Straight from Girardi, “The process has started, converting Joba to a starter, and tonight was the first [step] of extending him a little bit and we’ll continue to do it, getting him up to where he can throw enough pitches.” The Yanks stretching out Joba to get him ready to start by pitching 2 innings in a blowout? Sounds like the line of every Ian Kennedy and Phil Hughes start. I hear Joba’s also been seen fist pumping in the bullpen building up his exuberance stamina. Personally, I don’t have him on one team, but I can’t wait to see what he can do over 6 innings. And by six innings, I mean maybe 7 innings, but he’s not going to be throwing over 100 pitches until the Yankees lose in the playoffs. So what kind of numbers can we predict for him? I’d give him basically the same line he would’ve had if he stayed in middle relief with a chance for more wins and probably a higher ERA. So 120 IP/8 Wins/4.00 ERA/1.25 WHIP/110 Ks or just think Lincecum last year. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday:
Salomon Torres – Saves vultures, swoop there it is. Wave your hands in the air, shake your derriere. Whoomp chak a laka chack a laka chak a laka chak a (repeat 4 times) (BTW, I took poetic license by leaving the accent off derriere. I thought DC, the Brain Supreme, would’ve wanted it that way. And, if you’re out there Tag Team, I’m still waiting for the follow-up. Fo’ real!) Salomon Torres was a serviceable closer on the Pirates until overworked by Tracy and then he got All About Eve’d by Capps, but Torres could take the closing job for two months and run with it. What, you don’t like saves?
John Smoltz – He’s due to return within the next week. I’ve already covered this ground, but if you don’t need a closer, you should be moving him prior to him returning.
Jair Jurrjens – I’m going to Curacao to visit Jurrjens’s birthplace and where he learned to throw so magnificently. Who’s with me?!
Ryan Howard – I think he’ll have the most home runs going into the All-Star break. I know, not a huge limb, but what if I said this last week? See what I mean about getting guys when they are seemingly crizzappy?
Jeff Francoeur – A home run and four RBIs. Again, buy low, sell high. School’s Out, Alice Cooper.
Moises Alou – Left yesterday’s game with a leg cramp then went in the locker room and peed on it.
Cody Ross – You think whenever he has to put his last name first he confuses which one is which?
Brandon Webb – Brandon Webb loses in Florida. East coast old people heckle him with, “Suck on a lemon,” West Coast retirees mutter “Fiddlesticks.”
Al Reyes – Speaking of retirees, Troy Percival is feeling tightness in his hamstring.
Johnny Cueto – I’ve been one of the biggest Cueto apologists, so I could sit here and tell you it was windy and the Dodgers scored on a wild pitch, a passed ball, a squeeze and a pickoff that was thrown away, but tonight Cueto didn’t have his control and he looked severely rattled. The resin bag didn’t make you throw the ball away, Cueto. What I did enjoy in this game was Vin Scully. I don’t want to get all mushy here, but when he kicks the bucket, I’m going to be sad. Hopefully, I didn’t jinx him. Keep on, keepin’ on, Scully!
Chris Young – Pujols hit a liner back at him and broke his nose. If Young would’ve ducked, it probably would’ve been a home run.
Jarrod Washburn – He made Rudy’s night with a Razzterful line of 2.1 IP with 9 ER and 12H. That’s a 34.71 ERA and 5.14 WHIP.
Alex Rodriguez/Chipper Jones/Milton Bradley – Arod’s hitting home runs, Chipper Jones is leaving because of injuries and Milton Bradley is leaving games because of ejections. All seems right in the baseball world.
Jack Cust – 4 at-bats. 2 home runs. 2 strikeouts. I bet he grew up masturbating to Jim Thome.