Picture this.Â Stephen Strasburg comes to you and says up close, I want you to draw me like one of your French Girls wearing this.Â At this moment, he pulls out his sports rope necklace from underneath his jersey.Â Sure, you respond as you pour over his fantasy baseball stats, clearly distracted and not mindful of the subject.Â And then he follows up this conversation with, wearing ONLY this…Oh and now it’s on.Â You quickly whip out your charcoal pencil set and diligently get to work as he lavishly drapes himself across an old davenport couch. Â Turn your head so I can’t see your oversized Adam’s Apple, you brusquely say. Â So serious, Stras says to you with a mock scowl upon his face but with a clear glint ofÂ mischievousness in his eye.Â But you don’t care as you are immersed within your art and all of the sudden you hear some weird Canadian singer tell you she believes the hot dogs will go on.Â And it’s at that moment you wake up from your nightmare screaming but while rocking a semi.Â Told you not to drink so much on a Friday night, bro!Â There’ll be pictures on the internet later.Â Last night was at ‘The Hangover’ level of messed up.Â But maybe the DraftKings Gods are trying to tell you something.Â Quickly!Â Rush to your nearest internet providing device and find that the Stream-O-Nator has him down as the second best pitcher to Price on the day.Â And then you dig a bit further and find him at $11,500 and it makes you worry that maybe the Rent Is Too Damn High.Â But then you dig even further and find out that the Atlanta Braves are still one of the worst in the game at striking out as their 2014 K rate (26.2%) is sitting up near where it was last year at 22.6%.Â And then you put the two together: The Braves strike out a lot and Strasburg strikes a lot of hitters out.Â Win + Win = EPIC WIN.Â Even the Hitter-Tron is lukewarm on Atlanta’s lineup and he’d squirt his motor oil on anything that moves if given the chance.Â All this to say, a 10K+ performance could happen and you kinda wanna be in on that action.Â But with all that out of the way, let’s tread on.Â Here’s our picks for 4/5/14 contests on Draftkings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…
Carlos Carrasco, SP: $7,000 – Speaking of K rates, the season is young but the Twins are sitting in the bottom 10 in that category.Â Plus, Twins…do you really need a better reason?Â Ok, how about Carlos will probably be at a low ownership rate on a day where many team aces will be on the mound.Â That work for you?Â Yeah, me too.
Jose Fernandez, SP: $12,000 – Pitching at home?Â Check.Â Is home a pitcher’s park?Â Double check.Â Are the Padres at the lower end of the K% by team?Â Triple check.Â Does Jose strike out a lot of guys?Â GOLDEN SOMBRERO!Â No, that wasn’t racist.Â That’s a baseball term.Â Jerk.
Cliff Lee, SP: $10,300 – One strikeout.Â After abusing your team to the tune of one walk, eight earned runs and 11 hits, that’s all he gives you on opening day?Â Eff this guy, right?Â Well, we’re back in the good ‘ole NL this week with The Adverb and it’s against the Cubs who’ve been known to get rung up by lefties.Â Here’s to hoping that due to a poor start, there will be a small avoid tag on Uncle Cliffy.
Bruce Chen, SP: $6,300 – Yeah, I’m probably nucking futs here.Â But would a win with 4 to 5 Ks and reasonable H/BB/ER along with 6 to 7 IP surprise you given where he’s pitching and against what team?Â I implore you!Â Consider this an extreme contrarian play.Â And I’ll also consider myself ignored by pretty much everyone.
Mark Trumbo, 1B/OF: $4,300 – Somehow is cheaper than Justin Morneau.Â Ponder on that for a bit.Â Yeah that didn’t take long.Â Just click the green plus sign and move on with your day.Â Oh wait, he’s OF eligible?Â Well let’s just add Morneau while we’re at it or Paul Goldschmidt.Â Seriously, go get a Rocky Mountain high all weekend in your lineups, people.
Charlie Blackmon, OF: $2,900 – He went 6/6 and scored 47 DK points yesterday.Â I learned an important word to describe how I feel about him.Â The word is fade.Â The word fade means many things.Â I won’t force you to Google it.Â It means it might be best to avoid him despite that offensive explosion.Â Unless you wanna be part of the 47% who get his 1/5 with a run scored.
Omar Infante, 2B: $3,500 – Looking to punt at 2B?Â Well look no further?Â Somehow Infante is still kicking it and finding himself at the tops of lineups while he does it.Â I don’t know what video tapes he has of these coaches but it doesn’t matter.Â What does is 2/5 with a couple of runs scored plays well in this little game we play.
Danny Valencia, 3B: $2,600 – Now I’m just trolling you, right?Â Well, last year he hit over .370 against LHP in 102 at-bats.Â Maybe it all means nothing but I’m inclined to believe it means you’ve got a super 3B punt at your disposal this Saturday.Â And if Pedro Ciriaco gets the nod at short, sure why not.Â Justin Maxwell gets thrown into the same troll boat, FWIW.Â And FWIW2, no, I’m not just staring at the Royals lineup…as sexy as it is…
Yasiel Puig, OF: $5,000 – You ever watch National Geographic and they show you what a mad wild boar can do?Â Well just imagine what happens with a mad Puig after getting benched yesterday.Â A slam and legs could very well be served up to order.
I’m Only Happy When It Rains
Well Oakland had a tarp malfunction last night on par with a Janet Jackson nip slip and PPD the game.Â I only had 4 Oakland hitters in my lineup for the night…but I’m not bitter.Â All this to say, it currently looks like any and all weather issues are in dome proof.Â Unless for some reason a bunch of A’s players throw a bunch of water balloons out on the field right before games begin and keep throwing them and the tarp crew doesn’t know what to do…but hey I’m really not that bitter!
Doing Lines In Vegas
COLsARZ at 9 1/2 is the big boy here.Â Yesterday, Colorado turned in 12 runs by themselves so yeah, this could get ugly for the pitchers quickly.Â I definitely want my finger all up in that pie…honey, could you please stop reading over my shoulder?Â No, it’s not what you think.
HOUvsLAA at 9 as LAA scored big yesterday with 11 runs alone while Houston just didn’t do anything despite loading the bases twice.Â This one could get ugly quick.Â I mean, it’s already ugly by the matchup names alone.Â Kuechel?Â Skaggs?Â Sounds like something that might require penicillin after visit to a house of ill repute in Germany.