A calendar page flies off and we follow it to the ground. We can’t quite make out the date on it yet, then the wind whips up hard and slams the page into a screen door. There, it ominously flaps against the screen door and we see the date. It reads…*dramatic sting*…March. Grey picks, because he’s writing this in third person, the piece of paper off the screen door and casually reads it. Slowly, across his face, a dawning of hell, it’s March 98th, 2020! AHHHHHH!!! Screams echo out–*shoots up in bed* Oh, wait, it’s June, 2020. Haha, silly dreamscape of hell. You’re so dumb, subconscious brain. Go back to hiding amongst all my baseball knowledge and factoids. So, today, I bring you my 1,789th Dart Throw, Daniel Vogelbach. Just think, by September, I will have profiled every baseball player as someone to draft. If only you were in a 30-team league with 178-man benches. Shucks, really. I kid, of course, because any day now we’re going to find out whether or not there’s gonna be a baseball season. I do believe a 100-game shortened season is still possible, but, ya know, they kinda need to figure shizz out sooner vs. later, and it’s not a great look when the MLB wants to play less baseball. So, what can we expect from Daniel Vogelbach for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him a great dart throw?
First off, I don’t like Daniel Vogelbach simply because he’s the first person I think of when I hear the song, SexyBack. Daniel brings Vogelbach. Subtle difference. He’s also better known as the Jelly Donut of Swat, so there’s way more of a chance of me liking him for that nickname. Last year, he hit 30 homers in 462 ABs. He could hit 30 homers in 360 ABs or a 100 games. Last year in the 1st half, he hit 21 HRs in 277 ABs. Get him hot, and Vogelbach will be smoking. Furthermore (don’t say furthermore in real life ever or someone is allowed to punch you), Coolwhip gave you his hot hitters of April, and I’ll be damned, Cody Bellinger, Christian Yelich, Garver, Rendon, Meadows, Trout…Oh, and Daniel Vogelbach. You know when something is irrefutable? When Vogelbach is involved. Why? Didn’t I just say stop refuting it? Okay, but as Coolwhip’s chart shows, Vogelbach was also one of the biggest losers (not the TV show; he’s still large) when it came to May. Now is this a sign of a guy starting hot vs. just being hot because it’s April? Well, I don’t know, but ‘just being hot because it’s April’ doesn’t really make sense. Guys start hot or they don’t. Calendar page that is flapping against the screen door doesn’t matter. Starting hot will be so important this year too, because if a guy is hot in July, when the season starts (please), that’s roughly a third of the season. That’s all you need this year. I forget the exact figures, but odds were way in your favor if you were in 1st place after the last day of April during a usual fantasy baseball season. If you’re in first after this July, then you’re gonna be near impossible to beat in some cases. Starting hot is everything. Also, Vogelbach doesn’t have anyone else that’s really going to hurt his playing time. If he starts July like April of last year when he hit 8 HRs and .310 in 71 ABs, he’s going to be leading a lot of people to shortened season championships. More like the Jelly Donut of Dart Throws.