Sure, you can draft Paul Konerko, A-Rod and C.J. Wilson with your 4th through 6th picks in your fantasy baseball draft. Nothing wrong with that. Don’t furrow your brow. There’s no reason to, concerned Razzball reader. We’re friends, you don’t have to hide the last of the milk because you don’t want me to finish it. I will save you some. You can even draft Michael Cuddyer. It’s all good in the ‘hood. I won’t even mock you for making a Sh*t People Somewhere Say video. You’re a Youtuber, which is not related to a potato. That’s cool. Or s’cool, if you’re in a rush. What I’m here to tell you is there’s nothing wrong with reaching for a sexy name. It’s an often accidental draft strategy that I haven’t seen verbalized on virtual paper before. Who do I mean by a sexy name? You know them. Everyone knows them. Everyone wants one. A Desmond Jennings, Brett Lawrie, Starlin Castro or Strasburg, for instance. Or 4 instance, if you’re a 14-year-old girl texting. These players are the earth’s answer to pollution. Congress recently passed a bill calling for every household that earned less than $50,000 to get their very own Brett Lawrie. Why is this a fantasy baseball strategy at all? What an excellent question to clumsily move into the 2nd paragraph!
The answer is hidden in the lede. Everyone wants one. That’s all you need to know. Why follow the herds in this case? Easy, your team may end up deficient in one way or another. If you have Konerko, A-Rod and C.J. Wilson, you may be just fine, but once you leave the draft, no one’s going to be clamoring for any of them. Now if you put Strasburg on the market, you’ll be able to acquire more than his value. Same goes for other sexy names. Right now, Michael Young is being drafted right before Pablo Sandoval. Who’s sexier? Sandoval, with or without a training bra. Mike Stanton or Matt Holliday? Typing Stanton’s name nearly gives me a semi that’s how sexy he is. Doesn’t only go for top guys. I like Vernon Wells this year, but him or Colby Rasmus? It’s not even close who’s sexier. Derek Holland is gaining traction to be sexy. There’s even sexy names amongst relievers. Kenley Jansen is a lot sexier than Chris Perez, even though they have virtually the same ADP and one is guaranteed saves and one is battling Mattingly’s common sense to get saves. (If Mattingly still had his mustache, Jansen would’ve been named the closer while Mattingly slept off a hangover.) Jesus Montero’s sexy for Jews and gentiles. What your team needs may not always be what you draft. If you feel you’re power light, you may draft a flyer in Kenley just because you know his trade value will be higher if he sneaks into saves, than just grabbing a 6th starter in, say, John Danks. Keep in the back of your mind how a sexy name can gloss over your opponents’ eyes in later negotiations. It reminds me of the Beautiful Girls quote, “A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you’ve been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man – promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it’s going to be okay. The supermodels, Willy? That’s all they are. Bottled promise. Scenes from a brand new day. Hope dancing in stiletto heels.” Desmond Jennings is hope dancing in stiletto heels.
