Here’s what I wrote earlier this year, “From the journal of Jim Morrison, he wrote about an encounter he had with lizard wearing a crown of thorns that he alternated calling, Jesus Luzardo and The Luzard King. Here, I wish to transcribe Jim’s musings, ‘Today, I rode with a large Native American man to a Wawa to get some beej ferky (sic). The Native American man told me about the many lives he had lived and how he never trusted rookie pitchers. He recounted a story about how he traded all his pitchers for Chris Paddack, due to a great April in 2019.  This was confusing to me, since this was 1970, but this wise Native American knew more in his head, which he covered in an Indians baseball club hat, than I’d ever know. Was this Lou Boudreau? Before we got to the Wawa, which was only three minutes away by automobile, so not sure why it was taking so long — were we lost? — the Native American man pulled over and picked up a pitchman for an insurance company which was an animated lizard. This was The Luzard King. An obvious lizard, which made it weird when it kept saying it was a gecko. The Luzard King said it had a shoulder issue early in the preseason of the 2019 season, which I had a premonition would be 38 years after my death. Also, oddly enough, I’m being fed a quote from the future from Prospect Mike about Jesus Luzardo. He will say, ‘Luzardo’s stock just continues to rise. He’s in the rarified air of ‘best pitching prospects’ now. The lefty threw 109 innings across three leagues in 2018 and posted a 129/30 strikeout-to-walk ratio. Everything is plus or better – the heater, the curve, the change, the control. He’s the total package, like the package I filled with anthrax and sent to Grey.’ Who is this Grey he speaks of? Who is Prospect Mike? Was it the peyote talking or was it something more mysterious?’ And that’s me quoting Jim Morrison quoting Prospect Mike! Don’t think Luzardo is going to be up before the All-Star Break, but now is the time to stash him. He could be a solid Middler like early Yonny. Call him Once Uponny.” And that’s me quoting me quoting Jim Morrison quoting Prospect Mike quoting me quoting–Greybot 5000 is overheating! Get me Gatorade and a cheap ace pitcher’s stats! Seriously, that was long and extra windy about Luzardo and I am so proud of myself for recounting it here. Anyway, what can we expect from Jesus Luzardo for 2020 fantasy baseball?

Something I either haven’t noticed before or just forgot about, but minor league videos are mostly awful. The videos are not filmed by Roger Deakins or Gordon Willis, I’ll tell ya that, especially since I think the latter is dead. Here’s a great example of one such video, presented to you with much comment. This is one hell of a song for a clip show — haha, I mean WUT. Also, terrific, crisp picture. Is this recorded off a VHS? Anyhoo, check it out then we will discuss (shut off your audio if you’re at work, unless you work for Meek Mill):

Luzardo never really materialized in 2019, but, at this point, it’s moot and we just want him to be healthy, which he seemed to be as he threw in September (12 K/9, 1.50 ERA in 12 IP), and even flashed some tastiness in October aka the Postseason aka When They Got Loud, Not ‘They’ As In The A’s Tho. Lefties will have no chance off Luzardo at any level. If there’s a level above the majors, they wouldn’t be able to hit him either. Babe Ruth and Ted Williams with his head in an Igloo standing on a cloud couldn’t hit this guy. Last year in the minors, Luzardo faced 56 lefties, and they went .115/.179/.154 against him. Hehe. (Righties only hit .229/.265/.386, bee tee dubs.) His total slugging against him was .327. He reduced everyone to Yolmer Sanchez, who had the lowest slugging percentage in baseball last year in qualified at-bats. I’m beginning to think Jesus’s middle initials are F.C. because everything I see from him makes me say JFC, and I’m not saying Jesus Fried Chicken. He throws an easy 98 MPH, drops an unhittable change and cuts off a mean 11-5 curve. He’s had Tommy John surgery already and had shoulder issues this year. That’s the biggest risk for him:  his health. If he can go 130 IP, he’ll be as good as Paddack was last year. 130 feels like a pie-in-the-sky-American-as-apple-pie-and-diabetes dreamscape. Luzardo just turned 22 and only threw 55 IP last year, so 100+ IP might be asking a lot. The A’s would be idiots to not let him start the year in the rotation, and I don’t think the A’s are idiots, especially with Jonah Hill in their front office. Maybe Luzardo is a Middler and I brush off my Once Uponny moniker. For 2020, I’ll give Jesus Luzardo projections of 7-3/3.18/1.11/134 in 106 IP with a chance for a few more innings with health. For those quick on the uptake, I am giving him an 11.4 K/9. Yummy!

