I’m not going to debate anyone on Kazmir’s brilliance. He’s brilliant. I realize that. You realize that. We agree. See that. But he’s not going to make it through the season. Just as I told you about the Glass Chipper yesterday, I’m telling you the same shizz today. Do his numbers matter from yesterday’s game? Not in the least. If someone believes he’s turned the injury corner and trucking down healthy highway, trade Kazmir to them for a quality hitter. Don’t trade him for Jason Bartlett and a Teletubbie DVD. Be reasonable! This is not rocket science. This is fantasy baseball. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Psyche! Before we get into today’s verbiage (Word of the Day), go check out Greener’s new site, Fantasyphenoms.com. It’s all new and flashy. (Not flashy like Macromedia’s downloadable spyware crizz-ap. I mean, blingy and cool.) Their site is informational and… Well, check it out.

Ryan Howard – I begged everyone to go grab him for the last three weeks. I told you here and here in just the last week. (Hmm, maybe I should stop talking about him.) Anyway, now it’s too late.

Shane Victorino – The Hawaiian is flying.

Chad Billingsley – I’ve been accused of favoring NL pitchers. Yeah, so.

Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper didn’t start last night because of a tweaked groin. Maybe I jinxed him or maybe it’s the last 700 games of his career trends just coming true. You make the call.

Art Shamsky – Looks just like Tommy Lee Jones. You’re welcome, Mets fans.

Dmitri Young – The Meathook’s back and No-Jo is injured and will be out for 4-6 weeks. Nick Johnson is like that girl that wouldn’t sleep with you for, like, 6 months, then on your 6 month anniversary she told you to wait a few more months, then on your two year anniversary, she went on the DL. You wait, you wait and nothing. That’s Nick Johnson.

Adam LaRoche – He’s not an ApRil player or a high aveRage player or… Well, he has his dRawbacks, but he can hit 30 home runs.

Jay Bruce – Patterson might be benched, Griffey or Dunn might be moved soon. (Not that anyone can really move Dunn, except for Dunn. And he doesn’t move himself for anything less than sixteen hamburgers, a large fry and three apple pies.)

Santiago Casilla – Left the game with an apparent arm injury. You don’t need a middle reliever with an arm problem. Oh, well. He was having a nice year, but you gotta let him go.

Matt Joyce – Sure, he sounds like an 18th Century poet, but he should be platooned in against righties on all deep teams.

Masa Kobayashi – Will probably be the closer for the next two weeks.

Joe Borowski – Will probably be the closer by the end of the month. Way to run with the ball, Betancourt!

Ryan Franklin – Officially replaced Isringhausen for now. With Izzy going on the DL, which is code for get your shizz together with Dave Duncan.

Pedro Feliz – Peter Happy is streaky and he just hit a home run and another ball that should’ve been a home run, but was a single — don’t ask.

John Smoltz – He can be very valuable in the bullpen and can get saves. So if you need saves, stop reading. If you wanted Smoltz as your front line starter and don’t need a closer, then you should trade him quickly before he comes back just in case he has more arm problems. Right now, everyone’s thinking he can succeed as a closer as he did before. He might, but he’s 41 and it’s been a few seasons since the last time he pitched in the ninth and on consecutive days.

Chuck James – My name is Chuck James and I have a can’t-pitch-effectively problem.

  1. Andy says:

    Start Cueto tomorrow?

    I want to believe, but I dunno.

  2. john says:

    Snell upsets me..alot.

  3. B.J. says:

    What’s your take on Ian Snell? Dude is killing me. Good thing I’ve had him benched the past few games.

