2021 Yahoo Fantasy Baseball Rankings Ranklings

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Hello, or hola, as I learned during my 13 years of Spanish. Welcome to my critique of Yahoo’s 2021 fantasy baseball rankings. Or as I sometimes call it, “I don’t know what they’re thinking, but the longer I think about it the more it hurts my brain, so let’s just shrug through this without acquiring a tumor.” Let’s not have my obit be, “Grey is survived by a much older wife, Cougs, and Yahoo’s fantasy baseball rankings.” We’re gonna bury them, they’re not gonna bury us! Uh, me! See, we’re putting things in perspective, my over-the-internet friend. I have my aggravation ratio down to 3:2. For every three rankings I don’t agree with, I’m only screaming twice. It’s very freeing. I feel light as a feather. A very toxic feather. Anyway, here’s a totally impartial look at Yahoo’s 2021 fantasy baseball rankings vs. my own 2021 fantasy baseball rankings:

Last year the Yahoo gang — #Yahgang — had Lance Lynn at 133 overall, and I pointed out how that was too low. They’re better this year, ranking him 71st overall, which I agree with, so I don’t want to spend too much time on this (which I say as I’m about to spend too many words on it). Let’s just try to understand what’s going on here. The #Yahgang decided a 33-year-old pitcher, coming off a 60-game season, had finally shown them enough after he was traded to a team that plays in a worse stadium for pitchers. That is goofy; I’m sorry. Don’t take this the wrong way, I like Lance Lynn, but now Yahoo ‘perts decide he’s good? He has 1426 2/3 IP in his career, a near-9 K/9 and a 3.57 ERA, and he was obviously trending in the right direction after 2019, but now Yahoo decides, “Yeah, Lynn is good.” Oh…*climbs to the top of Machu Picchu*…kay. *pushes sides of mouth up into a grin* I’m smiling in a very normal manner. No ulcers forming here, pal! This is more or less the same as Kenta Maeda, Zac Gallen, Sonny Gray and many others. I told you to draft them last year way before Yahoo, but now they get it, after seeing an abbreviated joke of a season. Sure, whatever. The Trevor Bauer ranking by them at 14th overall is especially head-scratchy, but a 60-game sample size is Gallagher’ing people’s melons. A totally new and fresh reference!

Similar problem to what I had with Hyun-Jin Ryu in my ESPN fantasy baseball rankings jibber-jabber, the #Yahgang shows the guy no love. They have him ranked after Kris Bryant (apples/oranges, but that’s a woof from me, dawg); Kyle Hendricks (such a number three starter his picture is in the dictionary next to ‘number three starter,’ and Ryu is at worst a number two starter, and I’d contend for the featherweight title and that Ryu is a number one), and Zack Greinke. I can’t imagine anyone drafting Greinke before Ryu in my wildest dreams, and I have some wild dreams with Barefoot Contessa. Strictly going off NFBC ADP, which isn’t the end all but still, Ryu is ~70th overall pick, and Greinke is ~110, so I’m alone in my wildest dreams (with Shoeless Ho Contessa, as I call her).

Moving off the mound, and I’m happy to see they also think the early money on Dom Smith is crumby with crackers, and happy to see the #Yahgang realizing Jose Abreu is good, after I mocked them last year for ranking him 95th overall. Again, a whole 60 games and they change their minds completely, but, ya know, whatever. I didn’t even know who Randy Arozarena was this time last year, and now he’s in my top 60. No one likes Matt Olson or Pete Alonso, no matter how much I push them. 45+ homers in the Rob Manfred Presents: The Deadening of Balls era is going to be a welcome respite on your fantasy teams when Joe Schmohawk is hitting 22 homers instead of 30. Give me all the shares of Alonso and Olson, I don’t have a care in the world, which you can tell from my handsomely-coiffed hair and repeated sighs of distress.

Heading over to 2nd base, and Jose Altuve over Brandon Lowe or Cavan Biggio gives me brain cramps, but they’re also drunk on Ketel, and for that I’m giving cheers. How far down they have Lourdes Gurriel Jr. is almost as goofy as them just giving him 2nd base eligibility, after not playing one single game there last year. Note:  I know they are simply using 2019 eligibility, you don’t need to tell me. Anyway, they’ll come around on Cavan and Lowe by next year. I’ll bet you five dollars you will never be able to extract from me. Just as they’ll come to appreciate my Nick Solak sleeper, Leody Taveras sleeper and Jared Walsh sleeper.

Aaron Judge is ranked 44th overall, and it would not be me. I wonder if it would even be them. I’d be shocked if any of the #Yahgang actually drafted Judge that high. Maybe they have size envy. Hey now! Can you imagine drafting Judge before Tim Anderson, as they have? Seriously, take a moment and imagine that scenario in your mind’s eye. Can’t whip enough foam into your brain custard to make that idea float, can you? Yeah, me either. How about this one: Starling Marte over Eloy? That is so laughably laughable I didn’t even bother to open a new tab to Thesaurus dot com to properly express myself. Want another one? Okay, one more, and please brace yourself by swallowing whatever you have in your mouth, because this could cause a spit take. They have Kris Bryant over Zach Plesac. You can’t make up that nonsense, and, believe me, I’m the main curator at the Museum of Nonsense. Okay, one more that isn’t apples/oranges:  Franmil Reyes with outfield eligibility is ranked almost 70 spots after Mike Yastrzemski. Take me out of the equation, and on our 12-team auction values, Franmil, without (!) outfield eligibility, is ranked 150 picks before Yaz Jr. Jr. That makes me cackle for four straight hours until the paramedics show up with sedatives.

I’m going to list players in a handy chart like I did the other day with ESPN’s fantasy baseball rankings. The Thank You’s have it. It being good value from my rankings vs. Yahoo’s. The No Thank You’s don’t have it. They’re bad people. Meh, they might be okay people, but they’re likely not ending up on any of my Yahoo drafted teams. For this, I’ll be using my 2021 fantasy baseball rankings (go figure!) and Yahoo’s 2021 fantasy baseball rankings (crazy, right?). Note: I wrote this last week, so if the numbers aren’t exactly right, it’s because they heard my footsteps.

THANK YOU

NO THANK YOU