Javier Baez takes another shoveling of dirt as he gets buried further. “Is this a staged Off Broadway adaption of The Revenant?” Javier asks as he spits dirt out of his mouth. “You have a toothpick? I have dirt stuck between my teeth. Hello?” Baez doesn’t know why this shadowy figure won’t stop shoveling dirt on top of his body; he’s obviously not dead. Or is he? Just then, the camera swings around, and, in a crazy twist that only M. Night Shamalamadingdong could’ve came up with, the person that is doing the shoveling is Arismendy Alcantara. “If I can’t have fantasy value, then never can you!” Arismendy yells as he cackles maniacally. Then, “You still want that toothpick?” And…scene! So, Jason Heyward signs with the Cubs and moves Arismendy and Baez even further down the depth charts. At this point, they are closer to playing on the Padres after a trade than they are at playing in Chicago. Heyward had sneaky value last year, as in it seemed like he disappointed, but since steals are scarce (only seven players last year stole 30 bags), and since Heyward provided some value in all categories, he wasn’t that bad. His numbers last year seemed like a poor man’s Lorenzo Cain. I will call him Crack Cocaine. Moving to the stacked Cubs lineup and into Wrigley could provide Heyward’s best season to date. I’ll give him the projections of 87/22/77/.274/15, which has him hitting leadoff for about 80 games and shuffling between 2nd, 3rd and 5th in the other games. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason in 2016 fantasy baseball:
Mark Reynolds – Signed by the Rockies. Walt Weiss is a moron. To keep him as the manager, it means the Rockies are just dumb, in general. But Weiss really is the King of the Dopes. This has been widely reported by everyone even people not officially reporting it. Like when a reporter says something like, “It’s impressive that the players never quit on Weiss when no one would’ve blamed them.” One of the dumber moves the Rockies have been doing for a while is playing vets at 1st base. This started around Todd Helton’s 10th season past the point when he should’ve been the starter. I really have no idea why the Rockies don’t let Ben Paulsen (or Kyle Parker, for that matter) just be the starter and leave them alone. In the minors, Paulsen (and Parker) showed more than capable skills. But the Rockies refuse to go without a safety net and signed Mini Donkey. Reynolds will be serviceable when he’s starting, which should be for about 300 ABs. I’ll give him the projections 33/15/42/.262/3.
Charlie Morton – Acquired by the Phillies for Pirate pitcher, Dave Whitehead, who has a terrible complexion. Morton is being banished out of Pittsburgh, where he had a 4.81 ERA last year, because he interrupts the narrative about the brilliance of pitching coach, Ray Searage.
Steve Cishek – Signed a deal with the Mariners. Since he looks like he’s 12 years old, it’s good the closer job in Seattle this year won’t be a hernia test administered by Lloyd McClendon. I’m guessing the closer job will come down to the final week of spring training between Cishek and Benoit with Benoit winning.
Yunel Escobar – Traded to the Angels. Yunel is such a Sciosciapath-type player. I could see The Sciosciapath hitting Yunel leadoff for the entire season like he’s some unearthed 33-year-old gem. Mean’s while, C.J. Cron will be on the bench being asked to keep score. Effin’ Scioscia. For 2016, I’ll give Yunel 81/8/49/.263/2.
Brandon Maurer – Padres said they will try Maurer in the rotation. This is interesting because Maurer was set to become the closer. The Padres’ front office keeping everyone on their team on their toes like this.
Christian Bethancourt – Busy offseason for the Padres. First, they grabbed Josmil Pinto, now they’ve grabbed Bethancourt. It’s too bad Tyler Flowers was snatched away from them. That would’ve made a nice trifecta for the Padres in intersquad games against San Diego State.
Grey!
Good read, man. Thanks a lot, compadre.
Received word that there may be ‘a light at the end of the tunnel’ for me (regarding the job front for the UN) in late January / early February 2016. Fancy that! that’s about the same time February Grey shows up.
So will be looking forward to late January / early February on many levels!!
Cheers,
Ante
@Ante GALIC: Good luck on the job with the UN!
@Ante GALIC: Awesome, hoping you get it! About time they got rid of Mogens Lykketoft…
Go BJ! You can do it!
