This is it, no mas quiero creepers. I’ve been pondering today’s post all week as we get to the most unpredictable week for playing time. As teams clinch, guys will get days off, all willy-nilly. Any little ding, bruise, ouchie or pending surgery will be a first class ticket to the bench. Yeah I’m looking at you Brauny, you are dead to me for making me drop you everywhere. I’ll throw a few names that could be good to grab but saying their playing time is secure can turn into a fools errand. If you are in a weekly league, then I hope to God you make the right choices and I will do everything in my power to help you. If you are in a daily league, then you got a chance. And if you are in a moves limit league, you can go tell your commish to f*ck themselves courtesy of Jack Full of Hate. I hate moves limits leagues more than H2H. *Intern taps me on shoulder and whispers into ear* Oh… I see, H2H and moves limits are usually linked together. Thanks Octavio. Sorry guys, Octavio is my gardener-slash-intern that is trying to break into a new career. He also makes a mean Cadillac Margarita. Okay enough about Octavio, let’s get to creepin…
- Marcell Ozuna, OF (14.2%) – I finally like this dog in the race as he closes the year in cushy Philly. Over his career, Citizen Bank has been his favorite park, and even H to the Tizzy likes him there. Add him for the last series and thank me later.
- Justin Bour, 1B (12.9%) – Hey, look it’s Bour… again… and again… and, oh FFS people. Just own him. His ownership tells me that 87.1% of all ESPN leagues are abandoned. I don’t know how many times Grey has told you to buy him and how many times I have creeped him, but I ain’t even going to count. If you need power then buy Bour.
- Steven Souza, OF (9.5%) – I can’t predict his playing time, but I think he should be good for at least four of the games and has unpredictable power speed numbers. I know he prefers the road, but I wouldn’t sleep on him if you are in desperation mode. Let’s have a prayer parallelogram for Suavecito Souza and his 20/20 tools showing up in a stat line for you.
- C.J. Cron, 1B, (7.8%) – Look, another repeat offender. If I was to have a creep off with him and Bour, we would have to combine Master Chef with the Voice and then probably draw straws to determine the winner. I wouldn’t touch him for the Oakland series but for the season ender at Texas I would be all over that bat like whites on rye… whiskey. He’s set to face three lefties, has batted .414 vs. Texas this year in 58 AB’s and if the Rangers have clinched wont have to face Hamels on the last day of the year and will most likely face a collection of schlubs.
- Trayce Thompson, OF (3.3%) – This is my real creeper of the week. I hope you read this far down because everyone above was a reminder they are still under owned and could help. Thompson is a stud on the horizon and someone that will get an off season post written about. He got moved into the three hole the other day and I love that move so much I had to adjust my crotch after writing this. He’s a 20/20 ceiling player who knows how to take a walk. He’s loved hitting at home this year (.436 BA in 39 games with 3 dongs) and closes the year out with 6 games at U.S. Cellular. With the protection of Abreu I like him to get some pitches to hit and show Avisail what to do when a golden opportunity falls in your lap. Oh Avisail, you don’t deserve the mini miggy name any more it’s more like misstep miggy… am I right?
- Jordy Mercer, SS (2.4%) – Opportunity breeds success and success is defined by the size of your…oh who cares. He has responded well after having to step in for Kang, and I like this kinda gut call. He closes the year at home against the Cardinals and Reds. I’m not sure if the Cardinals rotation will change but I like him if you have MI issues and one of those issues isn’t speed. If you have speed issues then I suggest a tall glass of some Kettel One with a little lime and a splash of soda water. Wait, no Jack, stop thinking about alcohol, stay focused. Mercer dropped a dong yesterday and has hit well since taking over for Kang.
Before closing the book on the 2015 creeper season, I have to give some closing props to Razzball’s resident hip-hop encyclopedia and family roasting master, Nick the Dick! He turned me onto this beautiful piece of awesome by BadBadNotGood and Ghostface Killah. I highly recommend this as my creeper album of the year. Give it a listen and if you don’t like it, listen to it again and if you still don’t like it then we in different places.
