Crazy how Alex Bregman reached free agency and Kyle Tucker approached it and the Astros decided to go into full punt/rebuild mode. Pretty pathetic of a dynasty dismantling when all the Astros needed to do was hit up the Lowe’s and get a louder trash can. Don’t boo me! Boo them! Wanna hear something even more pathetic? Going the other way is Hayden Wesneski, Isaac Paredes and Cam Smith. Wait, that’s not even the pathetic part yet! I heard Isaac Paredes was going to Houston and I thought about how that’s not bad for fantasy, because the Crawford Boxes are so good for his swing and Minute Maid, just in general. So, I started to craft a joke about how Isaac Paredes was gonna eat in Minute Maid, uh, drink? Eat oranges? Ya know what I mean, so I started to research Minute Maid and that’s when I found out the Astros are rebranding! Minute Maid is becoming Daikin Park, and I believe that was when I had my first boomer-screaming-at-kids-on-the-lawn moment. What the eff is a Daikin Park? Are you trying to say daikon? Like the effin’ radish? Did you go from the Juice Box to the Radish Box? What are we doing here?! I guess Isaac Paredes is gonna eat in his new home. Eat freakin’ radishes! Any hoo! Kyle Tucker is excellent wherever he goes. If he didn’t return at the end of last year, I might’ve been lower on Tucker, but not only did he return, he hit well. He clocks 30/30 every year and he’s only 28, so I don’t see a reason to not expect the same. Last year, actually looks like he was on pace–“Did you call me?” Hey, Mr. Prorater. “What’s up, Coolio my main Foolio?” Nothing. “You wanna know what Tucker would’ve done last year if not for the flukey injury?” Sure, okay, yes. “40/30/.290.” That does sound lovely, and I’d take it or: 2025 Projections: 106/36/97/.296/23 in 569 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in the offseason for 2025 fantasy baseball:
Isaac Paredes – Radishes! Dubya tee eff! So, Parades in Houston is a positive. It recovers his value from Tampa entirely. Paredes about to be a 45-homer hitter in Houston with his batted ball profile that is like a skeet shooter. Ya know, pull, pull, pull. Wrigley was 23rd for righties last year for homers and 29th for wOBA. Houston was 8th for homers and 8th overall for righties. Eat them radishes! 2025 Projections: 81/31/77/.253/2 in 532 ABs
Matt Shaw – Already gave you my Matt Shaw fantasy, but, with Paredes out of there, I upped Shaw’s projections and playing time in my rankings, which are already on the Patreon.
Hayden Wesneski – Won’t make the Astros’ rotation unless they trade away some arms. If Wesneski makes the Astros’ rotation, he might become their most difficult reclamation project of all-time. He gave up a ton of homers in Wrigley, he would get killed in Radish Box.
Carson Kelly – Cubs signed him as a signal to all the people who were like, “Damn, the Tucker trade shows the Cubs are now a serious baseball team.” Not so fast, suckers!
Devin Williams – Yankees acquired him, and my Malcolm Gladwell-Blink thoughts on it was this is the best trade the Yankees have done in a decade. If they would’ve retained Juan Soto, I might think that deal was worth Michael King, but I can no longer say that. Let me clarify, I love top-notch closers from a real baseball standpoint. No team is winning anything without a lights-out guy pitching the 9th. Guys can step up and be The Guy who don’t have the track record, or just get hot in October, like the Dodgers with Treinen this past postseason. But someone needs to be locking down the final three outs, and no one is better than Devin Williams. For fantasy? Yeah, SAGNOF and eff that. He looks like prime Mo on paper, though. My God, his stats are ridonk.
14.2 K/9, 1.93 ERA — 2022
13.4 K/9, 1.53 ERA — 2023
15.8 K/9, 1.25 ERA — 2024
And who can forget 2021 where he ended the year by punching the wall! Or missed last year’s 1st half with back surgery. Okay, so he has some red flags, but who doesn’t? Edwin Diaz ends every game with a limp-wristed handshake because he’s scared if he celebrates too much he will re-injure himself. Again, I’m not drafting Devin Williams, just laying out to you the good and bad. The good outweighs the bad by a lot. His pitching is truly must-see TV, assuming he hasn’t punched the TV already. 2025 Projections: 3-0/1.66/0.95/89, 41 saves in 60 IP
Nestor Cortes – Traded to the Brewers. This had some to do with why I liked the deal so much for the Yankees. Brewers suck because, unlike the White Sox or Marlins or Angels, they could actually be good and they keep trading away their best pieces. They also got Caleb Durbin who profiles as Joey Ortiz, who the Brewers just traded away Corbin Burnes to get. Just a really frustrating organization. Any hoo! Somehow, the Brewers will turn Nestor Cortes into an ace with a 11 K/9. Looked at his stats from last year, and I remembered Nestor being much worse, but I was only recalling his postseason with the elbow injury, which, ya know, negates the good-ish season he had from April through August. I’m out, but hopefully the Brewers know more than me. I would’ve preferred Aaron Ashby in their rotation. 2025 Projections: 8-8/4.18/1.28/133 in 127 IP
Caleb Durbin – Traded to the Brewers. Oh, and they have Oliver Dunn, Joey Ortiz, Tyler Black, Brice Turang, Sal Frelick–Freddy Peralta is absolutely going to be traded this July for Luisangel Acuña. There is no question about it. So, Durbin is 5′ 6″ and looks up to Altuve, literally. He has 1,216 minor league plate appearances, which is absurd. Why do the Yankees even draft players? Just ask other teams what they want them to develop. Durbin prolly would’ve been better than Gleyber last year, but Yanks refuse to promote anyone. He went 10/29/.287 with a 9.9 K% in 310 Triple-A at-bats. My guess is he’ll fall into a platoon with one of their seventeen other middle infidels. 2025 Projections: 41/8/40/.271/15 in 302 ABs
