Fantasy Baseball Advice

Ryan Madson went to the DL with numbness in his pitching hand.  Hello, bullpen?  Is there anybody in there?  Just nod if you can hear me.  Brad Lidge is due back in a few weeks.  AHHHHH!  Now you feel a little sick.  Antonio Bastardo would be the immediate add for vulture saves.  That’ll keep you going through the show.  Come on, it’s time to go.  But that Bastardo is a lefty, so Michael Stutes could get some saves.  Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying.  Michael Stutes could get some saves.  Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying.  Michael Stutes– Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying.  Forget it, I’d grab Bastardo if I were in desperate need for saves.  Unless you have become comfortably numb.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Brett Cecil – The man who sounds like a 70′s Playboy pinup has returned from Triple-A.  During the preseason, I put Cecil in a tier of starters called, “There’s some upside here, but I wouldn’t expect anything,” and said more or less that Cecil was once considered better than Romero.  There’s signs of a terrific K-rate in the minors, the Jays have watched his innings well and he cut his walk rate last year.  Great, wonderful, fantastic!  Unfortunately, he’s still in the AL East, his K-rate last year was terrible and he was hideous in April this year.  And that’s me copying, pasting, liberally quoting and adding addendums to me!

Shin-Soo Choo – As I reported here on Monday after inferring shizz from other sites, Choo’s out until September, having surgery on his thumb.  I’d lose him in redraft leagues where you don’t have DL room.  What a waste of a draft pick.  Ah, Choo… Bless you.

Doug Davis – 4 1/3 IP, 10 ER.  The Cubs should reduce their DD.  It’s just sloppy.

Starlin Castro – 1-for-9 for the doubleheader.  For when someone does terrible on both sides of a doubleheader, it sounds like we need an alternate glossary definition for a player dropping a deuce.

Ryan Vogelsong – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He’s totally charmed right now.  He actually gets hit in this game as he should be and the Giants score the most runs they have all year. (This wasn’t fact checked, but it’s probably accurate.)

Miguel Tejada – 3-for-6 with a home run.  They must have some great B-12 in Chicago.

Cliff Lee – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks.  About a month ago, we almost pulled the trigger on a trade of Heath Bell and Pence for Cliff Lee.  With Pence’s injury and Bell about to be traded, could see that being one that we Mr. Bungled.

Jonathan Broxton – Will be out for at least a month and a half.  Mattingly said he’d consider it a bonus if Broxton pitched again this year.  Doesn’t a bonus come on top of something good?  Where is Strunk & White to let them know it’s not correct grammar to say something like, “My best friend is sleeping with my wife, but I’d consider it a bonus if he used a condom.”

Javy Guerra – He’s the guy to own in the Dodgers bullpen. (For that one save opportunity every month or so.)

Ted Lilly – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Last time out, I said he was unstartable, but then I saw he was facing the Twins in the Hubert H. Homerfree Retrodome and I decided to give it a whirl.  Now, Lilly and I are done.  Lose my number.  Wait, he gets the Mets next time out.  Why can’t I quit you?!

Nick Swisher – 2-for-4 with his third home run in the last 5 games.  Looks like Swisher is finally playing as hot as those sideburns make him look.  Wait, what?  Umm… Awkward… Umm… Yeah, I’d grab Swisher.  In fantasy!  Um, leagues.

Eduardo Nunez – 1-for-3 with 2 steals.  That’s nice, but he’s not long for a starting job.  Pasta Diving is up and running.

Vernon Wells – 4-for-5 and his 10th home run.  Told you last week to grab him, then again on Monday.  Don’t make me keep talking about Vernon Wells.  Please.

J.J. Hardy – 1-for-4 and his 4th home run in the last 10 games while batting near .350 in the last week.  I wish I knew how to repay him other than sending him a giant cake that I’m gonna jump out of in my birthday suit.  And to think baseball players don’t like fantasy baseball nerds.  Pfft!

Zack Greinke – 2 IP, 7 ER vs. Yankees for the Bronx cheer.

Josh Johnson – Headed to see his old friend Dr. Freeze because his shoulder’s not 100%.  Hundred percent called and said it’s never heard of Josh Johnson’s shoulder.

Josh Beckett – 6 IP, 5 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K.  A’la Nelson Muntz, “HA HA!”

Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-4 with 2 home runs.  Now has three home runs in his last three games.  He won’t dazzle your retinas for long periods of time, but he does look like he’s hot.  Get on board!

Kyle Lohse – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks.  His K-rate is under 5… C’mon.  Seriously.  That’s ridiculous.

Colby Rasmus – 1-for-3 with a home run.  Now has two homers in the last four games and a hit in each of his last five.  It ain’t Rasmus burning on the dance floor, but it’s a start.  Geiger, let’s go!

Jose Reyes – 4-for-4 and his 29th steal, hitting .349 on the year.  Haven’t talked much about Reyes this year because every time I look at him I think about how I wished I owned him on every team and it annoys me.

Jason Bay – Him and Beltran hit grand slams in consecutive innings.  Only took three years but the Mets team is really starting to come together.  Too bad they’re about to dismantle them.

Wily Mo Pena – 1-for-1 with a pinch hit home run.  All Wily Mo does is hit homers!  No, really, that’s all he does.

J.J. Putz – Gave up a run on Monday and two runs on Tuesday to blow the save.  His ERA is up to 3.12 after starting the month at 1.57.  Putz’s blown (hehe) four games this month.  I’d grab David Hernandez where you’re desperate for saves.

Chase D’Arnaud – 0-for-4 with a steal.  He’s now started three games in a row at 3rd base for the Pirates. In the minors, he stole 33 of 40 last year and 17 of 20 this year.  He can’t do much but steal, but maybe he’ll try and prove his worth and, ya know, steal.  In deeper leagues, I could see taking the SAGNOF flyer.

Kevin Correia – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks and his 10th win.  Of course he has ten wins.  Why wouldn’t he?!  It’s Kevin Correia on the Pittsburgh Pirates!  I hate wins.

Alex Presley – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his first home run.  Will see significant time with Tabata to the DL for at least three weeks.  Yes, you should pick up Presley.  Now if only Fleer still did those novelty cards like Black & Blue with Bud Black and Vida Blue, so we could have an Elvis (Andrus) & (Alex) Presley card.  Or Fister-Moore.

Johnny Damon – Went 4-for-6 on Sunday and 2-for-4 with a home run yesterday.  Hard for me to give you much enthusiasm for him, so let’s just say he’s seeing the ball well and move on.

Tommy Hanson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks.  He wasn’t quite vintage Hommy, but it’s good to have him back.  (Even though I don’t own him…Why again didn’t I draft him?  Dah!)

Ichiro Suzuki – Hit his first home run of the year as he bats almost fifty points below his career average.  Wow, he got old fast.  He might be 52 years old.  See, I have this theory that all Asians look young up until 51 years old, then when they turn 52, they look ancient.  It’s the Law of Pat Morita.  Morita was young looking on Happy Days and under the age of 52.  Then Morita turned 52 years old, was in The Karate Kid and looked ancient.

Gio Gonzalez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 3 Walks, 9 Ks.  The Gio Grande is obviously no place for Marlins.

Rich Harden – Will be activated on Friday (and DL’d on Saturday).  I wouldn’t bother with him.  He hasn’t pitched more than 4 2/3 IP in any game so far in his rehab, which is hilarious to me.  “Just keep him healthy long enough for me to trade him.”  That’s Brad Pitt playing the part of Billy Beane.  Making room for Harden, Graham Godfrey is moving to the bullpen to the dismay of all the pitchers out there who can’t stand his loud, piercing voice and his penchant for roasting other pitchers.  “People think Brian Fuentes is a bad guy because he bad-mouthed Bob Geren.  They are incorrect.  He’s a bad man because he KILLED A MEXICAN IN A COLORADO SLAUGHTERHOUSE.  WITH HIS OWN HANDS.  HE DIDN’T EVEN USE THE MEAT GRINDER.  YOU EXPECT THAT FROM A KRAUT LIKE MICHAEL WUERTZ.  BUT IT WAS FUENTES.  AGAINST ONE OF HIS OWN PEOPLE!”  That’s Graham Godfrey.

Now’s the time that you realize your fantasy season is over and you start trading everyone to get Vernon Wells, because you think it’s the old Vernon, who didn’t steal 100 mil from the Blue jays. Come on, seriously. This is a marathon, not a walk to the fridge. As I previously stated SP is the hardest to forecast, wins especially. So have no fear and go crazy with the waiver wire and get yourself back in the “streaming” mood. Here is the week 2 starters who might not be owned in your league that may give you a huge gift basket full of joy with some left over peeps from Easter.