@Mike: BJ & The Bear!
@Mike: If you’re practicing to be a porn cheerleader, your face is too Mike Schmidty
@Grey: porn cheerleader? Are those the people who cover the mental side of the fluffing?
They’re background players that make the industry work
@Grey: they start the “doggy” chant and do the wave to signal it’s time for the money shot
The unsung heroes of porn, or is that un-hung
@Grey: Friends with a ex-lighting guy. You’d think a dream job. But not so much. Developed countless social issues. I’m the only one that is willing to deal with him in mixed company. Primarily cause there’s never a dull moment. Unsung heroes indeed. Should be a fund for them.
Constantly worried about apertures, huh?
@J-FOH: They clap when the clap is required; in cheaper porn they’re not as talented and lesser paid so the clap is out of synch. Makes it almost unwatchable.
Cheers,
Ante
Razzball, I have one final spot in a brand new, 16-team H2H Dynasty league. It’s a $100 buy in so you can count on activity from everyone.
The rundown:
– Yahoo MLB roster (28 players) and google doc for our 12 MiLB players
-Slow draft starting in January for MiLB. Live draft in March for MLB roster. Order will be random, which means you could win the Mike Trout for life lottery.
Categories: Runs/HR/RBIs/OBP/SB….QS/Saves+HLD/K/ERA/WHIP
-We have a Proboards account where we’ve discussed a lot. League is almost finalized. Just need that final member!
If interested, email eddy5791[at]yahoo.com and I’ll give you our Proboards site so you can join.
@Left Hangs Lower: why do the doc sheet for minors and instead use cbs or fantrax that has all the minor leaguers to host your league
@J-FOH:
For better or worse I have all of my leagues on Yahoo and didn’t want to deviate. I used CBS last season and wasn’t a fan, so didn’t want to start up such a big league on a site I wasn’t a fan of.
@Left Hangs Lower: we use Fantrax for the Razzball Dynasty league I started with Mike and it works well. I’m not a fan of CBS either but it’s not like Yahoo is much better. Going with Yahoo is like marrying the 5 instead of the 4
@J-FOH: Fantrax is great but has a learning curve as a commissioner, especially for dynasty leagues with more complex rules. I don’t love Yahoo but haven’t found anything so terrible about it. I haven’t commissioned a more complicated league on Yahoo so maybe that’s where the problems lie.
@Nick: If you need help with Fantrax I’m sure Mike here can help you with it
@Left Hangs Lower: yahoo is the absolute worst for dynasty baseball. they aren’t so bad for hockey. mazara still not in system, along with at least 150 of Mike’s top 300 (when he used to do only top 10’s for each teams prospect lists, it’ll be even worse now with his bigger lists)
@Aubrey Plaza’s Pillow: don’t know about CBS, but Fantrax is the best thing i’ve ever seen.
Smith or Jeffress, who will close the game for MIL? (If no one joins before season starts)
@Wilson: I’d say Smith.
@Wilson: Don’t forget Knebel… I’d guess Jeffress cause righty
@Wilson: Jeffress was thought t be the guy last year when it was assumed k rod would be moved. Like grey said always go right first.
Catcher question.
Perez or McCann , who will be ranked higher in the beginning of next season ? Thanks
@Wilson: McCann
@Wilson: Perez
10 team standard roto. Everyone keeps 5.
I have to cut one of Trout, Sano, C Seager, Upton, Sale, Arrieta
OR
I could trade Sano + Seager for Correa
Thoughts?
@Bubba with 3 B’s: I’d make the trade for Correa.
@Bubba with 3 B’s: Take Correa
@Grey: Getting Correa with your other keepers would put you in excellent position. Do it!
Morning Grey
This is the list of players he is interested in from my team
Posey
Encarnacion
Votto
Altuve
Correa
Donaldson
Bautista
Cain
Trout
deGrom
Harvey
Tolleson
Crawford
Zimmer
Glasnow
Snell
Is there a package of 5 from this list that would get me:
Berrios
Manzara
Keuchel
Iwakuma
Perez
Or should I just forget it?
@Scott Kimmel: I would just forget it. You have a solid list there..
