Carlos Pena is out for the remainder of the season according to the St. Petersburg Times.  My question is, why is a Russian newspaper reporting this?  Guess my over under of 41 homers for Pena is gonna end just under at 39.  One of these years, he’s going to have one of those lucky seasons and hit for .280 and everyone… My brain just tapped me on my shoulder and reminded me Pena had one of those seasons, it was in 2007.  Oh, brain.  What would I ever do without you?  So now that Pena’s done, you’re going to need to grab some power — try Drew Stubbs — he’s out of his flippin’ mind.  I keed.  I’d try Andy Marte, Casey McGehee, Carlos Guillen, Mora or Juan Uribe, in that order.  Marte will kill you on average though, so he’ll fit perfectly into Pena’s vacated spot.  And, yes, I just sorta-kinda recommended Juan Uribe.  No diggity!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Clayton Kershaw – Will miss a start with a bruised shoulder.  Probably could’ve went if the Dodgers needed him to.  Get used to news like this.  Pitchers will be contracting all sorts of minor ailments in the last few weeks to miss starts as clubs try to keep their innings in check.

J.A. Happ – Out with an oblique strain.  See 1/8 of an inch above for exact reason why he’s out.

Troy Tulowitzki – Aggravated his back.  (That’s the last time he says he likes his torso better.)  This is the opposite of the Kershaw news.  Because the Rockies need Tulo, he’ll probably return to the lineup as soon as possible.  Think two days.  Now hope the power of positive thinking works.

Brett Gardner – Will split time in center with Melky Cabrera. (You ever own Melky, look at his name in your lineup, see M. Cabrera and think to yourself, “I have Miguel Cabrera playing outfield?  That’s awesome!”  Maybe it’s a symptom of having too many teams.)

Phil Hughes – Won his 6th game and now has a 3.07 ERA on the year.  Hopefully, he’ll be more successful in his transition back to a starter than Joba.

Chris Carpenter – 1 hit shutout with 10 Ks.  He has a 2.16 ERA on the year with 16 wins.  His Ks are low, but if he can get his ERA under 2, it’ll be hard to deny him another Cy Young.

Kyle Lohse – Returns to the rotation on Saturday and gives Boggs the bullpen bump (alliteration in lieu of wit).

B.J. Upton – Returned from his ankle injury and picked up right where he left off with an 0-for-2 while hitting at the bottom of the lineup.

Vicente Padilla/Brad Penny – 6 IP, 2 ER and 7 IP, 2 ER, respectively.  And you wonder why I like NL pitchers?

Juan Uribe – 2 HRs and 5 RBIs.  He’s a terrible hitter, but even terrible hitters get hot.  I know, that sounds like winning copy from the desk of Pete Campbell.

Jeff Manship – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  The Manship has landed and it’s filled with prawns yawns.

Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 1 ER.  From perfection to mediocrity to quality start vs. the Red Sox.  Don’t try and figure him out, it’ll make you mad… (…men reference two lines above.  So I finally rented the first season of Mad Men.  Hmm… maybe I listened to too much of the hype machine, but I was expecting a The Wire-type masterpiece.  It left me wanting something more… Maybe a cigarette.  Oh, and if you want to discuss the show in the comments, remember I’ve only seen the first season.  Respect the guy who just rented Season 2.)

Jacoby Ellsbury – 2-for-4 as he stole his 60th base yesterday.  FYI, Jacoby Ellsbury is the first player to steal 60 bases with a law firm name, since Shorty Fuller of the 1890 St. Louis Browns.  I got Shorty Fuller on retainer, see.

Raul Ibanez – HR yesterday.  Look who decided to wake up from his two month slumber.

Kyle Davies – 5 IP, 11 baserunners, only one K and he gave up a homer.  Guess how many earned runs he gave up.  One!  How is that even mathematically possible?  I’ll need to ask someone at Elias Sports Bureau or Jayson Stark.

Billy Butler – 2 HRs yesterday.  I really want him to tank in September so he’s a “sleeper” next year.  (Sorry for the toolbag quotes around sleeper, but he won’t be a sleeper sleeper.  Like an actual player who no one knows about next year, because I have a feeling The ESPN Hindsighter and every other Tom, Dick and Karabell will be touting him.  So he’ll be a sleeper in the sense everyone says he’s a sleeper, so he no longer is.  Then again, I thought people would jump on the Mark Reynolds bandwagon and no one did.)

Krispie Young – You probably hate him if you owned him earlier in the year, but he’s out of Coors and is still hitting homers.  After three homers on Sunday, he hit another one yesterday.

Ted Lilly – 6 IP, 5 baserunners, 2 ER, 7 Ks.  Now has five straight solid starts and a 3.12 ERA on the year.  Under.  Rated.

Derrek Lee – Since his birth of his son, he’s hit 4 homers, hitting his 30th and 31st homer yesterday.  If only Lee were married to Octo-Mom.