Jeremy Guthrie (TB vs. Garza) (Oak vs. Duchscherer)
This guy is like that last shot on a Saturday night.  You know you shouldn’t.  Your judgment is all screwy and you’re still looking for the grenade to bring home. Home/away spilts are fairly evenly bad, but Charm City is going to score some runs this year. Losing all games to date by one run.  Roll the dice on both starts.

Brian Matusz (TB vs. Niemann)( Oak vs. Anderson)
If he isn’t owned in your league, then you probably play in a 8 team league with all your uncles.  Pick him up posthaste in any league, any format.  May get Sonnanstine start one, and for the baseball purest start 2 may be a matchup of the best two young lefties in baseball.

Fausto Carmona (Tex vs. Harden)( CHW vs. Floyd)
Here is your wing man on Saturday night, who bought you that shot. This guy is a roster move enigma.  Lots of people bit on the ST hype, guess what? Tuffy Rhodes was also the number one pick up after day one of a baseball season. Two home starts are always a fave of mine. Shaky rollercoaster all season. Avoid.

Max Scherzer (KC vs. Hochevar) (@Sea vs. Rowland-Smith)
His last name makes Johnny Jolly want to be friends with him. Already pitched very effective against KC, but the Sunshine Band hits him pretty good. Second start is an easy call matchup-wise by name alone.  Will have a down start here or there and I’m predicting it against Seattle.

Luke Hochevar (@Det vs. Scherzer) (@Minn vs. Blackburn)
Is the barber to the “oldest profession” in the world, well phonetically he is. First start may wish you regretted even laughing at that joke, Minnesota’s new digs is going to be a pitchers’ park, but freezing. Not a personal fave of mine and I’m not big on either start.

Carl Pavano (Bos vs. Lester) (KC vs. Hochevar)
The “small market” wonder, started well vs. Angels.  Almost too well.  Versus the Red Sox isn’t going to be pretty. Will look completely different in second start. End of the week gamble if you’re behind and need a quality start.

Justin Duchscherer (@ Sea vs. Rowland-Smith) ( @ Balt vs. Guthrie)
Has the goods, just in a damaged box. Got torched by SEA earlier in week 1, albeit at Home. May get redemption road style. Like his chances more against Guthrie. Watch first start, and follow along.

Ryan Rowland-Smith (Oak vs. Duchscherer) (Det vs. Scherzer)
Big time deep sleeper for this year.  Will get a lot of favorable matchups in the AL West. Pitched okay vs. A’s first go around and the change of park serves him well. Not so nervous vs. Detroit as I should be. I’m taking a flier in most leagues.

Barry Zito (Pitt vs. Ohlendorf) (@ LAD vs. Kershaw)
Huge add in leagues after week one magic show.  Watched his start on DVR, looked awesome, like when Zito had wingmen called Mulder and Huddy. Grab ASAP, start one will probably be a 3ER in 6 innings kind of affair. I’d take that all day. Second is another sneaky good matchup of lefties.

Doug Davis (@CHC vs. Dempster) (@ Was vs. Hernandez)
Innings gobbler, got on the wrong end of a Colorado whooping stick again. Huge offensive potential behind him that can blow up. Can get you 7 Ks a game with a 5 era. I’m liking the second start better. Is an avoid for me for both starts.

Kevin Correia (Atl vs. Jurrjens) (Ari vs. Kennedy)
Pitched good enough to win vs. Arizona in week one.  His offense is garbage behind him.  2 starts at home for any Padres pitcher is a bonus. Favorably matchup in second start . Top add of the week or should be, hurry up.

Ross Ohlendorf (@ SF vs. Zito) (Cin vs. Cueto)
Another guy who pitched well enough to win.  I think it was Robot’s day off. Gets 2 okay matchups vs. teams that are offensive conundrums. A semi-risky add for anyone looking to juice up the chances for a week 2 victory.

Ian Kennedy (@ Lad vs. Kershaw) (@ SD vs. Correia)
Pitched great in week one by his standards.  2 road starts, one vs. C-Saw and another in Petco. What more needs to be said about the second start? I like him for 12 Ks this week and at least one win. Grab him like you stole it.

