In 2009, the ESPN fantasy baseball rankings were found inside Matthew Berry’s boob-shaped ice cubes and were later thawed out.Â These rankings were then transcribed by an intern who had nothing for breakfast but a Bloody Mary that was heavy on the Tabasco.Â Anyway, let’s look at a few choice selections in the top 30 in the ESPN fantasy baseball rankings:
15. Dustin Pedroia – Two ahead of Chase Utley in their rankings.Â I already put Pedroia in the overrated fantasy baseball category.Â Listen to PE’s Don’t Believe the Hype as ESPN’s fossil fuels drain the rest of the fantasy baseball world of its brain matter.
20. Ryan Howard – Last year his average was .251.Â This year they project him for .251.Â How convenient!Â ESPN’s rankings are famous for their Monday morning quarterbacking.Â If Howard hits .265 this year, does anyone want to bet me ESPN projects a .265 +/- .002 for 2010?Â Â I love how they claim he’s a two category guy THEN (caps for emphasis and for those reading from across the room) project him for 100+ Runs. Â That makes him a three category guy.Â Also, you can count on three fingers how many 1st basemen give you steals and those 1st basemen don’t give you anywhere near 50 HRs and 140 RBIs.
21. Ichiro Suzuki – ESPN’s projections are 104/8/53/33/.314.Â Hmm… Isn’t he guilty of the same thing they’re getting down on Howard about?Â Oh, wait, they do have Ichiro one slot lower than Howard….Â My bad!
29./30. Manny Ramirez/Evan Longoria – ESPN says about Manny, “Manny should continue to bring the fantasy goodness,” and they project him for 92/32/107/.319/2.Â ESPN says about Longoria, “Don’t be afraid of the hype.”Â They project him for 98/36/113/.272/10.Â With those projections for a 3rd baseman, it makes perfect sense to rank him behind a potentially unmotivated outfielder and ten slots behind Ichiro. /sarcasm
I’m going to stop here before my ulcer flares up.Â The ESPN fantasy baseball rankings are your grandfather’s fantasy baseball rankings.Â They are out of touch.Â They try and tell you what they think their mass audience wants to hear.Â They are not telling you what you need to know.