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Bologna gets a bad rap. Is it because of it’s association to baloney? Or maybe blame should be given to it’s American counterpart, the hot dog, which, because of it’s processed meat nature, is linked to type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, cancer, and high mortality. I sat in the all-you-can-eat pavilion at Dodgers Stadium and put down over 10 Dodger Dogs, and I’m still ticking. Doctor: Your blood pressure is abnormally high for a man of your age. Can you think of any reason why? Me: Nope, I eat an apple a day, so I’m still trying to figure out why I’m in your office. Hot dogs can’t be that bad, right? Dodgers Stadium sells them for $6.75 a pop and they sell around 2 million every year. Fine, they aren’t great for you, but they aren’t the worst. In fact, they provide some utility and have value. Just like Kevin Kiermaier, who was dropped in 8.4% of ESPN leagues the past week to bring his ownership down to 26.8%. Trash or treasure?

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When acquiring players via FAAB, the mental mind f’ing is both exhilirating and annoying at the same time. Is that bid enough? I really want this player, but everyone is talking and writing about him, so the price will be high. I should probably go up a few dollars. Hmmm, maybe that’s not enough. 10? 20? Let’s see who else is likely to bid on him. Yeah, probably have to go up 50. But what if that’s too much? I could maybe get him for cheaper. Yeah, I’ll take it back down. Click. Click. Looks at bid. Click click down. I don’t want to end on a whole number though. Click. Click. I always end on 3 or 7. Click. Click. Oh, F it. Click Click Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick up. YOLO! This happens for in-demand players who are hot or have massive potential. Ryon Healy, on the other hand, is not hot and doesn’t have game-winning potential. In fact, he’s been dropped in 10.2% of ESPN leagues, to bring his ownership down to 52.2%. He’s been so bad that ESPN doesn’t even bother fixing the discrepancy in batting average on his player page and team starting lineup page. “Don’t sweat it, Tim. No need to fix. Who is going to be searching for Ryon Healy anyways?” Healy was smoking hot to start the season, as he hit two home runs in Japan and opened on a six-game hitting streak. Once the calendar flipped to April, outside of two games, it’s been a barren wasteland. Are we Healy done with Ryon?

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Saint Nicholas, the inspiration for Santa Claus, was a pious and kind man who gave away all his wealth to help the poor and the sick. Nick Pivetta, on the other hand, has been kind…to opposing batters and made those who invested draft capital in him vomit-inducing sick. As a result, his ownership in ESPN leagues has decreased 11.1% to 61.7% owned. Trash or treasure?

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Move it! Step aside! Get out of the way! All hands on deck. Get the chief surgeon and have him immediately prep for surgery. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Dup-dup…..dup-dup…..dup-dup……

BT is 98.6 degrees. BP is 110/70. HR is 87 bpm. RR is 16 bpm. Patient is stable now. As the doctor snapped on his latex gloves, he asked to no one in particular, “What the hell happened here?”

At the exact same moment, in an apartment 15 minutes from Fenway Park, an eight-year boy donning a Red Sox cap looked up at his daddy and asked, “Is he dead?”

Eduardo Rodriguez has pitched 8 innings so far in 2019. He’s walked 6 batters, given up 2 home runs, and allowed 11 earned runs. As a result, he’s been one of the most dropped players in ESPN leagues over the past week (71.5% owned – decrease of 18%). Is there hope?

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Two of the most added players in ESPN leagues over the past week were Dodgers….or how us Angelenos like to call them, Los Doyers. Enrique Hernandez saw a 50.3% increase in ownership from 16.1%, while Joc Pederson saw a 44.3% increase in ownership from 33%. Joc is owned in 77.3% of leagues, while Kike is at 66.4%? Maybe I’m not so cuckoo after all.

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Peter Alonso was a swell young fella, who bounced from city to city to display his Herculean feats of power. Brooklyn. St. Lucie. Binghamton. Las Vegas. The shows got so wild that even the baseballs starting singing Britney Spears’ Hit Me Baby One More Time as they hurled 60 feet 6 inches down the pitching tunnel. 80 grade power with a 6′ 3″ 230 to 245 pound frame, depending on who you ask just added to the legend. Once he made it to The Show, though, Peter decided to simplify things and changed his name to Pete Alonso, which takes it from two syllables to one. You know what else has two syllables? Home run. So, Peter Alonso has gone from a swell young fella to a generous one because now we can save time and oxygen every time he hits a home run, which he is planning to do plenty. Instead of Peter Alonso hits another home run, it is now Pete. Gone. Simple and efficient. I like it. That philosophy also is a microcosm of his general hitting approach: See ball, hit ball. Ok, all jokes aside, Alonso was added in 18.4% of ESPN leagues over the past seven days, bringing his ownership from 29.7 to 48.1%. Trash or treasure?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When someone sneezes, people have become accustomed to saying “bless you” or “gesundheit” after they hear an ahchoo. The origination of the tradition began back in the sixth century, when Pope Gregory the Great uttered the phrase “God bless you” during the bubonci plague epidemic. Gesundheit means health in German. So, it only makes sense that we utter the same phrases for Shin-Soo Choo, who is 36 years old and playing in his 15th major league season. I noticed that he was dropped in 4.7% of ESPN leagues over the last seven days. Trash or treasure?

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Matt Olson left Thursday’s game after fouling a pitch off his right hand. While we will have to wait until the Athletics return back home from Japan for a diagnosis, there’s been some speculation that the injury could be of the hamate bone variety, which would force Olson to miss months. Mark Canha was his immediate replacement during the game, so is he worth a pickup if Olson does indeed miss significant time?

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Martin Perez had a 5.48 K/9 last season in 85.1 innings pitched. His career rate is 5.46. Yuck. Last week, I wrote up Frankie Montas, who had a 5.95 K/9 last season. I guess I know what my type is. Yes, I’ve provided click bait for you. My daughter needs some new shoes, so I would very much appreciate if you clicked the Montas article a million times each. Thanks. Anyways, I’m bullish on Montas. Could the same be said for Perez?

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FML can mean many things, usually of the negative variety. Here at Razzball, though, we turn those frowns upside down and spew nothing but positivity, unless you submit rankings at you know where by you know whom. FML at Razzball is short for Fantasy Master Lothario, which is another name for the man, the myth, the legend, Grey Albright, our fearless leader. Too many acronyms and commas are making my head spin. Anyways, we are now branching out in the FML game: Frankie Montas Love.

Please, blog, may I have some more?