Fantasy Baseball Advice

J.J. Hardy has been hotter than a Latin woman frying chorizo in the Sahara desert.  Why she is in the Sahara is fodder for a J.J. Abrams movie.  In 2008, Hardy hit 24 homers and .283 in his fourth big league season.  Then poof.  Nothing.  He vanished.  Or did he?  It’s the real Hardy Boy mystery and, if he did it in a small bucolic town, it could be read as voiceover by Keith Morrison on Dateline.  He’s still only 28 years old and capable of 20+ homers over the course of the season.  Over the last ten games alone, 3 home runs and hitting .395.  Next week, the moon!  And Abrams might have a thing to say about why the moon too.  If Hardy’s on waivers, I’d absolutely grab him to see if he can continue to hit and stay healthy.  J.J.’s dyn-o-mite!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Tommy Hanson – Scratched from his Friday start with a sore shoulder.  Hanson’s value goes Mmmmplop.  Hopefully, he just needs a few days, but a shoulder problem… Well, just keep telling yourself he’s gonna be all right.

Randall Delgado – Will take Hanson’s Friday start.  Where did I just read about him?  Oh, I know!  Here, two days ago.  Stephen just dropped his Randall Delgado fantasy on you.  He wrote it while sitting outside of Diane Lane’s house.  Creepy!

Brandon Beachy – Had a solid rehab start.  Will have one more next week and then rejoin the Braves rotation.  And not too soon after Minor’s start last night.

Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper left yesterday’s game with a groin strain.  Vegas pays out a nickel for every thousand dollars bet that Jones would get injured.

Jordan Schafer – 5-for-6, 3 runs and a mention in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  It’s Friday, ya’ll!

Jeremy Guthrie – Left the start yesterday when his back went all spastic.  That sounds like an adjective my elementary school teachers used to describe me.

Zach Stewart – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Was called up to take Kyle Drabek’s spot in the rotation.  Stewart’s numbers this year in the minor leagues leave something to be desired.  Something like a better K-rate.  He’s a passable flyer in an AL-Only league and not kosher in mixed leagues, i.e., pass-over-able.

Jon Rauch – 0 IP, 2 ER.  The Blue Jays will be holding auditions for closer at the West Covina Mall this Saturday from 10 to 2.

Adam Lind – 2-for-4 and his 14th home run.  I drink Lind’s milkshake!

Tsuyoshi Nishioka – Returned from the DL and went 1-for-4 in the three hole.  I had a friend who’s found great enjoyment in the three hole.  Personally, I don’t– Wait, what?  Oh, Nishioka.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  I look forward to you skimming it on your mobile phone while you go to the bathroom.

Michael Cuddyer – 2-for-4 with his 10th home run.  On Wednesday, he stole three bases.  On Tuesday, he hit another home run.  Finally, he’s hitting .643 in the last week.  For those who have him at 2nd base, you did well and I’m a little jealous.  Are you happy now?

Ryan Raburn – 1-for-3 with his 6th home run.  Why’d he hit a home run?  Because I finally dropped him in one league.  Alcides Escobar, you better keep stealing bases.

Grady Sizemore – 0-for-4.  I try not to talk about the same players every day because then it gets boring for both of us.  I’ve now gone over a month since my last Sizemore mention.  On May 12th, I told you to sell him.  Since then, he has 1 home run, zero steals and is batting .203.  I don’t think selling is an option anymore.  Now you have to start thinking about cutting bait.

Jayson Werth – 2nd game in a row with a home run.  Wanna have your mind blown?  Okay:  34/10/26/.240/9; 25/10/27/.292/2.  The 1st one is marginally better because of the steals, but when you consider draft cost… Well, the first one is Werth; the second one is Laynce Nix.  Of course, Espinosa has been better than both of them at middle infield, but no one wants to own him.

Brian Gordon – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. Started in place of Colon, he’s a herbathrowdite that was recently in the Phillies minor league system.  He had Bugs Bunny-type numbers this year in Triple-A — 56:7 K:BB, 0.83 WHIP in 55 1/3 IP.  Those are the kind of numbers that give hope to Brian Anderson and Tony Pena Jr. with their position reassignment.  I wouldn’t touch Gordon in mixed leagues yet, but I would look at him in AL-Only leagues.  Maybe one day ESPN can do a movie on him starring Chaz Bono.

