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Grey, Razzball co-founder and something-or-other, called me out yesterday, saying something like, “Hater Bell is probably wearing his fitted Malcom X hat blah blah blah and listening to Mobb Deep and blah blah blah…” If that isn’t the stupid calling the smart stupid. After he put me in Carlos Ruiz in the beginning of the year, he’s lucky I have my hands filled with ESPN’s top fantasy baseball analyst, Karabozo, and don’t have time for him. I have Miguel Olivo on one team because of you, Grey, and that’s the team I’m happy with, you WASPy-looking, Don Mattingly-impersonating, non-gully infidel! I’ll take an uzi to this blog if you step up to me one more time! Anyway, let’s see what utter crap Karabaloney cooked up that has my water boiling. This week he pretended to look at the AL bullpens, but we know he was looking at the pretty colors the sun makes when you stare at it for ten minutes straight. Ladies and Gentleman, Karabaloney:

Morrow should keep the closer job at least another month, pass Putz and save 15 games. Just don’t cut Putz, as he could end up with 15 saves as well.

Brandon Morrow has 6 saves right now for the Mariners, easily the worst team this side of the Potomac. Last week, Morrow suffered from back spasms causing him to miss some time. Morrow is pitching well, but he’s going to save 15 games in a month? The Mariners won’t win 15 games this month. Then Putz is going to return for 15 saves? Seriously, this wouldn’t make sense to a foreign exchange student who never heard of fantasy baseball or English. This is like a new level of stupid. I’m moving on before my ability to think straight is somehow hampered.

Todd Jones has a little hiccup from time to time, but we all know that, so why does a single Joel Zumaya save get everyone so excited?

Cause Todd Jones sucks. Okay, moving on.

Borowski sticks around and gets 12 more saves the rest of the way, finishing at 18.

This was written the day Borowski was removed from the job as closer. Not even the day before. I guess we’re lucky it wasn’t written the day after knowing Karabell’s reading comprehension. Erica Karabell, “Daddy, read to me The Baby-Sitter’s Club!” Eric, “Ask Mommy. Daddy’s playing tic-tac-toe with Matthew Berry.”

Look for Street to continue his success and end up with 33 saves.

Blame Karabell when Street’s traded into a setup role in a week.

Jenks is well protected by a number of pitchers who are ownable in fantasy, so leads will keep coming his way, and he’ll save 38 games.

Not even a mention that Jenks has been bothered by back pain. This pretty much confirms Jenks will continue to have problems. Prepare for Linebrink to be the closer by next week.

Hey, guys, did you know when you press seven numbers on this thing they call a “phone,” you can talk to people that aren’t in the same room as you?

Oh, wait, Karabell didn’t say that. It just seems like he should. Now get the crayons outta your mouth, Karabell, and go get your shinebox!

  1. BSA says:
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    Hey how do I get a job like Karabell? I was looking for info on Harden and his column came up. I think reading about a most untradable player confused me more than before I started. Kind of like a weatherman, paid even though wrong a lot of the time. Go ahead and read it, you’ll find he actually writes that he is not sure if he has Harden or not, I think?? Could he be one of those assholes that drafts a teams and leaves the league? Inquiring minds want to know.

  2. BSA says:
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    How do you think Karabell feels about the latest on Borowski? He may pick up 12 saves for another team.

  3. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    Ozzie seems to have a hardon for Matt Thornton these days too. I just picked him up with an open roster spot since Linebrink is taken in one league.

    My pitching crew on one of my teams now includes Taylor Buchholz, Tyler Yates, Matt Thornton, Jonathan Broxton and Grant Balfour. I hate you, setup men. (i have three other closers too, but I’m a greedy bastard)

    I have RP slots for three of them. Which of these three should I start this week if I’m looking for vulture saves??

  4. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: “Could he be one of those assholes that drafts a teams and leaves the league?” Funny you should mention that — Hater Bell’s covering that next week.

    @IowaCubs: I have Thornton too, I doubt he gets first look if Jenks goes down.

    Yates, Buchholz, dealer’s choice. I’d probably go with Broxton, but I don’t think he’ll get any saves.