Malicious Phenom love the Thurman Munson pic. Are Berrios and Manzara going to be studs?
@Scott Kimmel: Why do you have to give five?
@Scott Kimmel: Iwakuma and Perez for Snell?
@Scott Kimmel: which zimmer? The pitcher or the hitter?
J-FOH hitter
@Scott Kimmel: you want to hold him
He wants 2 do a 5 for 5 deal. What were you thinking trade wise
@Scott Kimmel: Iwakuma and Perez for Snell?
Or Glasnow Zimmer and Tolleson for Berrios Manzara and Iwakuma
Sure, try it
I’d like to move either Choo or kemp
For what?
A 1b or SP. the guy right now only wants to do Tolleson for Iwakuma
I’d take Iwakuma
>Grey I would like Berrios and Manzara in the deal
Ok
Another guy I was talking to about Rizzo. Said only way I get Rizzo is if I give up either Trout or Donaldson
I’d take Rizzo for Donaldson
Grey
Does Cueto’s value increase now that he signed with SF 6/130M
Yeah
Started watching Fargo last night. Got through the first two episodes. That first episode was f***ing wow. Baby’s mama kept saying “this is on regular tv?”
Ha, yeah, best new show last year, easily
@Grey: one of the best premiers ever. When billy bob killed the sherrif. Oh yeah
Haven’t enjoyed Billy Bob that much since Slingblade
@Grey: He’s great. I have a few weeks and I’ll be caught up.
You’re gonna love it
@J-FOH: YES FOH!!! Way to square yourself away. Know that by season 2 when there is no Billy Bob, it is somehow even better.
@nick the dick: I like how in the first two episodes it was packed with tons of cameos.
@J-FOH: True. Fargo S2 and The Knick 1&2 have been my go-to’s for a bit. Safly, that’s about to end. I’m open to suggestions on something worthy for next.
You try River on Netflix?
@Grey: Ha, I caught your mention to Nick and plan to check it out. Thanks!
I think you nailed the call awhile back about Plemons having the goods in this one.
He’s been so great… Effin’ Landry!
Hi, read rumors on both the Cubs and the Astros showing interest in Carlos Carrasco, where abouts do you have him ranked for next season and if he were to go to one of these places, how would it affect his ranking?
Thanks.
He’d get a boost on the Cubs
Keeper trade question (std 5×5 with OBP vs AVG):
Josh Donaldson $20
vs.
Pollock ($12) and Wade Davis $5
my other keepers: Altuve (14), I Desmond (15), Bautista (23), Kole Calhoun (3), Cespedes?? (28), D Salazar (1), Lester (10), Price (33)??
Pollock
Hey grey,
Looking for some trade advice. Would you deal Donaldson for betts with a nice boost in draft picks for next season as well? It’s keep 8 for as long as you want with no penalty and a great 23 year old would be a nice addition to my aging lineup. Donaldson is my favorite player, but people in my league are impossible to trade players 30 and up too, so this may be my last real shot to get some great value for him. My keepers are getting up there in age so I could rally use some youth. For example I have cargonzalez, greinke and Cruz who I am also trying to move(though I’m having trouble getting any kind of value for them. May need to wait til after the draft) Oh and I do have arenado so I’m deal from depth at least. What’re your thoughts?
Thanks grey!
Sure, I’d take Betts
Monday write up’s after a long weekend help my work morale more than you will ever know. I just had a flashback to a Monday in May with a morning write up followed up with an afternoon podcast.
You’re hatred for Weiss seems to stem from he screwing over Rutledge over and over. I feel the same and add Mattheny to that list for his misuse of Wong and maybe even Showalter for messing up Gausman
Misusing a Wong can be criminal
Pete Rose’s lifetime ban will not be lifted by Major League Baseball.
No surprise
@Malicious Phenom: if all players (of every sport) were actually REQUIRED to bet on themselves (at the spread say for spread sports) all sports would be MUCH better. It’s not as if he was caught betting AGAINST his own team (that would be dirty as hell). Say 1/3rd of pay was forced to be bet, something they could afford, that would make every minute of every game (excepting the same huge leads in spread sports in which the winning team slacks off already) great. The losing teams in spread sports esp would increase, even with a large deficit.