Chris Snyder – His wife was attacked in a traffic dispute.  In a related story, Scott Cousins’ wife ran over a pedestrian.

Clay Buchholz – Left his start yesterday with lower back stiffness, which is less awkward than lower front stiffness.

Jake Peavy – Looked great in his rehab start.  Better bring him up immediately before he gets injured again.

Zack Greinke – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 10 Ks.  His ERA is now up to 5.23.  BUY!  Seriously, don’t walk, run and buy him.  His K:BB is 70:9.  That’s a thing of beauty.  That’s in 53 1/3 IP.  Schnikes!  I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a 2.50 ERA the rest of the way.  Here’s Grey, here’s Grey going on a limb.  Snap or no snap?  No snap!

Cliff Lee – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Superb Lee.

Matt Garza – 6 IP, 5 ER and the conshellation win.  Any time you wanna pitch as well as your peripherals, Garza, feel free!

Gio Gonzalez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks.  Continues to be a must start at home and must take ulcer medicine because of his control issues.

Jose Lopez – 0-for-3.  Getting some starts at 3B for the Marlins as they long for the Jorge Cantu era.  They’ve even asked if he’ll change his name to Jose Cantulopez and answer to the nickname of “El Melon.”

Moneyball – I know, big fantasy news here!  Still, I’m giddy for this movie.  How could you not be?  It’s a movie that hinges on Scott Hatteberg.  A couple of thoughts on the trailer (which I’ve posted below).  Would’ve loved to been a fly on the wall for this pre-production conversation:  “We need an actor that can convincingly tell Brad Pitt he can’t pay retail prices for players?”  “Well, he’s gotta be nebbishy… Paul Giamatti?”  “Too old.  Too goy.”  “Hey, how about Jonah Hill?”  “Brilliant!”  Also, can’t wait for this scene in the movie:  “Who’s that sidearmin’ fella?”  “The name is Bradford.  Chad Bradford.”  Finally, this is the kind of movie that will have end titles about what happened after the movie ends.  Hope it reads something like this, “The A’s never did win a World Series and all of their relative success was due in large part to Eric Chavez, Miguel Tejada and Jason Giambi — three juice heads.”

Mike Moustakas was called up!  No, he wasn’t! Yeah, he was, random italicized voice, why are you giving me a hard time?  Keeping you honest. Since nothing’s changed since last time I went over him but the date, here’s what I said in the offseason, “Last year, he spent time at Double and Triple-A.  Not at the same time, that would be some Multiplicity shizz.  In 484 ABs, he hit 36 homers and batted .322.  As they say in Moustakas’ home country, “Wow.”  (He’s from L.A.)  Then they would throw a glass into the fireplace and spray some Windex.  This past year saw Moustakas named the Texas League Player of the Year, which is more prestigious than the Koo Koo Roo Employee of the Year, but only barely.  As his skipper said, “(Moustakas) missed the first 16 games of the season and by midseason he was leading the league in all the categories.  And where’s Gilligan?!” And that’s me quoting me!  This year, more of the same.  In 55 games, 10 home runs.  I’ll conservatively give him 40/15/50/.280 in 275 at-bats.  He’s a pick up in every league for his eligibility alone.  To get all Iliad on you, it’s Moustakas of Troy that launched a thousand homers.  It’s also no accident that my iPhone wanted to autocorrect “Moustakas of Troy” into moistened trousers.   Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mike Aviles – Was sent down to make room for Moustakas.  The Royals obviously wanted to see more of Chris Getz.  Well, I guess the Royals can only make one intelligent decision at a time.

Dustin Pedroia – Has just a knee bruise, won’t need surgery and could return on Friday.  That’s awesome news!  A guy who has been downright terrible because of his ailing knee only needs one day of rest.  Riiiiiiiiiiight.  Extra I’s for sarcastic emphasis.

Ricky Romero – 8 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now has an ERA of 3.18 on the year.  The biggest compliment I can give any player is I wish I owned them.  I wish I owned Romero.  (Now I will receive trade offers of Romero for Stanton.  Rudy and I were noticing that our Stanton receives by far the most offers to take over his services.  And that might be only interesting to Rudy and me.)