  4. @Andy: I’m starting Cueto against Cleveland

    @B.J.: I haven’t seen Snell pitch but his stats are ugly. K rate is down, BB rate is up, a lot of hits (his BABIP is .353, that’s high), his ground ball rate is down….not much to like right now. But interleague play has a way of getting pitchers back on track…maybe give him 1-2 more tries but, if he’s still getting hit, he may be expendable…

  5. BSA says:

    Already thinking about next week – I put my team through some overhaul this week like picking up Vlad (trade), Pence(Waiver), Votto(FA), and KGreene (FA) for Volquez (trade), Longoria, Thome, and Renteria.
    My choices for starters are Bedard (@NYY), Beckett (@OAK), Hudson (NYM), Cueto (@LA), Harden (BOS), and Shields (@OAK, BAL)for four positions (I’m running out 3 closers)

    Since picking up Votto I am thinking of sitting Kemp and Damon.

  6. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    Does Keith Foulke now become the closer in waiting? Should we be listening to Foulke’s chin music?

    Regarding Foulke music, who would you take on your fantasy folk music team as the number one pick? Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, Woodie Guthrie or Pete Seeger. Discuss amongst yourselves.

  7. BSA says:

    As IowaCubs brings up Folkee, why not throw Colon on the discussion table for dissection of pitchers looking to make a comeback?!

  8. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    Zambrano for Miggy Cabrera. Who wins that trade?

  9. scott says:

    I dropped Snell yesterday, which for those keeping score at home was one day after dropping Myers and two weeks after dropping R. Hill….ugh! I’m getting killed. I have oppty to pick up E. Jackson, J. Litsch, B. Penny or M. Parra to replace Snell. Anyone care to share some wisdom?

  10. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BSA: Sitting Damon and Kemp? Votto needs room for two.

    @IowaCubs: Miggy.

    @scott: Jackson and Parra have most upside. You’re liable to get most value from Penny. I would go Parra, Penny and Jackson, if it were my team. But I could easily see it go in the reverse order.

  11. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    D-Lee for Zambrano. Who wins?

  12. BSA says:

    @Grey: Outfield projects to be Vlad, Pence, Quentin with Votto in at utility since I have Morneau at first.

    So are you trying to tell Scott that his choice of pitchers are a wash?

  13. ParkCyde says:

    Is Dmitiri worth a pickup? Eva’n Longoria has dropped 230 point on his OPS in May. Drop ‘im and swap ‘im?

  14. Grey

    Grey says:

    @IowaCubs: D-Lee

    @BSA: They’re not quite a wash. Parra can turn the corner and be the best. Jackson was a great prospect and maybe he’s already turned the corner and can be great (but I don’t like TB pitchers). Penny is what he is. So if you need to take a risk, you go Parra, Jackson, Penny. If you need a pitcher that is going to give you good innings and decent peripherals, you go Penny, Parra, Jackson. All depends on the amount of risk you want to invest.

    @ParkCyde: Similar answer to the Parra/Jackson pitching question. If you are set on offense and want to take a risk, you stay the course with Longoria. If you need something more stable, Young will provide it.

    EDIT: Cuz.

  15. scott says:

    At this point I kind of need value more than a pitcher to stash on my bench like Parra. Jackson has risk given his track record but he has looked real good his last few starts…not many walks. If he has truly turned a corner he would be my guy…I’m just not sure about him.
    @ Iowa Cubs — I think whoever gets M. Cabrera or D. Lee gets the better of both trades you proposed. As far as fantasy folk music team….Bob Dylan has to be the number one pick.

  16. Grey

    Grey says:

    @scott: Go Penny then.

    Folk — Billy Bragg

  17. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @scott: I’m not unbiased here, as a Snell owner — recently got in him in a four-player trade — but I can’t believe improvement isn’t coming. Young pitchers with good skills on the upward curve of their career don’t suddenly start sucking for no reason. So either Snell is hurt, or he’ll get better.

    Of course, depending on your league, you might be able to drop, monitor, and grab again when he gets hot. But you better be vigilant. I’ve been making a fantasy career in my league of picking up good pitchers that other people drop after a rough patch: Over the last three seasons, it’s netted me, among others, Myers, Bedard, and Hamels for the low, low price of F-R-Double-E.