  1. Ante Galic says:
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    Grey!!!!!

    What a great fantasy outlook report!!!

    a. Wow, it’s lonely in here! I guess most folks are going on that long weekend holiday. Who knows?

    b. Luzardo2020=Paddack2019, good comparison. I’ll take him in round 25 in a standard RCL next year.

    c. So WS 2019 is the year of ‘The Home Field Disadvantage’. Good job to Stressburger. Now he an go home to the Padres and make them a WS winner. It could happen.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Thanks, Ante! How’s your son? I hope okay

      B. Yup!

      C. Me too! I hope everyone goes to the Padres. Bring the championship to San Diego!

      • Ante Galic says:
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        Grey!!

        a. Thanks for asking. Sorry for all the drama. Really, he’s just fine. He’s taken over the entire process (measuring his blood sugar in the morning, weighing the food, counting carbohydrates, counting dietary fiber, dividing by factor X for insulin shot, injecting his insulin). He’s got it down and now in week 3 things seem to be almost 100% back to normal. He went to school this week. Things are great and thanks for asking.

        b. SD in 2020!

        c. So sorry for all the fires. I hope you are well. Reminds me of the SNL skit on weekend update when someone impersonated Governor Schwarzenneger comment on the forest fire crisis in California and the scandal around Roman Polansky (I think it was like 2012 but could have been earlier).

        d. Have a nice long weekend. Hope you have something planned.

        Cheers,
        Ante

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          A. That’s awesome, man! Glad to hear it!

          B. All the way!

          C. It actually has been bad but I’m fine… my eyes burning yesterday but no fires reported in my eyes from what I saw but I can’t see, huh…

          D. You too!

  2. Zeus says:
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    Fuck the Astros. Seriously fuck them. Fakest weak fan base

    • Malicious Phenoms says:
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      So glad they lost. Washington deserved to win and they earned it!

      Fuck the Astros.

      Bergman, The Brett Lawrie replacement, the new fake tough guy, what a clown.

      • LenFuego says:
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        Hey Bregman … Don’t be a tough guy. Don’t be a fool!

        I will call you later.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Bregman staying on brand

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Happy the Nats won too!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha, but what about the giant mustache guy?

  3. Dave D says:
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    Congrats on the 6th place postseason tournament finish! $1500 aint bad. We all have a ways to go ,though, to catch up to Andrew E’s massive war chest though….

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Did he win again?!

      Thanks! Now that I’ve done the postseason contest, I have one takeaway — pray a lot

      It’s really a crapshoot. You have to choose the right two teams to get to the World Series then hope you have the right guys on those teams… I think not having Greinke end up costing us a spot for top 5, but if you showed me the 1st place or 20th place team I’m not sure I could’ve told you the difference

      • Dave D says:
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        Yeah, well a guy named Kevin from PA won. Andrew didn’t. But the overall OC plus a Super is insane. Dude won more than most people earn working annually, like nearly $150k this year.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, totally… That is a sweet takeaway… Hey, thinking about getting together a super early NFBC league in like November, you interested?

          • Dave D says:
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            Possibly. A $150 DC?

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Yeah, maybe, you’ll be around, we’ll discuss, not sure yet, but considering it for a change of pace to have one team way before ADPs go crazy

              • Dave D says:
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                Yeah, it was fun last year. Definitely worth doing. They open it up on 11/5. Are you putting together a private or just signing up a la carte?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Gonna talk to Greg at NFBC next week and see what we can figure out, stay tuned…

                  • Dave D says:
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                    Ok sounds good. Putting down the turkey leg on thanksgiving to make an 8th OF pick in round 39 sounds good to
                    me…

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      HA! Yup

                  • Dave D says:
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                    It looks like they will also debut auction leagues in both the “Online Championship” and DC formats in 2020. So many good options now. More to contemplate.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Really? Hmm… That’s fun… I kinda like that option, tho, in-person auctions are really the way to go… Have you done those w/ NFBC?