With ace-of-the-staff years dating back to 2002, Roy Halladay was the franchise.  Well, the Blue Jays front office gave the Blue Jays fans the kanye shrug.  While most pitchers go from good to great or great to mindblowing in the NL, Halladay will have to deal with Citizens Bank.  He doesn’t have much history to go on there, but it obviously favors hitters more than Rogers Centre, where Halladay had a 3.23 career ERA.  I think we can nullify that park disadvantage with all the weaker lineups and the pitchers he’ll get to face.  In his career interleague play, he has a 17-8 record, 3.02 ERA. 1.14 WHIP and 165 Ks in 220 and a third innings.  Sounds like a solid projection for Halladay’s 2010, just add twenty more Ks.  Anyway, here’s some more deals that went down yesterday and what they mean for 2010 fantasy baseball:

Cliff Lee – Heads to the Mariners.  If there’s one place a pitcher shouldn’t mind going, it’s Safeco.  (Safeco, Petco, Metco… Throw out the humidor and just rename the park Coorsco.)  Lee benefited from his move to the NL (though his ERA says different), but it wasn’t like he was languishing in the AL prior to the trade.  With the Indians last year through July, his ERA was 3.14.  His K-rate in the NL last year bumped up his overall strikeouts, so we shouldn’t expect more than a 7 K/9.  Still good for a mid-3 ERA, 1.25 WHIP and 160 Ks with the Mariners.

John Lackey – Heads to Bahston.  Now Boston reporters can misspell his name Larkey and it would be pronounced the same way.  If only his first name were Nomar, then it would sound like no malarkey.  Larkey will be immediately overrated in 2010 fantasy baseball drafts.  He hasn’t been able to get over 200 innings since 2007 and his K-rate has been dropping for a few years now.  For those out there that say he’ll now get more wins, the Angels weren’t exactly a 50 win team and he’s had only 12 and 11 wins the last two years, respectively.  In 2010, I’d put him down for a high-3 ERA, 1.30 WHIP and 130 Ks in 165 innings.

Michael Taylor – When I was deciding who would get a 2010 fantasy baseball rookie post, I looked at Michael Taylor.  He fell short because I couldn’t figure out what value he was going to have on the Phillies.  There was just no room for him in the outfield.  No longer a problem.  Taylor heads to the Jays.  Lind slots into the DH spot and Taylor goes into left.  Or someone can just make Vernon Wells glue.  Taylor will be 24 in a few days  — go to Benihana for your birthday, they give you free pineapple chunks — and he has done all he needs to do in the minors.  Last year split between Double and Triple A, Taylor went 20/21 with a .320/.395/.549 line.  It’s not far fetched to think he could be an early front runner for the 2011 AL ROY award and a 15/15 candidate.  Assuming Taylor’s penciled into the the lead-off spot, I’d give him a projection of 85/12/60/.280/15 with upside from there.  Definitely worth owning in leagues 12 team and deeper.

Phillippe Aumont – Stephen went over the Phillippe Aumont fantasy.  He goes to Philly.  Or, more appropriately, Philli.  (For those keeping score at home, Phils get Halladay, the M’s top pitching prospect, Aumont, and Tyson Gillies — more on him in a second.  M’s get Lee.  Jays get D’Arnaud, Taylor and the Phils top pitching prospect, Kyle Drabek and/or Happ.  As of press time, this wasn’t all entirely clear.)  Aumont will be given the opportunity to make the club as bullpen help, but probably won’t be up until midseason at the earliest.  He has no clear cut path to the Phils closer job yet.  But wait until Lidge pitches.

Tyson Gillies – Elias Sports Bureau said there’s more L’s in this trade than any other trade in the history of baseball.  Actually, they didn’t say that; they’re in the Antilles on vacation.  As mentioned above, Gillies heads to the Phils.  Gillies fantasy prospects were broken down already.  He’s at least a year away unless the Phils are hit by major injuries.

Travis D’Arnaud – Sent from the Phils.  He’s still at least a year or two away, but he could be the catcher of the future for the Jays.  The catcher of the present is…

John Buck – Evidently, they’re replacing a real cowboy (Doc Halladay) with one of the midnight variety.  Buck has some cheap pop and nothing else for AL-Only leagues.