    I also traded Buehrle for Zambrano in May ’06 — when Zambrano’s ERA was over 5.00 and Buehrle was around 2.00. The latter soft-tosser got pinata-ed for the rest of the year, while Zambino returned to career norms — which means I got the sweetest part of his season.

    Snell’s no Z, of course. But these are guys you should be looking to add, not dump. It’s only May, folks.*

    *Not sure how this applies to H2H, though I imagine in those leagues you’re more sensitive to long rough patches. For which I recommend a cooling skin cream with aloe vera.

  18. scott says:

    ok, thanks Grey.

  19. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    Here’s the crux of my problem… I need pitching and one guy in my league has offered Zambrano. Fantasy numbers wise, who is an acceptable offensive player that I could offer. I’m not going to bore you with who is all on my team, I just need a benchmark. Is Pence roughly equal in value to Zambrano?

  20. Grey

    Grey says:

    @IowaCubs: Pence? No. Pence and Hardy? Sure. Pence and Valverde? Yup. Hamilton? Sure. So either a two for one where Z is the best player or a one for one for a guy that is off to a tremendous start.

  21. mike says:

    What do you think of Jared Weaver for the rest of the year? He just got dropped in my league. Id prly drop Santiago Casilla for him.

  22. Grey

    Grey says:

    @mike: Casilla’s not worth hanging on to and Weaver’s got potential for great things. You gotta make that move.

  23. BSA says:

    Hey I read a little about Kendrick returning soon. At 2nd I have Kinsler. Yes, Kinsler is hot but could Kendrick provide a better average and more Pop!

  24. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BSA: Kinsler provides more fantasy value/pop than Kendrick.

  25. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Grey: Thanks.

    I should add, though, that I suffered through several excruciating months of the suddenly sucking Oliver Perez in ’05 on the basis of the young-pitcher-will-right-the-ship theory. And it never got better.

    Though in hindsight, his herky-jerky, man-falling-off-of-a-unicycle mechanics were an obvious red flag. Also, he’s a mental case.

  26. Chase says:

    @IowaCubs: cabrera…

  27. Chase says:

    would you try to trade for Arod right now? Even though he is injured. I was thinking I might propose Aramis Ram and Quentin for him. Thoughts?

  28. Steve says:

    Guys – What’s your take on the Izzy situation? Is he worth holding?

    Also interested in thoughts on Foulke. I already have Devine…

  29. JR says:

    Can Kobayashi fend off Borowski?

  30. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Chase: I think he’ll be fine, but I don’t think you want to trade Aram for him, because there’s some risk.

    @Steve: Izzy’s worth DL’ing. If you can’t DL him, then I would drop him.

    I think it’s probably Foulke because of his experience but I don’t think much of Foulke.

    @JR: It’s worth the gamble to grab Masa, just in case.

  31. B.J. says:

    traded Michael Young for Zack Greinke. I will use Yunel Escobar at SS. My rotation is now CC, Dice-K, Maine, McGowan, Greinke, Big Unit, Scott Olsen and Snell. Did I make a good deal?

  32. Grey

    Grey says:

    @B.J.: That’s a great trade for you. Well played.

  33. scott says:

    @BVV — thanks for the insight. I’m pretty confident I will be able to monitor and recover some or all of these guys if they turn it around. R. Hill I will pick up when it looks like he coming back up. Snell simply does not have a winning track record. No one is in a rush to pick him up at this point. He will be there if I see 2 good starts in a row. Myers is the most disturbing situation but I dropped him because of the alarming and pronounced loss of velocity, the questions regarding his regimen and conditioning and the lack of positive news coming from his manager and pitching coach. It might just be him fighting his way through an adjustment period or it might be that his body and/or stuff doesn’t allow him to pitch through an order three times over 7 innings any more. It’s probably the former but I decided to let that little drama play out while I try to bring down my era and whip with some middle relievers in my starting lineup everyday. If it looks like Myers is turning it around I will pick him up again. I’ll let you know how this strategy plays out over the next few weeks.

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