              • Dave D says:
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                No, Id like to eventually but its impossible given my family responsibilities currently. Pretty fun, eh?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  I never did one with NFBC, I’ve been doing friends and Tout for a while which are in person and they’re the most fun

                  • Dave D says:
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                    This will be my 23rd year of online fantasy baseball and have never done an auction. I’ve played many scoring formats and other configurations but always snakes. No real reason why not other than just less common. I think I’ll try one this year though. I like the idea of being able to target/focus on certain players more

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Wow, yeah, you should, it’s a ton of fun to be able to target literally anyone and not have to worry about when they’re drafted

          • Hernan says:
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            wow, Grey, would love to be considered for that league, if possible, I did one of Razzball’s NFBC Leagues, with my Fantasy Partner( that didn’t come out right..), we were Better Burrito Boys, I think It was your League…., lol, Donkey Teeth and The Itch can vouch for my competitiveness( i always try hard), so, if you need a couple Filler/Rookie/Donor types to complete league, i would love in

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              I’d prefer you joined the league and didn’t try since it’s for money… I’ll make sure you’re in if you want in… if it happens, which it will, just not sure when…

              • Hernan says:
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                lOL, Grey, Thanks, I’ll keep an eye on your posts(duh), regarding this league, hopefully the Love Triangle of Donkey Teeth/The Itch/Donkee’s Eggplant can be a part of that league…., miss drafting against them…..

                • Donkey Teeth

                  Donkey Teeth says:
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                  Grey ate my eggplant, just couldn’t keep it outta his mouth

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  I’m calling this league, Don’tkey bc no donkeys allowed

                  • Donkey Teeth

                    Donkey Teeth says:
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                    Sad donkey :(

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Aw donkey!

        • andrew edenbaum says:
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          Dave- Thanks also won CDM’s Budget for 3d time and my total take between NFBC and CDM was $154,970 less entry fees.
          Post season tournaments are a total crapshoot. Better off spending that $150 on an early slow draft, not to win , but to help you get prepared for later drafts. I think I’ve cashed once in a NFBC DC.
          I did love the Nationals once they made it to a wild card game. Most likable team in my 71 years on earth.
          If I’m Rizzo, I resign Rendon to an Arenado contract, and add 2-3 years to Strasburg’s $100 mil. for 4 years., at around $35mil. per.
          I did have Cole, Rendon, Corbin, Yelich, Story, Clevinger, Gleyber on my championship team.
          Believe me, winning it all more important than my winnings. Now, I have to try to be a repeat champion. But can’t take 2019 away from me.

          • Dave D says:
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            Yeah I imagine that feels pretty great winning it all. Pretty cool. DC’s are fun and a whole different beast. I love them. They are more hit and miss though. Maybe you can give Lindy a run for his money. Pretty amazing that with his overall DC victory this year he’s won the overall championship in three formats. Maybe you’ll win the DC in the future.

            • andrew edenbaum says:
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              Dave. I doubt it. I use DC as my primer for future drafts. Not that I wouldn’t like to win as I’m as competitive as one gets; but other than winning 1 D.C. league a few years ago, the $150 is like paying for Bar Review course, or whatever you utilize to prepare you for the higher stakes contests.
              By the time I draft my Super teams (and my on line championship teams) I’m prepared to draft to win.

              • Congrats Ed! Nice haul

  4. Matty says:
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    What a killer highlight reel.
    Is that him throwing to a miscellaneous #27 in red then cutting to Trout striking out?
    It looks like one a high school pitcher would make of himself, then play for his grandparents who would be alarmed by the language.

    • Matty says:
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      Correction: He did strike out Trout. In spring training. That wasn’t fancy camera work, except to make sure we knew who it was.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Haha

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      It is a fantastic highlight reel, right? Hilarious on HS reel that alarms grandparents — totally! Surprised this wasn’t used by Fox Sports

  5. FrankGrimes says:
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    How does Bryce feel today?
    Much like all my teams that had him They didn’t win it all either.

  6. Smitty says:
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    Luzardo is the blonde sportin 36DD’s that will tease with limited IP and pitch counts. Oakland tends to give a little longer leash, so like Blondie, anything you get will be quite tasty. Quality kid

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha, yeah, he could be your crazy hot girlfriend that sets the bedsheets on fire while you’re putting on your pajamas

      • Smitty says:
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        Hahaha – crazy!

  7. Scott Kimmel says:
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    Grey,

    I need help with a couple of minor leaguers as to who keep. I have 2 Yankees catchers and not sure if to keep one, both, or none of them. Josh Breaux, and Anthony Siegler.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Meh, none

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