4.26 ERA in 107 2/3 IP his rookie year. Who’s that, you ask with your super-cute, Joey Lauren Adams mousey voice. That’s Clayton Kershaw’s numbers when he was first called up. Like when you feed your dog, then hold his ass over the balcony, rookie pitchers are a crapshoot. There’s no discernible rhyme or reason what any of them will do in their first year. Trevor Bauer could’ve been great last year, but wasn’t. Yet, Jacob deGrom is better than he was in the minors. *shrugs* Your guess = my guess. In hindsight, we could pinpoint the reason for each pitcher’s performance. Unfortch, we don’t have hindsight for next year. Shucks, I know. Maybe you should reach into your emoji grab bag and pull out an appropriate one. If I had an Asian baby, I’d name it Emoji. Guy or girl. That would require me getting pregnant, and 6th grade health class tells me it’s not possible. I ain’t got no ovaries, y’all! This brings us to Andrew Heaney. He should’ve been terrific last year, and *raspberries lips*. Oh, man, I now have spittle on my keyboard from the raspberried lips. Intern, bring me my spittle rag! What should’ve been the great thing about Heaney is how he should’ve been safer than most pitchers due to his control — ya know, avoiding the big innings. Then, last year, he has a 5.83 ERA in 29 1/3 IP with the Marlins. The key there is how small a sample size it is — that’s what she said! Huh? We can’t learn anything from 29 1/3 IP. Corey Kluber had a 4.14 ERA in his first 37 IP last year. Putting too much significance on 29 1/3 IP is like when you dial a wrong number to a funeral parlor, then don’t leave your bed the rest of the day just in case that was an omen. No omen, you’re just listening to Signs by Tesla one too many times. Anyway, what can we expect of Andrew Heaney for 2015 fantasy baseball?
In Triple-A last year, Heaney had a 9.8 K/9 and a 2.5 BB/9. If those numbers were to plop, plop over to the majors, he wouldn’t fizz, fizz. Yes, our always-educational Intro Paragraph just said you can’t rely on anything from rookie pitchers. Intro Paragraph, “I get the sense you’re mocking me.” Well, I don’t think his numbers are going to translate directly. Intro Paragraph, “Now I’m interested.” Last year, in his 29 1/3 IP in the majors, he had a 6.1 K/9 and 2.2 BB/9. Those Ks seem on the low side for what I’d expect, but they’re a lot closer to what I’d expect than his minor league rate that was near-10. Heaney throws a 90 MPH fastball, slider and change. A 90 MPH fastball doesn’t usually equate to a huge K guy without something else exceptional. Well, his control is near-exceptional, so that’s good. With three pitches that he can locate, including that 90 MPH fastball, he should be good for 7 to 7.5 K/9 and a 2.2 to 2.6 BB/9. That’s 160 Ks and a manageable WHIP in 200 IP, which is really what this post is about — I buried the lede like I’m Alfred Hitchcock. Heaney should have a rotation job all year and could throw 190-200 IP in 2015. For deeper mixed leagues, a guy that can get 160 Ks, while delivering some upside, is definitely a gamble worth taking. For 2015, I’ll give him the projections of 9-10/3.89/1.28/155. By the by, with the way pitchers dominated this past year, I strongly considered just saying every pitcher would have a projected 2.89 ERA, then kicking back my feet and moving the tiny umbrella from the top of my blended beverage to behind my ear. Though that would be stupid like Ivan Putski. See that, I seamlessly transitioned from Heaney to Heenan.