With the Twins saying th-th-that’s all Fuld, it opened up a spot for Kennys Vargas in their lineup. My God, they killed Kennys (with kindness by promoting him)! He’s a David Ortiz clone. Too bad the Twins can’t have the real thing. Oh, wait. They used to! Oh, God, Twins, you fell for the oldest trick in the book, mon. Hopefully they don’t trade Lil Papi for a piece of spearmint gum the Red Sox find on the Pesky Pole. “So, you’re saying Denis Leary once touched this gum? We’ll take it!” The Twins trade for once-touched-by-Denis-Leary gum, and execs are lauded by Twins fans! Here’s the thing, if the Twins were in a different market, their moves that are ‘lauded by their fans’ would not be lauded. Sorry, but it’s true. People in Minnesota are too kind. With that said, I do like Vargas and he looks like he’s going to play every day. You don’t become Lil Papi without some power and Vargas has it to spare. In Double-A, he had 17 homers in 356 ABs, and a rock solid OBP and K-rate. He slugs, but doesn’t do it like most sluggers with huge strikeouts. He could hit .275 and 25+ homers over the course of the season, and I’m going to like him a lot next year if he has a starting job (which he should). For this year, I’d take a flyer on him if I needed power. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Dioner Navarro – “Okay, let’s move in!” That’s the Mayans waiting for a sign of the apocalypse. Apparently, Dioner being in a Buy column qualifies.
John Jaso – Parallel Universe Alert! On Planet Yradick, there’s a team called the S’a with a catcher, Joh Jason, and he’s an MVP, though they call it a Good Boy, Go Have Dinner Now award. Sounds like a terrible place to live! Here, Jaso has been hitting well all year, but you do need to expect to have him sit occasionally.
Juan Francisco – If Ryan Zimmerman had 16 homers like Francisco, I’d be over the moon. And I know what sound stage they keep the moon at in Burbank, so I could carry out this threat.
Kendrys Morales – My enthusiasm for Kendrys has drys up a bit, but the Hitter-Tron likes him a lot, like it likes to squeeze itself between a toaster and a blender and move itself around provocatively.
Josh Rutledge – The universe doesn’t want Rutledge to succeed. Tulo goes down, path opens and Rutledge gets sneezed on by someone in line at Target who doesn’t know how to Dracula their sneezes. Rutledge should be back soon, and will once again have value until Tulo returns, which could be never. Dracula your sneezes, people!
Jedd Gyorko – Whenever I see his name, I immediate picture Gyorko and I in a rom-com montage, trying on funny hats and silly sunglasses. Is that weird?
Emilio Bonifacio – Has speed, will travel.
Dustin Ackley – Ding, ding, ding. You’re microwave is dinging. Ackley’s hot schmotato is ready.
Didi Gregorius – MC Ren had a difficult decision with his fantasy team, The West Coast All-Stars. Pick up the hot-hitting Gregorius D.I.D., but risk opening his team page with Dre in the vicinity. Luckily, Ren figured out a workaround. He changed his team name to We’re All In The Same Gang, because he needed to beat DJ Yella’s Babe Ruthless Records.
Danny Santana – Nice middle infield selection this week to choose from. Remind me next March to point out how drafting an MI is completely pointless. I mean, I have said that the last seven years, but remind me to really hit it home next year. Like with flashing lights and jpegs of Kate Upton around it.
Chris Taylor – Here’s hoping he becomes the everyday shortstop and goes off so I can call him Taylor H.A.M.
Yangervis Solarte – Hit it, Dino! “Solarte, oh oh…Cantare, oh oh oh oh… Let’s fly way up to the clouds…”
Conor Gillaspie – I get it, I’m right there with you with Gillaspie. Due to having absolutely no faith in him, at the first sign of trouble – say an 0-for-3 or a one game benching — he’s the drop from your team. I’m the same way with him, and have now dropped and re-picked him up about a half dozen times. Though, that means he’s also staying hot.
Jake Petricka – I wish I could ride his boogie for some saves. I wanna Petricka wit’ you all night. So we can Petricka forever! I wanna Petricka wit’ you! All night! That’s until Matt Lindstrom comes back.
Jake Odorizzi – Since May 1st, his ERA is now an even 3 with 107 Ks in 90 IP. For serious, I’m at a lost as to what else to tell you if that still only has him at 30% owned. Mike Minor has a 5.23 ERA and is owned in 62% of leagues. Verlander has a 4.79 ERA and is owned in 100% of leagues. *throws hands up* You win, man and four girl readers!
James Paxton – Wasn’t he a basketball player? Sounds faintly familiar, but my basketball knowledge ends at Lil Penny. They don’t make commercials like they used to…which is a good thing. Actually, they might, I haven’t watched a commercial in about ten years. Ooh, Grey’s so cool, he doesn’t watch commercials. Any the hoo! Paxton returns tomorrow and he was fantastic prior to the DL and has been great in spurts, so I’d let him spurt on my team. Hmm, that sounded wrong.
Billy Burns – With the A’s and their twelve outfielders, I don’t know if Burnsie will get a chance to show his world-class speed. And I don’t use world-class as an adjective like airlines use ‘world-class.’ Like, “Hey we give out a giant maxi pad as a pillow, we can say we’re world-class!” Burns is sick fast, and sick as in healthy, not sick as in ill. Playing time is a bit of a bugaboo here, that’s all.
Travis Snider – With Marte struggling to get back on the field, Snider’s been all that and a bag of chips. Fritos. That are kinda tasty, but if you leave them open too long they go stale and then you need to drape them in chili. “Drape in chili?” I should be the Next Food Network Star!
Oscar Taveras – I went over my Taveras fantasy this morning. If you click around the site, you’ll find it and also earn me one-eighteenth of a penny. Good times! On a side note that has nothing to do with Taveras, in the comments today, people have decided to put their very own selfies. Go to gravatar.com and upload a photo to play along. Or not. Your choice.
Josh Reddick – Was a bit surprised to not only see Reddick under 50% owned, but available (on waivers) in my RCL. I demand you pick him up off waivers right now. Then call a friend and say, “Just grabbed Reddick. No homo.”
Anthony Gose – SAGoseNOF!
Any Player That Can’t Win You A Championship For Any Player That Wins You The Championship – No, don’t go to your waiver wire looking for someone named, Any Player That Wins You The Championship. He exists, but not in his most literal form. He’s amorphous. No, that feeling you have when you see Robin Thicke is not amorphous. That’s something else. Yes, Chris Sale has been terrific for your team, but if you don’t need pitching, why are you holding him? Check your voicemail; that’s me screaming at you to go for the title. Sorry, I get emotional. If you love Kimbrel and want to have his babies, I can’t argue with you, but if you don’t need saves, friend him on Facebook, DM him some noodes and trade him away for something you need! With trading deadlines quickly approaching, now is the time to lay your cards on the table and go for the gusto and other cliches. You need to win now and if that means making lopsided trades that don’t look great on the surface, but help you win, do it!