  1. big o says:

    i got shorty fuller on retainer , see .

    sounds like a quote from one of the classics … little caesar .
    eddie g. robinson

  2. Jonathan says:

    +1 on Mad Men.

    I watch hardly any TV, but after hearing the umpteenth person tell me that MM was the greatest show in the history of the universe ever, I broke down and rented seasons 1 and 2.

    It’s good, and certainly beautiful, but I will sleep fine not knowing what happens in season 3.

    Also, if it matters, my fantasy team is called The Fuzzy Dunlops.

  3. Paulie Allnuts

    Paulie Allnuts says:

    Grey – I’m an amateur baseball historian, and even I had to look up Shorty Fuller. It figures you would heart him – he was SAGNOF; in his best year (1890) he stole 60 bases. Thinking of adding him to my SimTeam Fantasy Baseball Squad. In 1890 he was pro-rated at 4.5 mil. Prolly played for 1 grand for the season, plus room and board if lucky. And had to launder his own uniforms.

    Octo-Mom! I’m fighting for my fantasy life in my RCL league, and I notice that Aaron Hill was 1-1. Seems that the selfish S.O.B. left the game to be game to be with his wife as she was giving birth, completely disregarding my fantasy needs. Hopefully, he will come back with some much needed dingers.

    How do these matchups look: Smoltz @Mil, Pedro @Wash, Bucholz vs Nats at home, Porcello @KC – Play or Sit?

    Thanks, as always, for an informative and hilarious column.

  4. zombie says:

    Ditto on the season long info. and hilarity; thanks as always Grey.
    Any thoughts on a playoff spot start of McCarthy at Clev. (Laffey) or like most kids these days, hop on this vampire craze and take a chance with VandenHurk at ShittyField (Redding)?

  5. ThePoonTycoon says:

    i manage to make up a 8 game deficit in the final week of the season to make the playoffs (in a 12 cat league), only to get news that gallardo is being skipped and hamilton hurt his back sliding into bases, but at least they were kind enough to get hurt/give me a heads up before the monday games. pena on the other hand gets 1 AB and is now out for the year and i can’t even sub him out til next week, so i’m playing my quarterfinal matchup a man down, that man being the beast who sparked my miraculous comeback from the dead that last 3 weeks.

  6. ThePoonTycoon says:

    can a fantasy championship be won ont he backs of a 164 year old pedro, a hot elijah dukes, and possibly the pena lite bat of andy marte? stay tuned to find out.

  7. Commish Cauda (formerly Mike) says:

    If baseball is a “funny game”, then fantasy baseball is hilarious…

    Five minutes into the playoffs and I lose Pena for the rest of the year and Tulo for at least a few days. And to top it off, after deciding to go with Chris Getz over Juan Uribe as a 2B replacement for this week, my opponent picked up Uribe at the last moment and started him against me. Sigh.

  8. .(). says:

    Mad Men S.2 is more of same, but better than S.1. I think you’ll start to get into it, but, yeah, expectations might have been high.

    Try Breaking Bad after you finish Mad Men. Now there’s a masterpiece.

  9. mgeoffriau

    mgeoffriau says:

    Over my innings pace by a good bit….sit C-Bills tonight? He’s been alternating bad and average-ish starts recently….and he’s due for a bad one.

  10. stumanji says:

    I can’t believe I have to ask this but…

    Barmes, Erick (with a C..and a K!) Aybar, Elvis Andrus, or Juan Uribe at SS?

    Sorry, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

  11. Nick0rz says:

    Beltran will be back tonight as per Bart Hubbuch.

    Stashing him on the DL for what feels like a century may finally pay off.

  12. stumanji says:

    @Paulie Allnuts: Any word on whether A. Hill going to miss tonight’s game?

  13. Grey

    Grey says:

    @big o: Hehe

    @Jonathan: Yup, totally agree so far.

    @Paulie Allnuts: Thanks! Yeah, Shorty was one of the original four horsemen of the SAGNOF. I wouldn’t start Porcello.

    @zombie: I’d go with VanDenHurk. Neither are that appealing though.

    @ThePoonTycoon: Hehe

    @Commish Cauda (formerly Mike): Ouch

    @.().: I’ll check it out. Sounds better than Mad Men already.

    @mgeoffriau: I’d start him.

    @stumanji: I’d go with Barmes.

    @Nick0rz: It really has felt that long.

  14. Razzin says:

    Kazmir vs. Mariners?
    Lost Pena! I saw your suggestions for pickups. Would you put Billy Butler before Marte?

  15. brad says:

    @Grey: @.().: Breaking Bad is badass, but expecting any TV show to be wire-like is setting yourself up for heartbreak.

  16. stumanji says:

    Are we starting Pedro tonight @ Natinals?

    I am, but I’m not sure I’m happy about it.

  17. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Razzin: I’d go with Butler first, didn’t think he’d be out there. I’d start Kaz there.

    @stumanji: I’d start him there too.

