Looks like the Angels got someone new to carry Vlad’s crutches and Figgins’s machine-washable throw pillows he uses to bench press. Out with the young and in with the just a tad older and much better. Post All-Star Break Teixeira (PABST) is a thing of beauty in the 2nd half of the year and PABST’s about to bringing his beauty to all of the spoiled aristocrats behind the Orange Curtain. While Kotchman brings his “I can hit lefties if you start me against them” approach to Atlanta. PABST’s value might go a bit higher, because now he’ll be in the midst of a pennant race and eyes will be focused on him to produce. If that sounds like phooey, it is a bit. Listen, PABST is a 2nd half hitter that knows the AL and its pitchers and he can hit anywhere he goes. Just don’t think the Angels are the ’27 Yankees. The Braves actually had a better OBP than the Angels and scored a few more runs. As for Kotchman, in the last three games he started he had three home runs and I was touting him as someone you should pick up. I even went as far as to give him the “I’m never talking about him again while all I do is talk about him” Seal of Approval. Now he’s on the Braves (see end of this roundup for the Braves current lineup). The Braves went from giving it the old college try four days ago to throwing in the towel two days ago. Kotchman doesn’t know NL pitchers, he falls into these funks where you think he’s got the mono again and he’s shown nothing but glimpses that would have a savvy fantasy-torian thinking Kotchman is nothing but a middle-class man’s Chad Tracy. Say it with me now, ugh. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tyler Yates – Grabow pitched the seventh, Bautista the eighth and Yates pitched the ninth for the save. Ding, ding, ding. We’ve got a winner! Yates is the closer. Johnny, tell him Tyler what he’s won! Maybe ten saves? Awesome!
Milton Bradley – Left yesterday’s game with a strained left quad. You can’t spell Bradley without DL.
Hank Blalock – Back to the DL. Well, that didn’t last long. I have no idea how some of these guys find someone to insure them.
Nelson Cruz – In Triple-A, 37/91/94/.348/24, at one point he hit 11 HRs in a 11 straight games. Here’s one man’s love for Cruz, which links to another man’s love for Cruz then another man’s then another… Follow that link and you’ll be *pinkie to mouth* cruisin’. (BTW, Cruz is available in Yahoo. Weird!)
Michael Young – Member how I said yesterday that he fractured a finger but because Young wanted to get 200 hits in every season so bad he would rush back in a week. Well, he was in yesterday’s starting lineup with a fractured finger. There’s no I in team, but there is a me. Reading between the lines, I don’t think a fractured finger can be good for swinging a bat. Yesterday, he went 0-for-4.
Ichiro Suzuki – With a first inning single, Ichiro reached 3,000 hits combined between Japan and the major leagues. He’s only 11 away from 3,000 singles.
Ben Sheets – 6 ER in 5 2/3, I hate to be the one to remind you of this, but he had a 5.68 ERA after the All-Star break last year. Sheets!
John Lackey – 9 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks, only 2 hits. Pedroia broke up his no-hitter in the ninth. Damn you, Scrappy Doo! Youuuuuuk took him deep in the ninth to ruin the shutout. Damn you, Scrappy Jew! Who’s on first? Scrappy Jew. On second? Scrappy Doo. The old Puerto Rican Dude? Third base! It writes itself.
Oliver Perez -6 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks. I repeat, will the real Oliver Perez please stand up?
John Maine – Mild rotator cuff strain. Word in Queens is he’ll be fine, maybe only miss one start. I’d prefer he misses two and returns without reinjuring anything, but that’s just me.
Gil Meche – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks. Sometime in June, Meche stepped up his game. That game, of course, being a decent fifth fantasy starter.
Chris Young – Lurch returns. 5 IP, 2 hits, 8 Ks. I don’t feel completely safe with Young, and this start was against the swing happy D-Backs, but you can’t argue with his results. He’ll go a bit further into the next game, pitch count-wise. BTW, Someone should make up a shirt for Young that says, “That Pujols Hit My Nose Hard.” Unless someone really, really clever already has.
Eugenio Velez/Manny Burris – Both on the bench while Aurilla and Vizquel start. Here’s my theory, Bochy likes his chewing tobacco brought from the clubhouse to him as quickly as possible.
J.J. Putz – 1 Blown save, 2 ER, 1 Harbinger (Word of the Day).
Matt Garza – 9 IP, 5 hits, 5 Ks. Eh, I guess you don’t need shutouts from guys you get off waivers.
Jonathan Broxton – Taking the closing job and running with it. Good, I’m actually glad about this even though Broxton seems like a D-Bag. You know why I don’t care? Cause all closers seem like D-Bags, except Mariano. And every closer, except Mariano, goes by his last name. Weird, but true. Think about it, would you join the army if you didn’t like the gravy and rice? Don’t think about it too long, that shizz will blow your mind. Seriously.
Jeff Samardzija – Came into a blow out and gave up a run. Doooode, he’s not a guy you need on your team. Let someone else get caught up in “the story.” BTW, that’s real D-bag shizz when you put quotes around something. “The story?” Who am I, Spencer Pratt? Or am I, Shia LaDouche?
Carlos Delgado – HR yesterday. Guy’s like a hundred and seventeen years old and still rocking out. I swore Delgado was done as of last year. I wish Beltran would drink some of the Delgatorado. (Actually, I don’t, because I don’t have Beltran on any team because I think he’s overrated, but he should be better than he has been. See how I started this about Delgado, but ended it about Beltran. That’s how it’s done, boyz!)
Brett Myers – On one hand, 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits. On the other hand, the sting from a head smack.