do it, it’s Jose Abreu.  Okay, if a third guy can do it, maybe Chris Davis.  Hey, intern, is Bryant on this list?  No?  Ugh, thanks.  Okay, maybe in an apple-pie-in-the-sky kind of way, Bryant can hit 25 homers in four months.  That seems slightly bizzonkers.  Now to slightly backtrack, if Bryant is on the Opening Day roster, I would draft him in every league.  I could even see drafting him everywhere for the chance the Cubs surprise and start him out of the gate.  He’ll probably end up droppable though once he’s sent down to start the year.  If he’s up on June 1st, I’ll give him the projections of 42/19/54/.256/3.  If he’s on the Opening Day roster, I’d add another seven homers and 20-ish runs and RBIs.  19 homers in four months is still huge, and there’s obviously upside here.  Perhaps the best thing we can hope for is Oprah buys the club, thinks Kris Bryant is a woman, kicks Gayle King to the curb and promotes Bryant to see what she can do.  That does seem likely now that I write it out.

167 Comments
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FrankGrimes
FrankGrimes
7 years ago

Mad Bum is a bad ass! who is this Kershaw peeps been talking bout?

J-FOH
J-FOH
7 years ago

Party Down on Starz on demand!

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
7 years ago

Mad-Bum. Just tremendous.

jef with 1 f
jef with 1 f
7 years ago

Oscar Taveras died in car crash

jef with 1 f
jef with 1 f
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: I’m trying to trade him now

Montezuma's Revenge... right now
Montezuma's Revenge... right now
Reply to  jef with 1 f
7 years ago

@jef with 1 f: for all the bad luck the CUBS have had over the years, they finally get one over on STL. Bryant/Soler/Baez/Mendy all still alive.

Swfcdan
Swfcdan
Reply to  jef with 1 f
7 years ago

@jef with 1 f: Hope that was a joke Jeff as otherwise thats pretty disgusting.

SwaggerJackers
SwaggerJackers
Reply to  jef with 1 f
7 years ago

@jef with 1 f: Damn!

nick the dick
nick the dick
Reply to  jef with 1 f
7 years ago

@jef with 1 f: yeah man, terrible…

nick the dick
nick the dick
7 years ago

One wish is always saved for wishing for more wishes. C’mon G!…Shoot, i’m about 3 days late on commenting on the actual article…

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  nick the dick
7 years ago

@nick the dick: Jeez,I posted a dope track on Friday and you haven’t been here to comment. You need to get on that

nick the dick
nick the dick
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: Yeah lotta shit i have going on. The Logic ones you mean? I liked em somewhat it was pretty dope indeed

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  nick the dick
7 years ago

@nick the dick: what could possibly be more important than the comments section on your favorite fantasy baseball blog? (rhetorical)

He’s tight

nick the dick
nick the dick
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: Ah damn, i had a whole list to run through too until you said it was rhetorical. Although most of the reasons involved vaginas…hey i’m at work right now slacking off just to talk to you guys!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  nick the dick
7 years ago

@nick the dick: vaginas = children, emotional instability and visual distraction

nick the dick
nick the dick
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: my wifes vagina – my four month old + her pregnant again = i’m fucked

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  nick the dick
7 years ago

@nick the dick: who’s the tiger here?!!! Didn’t give her a break and bam, you are going to have kids roughly a year apart. It was nice knowing you, I’ll send you a monthly newsletter on all my comings and goings and select music to help cope with what you have ahead.

nick the dick
nick the dick
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: That’s not even adding in my 4 year old too so yup im toast

nick the dick
nick the dick
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: make sure you send me some real depressing, loner, I have no life stuff, ya know, something I can relate to.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  nick the dick
7 years ago

@nick the dick: damn, we might have to go straight to some depressing ass blues for you.

nick the dick
nick the dick
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: Let’s make it a weekly newsletter. I’d like to feel like i’m still part of the gang.

nick the dick
nick the dick
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: i’ll try to step my game up for ya Foh

nick the dick
nick the dick
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Do I know you? No, but that’s where you are, you’re there!

Sammy
Sammy
7 years ago

Pretty sure the only thing that the Cubs care about is the extra year of team control, Super 2 will not be an issue for them. To get the extra year they have to hold him back 11 days of the active roster, so highly unlikely that he makes past the 1st of May, unless he struggles in ST/Minors of the bat.

Think Springer in 2014 with the Astros.

Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
7 years ago

big head bochy leaving in his actually useful (and, i don’t know, say needed in important spots) 8th inning guy up 7 runs. but this is the guy who’s soo much smarter than matheny with bullpen decisions.

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
7 years ago

@Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey: Was probably warm and ready to go before the Giants piled on 4 in the bottom of the 7th.

Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
Reply to  SteveNZ
7 years ago

@SteveNZ: that part makes sense, but why send him out there when lead grew to 7? he pitched yesterday as well, and tomorrow he very easily could be needed in a spot that bochy would want him to not be overworked. gonna be pretty funny if/when romo looks bad simply due to being used three days in a row when there was absolutely no need at all for it.

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
7 years ago

@Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey: Better to send out the guy that’s ready than risk a blow-up from someone who’s totally cold. Pretty sure Romo can go three straight days in the playoffs and he has other RH options anyway.

Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
Reply to  SteveNZ
7 years ago

@SteveNZ: so a 7 run blowup is more likely than needing a less than tired romo tomorrow? just put linecum out there, or like you said, any mix of other bullpen guys. RH or whoever. plus even if said blowup starts to occur, then he could put in his useful RP, in what then would actually be useful spots. Clearly, as the runs piled on in what was a long inning warming anybody else up was an option.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
7 years ago

@Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey: wasting a warm arm is not a part of the routine and they are creatures of habit. Not using him could of derailed him. That being said Romo is a bitch ass head case which even more supports not throwing him.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: at the end I meant to throw him

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: He didn’t pitch the first two games of the series, and threw a moderate 18 pitches last night. If he’s all warmed up and ready to go it makes sense to use him.

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  SteveNZ
7 years ago

@SteveNZ: And as it turns out he only threw 7 pitches tonight. Good to go tomorrow night I’d say.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  SteveNZ
7 years ago

@SteveNZ: why do you drag me into your real playoff baseball gibber jabber?

Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: catering to weird mental needs, i.e. “being a bitch ass head case” could be quite explanatory from manager’s standpoint. It’s similar how STL’s pitching coaches are looking into finding a hypnotist to convince J.Garcia that he’s always in STL, since anytime he’s on the road he’s absolutely whiny bitch spoiled brat that can’t perform properly. To the point where he’ll freak out when the hotel’s food isn’t just so and pitch mentally flustered about it.

Long Bawls
Long Bawls
7 years ago

Boy, in the post-season these boards get as quiet as a Rays game…

I’m kinda wondering what Petit does next year (calm down, Cashman, not THAT guy).

On an entirely different note, Party Down is great. Highly recommend Rob Thomas’s previous show Veronica Mars, which is excellent TV (esp. after the shaky, voiceover-heavy first few episodes).

Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey
Reply to  Long Bawls
7 years ago

@Long Bawls: ya got long balls Larry…

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
7 years ago

C’mon Giants!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  SteveNZ
7 years ago

@SteveNZ: you say this wearing a giants hat on?

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: Nah. Just something in me that wants the Giants to win…

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  SteveNZ
7 years ago

@SteveNZ: then why a dodgers hat? and why do you want them to win?

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: Originally bought the hat because it’s such a classic – not because of any particular love for the Dodgers. That said, I have more of a reason to like them now of course – just not enough to hate the Giants I guess.

Why do I want them to win? Don’t know. Maybe I’m just tired of hearing about the Royals…

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  SteveNZ
7 years ago

@SteveNZ: That backs up why I don’t pay attention to the “real” game. The pro sports hype machine is about as annoying as Americans who cant tell the difference between Australia and New Zealand.

J-FOH
J-FOH
7 years ago

you ever watch stand up comedy? I saw one the other day on HBO that was pretty good. I think it’s on HBO go. Dude’s name is Jerrod Carmichael.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: it’s off season, if you get bored

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: I’ve seen a few episodes on the equire network. I was watching it going, ” why haven’t I seen this and where can I get more of this” so where can I get more of this?

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: I don’t have Hulu :(

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: you got something in your eye? I need less frugal friends

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: and how do I post a sick ass hip hop track and nothing from Nick. I’m a little confused right now. I might have to call the milk carton people

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Smitty is pleased

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: I’m gong back through old texts and he also suggested Mickey Halsted, Dom Kennedy, La Coka Nostra

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: He also said to look for some of the mixtapes. I guess the kid has an interesting story and does all kinds of different stuff

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: and yet still no Nick, it’s Hip Hop Sunday yo’s!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: ping is the cue for an office clip….

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
7 years ago

Seems this Royals revival started right after I said I didn’t much like their chances for the rest of the series.

That said, if I owned Herrera, Davis and Holland in fantasy, I’d say they were due for a colossal meltdown…

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Not saying it’s going to happen today of course…

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Poor old Wade Davis. He doesn’t really deserve this.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  SteveNZ
7 years ago

@SteveNZ: is baseball still being played? Give me some AFL

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: Season is over and done with I’m afraid.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  SteveNZ
7 years ago

@SteveNZ: season ended when panda won the belt….too soon?

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: A little. It stings more now than it did at the time tbh.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  SteveNZ
7 years ago

@SteveNZ: europe glossed over the pain. Sorry I pulled the scab.

