People obsess over what to call their fantasy baseball team. And, I must say, time well spent! Please take a look at the list; it’s ridiculously wonderful. My favorite team names from the list include, Funky Cold Mussina and Hip-Hop Jorge, but I have fond memories of early ’90s rap. My additions (in no particular order, although, technically, it is in an order):

The Neil Diamondbacks
Luis Polonia’s Home For Wayward Teens
Descarte Before The Horse (this might only work for a philosophers’ pickup game)
Four Baggers And Beer Goggles
Urbina Just Poured Gasoline On Your Title Hopes
Joe Torreabla Is My Hybrid
How’s The View From Not First?
Tracy Sheckle is a Whore (If you knew her, you would get it. All of it. But I digress.)
Steal This Team!
In Soviet Russia Fantasy Baseball Plays You
Covet Thy Neighbor’s Middle Reliever
Moises Alou’s Pee-Stained Hands
Prince Fielder and Umaga’s Hoagie Shop
Mitt Happens (not the Republican Mormon)
System of the Scott Downs
Alfonseca’s Four-Fingered Salute


  1. Herb Urban says:

    I won leagues using the names:

    Neil Diamond Studs
    Oatesville Maneaters
    The Boys of Henry Lee Summer
    Colbert Nationals
    Steve Jeltz on the juice
    OCD Warriors
    Assenmacher LOOGYs
    Her Bourbon
    Pokey Reese is untouchable

    Maybe I’m just weird.

  2. Who We Are says:

    Asperger’s Batting Disorder

  3. Turnip says:

    Two funny ones used in leagues where people had to pick cities and design parks for strat baseball:

    The Harlem Enigmas, New York
    The Pueblo Picassos, Colorado

  4. Deb says:

    My gentleman caller’s recent team was called: Let me think on it baby baby let me think on it let me think on it and I’ll give you an answer in the morning.

    Shouldn’t there be a character limit?

  5. Who We Are says:

    Is he always so decisive?

  6. rudygamble says:

    deb –
    you’re sleeping with meatloaf? he couldn’t use Bat Out of Helton?

    i like ‘Steve Garvey’s Bastard Kids’ as a team name….

  7. Emmett Jones says:

    wow…a lot of good names on there. Funky Cold Mussina…I think that may be my team name this year. that name is great.

  8. Geekstr says:

    @rudygamble – LMAO! “he couldn’t use Bat Out of Helton?”

    This is too funny, thanks for sharing it!

  9. IowaCubs says:

    Maybe it’s just the Cubs fan in me, but this was my team name last year:

    The Mordecai Middle Finger Browns

  10. Who We Are says:


    What’s your prediction on the Cubs closer this year?

  11. IowaCubs says:

    Jim Hendry has a hard on for Wood, so I think that he will start out as the closer, with Howry getting the occasional spot save. I think that Marmol is best in the Bill James “bullpen ace” role, getting at least 8 wins, shutting down the 7th.

    My prediction: Wood gets 40 saves this year, Howry 8, Marmol 3.

  12. Who We Are says:

    I hope you’re right in that they give the ball to someone and he’s the closer. I think it will be more like Marmol 25, Howry 12, Wood 8, but I could see it going your way. As I said in the top twenty closers post, the Cubs will have a boatload of saves for someone(s).

  13. IowaCubs says:

    Yeah, you should almost draft all three just to be sure! :)

  14. Anonymous says:

    Get Figgy With It

  15. Anonymous says:

    No McNamee related team names…i.e McNamee injected me to!

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