If I were a box of cereal my first ingredient would be “good advice.” Here are some important questions I’ve been asked and my magnificent answers…

Howdy Kenyon! I’m in a six-team mixed league from 1945. Who should I play this weekend? Stan Musial or Pete Gray? – Logan.

Logan: Unless one of the categories in your league is “fewest arms” I’d go with Stan the Man. In the future, you might want to examine the baseball card of the player in question. Simple rule to remember: Rock beats scissors beats paper and two arms beats one arm. Although two arms beats eight arms because octopi stink to high heaven at baseball (despite their lofty reputations as tetherballers).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A little about me:

I am old and cranky.

I know way more about baseball than you.

Many people automatically get four college credits simply for reading a single column of mine.

I am the only person to see the rookie years of both Ty Cobb and Bryce Harper.

I can steal signs from the catcher merely from feeling the breeze produced from his fingers.

I am so respected I have two Hall of Fame ballots each year.

I am a switch-hitter, ambidextrous and tri-sexual. Yes, that’s correct. I often have sex with a tricycle.

I am a vegan and will only play ball with a mitt made of cucumbers and lettuce.

I will see you next week…

Please, blog, may I have some more?