  18. anon says:

    Hey Grey remember a while back you were talking about a book about Fantasy Baseball where they basically called Berry’s status as ‘pert into question and said he was more of a “writer” than a brilliant fantasy strategist? What was that book called? thanks

  19. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @Jonathan: Oh the Fuzzy Dunlops. SERGEANT HURK FTW!

    I just finished the fifth season of The Wire, and can only conclude that there will never be another television show as true to life as The Wire. After watching it, all TV — anywhere from script to character development to continuation of the storyline — from now on will be compared to it’s awesomeness. I’m afraid that Mad Men will be a letdown.

    By the way, is there another character in the history of television as perfect as Omar Little? A gay gangster who robs drug dealers? Who thinks up this shit?

  20. Grey

    Grey says:

    @anon: I don’t remember any book about fantasy baseball other than Fantasy Land. It’s a solid read, but I don’t remember Matthew Berry being a part of it.

    @IowaCubs: I wish I could watch The Wire again for the first time. I’m envious. As great as Omar was, there were a dozen characters as genius — Senator Davis, Rawls, Bunk, Ziggy, McNulty, Bubbles, Prez, Stringer, Marlo… and my personal favorite, Snoop. Someone get David Simon to EP another show. Please.

  21. mgeoffriau

    mgeoffriau says:

    @anon: @Grey: That’s the book. It’s not central to the storyline, but it does discuss the fact that Berry didn’t earn his following by having anything particularly baseball-related on his resume, but by being more entertaining than a lot of the early fantasy experts. If I recall, Berry is questioned on this point and he essentially admits that it’s true — he makes mostly conventional picks with the occasional bit of unconventional advice based mostly on gut feelings, and just presents it as “expert” advice.

  22. stumanji says:

    Re: Berry. In one of his articles (yes, I reluctantly read them), he said that he basically got his job by starting a fantasy website and winning a bunch of leagues, thereafter being dubbed an “expert” and hired by the WWL for probably 5 times my salary. So basically, he got lucky. So F him, but at the same time, good for him. (But seriously, F him).

  23. Byron says:

    I agree with all of you about The Wire- I have one more disc to go in Season 5. I recently moved and forgot to change the address with Netflix. Post office has still not forwarded my final dvd to me… it has been over a week now. The suspense is killing me. The show is hands down best show ever. As much as I enjoy Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Office, etc. none even come close. Oh and Clay Davis for the win- s*iiiiiiiiiiiiiit

  24. Grey

    Grey says:

    @brad: I’ll definitely have to check out Breaking Bad, but it might take a few months before I dive back in to a DVD series.

  25. Byron says:

    After I finish The Wire im going in on Eastbound and Down- some buddies keep talking about it- they say its great

  26. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Byron: I gave it three episodes, didn’t get hooked and abandoned it. Looking forward to the new Curb season though.

  27. ThePoonTycoon says:

    if we are talking tv series dvds here, 6 feet under stands up next to any of them imo. the wire is great too. haven’t gotten around to mad men, it’s probably next in line for me. i’ve only seen season 1 of breaking bad, but it’s was so awesome, when is season 2 out on dvd? the wait is killing me.

  28. VanHammersly says:

    Looks like Rodney will be suspended 3 games for “feeling the moment” and throwing the game ball into the press box over the weekend. Lyon is likely the guy, right, for those 3 games? Every save is precious, after all.

    One of my favorite scenes from The Wire is toward the end of season 1 when McNulty and Daniels are rolling their eyes watching the SWAT team prepare to bust into a stash house or something. “Who do these guys think is in there, Tony Montana? They look like they haven’t held a gun in 6 months!” And then they bust down the door themselves.

    A great show. And, I hear that David Simon is working on a new drama for HBO called Treme about modern day New Orleans.

  29. stumanji says:

    +1 for Six Feet Under. Completely underrated/underappreciated/overlooked. It’s a heavy committment considering there are 5 or 6 seasons, but it is really phenomenal. Best final episode of any show I’ve ever seen.

  30. Dad says:

    @Grey: In first place, but it looks like QS will be the stat that decides the money. Which 2-3 in order would be the best bet for QS’s?

    Available: Garland, Duke, Correia, Pavano, Ohlendorf, Morrow (on my team, but not sure he’ll be pitching 6), Rowland-Smith, Fister (hehe).

    Thanks. Also, i’m having a issue with the “reply” button. It shows up on the bottom right of the message box when i scroll over a message or name, but then disappears when i go to click it. Kind of funny, really.

  31. Grey

    Grey says:

    @VanHammersly: Yeah, Lyon. Love that scene of The Wire. Great news about Simon’s next project.

    @stumanji: Okay, might have to check that out.

    @Dad: The Reply’s moved to the bottom right. No idea why. It still works though. Rowland-Smith, Correia, Morrow…


  32. Lines says:

    I don’t care if he hits .390 for the month of September with a hundred and fifty home runs, Chris Young still sucks.

    And apparently, I should watch the Wire.

  33. Lines says:

    Sorry, Grey, you posted that thing about the followups while I was typing. I have no excuse for this one, though.

  34. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Lines: But what if he hits .400?


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