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Son

Author: Son

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Son

No Whammies! Week 8: The Return Of The King Of SAGNOF

May 25, 2016 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 18 Comments

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I live in La La land, aka Hollywood, aka the Land of a Fake Faces…and Butts…and Thighs…and Breasteses. Hey, I don’t mind. I’m all for “self-improvement.” I liken it to the PED era of MLB. Pitchers were throwing 100 mph and batters were launching home runs 500 feet. As a Dodger fan, I will always remember the electricity when Eric Gagne would come in to close games. It was a hilariously entertaining time. Chicks dig the long ball. Well, guys dig…butts, thighs, and breasteses. For you purists out there, I give you Neil DeGrasse Tyson, who says that there’s a very high chance we’re living in the Matrix. I’ll admit, that there are times I want to know the truth and will take the red pill. On the other hand, sometimes I just want enjoyment, so I’ll take the blue pill. Anyways, before I went on that PED-induced tangent, I wanted to talk about the movie-making aspect of Hollywood. If a movie is successful, you can be sure that a sequel is coming. A trilogy more than likely, and a remake in 25 years or so. Which brings me to…

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Son

No Whammies!, Week 6: (:)

May 10, 2016 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 34 Comments

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According to the internet, a black hole forms when “any object reaches a certain critical density, and its gravity causes it to collapse to an almost infinitely small pinpoint.” We almost experienced such an event this past week when…

The internet almost broke from the amount of tweets and likes. The earth almost crumbled from the weight and time it took Colon to run around the bases. The jet stream was altered by the jiggles caused by Colon’s stomach. The euphoria and joy made the Grinch like Christmas. It’s curious that there were few mentions of PEDs. I mean, he did get suspended for 50 games in 2012 due to PED use and he just hit his first career homerun at the ripe old age of 42. I’m just saying. Anyways, I’m not here to be a pooper. I loved it. It was fantastic. Plus, there’s always this.

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Son

No Whammies! Week 5: Stabilization

May 4, 2016 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 26 Comments

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The first month is in the books. Whew. And what a month it was. If I had the voice of Morgan Freeman, I’d be happy to record a summary of the fantasy baseball world in April. But, alas, I do not. Seriously, Freeman can make anything sound good. The thing I will miss the most is the daily fluctuations in roto league standings. Watching teams move up or down 10-20 points was exhilirating. It’s on the level of betting on greyhounds in Vegas. When will FanDuel get in on the action? Geez, I’m a freaking degenerate. By the way, nothing beats greyhound racing. Anyways, the point I wanted to make is that those huge gyrations should start mitigating. This is the time when certain stats start stabilizing. We must all pay homage to Russell Carleton, the Pizza Cutter, for his extensive research on stat stabilization. Click here for the stats. For perspective, the leader in plate appearances is Jean Segura with 116 and the leader in batters faced is Zack Greinke with 166. We should have a clearer picture of our teams and players now.

In this weekly column, I will highlight some players that have performed well over the past week. If I like them, Obama will make it rain. If I don’t, they get a whammy. If you are not familiar with whammies, please go and watch old episodes of the game show, Press Your Luck. The hope is that I can help you navigate the treacherous waters of fantasy baseball and have Obama make it rain for you at the end of the season. By the way, tips are not only encouraged but highly recommended. Not like those DFS guys that sell you lineups but don’t cash. I’m all about meritocracy. Don’t get paid unless you get paid. If you don’t win, I’d blame some other guy.

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Son

No Whammies!, Week 3: 24

April 17, 2016 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 40 Comments

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Two weeks down in the baseball season. Only 24 left to play. I miss Bauer. Not Trevor but Jack. Why do some shows have to end? I mean, Hollywood doesn’t have a problem milking the crap out of other garbage. Excuse my French, but C’mon man! Anyways, the point I was trying to make before I took a trip down nostalgia lane was that there’s a lot of baseball games to be played. The sample sizes are small. You all know what Grey would say. With that said, mining the waiver wire and taking advantage of the emotionally unstable will help you say the most beautiful sounding word in the English language.

In this weekly column, I will highlight some players that performed well over the past week and give my insights on them. Making it rain is good. Whammies are… well, they will make you feel like this.

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Son

No Whammies!, Week 2: Chill Bruh

April 10, 2016 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 130 Comments

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Welcome to Week 2 or better known as Overreaction Theater. This is the time when every pitch, hit, strikeout and blown save is scrutinized more than a teenager looking in the mirror at pimples. R-E-L-A-X. Baseball is a loooooooong season. So, sit back, consume what you need to, and enjoy the maestro for a few minutes. You good? Chill, now? If you are not, then you must be a cyborg from the future and I must find and destroy you. Speaking of cyborgs, no Week 2 article can be published unless a certain Trevor Story is discussed. Is he real? Is he robot? Can Skynet be hacked? Well, we have had a ManBearPuig and El Oso Blanco so… I guess anything is possible.