Mike Stanton – Hit his 14th homer this year.  Speaking of which, he’s going to hit 35 homers this year.  You can count on one hand the guys I’d give a better than 50% shot at 35 homers — Pujols, Fielder, Bautista, Teixeira and Stanton.  There’s others with a 25% chance, but not that many.

Chris Snyder – Out for the season with back surgery.  Sounds like a good excuse for a year pass to Burke Williams.  What?  I gotta speak to our three lady readers too sometimes.  Hey, ladies!

Jerry Sands – The guy who sounds like a 1960′s casino owner was sent back down to the hole in the Albuquerque desert where the Dodgers’ Triple-A affiliate plays.

Trevor Cahill – 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  For some reason this guy has a bunch of supporters that come out of the woodwork when I say he’s not as good as he was showing.  Not entirely sure why and I’m pretty sure no one’s going to say anything after he pitches poorly.  Wait until after his next good start, then we’ll hear from them.  For what it’s Wuertz, since I told you in early May he was due for a correction, he has a 4.68 ERA.

Jair Jurrjens – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He now has a 1.82 ERA on the year.  If you think he’s a sub-2 ERA pitcher, I have a box of Jose Canseco Sportflix cards to sell you.  And, when he regresses to a 3.00 ERA, he still won’t have any Ks.

Adam Dunn – 1-for-3 with his 6th home run.  Luckily, the big man asked for a five count King Kong Bundy-style, cause he needed a four and a half before he showed signs.

Anthony Rizzo – 1-for-2 with a triple.  It’s Rizzo, jerky!

Aaron Harang – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  His ERA is better than Gallardo’s.  Stab me in the eye.

Josh Hamilton – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer.  Member in my preseason rankings when I put Hamilton much lower than any other ‘perts because of his injury history and how he had a 10 homer season in 2009?  He’s on pace for around 10 homers right now.  We’ll see if he gets there after his inevitable next DL stint.

Jonny Venters – Notched his 2nd save of the season.  Fredi Gonzalez said that they just needed to give Kimbrel rest.  Then he winked twice and nudged the reporter.  When asked about the double wink nudge, Fredi pulled his ear.  The reporter then asked if he was playing charades and Fredi touched his nose.

Joba Chamberlain – Might need Tommy John surgery.  I don’t remember that being a part of the 5-step Joba Rules plan laid out by Cashman, but I didn’t read the whole document.

Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  His season ERA is 1.93.  I will not say anything else for fear my typees will put the jinx on.

Jonathon Niese – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks.  He’s coming in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell.  You can hardly wait.  No, you!

Juan Nicasio – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Still not as pretty as I think he can look but he gets the Padres next.  That’s usually the soup for what ails you.

Eric Young Jr. – He’s a tiny guy.  Are we sure the manager knows he’s there?

David Hernandez – He got the save because Putz was stiff.  Hehe… Can grab Hernandez for potential vulture saves, but Putz is said to be up and moving in the right direction.  Hehe…

Bob Geren – The A’s manager was replaced by Bob Melvin.  They should’ve got Bob the Builder.

Ryan Madson – Blew his first save of the year.  Hopefully this doesn’t open the flood gates and he goes back to a Cuddle Boy who can’t handle the pressure.  Charlie Manuel met with the press after the game in overalls and no shirt underneath, which caused all the reporters to flee so no word at this time, but I’m sure Madson’s fine.

Geovany Soto – 2-for-5 and his 4th home run.  This ever happen to you — some players do nothing for so long you forget that they’re still playing?  That’s been Geovany for me.

Delmon Young – 3-for-4 with his 2nd homer.  Speaking of players I thought suddenly retired months ago and I had just forgot about.  Member when Delmon was a can’t miss prospect?  Ah, yes, those were the days.  Boy, the way Damian Miller played…Dongs to make the hit parade…Guys like Gus Bell, they had it made…

By the dawn’s early light, why are you unhealthy again, Jose Reyes?!  Tough week for MIs.  Rollins must be contagious.  It’s the Middle Infieluenza Outbreak of Twenty-Ten.  This is like in 1918 when Skeeter McGillicuddy sneezed and the Brooklyn Robins entire team was in the hospital for two weeks with the Robins forcing a team of jailbirds and hooligans onto the field in the heart of the pennant race.  Or maybe that was a movie pitch I overheard in a Hollywood Starbucks.  Neverthehoo!  Right now, Reyes doesn’t sound too bad with only a stiff back and not an issue with his oblique, the mystery ailment that sidelines players and no one has any idea where in the body it is.  Reyes said he could’ve even played last night.  Excellent, now keep him away from any Met doctors that treated Beltran’s day-to-day thing last year that knocked him out for over a year.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-4 as he hits third for the 2nd straight game.  Yeah, it didn’t work for Reyes either.  Rollins is now batting .270 after returning from the DL with a .341 average.  Granted, that was only through 11 games, but they’re my small sample sizes and I’ll put them wherever I want.