Mike Cameron – Signs with Boston and signals that the Sawx are done waiting for Bay or Holliday.  Then again, they have four competent outfielders when most clubs don’t have two so they could still stuff their cheeks with a few more acorns.  Cameron’s presence will be no present for Jeremy Hermida.  See what I did there?  Hermida’s value takes the biggest hit.  He could end up doing nothing but platooning against tough righties.  That’s assuming J.D. Drew stays healthy and, as they said in China in the 1400s, assuming makes an ass out of you and Ming. Cameron hasn’t stolen 20+ bases since ’06 and at 37 he probably won’t get there again.  He’ll likely bat at the bottom of the order, which will help with RBIs.  He’s a decent 5th outfielder in 12 team leagues for teams that need assurance over upside.

Hideki Matsui – To the Angels.  In his youth, Hideki came to be called Godzilla because of monstrous homers and acne.  Well, he’s still got the acne.  I’d avoid him in fantasy as much for his yawnstipating numbers as for his Utility-only eligibility.

Jason Kendall – Royals get him for two years.  Much like a Ken doll, Kendall has no bat.

Pretty much everything I told you in the beginning of the year about trusting your big guns and not trusting the wayward sons goes out the window in September.  If you’re battling for pitching points, you need to take some chances I wouldn’t necessarily take in April, or really even August.  Suddenly, Brian Duensing gets his own post and Freddy Garcia doesn’t look like Freddy Garcia, but looks like a guy who’s facing the Mariners.  It’s fantasy baseball in September and the rules were made to be broken, ya’ll.  So I’ve assembled two or three starters from Tuesday, the new Humpday, until this Sunday that you could take a chance on depending on how bad your pitching shituation is.  I’m not completely proud of all of these guys, but their mommas are (even Momma Padilla).  Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for fantasy baseball late season:

Tuesday, September 15th

Freddy Garcia – Garcia is the new blech in most cases, but he’s had four straight decent enough starts and I’d throw him vs. the Mariners in Seattle.

Robinson Tejada – Has 69 Ks in 53 1/3 innings.  Goes vs. the Tigers, who he just beat.  It’s risky because I don’t trust the 2nd time being the charm.  Teams figure a guy out usually, but he could give you some cheap Ks.

Wade LeBlanc – Has two solid back-to-back starts and he faces a K-razy offense (Diamondbacks) in Petco.

Wednesday, September 16th

Doug Davis – Has a 1.83 ERA in 19 2/3 innings vs. the Padres and hasn’t given up one earned run in Petco in two years.

Ryan Rowland-Smith – Has four straight solid starts and a serial killer name.

Hiroki Kuroda – Hasn’t had an embarrassing start since July 8th and he gets the Pirates.

Thursday, September 17th

Justin Masterson – vs. the A’s and I wouldn’t start him here unless you’re in absolute dire straits, Mark Knopfler.

Friday, September 18th

Brian Duensing – You’d think I really liked him with the amount I’m talking about him, but he’s worth a flier for a start or two.

Vicente Padilla – He actually just shut out the Giants, which scares me more than it instills confidence, but it’s still a decent match-up.

Saturday, September 19th

Brett Tomko – Shoot me now for suggesting Tomko.

Jason Hammel – Has an ERA around 3 away from Coors and he gets the swing happy Diamondbacks.  This is still a risky start because Chase is a hitters park.

Sunday, September 20th

Paul Maholm – It’s not as great to face the Padres away from Petco, but it’s not that bad either.

Carl Pavano – Gets the Tigers on Sunday and has absolutely owned them this year.  In over 30 innings, he has a 1.48 ERA and 4 wins.  And, just think, you can tell your lady friend you had the cojones to start Pavano.

Aroldis Chapman — A-rold! — defected yesterday.  I defect every morning after I eat my bran cereal. No, random italicized voice, defected.  As in, he gave the Cuban national team the old switcheroo.  He snuck out of a Rotterdam hotel where the team was staying this week.  The coach said he checked on him and saw him sleeping.  What he actually saw was a mannequin shifting in bed from a wire attached to the bedroom door that was strung over a closet door with a trophy attached.  For his escape, Aroldis wishes to thank Ferris Bueller.  So why do you care?  He’s the best lefty in the world and he can throw 100 MPH.  Keepers, clean your ears, cause there’s a new Strasburg in town.  Though no one’s sure what town that is.  Deep keepers should keep an eye out for when he’s added.  Probably a year away, but it depends on the team that signs him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Alexei Ramirez – Sticking with the Cuban theme, good news for Alexei as his finger’s X-rays revealed no fracture.  He should return soon.  Not soon enough in a league where I’m rocking Everth Cabrera.  Steal, son.  You’re fast.