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Son

No Whammies!, Week 1: Barnes Burner

April 4, 2016 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 14 Comments

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Press Your Luck was a game show in the mid-80’s. Contestants collected spins by answering trivia questions correctly. Then, the magic happened. I’m sure those were some of the reactions to acquiring Carlos Correa off the waiver wire last year. Think of the fantasy baseball player pool as the Press Your Luck game board. Choose wisely or… this. In this weekly series, I will pick one player from each position and try to help you dodge the whammies and win big money. I’m no Michael Larson, the man who cracked the code for Press Your Luck, but that’s like saying I’m no Grey Albright. Duh. Think of me as Tom Vu. Come to my seminar and you too will have beautiful women in your arms from all your winnings.

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Son

2016 Position Battles: NL East

March 28, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Team Previews | 14 Comments

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The National League Least has the Marlins, Braves and Phillies to thank for the Least moniker, as none of those teams were able to win 72 games last year. The Braves and Phillies are in rebuild mode. What’s your excuse Marlins? At least, they have an awesome sculpture in the outfield. Why? Thank goodness, for the fanatical few on the East Coast that actually read this, least means smallest and not bereft of everything. The Metropolitans and Nationals are juggernauts and represent the division well. Speaking of representing… RIP Phife Dawg. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming. Chicks dig the long-ball, so it’s a good thing that some of the preeminent boppers reside in this division. Pitching wins championships, though, and some of the most exciting and young arms are on display. With that said, there are plenty of spots open for the taking. I will discuss the major ones below for each team.

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Son

2016 Position Battles To Watch: NL Central

March 23, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Team Previews | 9 Comments

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My initial thought regarding the NL Central was that it was the best division in all of baseball. The St. Louis Cardinals won 100 games last year, while the Pittsburgh Pirates and Chicago Cubs won 98 and 97 games respectively. To put that into perspective, since 1969, there have only been 47 teams to reach the 100 win mark. The division almost had three in the same season! Wilt would chuckle, but wouldn’t be impressed. Anyways, most of the great philosophical enlightenments come from cartoons. This one being particularly relevant. Put another way, the Milwaukee Brewers and Cincinnati Reds are the cellar dwellers, both failing to win 70 wins last year. I guess the division is a microcosm of mankind. You got the “haves” and the “have-nots.” With two punching bags in the division, which elevates the win totals of the other teams, the NL Central cannot be considered the best division in baseball. That distinction probably goes to the AL East, but we are not here to talk about that. We are here to discuss the position battles in the NL Central. So without further adieu Pepe Le Pew….

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Son

2016 Position Battles To Watch: NL West

March 21, 2016 | Fantasy Baseball Team Previews | 18 Comments

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The Los Angeles Dodgers have won the last three NL West Division titles. Yipeee!!! The San Francisco Giants:

  

2010. 2012. 2014. For you numerologists and spewers of Mayan Aztec prophecy, that’s the last three even years. What year are we in?  As a Dodgers fan, it pains me to paste those pictures. Stupid pumpkin looking uniforms. It totally messes with my head when I watch the Giants during the summer time. I suddenly get all cold, check the pantry for bags of candy and make sure the porch light is on. Anyways, this is the NL West in a nutshell:

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Son

Under The Greydar: Gerardo Parra

March 10, 2016 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 15 Comments

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If you know the name of the man in the above picture, you are a member of the “Golden” generation. Congratulations! You are now old, and will go down in history as the last known people to have experienced life without a smartphone. Oh, you also know what “#” really means. In all seriousness, the early-90s was a glorious time. It was an age when MTV actually showed music videos and Animal Planet used to show… you know… animals. Side rant. Why is it when I turn to Animal Planet, there are no cheetahs chasing gazelles and performing their animal duties? Instead, I am subjected to some dude building tree houses! Anyways, I know you are dying to know the name of that oh-so-handsome man and it’s killing you. So, without further adieu…

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Son

Fantasy Baseball K-Pop

January 28, 2016 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball | 33 Comments

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As a Korean-American, I take pride in the job that the “Motherland” has done producing quality products recently. Samsung, LG, and Hyundai are all now well-respected brands. But you can’t forget about the most treasured export: K-pop. (Anytime I’m given an opportunity to insert a GIF of beautiful women dancing, it’s done. You are all welcome.) It wasn’t always so rosy in the land of Seoul though…

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