Roy Halladay – 8 IP, 4 ER, 13 Hits, 0 Walks, 10 Ks and 119 pitches.  The 13 hits were a career high, the 119 pitches were not.  Not even his high in his last ten starts.  He’s a gingie horse… Nay (pun point)… He’s a gingie robot.  A gingie robot that wouldn’t mind some run support.

Joey Votto – 1-for-4 with his 18th homer.  He eats gingie robots for breakfast.

Jay Bruce – Bruuuuuuuuuuuce!  Where the heckfire you been?  Bruce hit his 10th homer yesterday as he bats .281 on the year.  I’d actually take five more homers and a .265 average.  Cust kayin’.

Tom Gorzelanny – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  It was vs. the Pirates so take it with a grain of NaCl.  But he now has an ERA of 3.14 and more Ks than innings.  I wouldn’t even be pointing him out if his next start vs. the Diamondhacks wasn’t favorable.  Mmm… deep flyer.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  The Wandwagon rides again with two straight quality starts.  If he falters against the Pirates in his next start, I may jump out my window.  Sure, I’m on the first floor, but it’s about the gesture.

Chris Johnson – 4-for-4 and now has two 4 hit games.  Tell me more, tell me more, can hit the ball far? Was that Grease, random italicized voice?  Stop judging me! The two four hit games surround a 1-for-12 stretch.  Definitely worth a flyer in NL-Only leagues, but I wouldn’t go crazy with him yet in mixed leagues.

Barry Enright – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Barry had pinpoint control in the minors, but gave 4 free passes in yesterday’s game.  But that might’ve just been nerves.  But II:  The Return of But, he might only be up for one start anyway.  But III:  But Lives, Willis may not stay in the rotation, which would give Barry more starts.  But IV:  But vs. However, even if Barry sticks in the rotation, he needs to prove himself in the majors before I’d add him.

Aaron Heilman – 1 IP, 0 ER as the blind man picked up the saw and said, “Hey, I got a save!”

Chris Snyder – 3-for-4 but gave up 5 Cardinal steals.  I wonder if the Cards players own Montero in fantasy and this was their subtle hint to Hinch.

Krispie Young – 1-for-4 with his 14th Krispie fly.

Jonathan Sanchez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners (only 2 Walks), 4 Ks.  Filthy Sanchez just gave up two poorly timed homers.  Sure, I’m making excuses, but I own him everywhere.  Gotta stay positive, Mike Skinner.

Erik Bedard – Could return to the M’s rotation on Tuesday.  He just has to get through one final rehab start healthy.  Vegas isn’t taking bets, but I’d put his return next week at 4 to 1.

Felix Hernandez – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks.  It’s so sexy when he does that thing with the Ks and the no runs.

Michael Saunders – 2-for-4 with 2 homers.  He’s death against lefties, which is not the same as murdering lefties.  At .217 on the year, he’s nothing but an AL-Only OF at this point.

Milton Bradley – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer in his last 4 games.  Sure, he’s a head case, but he has 8 homers and 6 steals on the year in less than 200 ABs.  He should be owned in more than 3% of ESPN leagues.

Bengie Molina – With apologies to Alfred, the fattest, slowest Molina was sent from the Giants to the Rangers.  The Rangers add Molina to their organizational catching depth of Max Ramirez, Teagarden, Treanor and Saltalamacchia as they continue to follow the “catching wins championships” credo that has never worked for anyone.  Molina moves into a much better lineup and ballpark, which should help his numbers.  He’s a 15 homer, .260 hitter.  On the basepaths and the buffet line, he’s a station-to-station guy.

Buster Posey – With Molina moving to Texas, Posey gets a nod of approval and every day catching duties, which may not necessarily help his hitting since he now has a much harder position to play.