Kevin Correia – He made me sob yesterday.  Big, mucousy running into my ‘stache tears.  Wasn’t pretty, kinda like Correia’s start yesterday.  Five innings and six earned runs.  Belch!  Even more disappointing is the Walks — 3 of them.  One walk to Wandy.  Correia!!!  Okay, Correia wasn’t terrific, obviously.  But he should’ve got out of the first inning without any damage done.  Maybe one run there.  The homer to Geoff Blum was unforgivable.  But let’s not forget — this was his worst start of the year after 16 of them.  Also, it tied for the most walks he had given up all year.  Hopefully he remembers he’s a usable 5th starter.  I pardon you, Correia.

Joey Votto – 4-for-6, 1 RBI, 15-for-38 since he’s returned.  Member last month when I sat behind you at your computer and kept buzzing you with an electrical current every time you wanted to trade him?  Yeah, I just got my electric bill.

Jeff Baker – Traded to the Cubs for Al Alburquerque.  Al Alburquerque?  Was he named during that game where you bounce the ball?  Hi, my name is Al.  I live in Albuquerque.  I like apples.  If Baker gets a full-time job, he’ll be worth a spot at MI for his pop.  He may get an extended look immediately for the injured Miles.  Though I’d take a wait and see approach, except in NL-Only leagues.

Mark Reynolds – Number 22 for Mini-Donkey.  Get on the donkey, donkey…Mini-donkey!

Doug Davis – 7 IP, 1 ER.  Has a 3.15 ERA and is 3-8.  Is there a Diamondback rule that they only score for Brandon Webb?  It’s like 2004 redux for Davis when he went 12-12 with a 3.39 ERA.

Aaron Harang – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  Last year when you owned Harang, it was like he put a sweaty glass down on your Reggie Jackson rookie card while he made a sex tape with your ex-wife.  This year he’s paying for your kids’ private school education.  Cha-ching!

Chad Qualls – 1 1/3 IP, 1 ER and the blown save.  Might still be dealing with forearm issues.  Or he’s dealing with being sucky in the suckhole.  Either way, it’s not good.

Rafael Soriano – Save yesterday.  I know no one cares about Rafael Soriano, but I’ve had him on one team all year so allow me to talk about him for un momento.  Doode is smoking with nitrous.  1.19 ERA, .88 WHIP, 49 Ks in 37 2/3 IP and 7 saves.  Are you kidding me?!  Grey hearts Soriano. (Somewhere Ryan Franklin says, “What’s a guy got to do to get some love ’round here?)

J.A. Happ – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 Ks.  I have two problems with Happsterdam.  1) His home park and 2) He’s a rookie.  It worries me.  You do what you do.

Russell Branyan – HR yesterday.  Lately, he’s seemed more like the Branyan we’re used to as he goes one-for-four with a homer here and there.  Well, you shouldn’t have expected a .300+ average from him anyway.

CC Sabathia – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Bad year for ace pitchers.  Peavy, Webb, Hamels, CC, Johan… Maybe Cueto, Wandy, Edwin Jackson, and Greinke are the new breed.  (You like how I snuck the 30-year-old Wandy in there, huh?)

Mark Buehrle – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  3.09 ERA on the year.  I always end up with this guy on at least one team, but, alas, not this year.

Derrek Lee – 2 HRs, 7 RBIs. Your Buddy Lee was almost the title for today’s roundup.  But I decided against it cause Lee bores me.  Is he back?  I don’t think he ever went anywhere.  He just stopped stealing bases.  He can hit 4-6 homers/month and bat .300.  So you’re looking at a 75/25/85/.300 hitter.  Decent, but short of exciting.

Bobby Abreu – 2 HRs as he finally recovered from the 2005 Home Run Derby.  Abreu’s good for another 10 homers the rest of the way.  Don’t expect more.

Garrett Jones – HR yesterday.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  You can hardly wait!  Yes, you can.  No?  How about yes?  Ah, I thought so.  Persuasion ain’t just a Jane Austen novel!

Mets – Turns out they were staying at the same hotel in Pittsburgh as a Furries convention.  It’s fitting because the Mets have been screwing the pooch.

Fernando Tatis – 3-for-4, 4 Runs, 2 RBIs and a homer.  Last night, his Mom must’ve been a praying Tatis.