If I were a box of cereal my first ingredient would be “good advice.” Here are some important questions I’ve been asked and my magnificent answers…

Howdy Kenyon! I’m in a six-team mixed league from 1945. Who should I play this weekend? Stan Musial or Pete Gray? – Logan.

Logan: Unless one of the categories in your league is “fewest arms” I’d go with Stan the Man. In the future, you might want to examine the baseball card of the player in question. Simple rule to remember: Rock beats scissors beats paper and two arms beats one arm. Although two arms beats eight arms because octopi stink to high heaven at baseball (despite their lofty reputations as tetherballers).

 

Hey Kenyon, Rabbit Maranville is my favorite player and the guy picking before me in the draft nabbed him before I could. What should I do? — Jeremy.

Jeremy: Find out where the shortstop pilfering palooka lives and siphon all the gas out of his Packard with a garden hose. Then leave a note on his windshield offering him your backup catcher plus the stolen fuel for Mr. Maranville.

 

Kenyon! First time writer, long time reader. I’m in a ten-team NL only league and I accidentally drafted all second basemen. I mean, I got all the good ones: Cocomarsh, Lohevic, Girabaldi, Mandelbaum, Gretchenmaus… But a.) my line-up is unbalanced b.) now nobody else has a second baseman and c.) my wife hates me even more than she did before the draft. Any good advice and I’d be more than happy to make you a beneficiary of my life insurance policy. — Paul.

Paul: Hoarding infielders was a popular strategy between 1902-1915, then that practice was outlawed as part of the anti-trust monopoly regulations by the Wilson Administration. You appear to be a delusional young man. It’s time to grow up and focus. Remember, the path to a successful life is through fantasy baseball. Don’t throw away that opportunity.

 
  1. noah says:
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    Terrible call on the 1945 league. Kenyon, YOU should check the baseball cards. Musial was serving in the military in 1945 and went 0-for-0 that season. Then again, Gray was awful, so maybe an empty slot would have been a better option.

    • noah says:
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      @noah: Although, now that I look at it. the 1945 season didn’t start until mid-April, so nobody is playing this weekend…

    • Kenyon Messersmith Sr.

      Kenyon Messersmith Sr. says:
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      @noah: Empty slot > Pete Gray. THAT’S A FACT!

  2. Kenyon Messersmith Sr.

    Kenyon Messersmith Sr. says:
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    Wrong-o! Mid-April in 1945 is the equivalent of early-June now. You forgot to factor in inflation.

  3. Luvdarooks says:
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    12 team and L only 5 x 5 260 league with five dollar raise each year
    I have J PeDerson for $10 and have been offered this Visciano in Atlanta eight dollars and Corbin eight dollars for him what do you think?

    • Kenyon Messersmith Sr.

      Kenyon Messersmith Sr. says:
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      @Luvdarooks: Hold onto Joc. (Even though Vizcaino will be the primary closer)… Now please hire a skywriter and write “Thank You” above my palatial estate.

  4. Tehol Beddict says:
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    I don’t get it

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