Ben Zobrist had a pretty good day yesterday. A double slam and legs and 10 RBIs. Zobrist’s wife, an aspiring singer of Christian pop music, wrote a song about Zobrist’s day called, “The Day The Lord Shined His Lovelight On Ben.” Its B-side is “Here’s The Church, Here’s The Steeple, God’s Fifth Outfielder Is Jason Kubel.” Both are pretty catchy. Kirk Cameron would rock them on his iPod. He’d unironically say, “Holy smokes! These are awesome!” Zobrist had a great day, doesn’t mean he’s the meow’s cat. His value may never be higher if you’re thinking you’d like to trade him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Casey Kotchman – Hit his first home run of the year as he went Mono y Mano with the pitcher.
Sam Fuld – Led off and went 0-for-9 in the the doubleheader where the Rays scored 21 runs combined. That’s a ticker tease of epic proportions. After the game, a teammate touched Fuld’s shoulder and said, “You’ll get ‘em next time.” and turned away. Fuld responded, “That’s not why I was here. I just wanted to see this team reach its potential.” The befuddled teammate turned around and Fuld was gone.
Edwin Jackson – 4 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks. I saw nothing worthwhile here, but it was against the Yankees, so I’m giving him one more start. That’s it.
Travis Snider – He’s evidently not taking notes in Dwayne Murphy’s class (.181 AVG w/ no power) so the Blue Jays are sending him to detention (aka AAA). The Blue Jay LF will be manned by either SAGNOFs (Patterson, Podesdnik) or a BAGNOG (Brother Ain’t Got No Glove) like Juan Rivera.
Adam Lind – Homer yesterday, now has 3 homers in 3 days. He’s not at 100% in ESPN leagues, but then again Manny’s still owned in 12% of ESPN leagues, so I’m not sure those ownership numbers mean anything.
Alex White – Called up to replace Carrasco in the rotation. Had a hot start in AAA, but his previous year in AA was nothing great. Throws a decent amount of ground balls with good Ks this year, but last year it was just okay Ks (stutterer!). Best case scenario for him is Britton, which is terrific, fabulous, wonderful. His worst case scenario is roofie’ing you and dousing your naughty bits with Sriracha. For now, I wouldn’t go near him outside of AL-Only or deep mixed leagues.
Travis Hafner – Sat out yesterday with a sore ankle. Never hear about sore cankles. Another vote for cankles! I wonder if we can convince Zobrist’s wife to help put together a ‘We Are The World’ for cankles.
Shelley Duncan – Homered then ripped Chief Wahoo’s arm off with a high five.
Grady Sizemore – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer. I’ll be honest, I’m hesitant to buy in. He abused me so many times, I flinch when I watch him. But I’ll Be Honest, Part II: More Honesty, he could hit 25 homers and steal 15 bags.
Fausto Carmona – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks. Is it me or does it seem like he’s pitching well every time out? It’s obviously me because Carmona has an ERA of 5.15. So he is pitching well, but only compared to Gallardo, Edwin Jackson or Liriano. As the Irish Justin Timberlake says, crimey a river!
Joe Mauer – Twins said Mauer wasn’t ready for the start of the season and he can’t resume any baseball activities yet. No spitting, no scratching himself.
Miguel Olivo – Hit cleanup, replacing Kennedy. Will now be known as Miguel Baines Olivo. MBO has 2 homers in the last three games. He hits them in bunches. I’d say he’d be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he won’t. I’m telling you about him now.
Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks. Now has an ERA of 2.01 and a WHIP of 1.07. I have one thing to say, it sounds like, I wish I owned him sum wear.
Alexi Ogando – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks. I almost made him a sell for this afternoon’s post because his K-rate (prior to this game) and his xFIP (or ‘What’s an Ex-Fip?’ as Murray Chass calls it) was absurd.
Ian Kinsler – 2-for-4 with his 4th steal as he gets his BUPKIS in order.
Kendrys Morales – With pain lingering when he running, he’s off to see a specialist. Sylvester Stallone?
Ryan Vogelsong – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. The Giants love Vogelsong in a Sting-like way. First, there was the tantric, never-quite-orgasmic prospect years (2000-2001). Second, they set him free, shipping him off to sea (the Pirates) like a message in a bottle. Third, he came back (which I think is the point of the ‘If You Love Somebody Set Them Free’ song otherwise it makes little sense, right?) older and wiser, having pitched in the minors and Japan for the past 5 years. All that said, he has a career ERA of 5.77 and WHIP of 1.577. Pick him up only if you’re the King of Pain.
Ryan Zimmerman – Played catch yesterday and Mark Zuckerman, from CSN Washington, said Zimmerman “won’t be back for awhile.” But they fail to mention that it was a lovely father-son moment.
Roger Bernadina – Whatever, the Nats are stoopid.
Nick Swisher – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his first homer. I didn’t like Swisher in the preseason and this was his first good game, but if someone grew tired of his shenanigans I’d grab him to see if he’s about to get hot.
Brett Gardner – 2-for-3, 3 runs and the slam & legs. Now if he could only pitch for my fantasy teams…
Ryan Dempster – 1/3 IP, 7 ER. Abe Froman may be the sausage king of Chicago but Ryan takes a sausage in the Dempster like a king.