I hate the offseason.
I can’t do anything with my team until the draft next year, and I waste far too much time every day refreshing my browser on a page showing Padres news. It’s been an ENTIRE WEEKEND since there was a trade, and the last one wasn’t even all that interesting!
C’mon, Padres. Weren’t you just waiting for Heyward to land with Chicago so you could trade the entire starting rotation for Javier Baez and that one outfielder who plays defense like Matt Kemp but doesn’t hit as well (Soler)?
This is like waiting for the new Star Wars movie. I know I’m going to hate what happens, but I just want to get it over with so I can know for sure that my worst fears came true.
Star Wars, huh? It’s an awful lot like baseball. I mean, can you see the similarities between Luke Skywalker and Carlos Correa? Both have awesome names, and both came out of nowhere in the middle of a galactic war to take down the Evil Empire in an all-or-nothing showdown.
This, of course, is going to jinx Correa next year, as he’s going to lose his hand right after he finds out who his real father is.
Han Solo and Chewbacca are Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco — infamous drug smugglers who managed to swoop in and save baseball at the end of the first movie, and then is seemed as those McGwire was frozen in carbonite for a while because no one heard him say anything. Solo went on to become a mentor to the next generation, even though he’s now so old he hardly resembles his young swashbuckling, drug smuggling self, and Canseco mostly talks in grunts that no one understands. This implies that Boba Fett is Barry Bonds, since Fett was the guy who took Solo down just a couple of years later. Either that or Bonds is an AT-AT, since he was a giant who walked a lot.
The Philly Phanatic is, of course, Oola, the weird green alien who danced in front of the crowd in Jabba’s palace. Yes, I know the nerds can tell you that the Phanatic is actually a Twi’lek. Yes, I feel dirty writing a word that has an apostrophe in the middle.
Dusty Baker is Yoda. He’s wise and loves to share his wisdom with every passing Jedi wannabe, and he keeps finding work in new films even though his original career ended in the 1980s. I’m not sure how good Baker is with back flips, though.
Coors Field is Planet Hoth. The weather there changes everyone’s strategy completely, and the only way visitors can enjoy themselves is with walkers. In Star Wars, those are AT-AT walkers. In baseball, Johnnie Walker.
Angel Stadium is the moon of Endor. The climate is nice there, and the last time a World Series was there, the rebels were aided by some tiny chattering furry creature telling them to rally to beat a bunch of giants.
Chase Field is Mos Eisley Spaceport, a hive of scum and villany in the middle of a featureless desert. Everyone there just wants to get out as fast as possible, but the place has been attracting its share of shady characters thanks to the local boss, Dave Stewart (a.k.a. Jabba the Hutt), who likes shiny toys but doesn’t know how to bargain. You’re throwing away a fortune in prospects, Jabba.
Then John Copolella is Landa Calrissian. Lando manages to steal valuable goods from Jabba (he rescued Solo!), and he’s just overall a much better businessman.
The Marlins are Alderaan and Loria is Grand Moff Tarkin. Do the math there.
John Mozeliak is Mon Mothma. Remember how many Bothans died to bring Mon Mothma information about the second Death Star? Basically, the same thing happened when the Cardinals stole the plans for the Astros’ new battle station. That sort of flies in the face of Carlos Correa being Luke Skywalker, but oh well.
That time the Padres won the World Series? That’s just like the story of Grand Admiral Thrawn — basically the greatest thing ever, but it officially never happened.