Matt LaPorta – 1-for-2 with his 2nd homer in the last two games.  You know the drill.  When guys are hitting, you what?  *taps finger, scratches head, whistles*  You own them!  C’mon, that was an easy one.

Chris Perez – Got the save since Wood pitched in the three prior games.  Though if you saw the box score and thought Wood was gone, it’s understandable.

Matt Garza – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. the Sawx.  Sonavabench!  Why can’t he pitch well vs. bad teams and crappy vs. good ones?  Is that too much to ask?

Vladimir Guerrero – 4-for-4, 5 RBIs, 2 homers.  Must’ve been nice to not only homer twice off the Angels, but to hit one off of the impostor, Francisco Rodriguez.  If Vlad stays healthy, he can keep his name in the MVP conversation.  That “if” isn’t exactly Rhode Island-sized.

Zack Greinke – 8 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  He flew through 7 innings only to give up 5 runs in the 8th as he tried to blow his own win and Greinke himself.

Jair Jurrjens – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Meesa tinks Jar-Jar looked sharp in his return.  He even struck out some hitters in this game.  If you’ve forgotten, Jurrjens’ bugaboo is he doesn’t K people.  A healthy Jar-Jar should absolutely be owned in your league.

Adam Jones – 3-for-5 with his 13th homer while hitting .274 and chipping in 3 steals.  You know what’s fascinating to me (which means it’ll be a yawnfest for you), if Jones hit .274 all year while spreading his 13 homers out over the first three months, he would be owned everywhere and people would harbor no ill will towards him.  This is why you draft guys you trust and let them play.   On the other hand, Markakis is suckakis.

Ty Wigginton – Hit his 14th homer.  After the game, Casey McGehee called him to say, “Nice hit, Dad!”

Matt Kemp – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer.  Probably a day late on that buy low Kemp trade offer.

Rafael Furcal – 4-for-5, 3 Runs, 2 RBIs and his third homer.  Hitting around .500 in the last week with 4 steals.

Clayton Richard – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks with a 2.74 ERA on the year.  Aren’t you glad you loaded your team with hodgepadres?  I am.

Adrian Gonzalez – Didn’t play because of shoulder soreness as the Padres exploded for 13 runs.  Ticker tease!

Dustin Pedroia – Since he was unable to put any weight on his foot, he took grounders while on his knees.  He’s obviously been watching the instructional video, Dorf on Baseball.

Brandon Inge – 0-for-3, but after the game he was all smiles.  When asked why, he said he loves having books read to him with his adopted brother.

Last night I took part in my third mock draft over at Mock Draft Central.  Going into this mock draft, I figured I’d try to draft a mock team to mock win.  Pretty out there, I know.  That’s how I mock roll!  I didn’t necessarily follow my 2009 fantasy baseball rankings to a T.  What fun is mocking if you don’t take some (mock) liberties. This mock’s participants were some of the finest fantasy baseball ‘perts in the fantasy baseball bidness.  Below the pretty picture of my drafted team is, as always, the notes I took while mock drafting:

1st Round – Miguel Cabrera.  Two Mets off the board with the 1st two picks.  Obviously Ralph Kiner paid off some of these ‘perts.  Hey, no illusions of grandeur here.  I can be bought too.

2nd Round – Carlos Beltran.  I’m eyeing Chase Utley.  Oh, he looks real nice at the 17th pick.  Scooped!  The ‘pert right before me grabbed Utley and I was left with Beltran.  Some picks I didn’t like in this round were Pedroia, Manny and Ichiro.

3rd Round – Carlos Quentin.  Wow, Santana held around for a while. I think that’s just a sign that this is a mock draft.  I doubt that has much real world significance, but if you see Johan in the third round by all means grab him.  Honestly, I didn’t like my choices in the 3rd round.  I almost took Lincecum, but didn’t want a pitcher yet.  I don’t want Morneau or Bay this early.  I considered Phillips long and hard and almost took him.

4th Round – Jake Peavy.  I have a whole post coming up about Peavy.  This is just another sign of this “What have you done for me lately?” attitude.  Sure, Peavy wasn’t incredible in 2008.  Guess what, ya’ll?  It’s 2009.  Picks I didn’t like in this round were Ortiz, Furcal, Vlad and K-Rod.