  5. BSA says:
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    Alright – more laughs to come I ‘m sure.

  6. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    a roster setting follow up (cuz i’m too lazy to post it in a forum)… Would you start any one of these schmohawks over Pence this week?

    Marcus Thames
    Cody Ross
    John Bowker
    Adam Jones
    Mark Teahen
    Garret Anderson
    Adam Lind

    I’m sort of torn between Pacman and Cody. I have an open roster spot on one of my teams and it’s burning a hole in my pocket. I’m sick of starting Pence and getting two bits in return.

  7. DrBaseball says:
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    2 questions for a keeper league:

    Should I trade BJ Upton for Miguel Cabrera?

    Who is a better keeper for next year Gallardo or Kershaw?

  8. Baron Von Vulturewins says:
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    @DrBaseball: I tend to agree with Freak, though if Upton steals 40+ bases this year, as he looks like he’ll do, and manages 20 HRs, which is not unreasonable if he turns it up a bit, he could be more valuable than Miggy next year. It also depends on your league, and whether he’ll lose his 2B eligibility (probably) which makes him much less valuable.

    Gallardo.

  9. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @IowaCubs: I’d probably take a Lind flier, but maybe I’m just being optimistic because I have him in two leagues. I’d probably just stick with Pence.

    @DrBaseball: Yes and Gallardo, but I’d try and keep someone else besides either of them.

    EDIT: Word.

  10. JD

    Cole Hamels says:
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    Another great analysis of Karabell’s horrible, yet enigmatically highly paid fantasy advice. I sometimes see Karabell on ESPNews and it just blows my mind that ESPN has this guy as a fantasy baseball analyst. This guy has our dream job, and he’s terrible at it. I mean honestly, what other job could you get that allows you to be almost exclusively WRONG about everything, and still keep it? And he must be one of those assholes that drafts a team and leaves, is there any way we can take a look at his record? I’d love to see what kind of leagues he plays in, and how his teams perform.

  11. Freak says:
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    @Grey: Any word on Pedro Cerrano?

  12. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Freak

    Trade Cerrano for Crash Davis.

  13. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Grey: What’s your reasoning behind Lind? I’m looking at all his underlying stats and all I see is Matt Murton with playing time.

    Why do you like him so much?

  14. BSA says:
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    Alright Tuloangermanagementwitzki finds himself on the DL again so now I have to do something. I just picked up Liriano and have Figgins and Pence on my bench. I am thinking I need to risk losing Liriano and pick up either Aviles or Alexei Ramirez. Any thoughts? The right drop?

  15. BSA says:
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    Oh yeah, I could also pick up Barmes.

  16. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Hehe

    @IowaCubs: Solid power and good eye. Similar to Murton I suppose, but I like Murton too. In deep leagues (especially AL-only ones), he’s a solid flier for a fifth outfielder. What do you dislike so much that you want Cody Ross instead?

    @BSA: I think that is the right drop. Liriano carries the most risk at this point.

  17. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Take the Barmes flier.

  18. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Cole Hamels: Karabell could also make an excellent weatherman.

  19. BKK says:
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    Balfour closed instead of Wheeler. Are the Rays going with Balfour instead?

  20. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BKK: Maybe Wheeler pissed on Maddon’s shoes? They’re reportedly going for a closer by committee even though Wheeler’s done nothing to warrant this committee. But the other guys have been solid too. I think Wheeler’s the top one to have, then Balfour.

  21. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Grey: So does this mean in response to my previous question about closers to start, should I now go with Balfour along with Yates and Buchholz?

    I’m doing it anyway. I can make my own decisions. I am not Grey-dependent. I will now give myself a hug. ((((((IowaCubs hug))))))

    I have now creeped myself out.

  22. BigFatHippo says:
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    @IowaCubs

    Yer creepin me out too dude. Quit huggin yourself, hug a toilet and make technicolor yawns.

    Obviously you’re upset over the meltdown by Kerry Wood. Get it all out, we’re about to be 1 1/2 back after tomorrow.