SteveNZ
SteveNZ
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: Eh, that’s OK. It’s more the realisation that in a league of that quality, I will probably never get another chance as good as that to win it.

Porter
Porter
7 years ago

16 team keeper league 6 keepers each:
Do I trade Adam Jones & Alex Cobb for Kris Bryant?

Aubrey Plaza's Pillow
Aubrey Plaza's Pillow
Reply to  Porter
7 years ago

@Porter: opp should be the one throwing in extra players to get jones, not the other way around. come over to some of my leagues, i’m sure we can find some trades that aren’t massive rape scenes.

Pops
Pops
7 years ago

Hi Grey,
I’m hoping Dombrowski dumps Ausmus and gets Maddon.
Tigers did it for Sparky back in the day.

jef with 1 f
jef with 1 f
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: hate to say this as a met fan but the braves would be a perfect spot for him

jef with 1 f
jef with 1 f
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: totally agree…not a bad time to go there with all the young talent coming

Militant Vegans
Militant Vegans
7 years ago

Circumstantial and convenient timing to be sure, but the pieces are all stating to fall into place.

Militant Vegans
Militant Vegans
7 years ago

I just heard TB’s Maddon just opted out. Is he headed to LA?

royce!
royce!
7 years ago

“prospiqued” is brilliant.

Wake Up
7 years ago

Talking biggest bust candidates at Halloween is the biggest waist…

Wake Up
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: and smells like pears…

Sky
Sky
7 years ago

Bigger bust candidate:

Kris Bryant

OR

Lane Bryant

Ante GALIC
Ante GALIC
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: Or Amy Anderssen!!!

Cheers,
Ante

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: that’s a store not a person. Kind of like how people get confused about steely dan. With that being said…Lane Bryant

Militant Vegans
Militant Vegans
Reply to  J-FOH
7 years ago

@J-FOH: I know it’s old but there’s that 12-part bit on Youtube, “Yacht Rock”, and because of it my listening to Steely Dan has been forever scarred.

Militant Vegans
Militant Vegans
Reply to  Sky
7 years ago

@Sky: Lane Bryant… in fact, 2Xs as big!

KB
KB
7 years ago

So, if I am reading this correctly, if Bryant made the team Opening Day or was called up say mid April (similar to Springer in ’14) he would be your #1 prospect over Soler?

Seems like the Cubs could (a) sign him through his arb years this offseason and he starts Opening Day (b) call him up Opening Day regardless (c) there is no c (d) call him up mid April or (d) call him up in June.

I think if they intend to play him at 3B he will be up either Opening Day or early/mid April. If they move him to the OF he probably wont be up until June. A lot also depends on how serious they are about actually competing for the central or a WC, which I think we will have a better idea of once free agency gets rolling and we see if they acquire a SP or two.

Lincecuminmypants
Lincecuminmypants
7 years ago

How come Richie Sexson’s nickname was “Love Child?” Seems only fitting.

Lincecuminmypants
Lincecuminmypants
Reply to  Lincecuminmypants
7 years ago

@Lincecuminmypants: sorry, that should say “wasn’t.”

JeF With 1 F
JeF With 1 F
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Good because i thought it was just me who didnt get it

royce!
royce!
Reply to  Grey
7 years ago

@Grey: Sex son, love = sex, son = child. Also, never meant to be.

JeF With 1 F
JeF With 1 F
7 years ago

Sup Girl

Czernobog
Czernobog
7 years ago

Chris Carter can (and did) hit 25 HR in only 3 months. What are the odds Kris Bryant ends up reminding us of Chris Carter?

I just looked at Carter’s split stats, in every month from May to August, his HR total was equal to or greater than his number of walks. Wonder if that’s some sort of record? Not even a HR-hitting non-walker like Adam Jones managed it.

Ante GALIC
Ante GALIC
7 years ago

Grey!

Nice one, that’s back-to-back HRs for the Joc Strap to Kris ‘Don’t call me Anita, I will if you don’t produce’ Bryant.

1. Is it me or do most of these Cubbies have multiple position eligibility? Quick, how many of them have multiple position eligibility? Is it?

a. 4
b. 5
c. 6

2. Don’t look now but if some of these rookies pan out, they could have just enough offense to go with what looks like a solid 1-2-3 plus a good bullpen and maybe the Cubbies can make a run for the playoffs? What are the odds the Cubbies make at least a wild-card berth?

a. 100:1
b. 50:1
c. can’t compute, curse of the fan catching the ball in foul ground in 2006 playoffs to immense.

Cheers,
Ante

P_Swayz on a horse
P_Swayz on a horse
Reply to  Ante GALIC
7 years ago

@Ante GALIC:

2003 …