How dare you. How dare you make me write a Buy for Jay Bruce. Did you forget all our pre-draft love? It’s less than two weeks into the season. People need to chillax. Here’s what Jay Bruce had to say to all his naysayers. Jay Bruce could hit 7 homers in April. Still. Before he goes streaking, go to Marshall’s and buy him some pants. You owe him that. Bruce is one of those guys that I wish would slump for another two weeks, so I can trade for him even cheaper. I will Mola Ram the Bruce right out of your team’s chest. Then I will grab a fart and Nolan Ryan it right into your skull Robin Ventura-style. As I cackle. I will cackle loudly. Hold Bruce, covet Bruce. Don’t give up on Bruce. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we jump into the players, I need to make an announcement. Our very own Rudy Gamble is getting married in a few weeks. Sorry our three lady readers, the fro’s off the market. So this weekend we’re in Vegas for his bachelor party and I’m his best man. Yes, I got him a blow up doll to carry and a uber-realistic vulva skullcap to wear all weekend. But that means I won’t be as close to a computer to answer comments until Sunday. You guys need to help each other. I know you can. Make me proud. Anyway II, here’s the post:
Jose Guillen – His last three Aprils –> 199 ABs –> 25/7/25/.211. –> Belch. This April his burps smell like he just chugged some rose water. I don’t think in October we’re going to have conversations about whether we can give Guillen an MVP even though the Royals lost a 100 games, but 30 HRs and a .280 average aren’t out of the question. Also known as, what you were hoping to get from Ludwick. Please, blog, may I have some more?
In this month’s closer look, let’s discuss the value of middle relievers. I’m a big Mr. B. Depending on the team, I have various combinations of MRs. On one team, I have C.J. Wilson still. (Notched a Save and a Win in a doubleheader the other day — natch!) On another team, I’m rocking Dan Meyer. On another, Rafael Soriano. Besides having a guy that could take over the closing duties, middle relievers help lower your starters’ ratios. Mark DiFelice + James Shields = 7-4/3.01/1.15/74 or Jake Peavy, 5-5/3.67/1.13/84. That’s right, the Frankenpitcher of Jark DiShields is beating the pure breed Jake Peavy. So how’s dem apples? Delicious! Now in some cases, you just can’t hold a MR. Whether you’re besieged by injuries, need to handcuff one of your closers or need a bench hitter, sometimes it’s just not feasible. As much as I like MRs, they are invariably the first ones I drop on my teams when I need help somewhere else. Luckily, there’s always one available on waivers. If it’s not Jark DiShields, you can own Kiko Garzero or C.J. Please, blog, may I have some more?
In this month’s closer look, let’s discuss some closer trading strategy. As I mentioned the other day, I traded Street and some other closer for Haren. This might’ve put me at a disadvantage for saves. Now you’re probably thinking what the eff? This doode doesn’t even know who he traded or if it put his team at a disadvantage for saves. Well, that’s the whole point. Saves are the easiest commodity to acquire on waivers. Just last month, 10 closers lost their jobs, even if just temporarily. 10 out of 30 closers. So, frankly, I don’t care if I’m trading Qualls, Bell or schmohawk closer behind door number 3. Are some of these guys more reliable than others? Sure, but that doesn’t mean Jenks couldn’t have a meltdown tomorrow. They’re just closers. As for not knowing if I’m at a disadvantage, it’s real early and plenty more saves will come into the league. Not that many more Harens are coming into the league. Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s time to take our beginning of the month look at all the fantasy baseball closers. Here at Razzball we are always evolving like Saaphyri’s alliance on I Love Money 2, so I’ve added pluses and minuses in parenthesis for the movement a closer has had since the last time I went over them. For example, if B.J. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Luis Ayala was acquired by Mets. You know that thing about the girl you don’t know is better than the one you’re with? The grass is greener thing. Yeah, the Mets just got themselves a new girl. Why? Wagner’s old and he just had a setback (of course) so he’s not coming back as soon as thought. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Delmon Young has 7 home runs for the season, but 3 in the last seven games. Mouth on the left side of the screen says, “Tor-.” Mouth on the right side of the screen says, “-rid.” …Torrid. Capital T, lowercase -orrid. Please, blog, may I have some more?