by: Grey
*nervous finger tap* How many days without baseball? So, I can close my fantasy baseball team browser window without missing anything? Okay. *throws computer out window* What? Was there another way to close my fantasy team page? I hadn’t in so long I forgot. What do you mean I can go outside without worrying about […]
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by: Dan Pants
Cody Bellinger got his sweet, sweet revenge Friday night against the Cubs team that traded him for scraps and salary cap relief, delivering a huge three home run night with six runs batted in and an aura score off the charts! I guess he took that personally. Have a day, Belli! What the Belli! What […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Saw Brice Matthews was called up by the Astros, ya know, their sexy hitting shortstop prospect and I was like, “Okay, what happened to Jeremy Pena?” But I didn’t see any negative updates on Pena. Astros said he’s fine, I could check on him myself. His right leg is in that box over there, his […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Cam Schlittler (5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks) made his debut. [trying to suppress giggle at his name, Schlittler] Guess it’s better than being Cam Scatler. I am shaking my head disapprovingly at his Only Fans. “Honey, are you drawing a little mustache on your turd? Oh my, that is so hot, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
I might have to make an executive decision and not feature anymore pitchers vs. the Rockies. It’s similar to how I don’t feature hitting performances when they’re in Coors. So, we’ll make a blood pact. If a guy pitches well, and it’s vs. the Rockies, then some ground rules for it to be a lede: […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Janson Junk? Call Sanford & Son because I accidentally threw away the wrong Junk! To the tune of any folk song, “Take this Bibee off my hands and give me that Junk. Enjoy this Pfaadt one, I’ll take the Junky one. Please let my pain Cease and take Dylan. I’ll take your Junk.” Spoken word […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Before the season, I took my Brandon Woodruff expectations out behind the barn, administered them their Last Rites, then I put them down. Went inside and gathered Ma and Baby Jethro and told them there won’t be anymore Brandon Woodruff expectations around these parts anymore. Baby Jethro cried in my arms and Ma said, “Brandon […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
The singular of fireworks is firework, but sounds weird. A professional wrestler who pretends to be a fireman for his character. That’s a firework. Speaking of firemen, Happy 4th of July or as firemen call it, “Why did you put a Roman Candle in your butt and aim it at your house? Dumb move, especially […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Yesterday was the day of doubleheaders and no one had a bigger doubleheader…Damn it, Darren Aronofsky, all I can think about is Jennifer Connelly in Requiem for a Dream! Seriously, he ruined me for not only any mention of doubleheaders but I just hear the word “double” and I start to think I know where […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Some days are “No offense” type days and yesterday felt like one of those days. Maybe it was the rain across the Eastern seaboard, he said like an old wily ship’s captain. Maybe it was something else in the air. Farts? Who knows, but better yet, who cares! Yesterday, EdCab showed why you should delete […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Another day, another insane Phillies’ starter goes HAM, not as in Taylor or cured honey, but as in HARD AS A MOTHERFUDGER. Only he didn’t say fudger, he said the mother of all curses, and he thought, “If it’s Hard As A, wouldn’t it be HAAM? Then it’s basically HAIM and it’s the best singing […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Once a generation a pitcher comes along that is extraordinary. Extra plus ordinary. It’s not often we get to witness it with our own eyes. Previous generations, some of those pitchers were Max Scherzer, Pedro Martinez, Roger Clemens, Nolan Ryan, then before I was born, so I don’t know. Too old for me! I’m a […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?