5th Round – Alexei Ramirez.  I’ve suddenly become a South Sider with these picks.  Usually I’d hold off on a MI, but I’m trying to zag on my own usual zigging at times to see what I come up with.  Picks I didn’t like in the 5th round — Mike Jacobs.  Zoinks!

6th Round – Chris Davis.  During this pick, I went to the bathroom and Bill James drafted for me.  Atkins, Zimmerman, Huff and Cantu were staring me in the face.  I went with an upside pick, as I did with my last three picks.  I don’t think I can go with an upside pick for the next five or so rounds.

7th Round & 8th Round – Jermaine Dye and Derrek Lee.  The kind of safe picks I was talking about in the 6th round.  I’ve just about righted the ship from my upside picks.  Now I’m looking for a pitcher.

9th Round – Chad Billingsley.  Guess who’s staring at me in the face?  Billingsley.  My pre-preseason Cy Young pick, who I’m slightly worried about because of his increase in innings in 2008.  He’s not the absolute safest pick like I was thinking about, but this value is way too great.  Some other pitchers I could’ve drafted here were Lackey, Burnett, Lester and Dice-K.  I think this is just ‘perts telling their readers to not draft pitchers and then them showing everyone how they don’t draft pitchers.  I don’t draft pitchers early either, but this group of mockers is extreme.  In your league, you’re going to have to draft some of the pitchers that went in the 9th and 10th rounds before then if you want them.  A pick I didn’t like in this round, Polanco.  Think about the difference in value between Billingsley and Polanco.

10th Round – Pat Burrell.  There were a lot of great picks in this round.  Soria, Joba, Dice-K and Burnett.  Admittedly, I probably did the worst this round, but I wanted safe power.

11th Round – Jonathan Broxton. Ignore the previous year’s saves when drafting your closer.  Just make sure he has the job for the upcoming year.  Broxton had 88 Ks last year. He could easily be the number one closer in 2009 and I just drafted him in the 11th round.  K-Rod went in the 4th round.

13th Round – Adam Wainwright.  Honestly, I think I have the best pitching staff right now, but pitching is unpredictable so this staff could blow up in my face.

15th Round – Justin Upton.  Looking to head back to the OF after taking some pitchers.  My choices here aren’t great, but I’ll take my chances with Krispie Young – Scooped!  I end up taking his OF-mate.  I’m not thrilled with this pick, but Upton’s upside is huge for the 15th round.  A pick I really liked this round was Conor Jackson.  I wasn’t crazy about the Posada, Huston Street or Mark Reynolds picks.  Not that I wouldn’t draft them, just not here.  Not now.

17th Round – Chad Qualls.  My pick is pretty self-explanatory.  At least I hope it is.  The Diamondbacks are saying Qualls is the closer.  Don’t worry about who you think should be the closer, just go with who the club puts in the role.  You’ll save yourself lots of headaches (pun was noted and groaned at).

18th Round – Miguel Tejada.  I realize he’s not juicing anymore but him falling to the 18th round is kinda ridiculous.

21st Round – Fred Lewis.  Actually kinda of surprised to still see him on the board when I was drafting in the 21st round.  My team was also lacking steals, so this was the smartest pick left for me without having to grab Juan Pierre.

22nd Round – Chris Snyder.  Not a huge fan of Snyder’s, but Jeff Clement went in the 16th round.

These top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball will be yawnstipating compared to the top 20 1st basemen or even top 20 shortstops, but you have to start somewhere, right? (That was rhetorical.)  You can check out our other top 20 lists for 2009 fantasy baseball under 2009 Fantasy Baseball Rankings.  I usually don’t draft a top catcher, instead I hold off until the later rounds and grab one of the late rounders.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to start the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one (Varitek?  Oy vey.), cause some of youse like to gamble on a top catcher.  You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft Chris Snyder.  Listed along with these catchers are my 2009 projections for each player.  Feel free to also look at our 2009 fantasy baseball player rater.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball:

1. Brian McCann – This is the first tier of catchers.  This tier goes from here to Doumit.  I call this tier, “I won’t own one, but I hear they’re good.”  This was the one top catcher I owned in 2008 and that was only because he seemed to be discounted compared to Joe Mauer and Victor Martinez.  So my fantasy team with McCann must’ve have been the top performing offensive team I had, right?  Nopers.  The top catcher, McCann, still only gave you 68/23/87/.301.  If he did that at 3rd base, you’d call him Melvin Mora.  Zoinks!  2009 Projections:  75/25/95/.295

