Oh no he dint! I dit. No, he dint! I dit! Dint! Dit! That was my right and left side of my brain debating Carlos Gonzalez as overrated. You’d be surprised at how often the two sides of my brain get in these verbal sparring matches. The left side of my brain was in the Debate Club in high school, so you’d think it was an unfair fight, but the right side of my brain conjured up an imaginary Debate Club with six imaginary debaters, an imaginary Debate tourney and an imaginary trip the Debate club went on where I lost my very real virginity. The left side of my brain is like, “Wut!?” Since the right side of the brain made up all of that, it’s understandable that the best argument the left side of my brain can come up with is ‘Oh no he dint!’ Of Coors, I don’t like going against Rockies hitters. This is the first time I’ve labeled a Rockies hitter overrated since I went after Tulo, which came out aces, prolly. No false modesty here, I’m never wrong on these schmohawk posts. You short a schmohawk and you’re golden. Like my Ocean Pacific Bermudas, these are the greatest shorts ever. Anyway, why is Carlos Gonzalez overrated for 2017 fantasy baseball?
Maybe in reality he’s not overrated, but we are talking about fantasy, and for fantasy, ESPN has him ranked in the top 30 overall (and Yahoo’s not far behind at 35). A’ight, but what you smoking? (Well, we are talking Colorado.) CarGo’s such an easy breakdown, so let’s get to it after this clunky segue. His career high in homers was 40 in 2015. That’s never happening again. Everything was goofy high for him that year. I mean, he had a 25.8% HR/FB. That’s silly even for a Rockies hitter. Why even discuss two years ago rather than the previous year? Because the previous year he had 25 HRs and 2 SBs. That’s fine, I don’t hate that, but top 30? I don’t follow the ‘Worldwide Leader’ there. I could see if he had just an off year in steals too, but ever since he struggled to keep his knee healthy, he’s stopped stealing. In 2014, he had 3 steals. 2015 brought two steals, and last year the same. I’m guessing he’s been chatting up Andrew McClutchin His Knee and he convinced him to stop running to help him stay healthy. It’s worked; CarGo’s stayed on the field the last two years, but it’s hurt his fantasy value. 30 HRs, 2 steals is not a top 30 player. Also, last year he hit .298 with a .346 BABIP. A slowing runner who doesn’t hit a ton of balls in the air (line drives or fly balls) and his BABIP could easily be .310, which is gonna make him closer to a .275 hitter. Again, not awful, but it’s not helping the top 30 case. Finally, and this is a total unknown, but last year he said he would be willing to accept a trade to another team. Why any hitter would voluntarily leave the Rockies is beyond me. I’m guessing he’s been in Colorado too long and is stoned out of his gourd to think he wants to play elsewhere, but he said it. I Googled that shizz! With Desmond, CarGo, Tapia, Dahl and Blackmon, it makes a ton of sense for the Rockies to trade CarGo like they’re on Alibaba. By the way, I just bought some Buddha-shaped pears on Alibaba. What a country (China)! I don’t hate CarGo, but top 30 is silly high for him and he’s been stamped… schmohawk! With a rubber stamp that I also bought off of Alibaba.