I think I made up the word excellers, but it should be a word, so add it into your Merriam-Webster, who was not a spinoff character from that Emmanuel Lewis show. Never the hoo! Here’s some 2nd half hitters for fantasy baseball who should be better than they were in the first half. To come up with this list, I scoured the last three years of post-All-Star Break numbers, ran it through a supercomputer that’s bigger than your Peugeot, pasted the supercomputer-generated names to my shirt like dollar bills on a wedding dress then went to a palm reader to help me pick ten names out of the thousands. The palm reader’s name was Erica Karabell; she said there was no relation. Anyway, here’s the best 2nd half fantasy baseball hitters for 2011:
Derrek Lee – Last year, he played the 2nd half like he was walking onto a yacht with an apricot scarf. In 2009, .336 with 18 homers. Last year, .298 with 9 homers compared to a .233 average in the 1st half. I still don’t really like Derrek Lee compared to a lot of names, but he’ll come a lot cheaper than most.
Matt Holliday – Hit 24 homers in 263 ABs in the 2007 2nd half, 16 homers in 2008 and 16 in 2009, while also having the 6th best average in the majors. Last year, he hit .327 in the 2nd half compared to .300, though his homers went down by 4 (16 to 12). Holliday’s on holiday in the 1st half and Holliday’s Holliday in the 2nd half. Any questions? Yeah, what are you talking about? Not now, random italicized voice.
Joe Mauer – Not completely contingent on the fact that he can’t be worse. Partly? Sure. But not completely.
Ryan Raburn – Mr. Al Caps, “NOOOOOOO! PLEASE DON’T GET ME EXCITED ABOUT THIS GUY AGAIN! I ALREADY HAVE A BAD TICKER!” I know, friend. “DO YOU?!” Yes. “OKAY.” In 2009, Raburn hit 10 homers and .310 in the 2nd half. In 2010, he hit 13 homers and .315 compared to 2 homers and .208 in the 1st half. If he hits well this 2nd half, at least we’ll know not to pay attention to it in March of 2012.
Raul Ibanez – Well, there’s an exciting name. Maybe I can point out Omar Infante next. Ibanez has already started to get hot moving into the 2nd half…Yeah, I’m still not excited.
Jay Bruce – Was better in average and homers in the 2nd half of 2010, better in average in 2009 but an injury cut it short and he was better in homers in 2008 but that could’ve been him just finding his footing. So, in other words, he’s not definitely better in the 2nd half, but if he does it this year, he’ll have a huge year and be a 2nd round draft pick next year.
Drew Stubbs – Solid in the 2nd half of 2010. With only last year to look at, Stubbs doesn’t have a huge sample size to go on, but that never stopped my ex-girlfriends either.
Alexei Ramirez – Was much better in 2008, not better in 2009 and slightly better in 2010, so that leads us to maybe he’ll be better in 2011. How’s that for clearing everything up?
Billy Butler – From 2008 to 2010, he has 883 1st half ABs and 19 homers. In 763 2nd half ABs, he has 28 homers. So he goes from a homer every 47th at-bat to every 27th at-bat. Or from a light-hitting middle infielder to light-hitting middle infielder with moobs. (BTW, Was sad to see the All-Star festivities couldn’t work in a wet t-shirt contest with Billy Butler and Pablo Sandoval. Like that wouldn’t be more entertaining than Nick Jonas playing softball.)
Mark Teixeira – What would a list of post-All-Star break hitters be without Mark Teixeira? Nada, nada, nada damn thing…