  23. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @IowaCubs: Yeah, go with Balfour.

    @BigFatHippo:You think the Cards are going to win the division? Seriously? (BTW, I’m an unbiased non-Cubbies fan.)

  24. BSA says:
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    So here is a crazy idea. ince Tulo is out for three weeks and I need a stop gap SS. If I am taking a flyer on Barmes then why not Nomah. He will be SS eligible on Tuesday. Convince me why it wouldn’t be smart.

  25. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Over 431 at-bats, Nomar’s ’07 numbers were 39/7/59/.283. .213 against lefties; Nomar’s a righty, that’s a terrible sign. So far this year, he’s been either hurt or unusable.

  26. BSA says:
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    See now Karabell might have told me it wasn’t a crazy idea. It is all about the numbers and going to someone who lives in tinseltown and watches the game out there. Before I jump on Barmes I am going to go after Hanley or Rollins within my league since I have a couple of benched outfielders and pitchers who rarely get in because I play closers. I’ll let you know come Monday. Didn’t a great song writer say, “Come Monday it’ll be alright….”?

  27. Barmes is on a downswing. I’d look at Hairston. I <3 eligibility.

  28. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey

    Stranger things have happened man.

    See billy goat, Bartman, Mrs. O’Leary’s cow and the Bears Defense.

    Oh, and the platypus, what’s up with that?

    Seriously man, these guys are feeding off each other. Nobody gives em a chance so they just go out and get it done. Watch Skip Schumaker and Aaron Miles play, like every games their last.

    Do I think they’ll keep it up? No, suspect bullpen, starting pitching held together by stiches, only one solid hitter in the lineup.

    Do I think they’ll give it their best shot? Yes, gonna be a fun ride as a Cardinal fan but I won’t be dissapointed if they lose.

    Lets see how the Cubs handle a pennant race. Or maybe the Brewers, if they get Sabbathia.

  29. Baron Von Vulturewins

    BaronVonVulturewins says:
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    @Grey: With Furky Turkey out indefinitely, is it worth trading Torres for Hardy? Or stick with Aviles? Or counter-offer Torres for Hardy/T. Buchholz?

  30. Cubs seemed to handle the pennant race well last year…doesn’t seem like that’s a reason to doubt them.

    I’d be much more worried that 16 of their last 22 games are on the road.

  31. Mike says:
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    Marte or Kobayashi get more saves during second half?

  32. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Mike: Kobayashi

  33. wakeNbake says:
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    I got offered Vlad and Lilly for McGowan, Torii Hunter and Chris Davis…..I really like Davis but he is a rookie, I gotta do this no?

  34. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @wakeNbake: Yeah, you gotta make that trade.

  35. Nick says:
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    Hardy another 2 home runs so far today….i just dropped Slowey picked up Hardy and now going to try and trade him to a team who has o. cabrera and theriot at SS, who both are not great. looking to combine him with Escobar for either brandon phillips or maybe dan haren

  36. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Nick: That sounds like it works.

  37. Nick says:
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    @Grey: I’m struggling right now and have been making moves because my team has been in 6th of 8th for a steady 2 months…

    C-Doumit
    1B-C Jackson
    2B-Escobar
    SS-Rollins
    3B-Wright
    OF-Lee, Markakis, Quentin
    UTIL-Hardy
    BN-Burell
    BN-Dye
    DL-Ortiz

    SP-Sabathia, Zambrano
    RP-Rauch, Hoffman, Wilson, Torres
    P-Guthrie, Greinke, E. Santana
    DL-Marcum

    Ortiz will come back to take over 1B which I need deperately & like I said I hope to trade Escobar & Hardy for a solid 2B…Is there something I’m missing? My guys just aren’t performing like I was hoping (i.e. Rollins, Wright, Ortiz)

  38. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Nick: Cj instead of Ortiz really hurt you and I don’t think you have the HRs/RBIs to compete. I think you should trade Quentin for an upside power source like Pena. You’re assuming Ortiz will return to form but I don’t think that’s a safe assumption. I don’t like Pena, but you won’t stay in it with CJ. Your pitching looks fine. Also, with Rollins, Wright and Markakis having better 2nd halfs and if you can get Pena you could be in for a huge 2nd half. Right now, even if those three get hot, you won’t be able to climb back in with CJ.