2. Geovany Soto – I have a personal bias against Mauer, but I’ll get to him.  (9 HRs and 1 steal in 2008!?!  Are you effin’ kidding me?)  Seems to me that the current climate (outside of Chicago) about Soto is he was great in 2008, but that’s about all we can expect from him.  He’s going to be 26 on opening day.  He can’t get better?  Actually, he can.  2009 Projections:  70/26/100/.280

3. Joe Mauer – Somewhere someone once wrote, “9 HRs and 1 steal in 2008!?!  Are you effin’ kidding me?” I forget where I read that, but it’s eloquent, profound and other razzy words for eloquent and profound.  Why are people drafting this dooode so early?  For a .330 average?  Shoot, lay off the Mark Reynolds-trans fat and you don’t need the Joe Mauer tasting-like-dust protein shake.  2009 Projections:  95/12/80/.320/3

4. Victor Martinez - I’m not drafting Victor Martinez on any teams, unless… Once again, and in caps — UNLESS he falls really far in a draft.  He’s only going to be thirty-years-old during the 2009 season; I don’t think he’s done just yet.  2009 Projections:  65/18/95/.300

5. Russell Martin – Martin is featured in our Razzball glossary for the term, “Teabagger,” but otherwise Razzball doesn’t have much love for The Backstop Who Plays Near Eagle Rock.  I don’t want to have anything to do with a catcher who gives you value because of some schmohawkian steals.  You’d be surprised at how fast a 13/18 catcher can become a 12/7 catcher. You really want to draft Placido Polanco in the fourth round as your catcher?  2009 Projections:  95/15/70/.285/10

6. Ryan Doumit – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here to Biggie Molina.  I call this tier, “The first catchers I could draft in any league.”  I originally had Iannetta at number six then put Doumit here, then Iannetta then Shoppach then… Well, you get the idea.  The next three catchers are all very close.  Doumit is injury-prone, but so what?  If he hits 17 home runs in 110 games and you can plug in someone else the other 50 games, you’re actually better off than having a subpar catcher for 160 games.  Doumit’s injury history is actually how he ended up in front of Iannetta and Shoppach.  It’s a plus in my mind.  2009 Projections:  60/17/70/.295/2

7. Chris Iannetta – Could easily finish 2009 in the top 3 of this top 20 list, which makes him so enticing.  He would’ve been ranked a bit higher on this list if not for Yorvit Torrealba’s deal with the devil to lessen Iannetta’s fantasy value.  2009 Projections:  55/19/70/.265

8. Kelly Shoppach – The Indians have to play Martinez at 1st or DH, right?  I think they do, but they might not.  Here’s a scenario, V-Mart starts off slow and says he needs to be behind the plate to get going offensively.  The Indians appease Martinez four times a week and Shoppach sits in 75% of the games.  This may sound like death for Shoppach’s value, but I still think he could put up 15 home runs in that scenario.  Remember, Shoppach was once a decent prospect.  Hopefully, he gets even more at-bats.  2009 Projections:  50/18/60/.260

9. Mike Napoli – Bill James has Napoli hitting 31 home runs if he gets 449 at-bats.  Well, that’s the catch, ain’t it? (Speaking of catch, has anyone ever seen Fishing with John?  It’s one of the best TV shows ever.  The episode where he goes ice fishing with Willem Dafoe is brilliant.  But I digress.)  Last year in 227 at-bats, Napoli’s numbers were 39/20/49/.273/7. With full-time catcher duties, he’s the number one catcher, right?  No.  His average isn’t going to be over .270 in 2009 and he’s not a full-time catcher.  Also, if he were a full-time catcher in 2009, his average would really suffer.  2009 Projections: 55/23/65/.245/7

10. Bengie Molina – And onto the next tier of catchers.  I like to call this tier, “Just punt and go with an upside pick like Salty, Teagarden or Flores.”  2009 Projections: 50/15/70/.275

11. Ramon Hernandez – Every time I convince myself Ramon Hernandez has one more big season left in him, my common sense steps in and talks about what a bloody moron I am.  I’d consider grabbing Ramon Hernandez in some leagues, but the better move is grabbing a younger upside pick real late cough Clement cough 2009 Projections:  55/17/75/.260