Haha…I enjoyed Dusty
can’t stop listening to that logic album man good call. think even JB would like it too haha:
“Feel like I’m in a 5th element
I’m in my element lost in paradise
It’s me, you and Leeloo, Korben Dallas
In Fhloston paradise”
@SheriffMcRawDawg: you’re welcome. Logic is all me here. I turned on Grey and made Nick hate it because I like it
@J-FOH:
I listened to the Logic once and was so, so on it. I’ll have to give it another shot
Right now I’m stuck in the Homeboy Sandman / Aesop Rock album
@jvanslyke: I got a little homeboy sandman, it’s ok. Gang Related is a better album by Logic and the Young Sinatra III mix tape is redonkeydonk
It’s good, jvanslyke, try it again
@Grey: ok THAT should get Grey to finally watch that movie (look it’s on right now, just kidding, but it is on a lot on cable)
@J-FOH: I certainly do not hate it
Surprised that Nick hates Logic
@Grey: I’ll say again, I certainly do not hate it. My hate is focused in too many other directions
Haha…I was just messing… Nick! After FarGo ends, there’s gonna be a void in your schedule, I have a new show for you… River on Netflix
@Grey: I don’t want to to ever end G! I wish I could be Foh and be seeing it all for the first time again..But nice, I have been looking at what I should Netflix next and that was one of them I narrowed it down to. Started watching Bloodline, but it’s slow so far and has put me to sleep on multiple occasions. River it is! Have you watched Chef’s Table on Netflix?
Yeah, I watched a few Chef’s Table episodes (restaurants I knew)… It was okay, bit too high-minded for my tastes… I prefer drama about not having some false time constraint to make risotto, then hearing chefs talk about changing the environment one bite at a time
@Grey: ah word, scratch that off then
BTW, Nick did you see I said the Logic song that I think shares a beat with Rugged?
@Grey: have been watching knife fight on esquire yet? One of my favorite cooking competition shows
Nah, never saw it
he does seem like a total douche but his show is fun to watch. In mid competition a chef will stop and make drinks for people or like one guy did went outside for a cigarette to figure out his third dish
Yeah, I’ll check it out if I can find it
@Grey: yeah when you said that the other day I skimmed thru Logics album to see it I could figure it out and knew that was the one you meant. Sound similar to People’s Champ right? Might be the same sample, Apathy produced that Rugged song
Yeah, sounds just like it, don’t you think?
there are so many songs with the same samples. I still here samples that were used on underground songs 15 years ago that pop up again.
JB wakes in a cold sweat screaming Supergreen!
I’m also still enjoying it… Is I am the Greatest using a RA Rugged Man beat?
On, not in. Sorry
Grey,
Think Lindor can maintain what he did last year? I’m not sure if I should keep him. I need his steals. We keep 8 and there’s 8 teams. Any chance Lindor is a top 50 player next year?
Thanks
He’ll do more than maintain it, he was a top prospect, see no reason why he’d fall off at 22 years old
@Grey: So is top 50 a stretch? Or no?
Stretch for this year
@Don’t look now: Same question for Heyward. Top 50 possible
Yes
@Don’t look now: other than the homers. the steals should go up.
ESPN’s Buster Olney reports that Johnny Cueto has agreed to a contract with the Giants, pending a physical.
CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman says it’s a six-year deal that will top the six-year, $126 million proposal that Cueto turned down from the Diamondbacks. Cueto was inconsistent down the stretch with the Royals, but he boasts a 2.71 ERA over 134 starts across the last five seasons. The Giants have added two big arms to their rotation this winter in Cueto and Jeff Samardzija.
Damn, his last three months killed his value
@Grey: and thr whole arm and elbow pain issues the last two seasons, those didn’t help either. The idiots on the radio wondered why nobody was offering him…..um because he’s going to have Tommy John.
Yeah, could be
@J-FOH: @Grey:
Must be Glad your Dodgers didn’t get him oh wait forgot you’re a mets fan now
@FrankGrimes:wow, you obviously don’t know how to read because if you did you wouldn’t of wrote what you just did
Grey,
Who would you rather have long term (next 3 years), Lindor, Heyward, JD, or Pederson? How would you rank those 4 in regards to long-term value?
Thanks
JD, Heyward, Lindor
@Grey: Pederson a distant 4th? He seems tricky to figure out.
Not distant, just has more risk right now
Hello Grey, thanks in advance
How would you rank these OFs in 5×5 roto?
Pillar, Markakis, Leonys
Gracias
Leonys, Pillar
Grey
Is giving up either deGrom or Harvey worth getting Berrios
In a 14 team six player keeper league where I don’t draft until the 7th round, should I keep Odor over Kinsler and hope for a breakout?
Yup
@Grey:
Thank you.
The Rocks are dopes! Grey I always appreciate your honesty!