  39. Nick says:
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    @Grey: & as we speak Markakis hits a 3 run homer….I know CJ has to go. Unfortunately even if I wanted to trade for C. Pena I couldn’t because he is on a team who never checks his shit…

  40. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Nick: Then what about Fielder, Cabrera or Tex? You’re gonna have to do something.

  41. Nick says:
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    yea I’m first trying to get Pedroia for Escobar. If that falls through I’m going to go for a 2nd baseman and go with my gut that Ortiz will be back and hitting homeruns in no time. what order should I go for a 2nd baseman…

    Phillips,Roberts,Kinsler.

  42. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Nick: Yeah, Pedroia is not going to matter for your team. Ortiz is on a team that barely needs him except in the offseason. He’s been injured for over a year and will be babied when he gets back. Fielder could hit 30 home runs after the break, Ortiz could hit 15.

    Phillips, Kinsler then Roberts. They won’t matter for your team either.

  43. wakeNbake says:
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    Better 2nd half outlook…… SP Chris Young or Phil Hughes?

  44. Nick says:
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    So look to trade Ortiz? for Fielder…I’ll try but he probably won’t do it since we just made a trade yesterday….I’m following pretty much what you say because I have only been in 1 other league prior to this and this is my first serious league where I’m looking to win $$$…and I know you know your stuff

  45. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:
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    @Grey:

    Cody Ross… 5 RBI, 3-5, 1 hr.
    Adam Lind… 0-3, Olestra induced anal leakage.

  46. BSA says:
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    Still mulling SS pick up. Both Barmes and Hairston are my finalists. Another rookie scares me a bit due to the fact that I have Longo, I know hot, Cueto pitching, and Bruce in my outfield. I feel as though I may be getting too young and risky this time of year.

    Thoughts?

  47. BigFatHippo says:
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    Hairston looks good at the top of that lineup. He’ll steal more bases for you.

    Don’t worry about Longo, I’d take him on my team and Cueto is only gonna get better.

    Who are you trying to replace?

  48. BSA says:
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    Tulo the idiot. You’re gonna laugh but I am dropping Liriano to make this move. In a h2h league I have Mauer, Morneau, Utley, Tulo, and Longo in the infield and Vlad, Markakis, and Bruce in the outfield with Pence and Figgins on the bench.
    I was thinking with Hairston I would get some more flexibility in my outfield.

  49. wakeNbake says:
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    Granderson, Guthrie and Griffey for Torii Hunter, Oswalt and Wainwright? I get the Granderson side….go for it?

  50. BSA says:
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    Don’t you love seeing a pinch hitter come in a tied game and never lift the bat off his shoulder? WTF?!

  51. RT says:
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    @BSA: I’ve been playing Hairston Jr. for Tulo all year and (believe it or not) reaping the rewards. He’s obviously not what I expected when I traded for Tulo, but I’ve reshaped my roster using Jr. as my leadoff/SB guy and it has worked so far.

  52. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Take Hairston.

    @wakeNbake: Honestly, I don’t want either side, but I’d prefer the Grandy side.

  53. wakeNbake says:
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    @Grey: haha…good way to put it. I really dont like Granderson also for where he goes in drafts but when I saw his stats post all-star break for last year, thats really when he did most of his damage.

  54. noonereally says:
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    You guys see Karabell’s new column today?
    “I’m finally convinced Jason Isringhausen is not reclaiming the closer role in St. Louis anytime soon …”

    This, the same day it was announced Izzy would be regaining a share of the closer role. Hmmm, wonder if the announcement was based on Ryan Franklin’s lousy past month or so, and I wonder if Karabell might have checked it before misprognosticating.

    That’s what I did yesterday, and advised my buddy Franklin would lose the job.

  55. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @noonereally: Ha, that’s hilarious. No, I hadn’t read that. Thanks for the heads up.

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