12. Jorge Posada – Posada has the name attached to him that says 20 home runs and 85 runs.  But he has a shoulder (barely) attached to him that says 12 home runs and a DL stint.  Don’t get nostalgic. Posada’s not worth being drafted in ten team mixed leagues.  If you’re drafting a catcher this far down the list, do yourself a favor, grab Salty or even Laird. 2009 Projections: 55/12/65/.270

13. Pablo Sandoval -  And another tier begins.  Let’s call this tier, “Guys that I wouldn’t mind having on my team.  After all, it is just a catcher.  Take a flier.”  You get an extra catcher, because Sandoval might not be eligible at catcher in your league.  If he is, you’re in luck because there’s going to be a 2009 Fantasy Baseball sleeper post about Sandoval shortly.  2009 Projections: 60/14/65/.300

14. Chris Snyder – A poor man’s Napoli.  2009 Projections:  55/18/70/.245

15. Jeff Clement – Huge 2009 fantasy sleeper right here.  I may even devote a whole post to this guy.  Maybe a few posts.  Okay, maybe just this half of a paragraph.  Last year in Triple-A, he went 40/14/43/.335 in only 173 at-bats.  173 at-bats! Okay, so he was abysmal when he was called up to the majors, but so what?  He’s only 25 and he has catcher eligibility.  I need to say more?  2009 Projections:  60/17/70/.250

16. Jarrod Saltamacchia – May not have the starting job in 2009, and he could still see 350 at-bats.  He’ll probably be in a timeshare with Teagarden and he’ll steal at-bats from Blalock (or Blalock will pull a Kotchman and be out indefintely).  Salty only feels like a guy who is a perennial bust.  He’ll only be 24 for the majority of the 2009 season.  2009 Projections:  65/16/75/.265

17. Dioner Navarro – I think Navarro and Sandoval must workout together.  They have the softball build without the upper body strength to tap the keg.  2009 Projections: 50/10/60/.285

18. Jesus Flores – If Snyder was a poor man’s Napoli, Flores is a poor man’s Snyder.  What?  Not impressed with that comparison?  Okay, what if I called him a homeless man’s McCann?  2009 Projections:  50/14/65/.245

19. Yadier Molina – And here’s a new player tier made up of two schmohawks. This tier I call, “Guys who I would never have on my team.”  Maybe I’m drunk on stupid, but I don’t buy the .300 average from Molina last year.  Though he’s not quite the guy who hit .216 one year either.  He is the guy that can’t break double figures in home runs.  As The Count from Sesame Street would say, “Bleh!”  2009 Projections: 35/7/50/.270

20. A.J. Pierzynski -  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  If you’re drafting a catcher this late and you’re taking Pierzynski, you’re not trying hard enough.  2009 Projections:  Yuck/Blah/I Feel Sick/.280

After the top 20 catchers for 2009 fantasy baseball, there’s a lot of names but three stand out:

Matt Wieters - Well, la di da.  If it isn’t the pre-preseason AL Rookie of the Year candidate, Matt Wieters, who’s now under the shadow of The Almighty Zaun.  I already went over Wieters 2009 fantasy outlook.  With the addition of Zaun, Wieters is only worth a look in deep AL-Only leagues and keepers.  In one year leagues, don’t bother or wait until Spring Training to see if Zaun is being used instead of Wieters or simply as a mentor.  If Zaun’s his mentor and Wieters is the starter, then Wieters moves back up this list.  Just don’t reach too far for him.  For every Geovany Soto, there’s six grande Salty-Mochachinos.  2009 Projections:  50/17/60/.290 or the Minors

Gerald Laird – He’s actually more valuable than Yadier Molina.  That’s right; I said it.  I placed him at the back end of the catcher tier though to highlight him and because, similarly to Teagarden, there’s more risk involved with Laird.  Yes, he’s the cream of the crap.  2009 Projections:  60/13/65/.270

Taylor Teagarden – I already went over a 2009 Teagarden fantasy outlook.  Before you write off Teagarden for being behind Salty, remember these three things. 1) Salty could move to 1st, when Davis is filling in for a DL’d DH.  2) Teagarden has already impressed Rangers’ management, unlike Salty.  3)  There’s no number three.  If Teagarden leaves spring with the job, he moves up this list.  So stay tuned!  Or not!  It’s your call really.  2009 Projections:  50/18/65/.265